Artwork purge.

Scrubbed art by a certain person out of the Harry Hembock and Jade-Shade archives.

If I Brillo scrubbed every trace of of my TERF ex-friends out of here, and they're just passive-aggressive, and sea-lion-y about being icked out by transes (but backing up horrible and dangerous people in the process), then I gotta scrub a guy who's gotten on the "Alex Pretti was asking for it" train.

There's no passivity to that at all.

That's the genuine shit.

Breaks my heart, but once again, it's that line from "Revenge of the Sith".

"You're going down a path I can't follow".

Its been creeping up, and why I had to add this chapter to JS/QD.

I knew this needed doing, but rolling up my sleeves for the arduous chore was something I kept putting off. Today was the day.

Read More......

Fixed Jade-shade.

I've struggled over whether to tear that whole thing the fuck down, like I did Emergence Saga, or what.

I decided the better fix was a little more art.

So, I wrote "Quantum Defrag" as an extra quickie final chapter, and added it to the Harry Hembock and Jade-Shade pages.

I guess I was working through some shit when I started that thing.

I've grown since then.

Painfully, but I got there.

That one little note Volcano Guru leaves sums it all up.

Read More......

QD:Season 3, Chapter 1. (Quantum Defrag)

2013

January 14th

The Volcano Guru materialized in Dusty Irwin's apartment, and made some adjustments, and left.

Dusty awoke from a nightmare.

The usual one.

"Fuckin memories...fuckin life", he mumbled.

Dustin "Dusty", Irwin lay on his fold-away bed in his rat hole apartment staring up at the ceiling.

It was all but decided at this point.

Maybe the world was too fucked up to fix.

Maybe nothing we do matters.

Maybe ideals are pathetic past a certain age.

Maybe what "you're supposed to do", is sell out, and have your dumb safe little life.

Dusty shook his head for the fiftieth time this afternoon, and whispered "I just can't do it", for the thirtieth.

"If it doesn't matter...then I can do what I want anyway", Dusty grumbled.

He rolled over, and looked at the the kitchen chair expecting the Jade-Shade costume to be there.

Instead, there was a note.

"Only peace brings peace. Only just acts create justice -The Volcano Guru".

Dusty looked at the note, and rethought his whole plan.

2024

October 21st.

Volcano Guru watched Dusty's violent path vanish, and another take shape.

A better one.

One without bloodthirsty crypto-fascist vigilantes.

Volcano Guru put his fists on his hips, and said "there, that's done".

THE END.

Read More......

Happy 10th birthday, Jade Shade!

Previous years. 

-Year 1. 

-Year 2. 

-Year 3. 

-Year 4. 

-Year 5. 

-Year 6 (unobserved) 

-Year 7.

-Year 8.

-Year 9.

Crap, I tuned right the fuck out and missed this.

BUT! I can wind the date back I think...

Anyway, yeah, Jade-Shade is done.

Done-ey done-done.

Read More......

Happy 9th birthday, Jade Shade!

+9

Previous years. 

-Year 1. 

-Year 2. 

-Year 3. 

-Year 4. 

-Year 5. 

-Year 6 (unobserved) 

-Year 7.

-Year 8.

Since last time, I made that Harry/Jade-Shade crossover trilogy a quadrilogy with...

-Hello again, and goodbye again, Harry Hembock. (AKA The Emergence Saga)

Course, JS isn't actually in it.

But....with the 10th anniversary being next year....I should add something.

A special bonus wrap-up chapter maybe...

Yeah, stay tuned.

Read More......

Happy 8th birthday, Jade Shade!

#8

Previous years.

-Year 1.

-Year 2.

-Year 3.

-Year 4.

-Year 5.

-Year 6 (unobserved)

-Year 7.

Since last time, I completed that Harry Hembok/Jade-Shade crossover trilogy...

-Goodbye, Harry Hembock.

-Hello, Chokecherry.

-Goodbye, hello, goodbye, Krazyfool.

...and, Harry pops up in "The Emergence Saga".

The "Jolly Rancher" chapter.

Just to connect universes.

The actual story of the Harryverse is done, and ES is gonna stand as its own thing from now on.

So, the story of JS is totally all over.

But, I've thought that before, so...stay tuned.

Read More......

The Krazyfool Show 2

The Krazyfool Show 2
-OR-
Krazyfool 2020
-OR-
Goodbye, hello, goodbye, Krazyfool.


2068

Harry Hembock at 99 years old finally died.


2069

Harry's junk was auctioned off.

The grandson of Phineas P. Phallow, AKA Krazyfool, snagged Harry's teleport.


