Those three, and the final Ben & Jerrys core flavor, "Peanut Butter Fudge".
So, those, and these (1,2), and the big summer movies, that's everything I wanted for my birthday.
Just, it got spread all over summer is all.
Time is such a sloppy stubborn force, I'd do so much compressing and organizing if I had a time machine...
This one is actually OUT, dammit!
I had this followed on Facebook, and somehow, either the page, or my feed neglected to tell me this not only got completed, but came out on fuckin' Blu-Ray back in July.
Anyway, this is about the greatest movie in the world that never got made.
It really would have been fucking incredible, but it would have been 12 hours long, and cost a billion dollars in 70's money.
But, if it had been pulled off, it would have come out probably instead of Star Wars.
It would have created a whole other alternate Hollywood.
Basically, it's Dune, but as envisioned by Alejandro Jodorowsky, director of "El Topo".
He's a fucking insane genius.
Gotta have this.
Women Aren't Funny (2014)
A documentary about female comedians meant to refute the Christopher Hitchens article of the same name.
There they all are, and just like last time, sorted in order of goodness.
Best to worst, top to bottom.
Another pretty decent summer.
IMHO, not quite as huge as last year. I could have lived without some of these.
But, more on that at the end.
Pretty good, for what it is. Spiderman, despite its flaws, had better character stuff.
And "Edge", was just plain better than Spiderman in acting and writing.
5, 6, and 7 on this list are really only ahead of each other by decimals.
Chokecherry knocked on Karen Stevens's front door.
Karen answered, and recoiled in shock.
Chokecherry smiled, and said "it's me, I kicked your stepfather's ass with a field-hockey stick seven years ago. Remember, sweetie?".
Karen was still staring, transfixed.
Chokecherry looked worried.
"Fuck, you didn't repress the whole thing, did you?".
Karen's eyes welled up, and she lunged forward, and hugged Chokie.
After a minute, Chokie finally said "well, are you going to let me in, or what?".
Karen let her in, and they talked over tea.
Karen mentioned she saw Chokie on Krazyfool show.
Chokie replied with a bored mumble "yeah, I thought it really sucked".
Karen said "maybe it'll be better next time".
"Next time? Fuck that", Chokie said with a derisive snort.
Chokie gave Karen a present she had brought in a shopping bag.
It was an outfit, with some accessories.
Karen let out a happy gasp when she saw it.
Forty minutes later, Karen had it on.
Thigh high black latex boots.
Black bikini bottoms.
A thigh slung gun holster with gun.
A green tube top.
Elbow length black latex gloves.
A metallic green pair of visor sunglasses.
Hair colored green with a spray-on coloring.
The outfit of Zoria Bacillus.
Completing the ensemble, was a metal rod as long as a basball bat topped off with a blue orb made of a hard plastic imitating glass, and lit from within by a small diode light.
A replica version of Zoria's time wand made into a practical melee weapon by Dr. H.
"So, who's my character exactly?", Karen/Zoria asked, lazily twirling the wand/club like a baton.
Chokie thought for a bit, reassembling it on the fly from faded memory.
"Leseee...time traveler from the year 4000, Harry Hembock stole her time-car, she modified her time wand to go after Harry, hunted him down, and became his fuck-buddy. Yeah, that's about it".
Karen/Zoria grimaced, thought a bit, and said...
"That sucks. She's some loser's sex slave? Okay, I decree she snapped out of it, told him to fuck off, and left, and became her own crimefighter. In fact, she went back in time, and undid that whole stupid relationship. Now, she's me. There!".
Chokie chuckled "guess we're both fictional exes of the little gnome, eh?".
Zoria changed the subject.
"What do we do know? Go hurt some rapists, or what?", she said, brandishing her new wand/club for emphasis.
"I was thinking we could pay a surprise visit to your real ex for a start".
Zoria grinned wickedly, holding the time-stick like a samurai sword.
"We don't have to go to him, he'll come to us. He's got the kids, and he's an hour late".
Chokie smiled, sipped her tea, and wondered if Jadie's membership drive was going as smoothly.
It's an interquel (in-between-quel) to the games "Arkham Origins", and "Arkham Asylum".
And it is nooooot for little kids.
Violence, death, blood, decapitation by explosion, profanity, obscene gestures, sexual references, heavily implied bedroom scenes, references back to the bedroom scenes that remove all doubt, all that's missing is actual nudity.
Personally, I'd give it an R.
I think they used all the stuff they gradually got away with in the last ones to build to this one.
And, I've got no problem with that.
Unlike "Superman Unbound", this wasn't confused as to its audience.
They're in full on adult audience mode for this one.