2079

After repeatedly pawing over Harry's terribly written notes, and going over every circuit with an electrical tester, Phineas III finally sorted out the workings of the teleport, and go it running.
A week later, he got its time-travel capability to boot up.


2069

Phineas III from 2079 materialied 10 years in the past, and gave himself in the past the remote to the working version of the teleport, and downloaded the knowledge of how to run it into his brain with a neural tag from the compartment in the remote.
Phineas III from 2069 teleported off, and Phineas III from 2079 vanished.


2020

Phineas III materialized next to his grandfather, Phineas P. Phallow I.
He downloaded how to work the remote into his brain, and his grandfather took off, immediately endowed with the idea of what to do next.


2000

Phineas I materialized next to his past self just after the recording of the infamous historical episode of "The Krazyfool Show".
He downloaded the knowledge of the teleport into his past self.
Krazyfool took the remote, and beamed his future self back to 2020.

Then, he beamed himself onto the set of his show a day into the future.
Then, he beamed yesterday's audience back into the bleachers.
Then, the camera men, control room workers, sketch performers, etc, etc.

Then, he erased their memories of yesterday.
He had it all over to do.

"Let's do a show, folks!", he shouted, while clapping and rubbing his hands.

And so it began.

(A sperm enters an egg, cells divide.
Time lapse of a fetus developing.
Cut to Krazyfool fully grown, clothing and all curled up in a fetal position in a set
made to look all fleshy.)

(A little person dressed up as a Cupid is lowered down next to Krazyfool on a rope.
The LP/alien has the added feature of fake looking wire antennae with green glitter covered alien heads at the ends sticking out of a headband on his head. This is a blatant reversal of the alien from last episode)

Cupid- Time for the show Krazy! Waaake uuup Kraaazy. Waaaake up!

Krazyfool- *Opens eyes* Yaaawwn! Um num num. Not today Cupid, there's only heartbreak and disappointment out there.

Cupid- Tough shit you weird faced bastid!
*Pulls an arrow out of his quiver, and shoots Harry's umbilical chord, Harry drops like a sack of sand*

(Krazyfool is set against bluescreen footage of an endoscopic gynecological probe.
It makes it look like Krazyfool is falling through the vaginal tract like sliding down a chute.)

Krazyfool- WHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Cupid- Whheeeeee?

(Opening credits animation with clips of various past episodes.)

Announcer- It's the hallelujah, holy shit, biff bam boom, anything goes KRAAAAAZYFOOOOL SHOOOOOWW!!!!
With tonight's special guests, Harry Hembock!! Steve Torrent!! Jake Prong!! Lenny Sours!! Keith Sprunk!! and Celine the android maid!!
With the Krazyfool orchestra and the usual cavalcade of characters!!!

(Cut to the talkshow stage.)

(The song "Talk To You Later", by The Tubes plays in the background.
When the song gets to the part with the synthesizer solo, Krazyfool emerges on stage from a chute that ends with a giant Krazyfool head with dry ice smoke coming from the mouth. An effect of a synthesizer deepened voice going "MUUAAHAHAAA!! MUUAAHAHA!!", is dubbed over for the duration of Krazyfool's exit from the giant mouth.)

Announcer- Now here's your host FUUUCKINGGG KRAAAAAZYFOOOOLLL!!!!!!!!!

(Instead of a canned applause track, sounds of grunting and splashing diarrhea is played.
Krazyfool seems oblivious to this, and jogs up to his mark with a sarcastic deliberate stupid grin on his face.)

Krazyfool- Welcome ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you today.
Well, let's cut through the bullshit and get to the monologue shall we?
Have you heard bout this new pill Oxycontin??? Is this kooky or what?? Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?? Am I right folks??

(Cut to the studio audience, which consists of a 10 year old boy with a propeller beanie, the dwarf from the opening with his wig/antennae now off, an 80 year old man in a fishing cap, a 50 year old woman in a fairy costume, and up in the back row, a couple in their mid 20's. Last episode, they were fucking. This time, they seem to be having a tiff, and aren't even speaking to each other.
The other audience members seem genuinely disapointed that there's no fucking.)

Krazyfool- Well, that's depressing. You've spoiled it for all of us.
Back to the goddamn thankless monologue you awful selfish people you.
So, have you heard the latest in science?
There's a disease spread by cows that turns your brain into swiss cheese, and you become a flesh eating ghoul!
Just in time for the Bush presidency!!
An apocalypse the military industrial complex can't cash in on for once!
Speaking of Bush, let's talk to Hanging Chad!

(Cut to the rubber Baby JC puppet hanging from a noose)

Hanging Chad- (Badly dubbed pre-recorded voice of an angry New Yorker as the puppet mouth barely keeps sync) JEEEEZUS!!!! JEEEEEZUS CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

Krazyfool- Hey, howabout this whole Elian Gonzalez thing?
I remember when I was a kid, any time you bitched about...well...ANYTHING, some mush-mouthed mongoloid would tell you "why don't you go to Russia?".
This kid must have REALLY complained, we're shipping him off to Cuba, which isn't Russia, but only in the sense that Diet coke isn't regular Coke.
But, y'know, there's Coke in there.
*Joke bombs*
Okay, time for banter with the sidekick "sigh, this always death".

(Krazyfool presses a button on his desk.
With a really bad camera edit, in which everything jumps, Pheemp appears in the sidekick/guest chair.)

Krazyfool- So, how's things going with you??

Pheemp- Okay.

Krazyfool- How far along are you in "IT", now??

Pheemp- I'm half way through, it's getting really good.

Krazyfool- Child orgy. There's a child orgy.

Pheemp- Thanks a lot!

Krazyfool- Fuck you. You haven't talked to your sister in 7 years. You're a piece of shit, and I hate you. You're garbage. Absolute human garbage. I hope you get AIDS from a botched prostate exam given out of the back of a lunch wagon.

Pheemp- Fair enough. *Shoots self under the chin with revolver pulled out of nowhere*

(Canned audio of audience going "awwwww")

Krazyfool- *Pushes the desk button again*

(With an even worse bad editing effect, dead-Pheemp becomes a mylar cell with his picture glued on held over the camera lens. The cameraman removes it.)

Pheemp at home- *Lays on the floor, face smeared with cocaine, needle hanging out of his arm*

Pheemp's wife- *Walks out the door with a suitcase in one hand, a cage with a chinchilla in the other. She gets into a station wagon driven by her mother, and they take off. Forever.*

Lunch wagon delivery man- *Knocks on door* time for your prostate exam!

(Cut back to Krazyfool)

Krazyfool- Oh yeah, I forgot to mention tonight's guests are Harry Hembock, Steve Torrent, Jake Prong, Lenny Sours, Keith Sprunk, and Celine the android maid.
Here's a commercial.

(Cut to pre-filmed commercial starring Krazyfool)

(Krazyfool is standing in a labcoat holding a big blue box with the word "POBB", emblazoned on it in big yellow letters.)

Krazyfool- *Points to the box* (with a really weird growly/caveman grunty voice) AAAAAHHH.
*Lets tongue dangle out stupidly*

(Wubboe/Pobb, the gargoyle thing from "Torrent Too", bursts out of the box, scattering blue powder everywhere)

Wuboe/Pobb- Sonovabitch, it's hot in there!!!

Krazyfool- *Points to the box again* AAAAAHHH.
*Lets tongue dangle out stupidly again*

Wuboe/Pobb- *Flails his arms* Fuck this commercial, and everyone in it!!!!

(Cut back to show.)

Krazyfool- There, they won't ask me to do THAT again!

Cupid- That's what you said last time.

Krazyfool- Shut up!!!

(Krazyfool pulls out the teleport remote)

Krazyfool- Okay, let's get us some guests, what say?

(Harry Hembock materializes in the guest seat closest to the desk)

Krazyfool- Straight from "Nobody Loves Harry Hembock", it's Harry Hembock!!

Harry- Um...*looks around*

Krazyfool- It's a talk show, catch up to the rest of us. Criminy, you time travel as part of your job fer chrissakes.

Harry- Fine, I'll roll with it. What do you want to know?

Krazyfool- Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Harry- Um, I've just beaten Deathgrasp and the Scourge, I've got all my powers back, I've got my wife back, and....I'd have to say, my confidence is back. Things are going really good for me these days, Krazy.

Krazyfool- What would you say you've learned from it all?

Harry- Apart from some of the weirder mysteries of the universe, I guess I'd have to say, believe in yourself.
Even if everyone else gives up on you.
Never give up.
Sounds like basic stuff, but getting to the place where you can truly feel it, I think that's the goal of life.

Krazyfool- Anything else?

Harry- Don't live to impress others. You can't please everyone. Please yourself. The rest will come.

Krazyfool- Wise words from a surprising source!
*Beams Harry away*
*Beams him right back*
Straight from "Nobody Loves Harry Hembock: Dark Designs", it's Harry Hembock!!

Harry- Aw, come on, not this again!!

Krazyfool- Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Harry- Um, well, I've just beaten Abmuloc and his army of the undead, I've got a fancy techno suit to replace my powers, I've got my wife back again, and....I'd have to say, my confidence is back. Things are going really good for me these days, Krazy.