Anyway, Kevin Conroy is back as Batman, Princess Bubblegum is Harley Quinne, and some guy I've never heard of is Joker, but does a dead-on Mark Hamill.
Batman is in this, but almost as a guest in his own movie.
This really focuses on The Suicide Squad, which Harley is recruited into.
The Suicide Squad is gathered together, and tasked by Amanda Waller with breaking into Arkham Asylum, and retrieving a gizmo, and also stopping Joker's dirty-bomb plot.
Oh, I'll acknowledge the holiday, and maybe cobble together some little thing for it, but the big marathons just take too fucking much out of me, and I just plain don't want to do it this year.
I become more and more cosmically aware of everything I do that isn't Jade-Shade being a time suck away from Jade-Shade.
Every single flick I watch, I can feel the time sucking away, and it hurts more every time.
I really felt it last Halloween.
That was so grueling, it...kinda wasn't even fun.
I was satisfied with the results, but man, what an endurance trial.
It cost too much.
While I'm at it, no more Bingewatches.
"The Shield", and "Battlestar Galactica", will just have to go wanting.
I only kept doing it past Halloween out of compulsion, but my subliminal mind eventually guided me to the resolution of all those movie/comics quests (that I compiled on my birthday), and it all feels complete now.
But, what really finished it off, was "Rewind This", and "Adjust Your Tracking".
Those two little movies accomplished what I thought the movie blogging was doing.
"Adjust Your Tracking", really clinched it though.
There's a guy in that who's turned his basement into a perfect replica of an old-timey rental store, and at first, I admired the guy, and had a dreamy fantasy of just doing that forever.
Literally living in a video store, and watching the tapes, and making snarky wisecracks about the flicks to anyone who comes over.
Then I realized, that's always been my dream.
Then I realized, shit, I've tried on some level to make my blog that....but it's a time suck.
I got shit to write.
It would be so much fun, but I got shit to write.
I can do one or the other, not both, sacrifices must be made.
Shit, writing this fucking post is a time suck.
Gotta wrap it the fuck up.
As for the big MISSION of Halloween (see here, and here), look, James Randi has devoted his life to debunking, Penn & Teller are kind of taking up his torch, and if it's vengeance on bullshit I want, Jade-Shade is all about that, so why fuck around with extraneous side-versions of it?
As for movies, I got one more to cap off video reviews.
And it's appropriate for a capper too. You'll see.
Exceptions will be, first, summer movies, I'll of course finish those off.
Only one more left on that anyway.
I wanna collect the documentaries on my list, and talk about those.
And, I still like bragging about my Christmas hauls.
Hokey-dokey, big overhaul this time.
Didn't really even see it coming, just got staring at the stuff, and gut-felt that some changes had to happen, and once they were made, it felt right.
It all came to me like, one or two things a time, across the last couple days.
Replaces Transformers The Movie.
And, makes a cleaner row with Toxic Avenger, Super, and Avengers.
You've got the whole Lloyd Kaufman/James Gunn/Stan Lee thing all going on there now.
Now, the Awesome Mix songs pop in my head every time I look at it. :-)
The forbidden comics!
Goddamned fucking right.
From Hell's heart, I stab at thee.
See here, for the previous upgrade, and here for the original versions.
I've actually been upgrading these pretty steadily, but I didn't want to post an update until they'd transformed more noticeably.
#2 has the most.
That wall is the most changeable.
Everything from Burgertime to Swamp Thing, and Pacman/Space-Invaders to Ambush Bug, that can go.
Those two rows as a corner chunk can become Jade-Shade stuff.
(Hint, hint, Paladin/Hyla ;-))
Replaces the Heavy Metal covers mosaics.
Got plain sick of looking at those.
I realized, they didn't mean anything to me.
I unreservedly love the documentaries.
The lost films, well, of the crap I dug up for that series, those are ones that were nagging memories, hard quests, and somewhat enjoyable as films.
Others were harder quests, more satisfying finds, but...the films stunk.
Or, the quality films were easier to find.
Or, it was a great find, great flick, a rarity, but...it just didn't mean as much to me personally.
These had it all.
Like, "Demon Murder Case", could have gone instead of "Burnt Offerings", because it had a deeper meaning to me....but the film is just awful.
Or, "Twice Upon A time", could have gone instead of "Get Crazy", but, I didn't have a connection to it.
Even though I'd only seen both for brief instants, "Get Crazy", represents a time in my life more, whereas "Once..", is its own little esoteric world.
Eh, harder to explain than I thought...
Well, unless you were hiding in a bunker somewhere, you know what happened yesterday.