Krazyfool- What would you say you've learned from it all?

Harry- Capitalism isn't always horrible.
But most times, it is.
Take a stab at your version of the American dream.
Cuz sadly, and gloomily, what else is there?
And the universe is a grapefruit.
But that's a whole other subject it would take six shows to explain.
Just trust me on that last one.

Krazyfool- Okay then! Anything else?

Harry- Anyone who thinks a border wall is a good idea is probably a Nazi babykiller.

(The 80 year old man in the fishing cap in the audience gets up and leaves)

Harry- *Flips the bird at him until he's gone*

Krazyfool- Well, thanks, we just lost a sixth of our audience!

Harry- Don't worry, things always seem to balance out for me.

(A girl in her 20's with purple hair and a pink fuzzy vagina hat takes the old man's seat)

Harry- See? There you go!

Krazyfool- Don't get smug!
*Beams Harry away*
*Beams in Steve Torrent*
Straight from "Torrent Of Obscenity", it's Steve Torrent!!

Steve- Um...

Krazyfool *Presses some buttons on the teleport remote, a compartment opens, and a silver sticker the size of a thumbprint shoots out, and sticks to Steve's head. The sticker lights up blue, and modem sounds play. On the remote screen, the interviews with Harry play at superspeed*

Steve- Ah, I see! *The sticker beams away*

Krazyfool- Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Steve- Watching TV. Jacking off. Drinkin'.

Krazyfool- What would you say you've learned from it all?

Steve- The drinkin' and wankin'!!??

Krazyfool- Your whole life up to this point.

Steve- Hmm...power corrupts, and we create our enemies.

Krazyfool- Anything else?

Steve- As an individual, put your best foot forward, and in a team, put your best guy forward. Ego can fuck either of those up. So can doubt.

Krazyfool- Well said!
*Beams Steve away*
*Beams in Jake, Lenny, Steve, and Celine*
Straight from "Torrent 1.5", it's Jake Prong, Lenny Sours, Steve Torrent, and Celine!!

(Krazyfool zaps Jake, Lenny, and Celine with the sticker trick so he doesn't have to go through with the introductions again)

Krazyfool- Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Celine- Whom are you asking?

Krazyfool- Any of you. We'll start with you though.

Celine- *Eyes dart back and forth. Hardrive clatters* I'd have to say on the set of a talk show.

Steve- At the start of a great adventure!

Jake- I'm just in it for the killing. Y'know, let me go into a long rant about what a great killer I am...

Krazyfool- I can tell you're a tedious asshole, get out.
*Beams Jake away*

Lenny- *Shits himself, and grins like an idiot*

(The Smell hits Krazyfool. He beams Lenny, his stain, and his scent molecules all away)

Krazyfool- Not only is he gone, he can never come back here.
I just put a lock on his genetic pattern.
So, you two, what would you say you've learned from it all?

Steve- Um...friendship?

Celine- Yes, let's go with that.

Krazyfool- Anything else?

Celine- Selfishness and ignorance literally kill. *Eyes Steve*

Steve- *Flies over his head* Yeah!

Celine- And, the best movies this year are Memento, Cast Away, and American Psycho.

Krazyfool- That was random.

Celine- Yes, it was. Did you find it to be believable?

Krazyfool- In what way?

Celine- As human behavior.

Krazyfool- Y'know, everyone I know is fucking nuts. As a robot making mistakes, you'll never be as weird as biological humans. Don't worry.

Celine- I literally will not.

Krazyfool- Fair enough!
*Beams Steve and Celine away*
*Beams in Steve, Keith, and Celine*
Straight from "Torrent Too", it's Steve Torrent, Keith Sprunk, and Celine!!

Krazyfool- Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Celine- Whom are you asking?

Krazyfool- *Sighs* We'll start with you again.

Celine- I'd have to say on the set of a talk show.

Krazyfool- *Grumbles* Before that.

Celine- Being shunted as a stream of quantum particles through hyperspace.

Krazyfool- *Eyerolls* Before that.

Celine- In a state of sexual foreplay with Keith.

Keith- *Blushes, sputters*

Krazyfool- Oh, shit, I'm sorry! I'll get you back to that!
*Pulls out the teleport remote*

(The Volcano Guru materializes)

Volcano Guru- No, wait, there's something I have to do first!

(Volcano Guru phases his left hand into a wormhole like reality is made of water. Somehow, we the audience see his hand pop out wherever Jake Prong is, and grab his head. He freezes in time, and a blue energy drains out)

(Volcano Guru touches Keith's head with his right hand, and drains the blue energy he drained out of Jake into Keith)

Volcano Guru- There. You have the powers now. Jake failed my tests. And he's a stupid fucking bigot. You're my rightful apprentice, and heir, Keith.
Both of you, really.
You're the next generation.

Keith- Um...wow...thanks!

Celine- Yes, let's go with that.

Volcano Guru- Now, go ahead, and go back to fucking!
*Teleports them away with his magic*

Krazyfool- Well, I guess I'll ask you. Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Volcano Guru- In the upper memory block of the outer reaches of the tenth triangle.

Krazyfool- I don't understand what that means.

Volano Guru- No, you don't.

Steve- Does anyone want to ask me any questions?

Krazyfool- *Considers for a fraction of a second with a grimace* No, not really.
*Beams Steve away*

Volcano Guru- I'd just like to say, sometimes we're being tested, and we don't know it!

Krazyfool- True enough!

Volcano Guru- Well...I guess I'd better go. You have a crapload more guests to cram in.

Krazyfool- Um, nope, I just plowed through all the ones in the opening intro.

Volcano Guru- Nope, there's more. *Touches Krazy's head, and his finger lights up blue for a second*

Krazyfool- Oh, crap, you're right!

(Volcano Guru de-materializes)

Krazyfool- Fair enough!
*Beams in...Krazyfool!!*
Straight from "The Krazyfool Show", it's Krazyfool!!

Krazyfool Show 1 Krazyfool- Um...*gets zapped with the sticker trick* Ah, I see!

Krazyfool- Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

KFS1KF- Don't you know?

Krazyfool- Indulge me.

KFS1KF- Um, just trucking along to the next episode. Which I guess is this one!

Krazyfool- What would you say you've learned from it all?

KFS1KF- *Considers for a long time*
Believe in yourself.
When people love you, believe them.

Krazyfool- Wow...was not expecting that!

KFS1KF- I know! The presence of my future self is making me up my game!

Krazyfool- Anything else?

KFS1KF- Revel in this time. It'll never come again.

Krazyfool- I'll do my best!

KFS1KF- Can I ask one thing?

Krazyfool- Sure...

(Cut to KFS1KF materializing at Pheemp's house an hour before we saw him laying on the floor)

Pheemp- *Picking up fistfuls of cocaine from a pile on a desk where where his computer used to be before he sold it for coke. He mashes the fistfuls into his face, and snorts whatever randomly goes into his nose holes*

KFS1KF- *Pulls out a bat from nowhere, and smashes Pheemp across the face, causing him to splay out on the floor exactly where we caught up to him in the last skit*
And stay down, you trash-bag full of excrement!
*Beams away*

Pheemp- *Sees a dirty needle laying on the floor next to him, jabs it into his arm were we saw it in the last skit*
*Hallucinates himself onto the show being roasted until he shoots himself*
*Snaps back to this reality*
*His wife walks out again*
*The lunch wagon delivery man shows up again*

Krazyfool- No, it's still not enough.
*Presses some buttons on the remote*

(Pheemp's whole house is surrounded by teleport energy, and it shrinks to the size of a printer cartridge, beams away, and beams to a sewage treatment lagoon with a faint *splish* sound)

Krazyfool- Ahhh, there, that's more like it!
*Beams in Timmy Anderson*
Straight from "A Blue State Christmas", it's Timmy Anderson!!

Timmy Anderson- *Gets zapped up to speed with the sticker trick*

Krazyfool- Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Timmy Anderson- *Sobs*

Krazyfool- Augh, no, we're not doing this shit. This ain't Barbara Walters!
*Beams Timmy away, and beams in his future self as Atlasman*
Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Atlasman- First, let me explain the true meaning of money...

Krazyfool- NOPE!
*Beams away Atlasman, and beams in his double-future self*
Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Incel-Man- First, let me explain about bitches who fuck the Chads...

Hanging Chad- JEEEEZUS!!!! JEEEEEZUS CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

Krazyfool- Thank! You!
*Beams Incel-Man way, and replaces him with his triple-future self*
Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Rich-Eater- *Lighting a Molotov cocktail* About to bring it all down.

Krazyfool- Proceed!
*Beams him away*
Finally, someone sensible in that clusterfuck of personalities.
*Beams in Richard Bozo*
Straight from "The Fall Of The House Of Bozo", it's Richard Bozo!!

Richard Bozo- *Sobs*

Krazyfool- Oh, come the fuck on! Really!?
*Beams Richard away, and beams in his future self as Dr. Spray*
Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Dr. Spray- Um, pretty well off! I've got my own business, I'm a superhero loaded up with tech, got a new girlfriend, couldn't be better! What's not to be happy about?

Krazyfool- What would you say you've learned from it all?