Like everyone else on the planet, I was knocked right out of my sneakers, and took the rest of yesterday to process it.
I looked over this blog, and felt like a louse for knocking three of his films, not because I'd take those opinions back, but I don't wanna look like one of the hipsters that knocked him to be cool.
So, let's remember, he starred in two of my all-time favorite films reviewed here before...
You either love or hate this one. I'm in the former camp. Danny Devito is just great, I can't think of one he did as director that truly let me down. Well, it's probably why I had him as an imaginary guest in "The Krazyfool Show". The only movie with the balls to tear down the whole Barney deal. Everyone talked about how much they hated Barney, but only Devito did something. You should be kissing his little boots. Anyhoo, Henry Rollins tells a great story of auditioning for this flick. Youtube it sometime.
Tch, I was on a Devito kick, because of "It's Always Sunny...", but come on, past Me, he's Rainbow Fucking Randolph!!!
Others I'd recommend for your memorial marathon...
World's Greatest Dad (2009)
Man of the Year (2006)
One Hour Photo (2002)
What Dreams May Come (1998)
Good Will Hunting (1997)
Being Human (1994)
The Fisher King (1991)
The World According To Garp (1982)
And of course...
Mork & Mindy (1979-1982)
Hey, Paramount, release season 4 already.
Shit, I'd rather watch the weakest of these, or even fucking "Toys", over most of what passes for comedy lately.
You can damned well bet everyone will be seeing his last five he had in the can.
That feels so fucking weird...
Five Robin Williams films, and then no more, ever.
I still haven't processed it.
It's like when Phil Hartman died.
He was supposed to be around forever.
Had to have a pure experience without the assholes from last time.
Ahhhhh sooooo much better! Good as it was last time, it was magnified tenfold.
* As to the Easter eggs, here's two I'll give away.
The pink chick in Quill's ship at the beginning is Bereet!
Longtime Hulk reader, so...yeah, geek-gasm! :-D
The slug things in Collector's collection are meant to be the worms in "Slither", so, that makes "Slither", part of Marvel-canon, and thus so too all of Gunn-canon, and Gunn-canon splinters off from Troma-canon, so....Toxic Avenger is actually an Avenger. ;-D
Man, was this late.
This was my other birthday DVD fer chrissakes.
Anyway, to the review...
I loved the shit out of this!
I've got joy goosebumps the way I did after the first time I saw "Never Sleep Again".
This one covered everything pretty exhaustively, I can't imagine what's left.
Well, it's not so much detail, as the angle, and the tone.
"Rewind This!", is a really great Wikipedia article trying to cram in every bit of scholarly detail it can give you on VHS.
"Adjust Your Tracking", is you and your buddies going out to the video store, and goofing around, and having some laughs.
...then, reuniting 25 years later at the closing sale of that store, and choking up, and pouring malt liquor on the sidewalk.
Not that "Rewind This!", doesn't have heart and laughs too, but it's the closest comparison I can make.
I guess it wasn't enough that the Turtles vicariously co-existed with the 'Busters via the 2 Infestations, and the X-Files Conspiracy deal.
Now, they've directly met.
I guess the deal really is, IDW owns everything, and is going to Kevin Bacon up a bukkakke orgy of all of it.
Fine, I'll get the raincoat and umbrella.
Think you can make me flinch, IDW? Huh? You don't know who you're dealing with.
Hopefully, "Rewind This!", will also cover some of this stuff. If Lloyd Kaufman is in there, you can bet he'll touch on it. He's even more ranty than I am.
Well, there wasn't nearly enough of Lloyd, and he didn't really get his rant on.
Although, he did contribute a classic clip from Toxic Avenger III where a guy gets his arm shredded off by the heads of a VCR.
But, they do devote 8 minutes to the whole "video nasties", controversy in the bonus features.
Which, actually turns out to be enough.
Even "Moral Panic..", had to waste a lot of time building up the backstory of VHS for the young 'uns out there, so, *balancing scales gesture* ehh, it evens out.
Biggest thing I got out of it, was a feeling like being the Bee Girl in the "no rain", video finding the bee community.
All these (well not all, but enough) VHS devotees are these same weird, fat, scruffy, bearded, hairy guys like me.
And as kids, they were the same nerdy oddball kid I was, hunting for movie treasures in flea markets, lusting after the ones that scared the shit out of you to collect, and watch again, to beat the boogeyman, some of them even related being traumatized by just the box art (see "Xtro", and "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things").
I found my people!
Big bucket of nostalgia.
I think I love this as much as "Never Sleep Again".
Mmm...no, NSA still edges everything else out, but this is close.