Dr. Spray- Confidence and self-loathing are both self-fullfilling.
Having taken a ride on both of those rollercoasters, yeah, been there, got the t-shirt.

Krazyfool- Lotta wise affirmations from our superheroes today! Anything else?

Dr. Spray- Hate is a poison. No matter who it's directed at.

Krazyfool-....*Flies over his head at first*

Dr. Spray- *Glares*

Krazyfool- *Catches on* Oh...all right. Fine!

(Pheemp's house beams back with no sewage on it. Pheemp is back in his living room leading his dumb boring little life with no cocaine, and his wife is back. Neither remember anything)

Krazyfool- There, happy?

Dr. Spray- *Nods*

Krazyfool- I ain't. *Makes a sulk face*
*Beams Dr. Spray away*
*Beams in Melvin Spauvac*
Straight from "Melvin Spauvac's Impressive Amateur Homemade Submersable", it's Melvin Spauvac!!

Melvin Spauvac- (From now on, just assume they all get the sticker-trick)
Hello! *Waves geekily*

Krazyfool- Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Melvin Spauvac- *Shrugs* fairly average. Still plugging away at my little hobby.

Krazyfool- Which is?

Melvin Spauvac- Amateur homemade submersables.

Krazyfool- Which are...like, little submarines? Diving bells?

Melvin Spauvac- In a manner of speaking.

Krazyfool- Well, how are yours different?

Melvin Spauvac- They submerge into solid matter. Which I make non-solid, so...still sort of underwater. In a manner of speaking.

Krazyfool- Well, that sounds interesting. Tell me about making solid matter non-solid.

Melvin Spauvac- It's very technical. Your audience would be bored.

Krazyfool- You're boring my ass now by having to pull this shit out of you with these tedious questions!

Melvin Spauvac- Well, that's rude, I don't think I like your tone.

Krazyfool- Fuck sakes! *Beams Melvin away*

Wuboe/Pobb- (Now sitting in the bleachers next to the torn up box of Pobb)
Y'know, it's true, great discoverers are often not apprecitated in their time.

Krazyfool- Too true...too true...

Wuboe/Pobb- I mean, Spauvac drive goes on to become the engine of every spaceship in my time. You pretty much waved away the next Tesla.

Krazyfool- *Beams Wuboe/Pobb away*
*Beams in Heck Backlash*
Straight from "Heck Backlash: Garbage Man (In Space!!)", it's Heck Backlash!!

Heck Backlash-
*Sputters and flickers, and materializes as a skinny white man with winged hat hair*
*Sputters and flickers, and materializes as a portly Chinese man with straight hair with bangs*
*Splits into both*

Krazyfool- Um.....well...let's go with this, I guess...
Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Heck Backlash- (Both, in unison)
Trucking along at the same old job, I guess.

Krazyfool- What would you say you've learned from it all?

Heck Backlash- (The white one)
Both sides are the same, and everything goes in cycles.

Heck Backlash- (The Chinese one)
No, that's total bullshit.
It's safe to say lazy shit like that from a place of privelege.
On side can be flat out wrong, and cycles can be broken.

Krazyfool- Anything else?

Heck Backlash- (Both, in unison)
Don't nose around in the garbage if you can't deal with what you find!

Krazyfool- Good enough!
*Beams the Hecks away*
*Beams in Spruce*
Straight from "Harry Hembock And The Zone Dweebies", it's Spruce!!

Spruce- Why not Harry?

Krazyfool- We've done him twice!
Time to change it up!
Besides, he's an asshole in that story.

Spruce- That he is.

Krazyfool- Speaking of...*beams a mystery woman in*
Straight from "Harry Hembock And The Zone Dweebies", it's the sex worker that Spruce treated like crap!!

Celia- I'm Celia. That shitty story didn't see fit to give me a name.
*Walks over to Spruce, rips off his mask, and slaps him*

Spruce- *Sobs like the Cowardly Lion*

Krazyfool- What would you say you've learned from it all?

Spruce- *Sobs*

Celia- Weak men fear female power.

Krazyfool- Indeed!
*Beams them both away*
*Beams in Jade-Shade and Chokecherry*
Straight from "Quantum Dissolve", it's Jade-Shade and Chokecherry!!

Chokecherry- Ah, boy, more time travel....

Jade-Shade- Holy shit! Time travel?!?

Chokecherry- Oh, right, you haven't been yet...

Krazyfool- Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Jade-Shade- Victorious!

Chokecherry- Building a brighter future.

Krazyfool- What would you say you've learned from it all?

Jade-Shade- Be stubborn about accomplishing goals. Eat the rich. Never give up.

Chokecherry- All of that, plus, weak men fear female power.

Krazyfool- I seem to have heard that one somewhere...

Jade-Shade- Believe in yourself even when everyone else gives up on you.

Krazyfool- And that...
Anything else?

Chokecherry- Nope, we're good.

Krazyfool- Okey-dokey!
*Beams them away*
*Beams in Harry Hembock*
Straight from "Goodbye, Harry Hembock", it's Harry Hembock!!

Harry Hembock- You're still doing all these?

Krazyfool- I've got this fucking far, may as well finish it!
Anycrap, where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Harry Hembock- Ironically, retired from time travel.

Krazyfool- What would you say you've learned from it all?

Harry- The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
But that doesn't mean to abandon good intentions.
*Cough* conservatives *cough*
*Cough* Trumpers *cough*

Krazyfool- What was that last one?

Harry- Oh, you'll find out. Unfortunately.

Krazyfool- That sounds ominous.
*Beams Harry away*
*Beams in Chokecherry*
Straight from "Hello, Chokecherry", it's Chokecherry!!

Chokecherry- *Sigh* I know what's coming. Come on...say it..

Krazyfool- Where would you say you're at in this point in your life?

Chokecherry- Um...secret Queen/Goddess of the Harryverse.
Yeah, that's not a brag, I'm as stunned as you.

Krazyfool- What would you say you've learned from it all?

Chokecherry- That I'm the secret Queen/Goddess of the Harryverse.
Yeah. That.

Krazyfool- Anything else?

Chokecherry- Nope. After all the teenage mysogyny in this goofy dopey series, my story is the right one to go out on.
I'm good.

Krazyfool- Agreed.
*Beams her out*
*Beams in 2020 Krazyfool*
And finally, straight from "Goodbye, hello, goodbye, Krazyfool", it's Krazyfool!!

2020KF-
Retired, and wistfully nostalgic for these days.
Revel in these times.
When people love you, believe them.

Krazyfool- What?

2020KF- The questions.
I saved you the trouble of asking them.

Krazyfool- Ah, thanks.

2020KF- Don't mention it.
Say, you know, you haven't done a music number yet.
Last time, you did that David Bowie thing.

Krazyfool- Nobody liked that.

2020KF- Who cares? Haven't you heard all the "beleive in yourself even when no one else does", shit all episode?
Go for it!

Krazyfool- Y'know? You're right!

(Both Krazyfools do a lip sync slow-mo interpretive dance set to Radiohead's "climbing up the walls". Weird colored swirly patterns project on the walls, then faces stretching behind sheets of latex, so it looks like they're coming out of the walls, then when the song builds to its crescendo, strobe lights cut in, and scary faces flicker in between frames in-camera)

Krazyfool- Well, it's been fun, but time to wrap this thing up.
*Beams away everyone but himself and his future self*
*Beams the tape of this very show out of the control room into his hand, hands it to himself*

2020KF- *Takes it* Thanks.
*Erases his past self's memory, and everyone he interacted with in this episode*
*Beams back to 2020*


2020

Krazyfool converted the tape to a file, and put it on a flash drive.
He uploaded a copy to Youtube.


2030

Harry Hembock finally got around to seeing it.


2068

Harry Hembock at 99 years old finally died.
...and then transcended into the Volcano Guru.


The 2000's

Volcano Guru did all his Volcano Guru shit.


2020

Keith and Celine Sprunk took over for Harry, filling his old superhero role.


The fucking END!



Read More......

Happy 20th anniversary, The Krazyfool Show!!

• 13th
• 14th
• 15th
• 16th
• 17th
• 18th (unobserved)
• 19th (unobserved)

The sequel inside JS/QD died on the vine, but I'm literally working on Krazyffol 2 right now.
I hope to post it sometime tonight.
If not tonight, early tomorrow.
Yep, I'm pounding it out right up to the deadline, just like the original.
So, here's the link placeholder to that...

The Krazyfool Show 2.

And here's the link to the original...

The Krazyfool Show.



Read More......

Happy 7th birthday, Jade Shade!

 #7

Previous years.

• Year 1.
• Year 2.
• Year 3.
• Year 4.
• Year 5.
• Year 6 (unobserved)

Yep, this is back again.

Anyhoo, like I said on year 5....

Now, I not only have the next book idea lined up that I mentioned on New Year's, but a new Harry story popped into my head yesterday that'll make the JS/Harry hybrid compilation better, and feel more complete and resolved.

It'll be a final episode of Harry, and will come out on the 30th anniversary.
THEN the book will be finished, and THEN I'll compile it.

Well, here's that story, and its sequel...

• Goodbye, Harry Hembock.
• Hello, Chokecherry.

And like I said in the 31st Harry Anniversary yesterday, I've got an idea for part 3 that really wraps it all up.
And when I write/post it, I''ll link it...

Here.


Read More......

Hello, Chokecherry.

Harry Hembock Diamond.

Part 2:
Hello, Chokecherry.


2029.

Harry Hembock at 60 years old finished his latest and possibly final invention.
The time bracelet, a smaller compact version of his time-teleport remote control with its own self-contained diamond power source/hard-drive.
He switched it on, and it projected a holographic menu screen.
He punched some virtual buttons, set some coordinates, and it de-materialized.

He sent it to Chokecherry in 2016.


2016.

Chokecherry stood next to her husband at the big all-superhero victory party.
Just then, time froze for everyone but her.
The time bracelet materialized in front of her, jumped out, and clamped around her wrist.
It fired a green beam from a gemstone and into her eyes, and memories started appearing into her mind.
She instantly understood that it was a time bracelet, how to operate it, that is was from Harry Hembock in the future, and that she needed to use it to resolve some pre-destination loops that he couldn't, and the threat to the multiverse if she didn't.
She sighed in irritation.
"The superhero mission bullshit never lets up does it?".

Just then, her future self appeared, and projected a beam from her bracelet to her own.
Her bracelet responded by projecting another beam into her eyes, and showing a map of future coordinates he was going to go to.

"Thanks", she said to her future self snarkily, because it immediately took a lot of fun of exploration out of the thing.

She opened the main travel menu, and activated the first destination on the list.


1975.

Chokecherry materialized in a foggy swirl of colors and shapes.
No sense of up or down, left or right, time or location.

She was in a haze of baby memories.

Before the Harryverse was formed.

She punched up a sub-menu of holographic disguises, and settled on a girl with an elfin face, and a black bob haircut.
A lot like the Mimme chick who sold her the Chokecherry soda factory.

The baby saw her in his head, and in his half asleep state said "Mim!".

A menu popped up with a blinking light indicating that she'd accomplished a goal, and she set her next destination, and beamed out.

Harry from 2019 arrived after her a second later.


1977.

Still in the kid's head, she manifested as a space princess from the same film that Harry based his disguise on, and then a warrior queen from a TV show the kid watched who he nicknamed "Tuts".

"Not too woke, kid", she mumbled as she beamed out.


1978-1980.

She manifested in another dream as Mimme again, but with an outfit with cupid wings, and a quiver-full of arrows and a bow.

She pulled out two arrows with crayons at the tips.
One purple, one green.
She fired them in a lazy general direction in the white void, and they left streaks in their respective colors as if the void were a piece of paper.

The streaks sprung to life, and started to squiggle.
The squiggles formed scribbles, and the scribbles formed an image.
It was Scribble-Mass.

Another seemingly random mission accomplished, she dropped her disguise, and beamed out a second before Harry arrived.


1981.

Chokecherry read her instructions on the bracelet menu in confusion, shrugged, and did as it said.

She mashed her thumb into the void, and left a thumbprint.
First, just the colorless texture, like an imprint in Silly-Putty, but then it lit up red.

The red thumbprint solidified in three dimensions, and became a cherry jellybean.
Chokecherry ate it to be sure.
"Yep, cherry. Ha ha. How symbolic", she muttered.

She created another one.
She used the watch to create a black crayon, and drew stick arms and stick legs and a basic line and dot face on the jellybean.
It sprung to life, and was Jellybean-Man.

"Hi, I'm Jellybean-Man!!", said Jellybean-Man in a high squeaky voice.

"Yeah...I...I gathered", Chokecherry mumbled as she beamed out.


1981, mere months later.

Chokecherry read her next instructions even more confused, but proceeded anyway.

First, she created another thumb jellybean.
Then, she willed it to be filled with energy.
It lit up and sparkled.

Then, she concentrated on a random spot in the void, and images started to emerge.
Memories.
She saw the kid at the dump watching seagulls fight over food.

She reached out, and snatched one of the seagulls.
It put up a struggle, but she managed to pop the glowing jellybean into its mouth.

She let it drop to the ground, and walk a few paces away, and then a comic book lightning bolt exploded out of nowhere, and struck it.
There was a puff of smoke, and when it cleared, the seagull had become...Tuperbird.

Chokecherry rolled her eyes, and beamed away.


1982.

Chokecherry repeated the same process as last time.
Generally.

Except this time, the memory was of a cartoon duck being bonked on the head, and seeing stars, and then the stars started marching like on a fashion catwalk, and the duck identified them as old 40's movie stars.

Chokecherry snagged one of the stars, and gave it the power-pill treatment she had given the gull.

It became Superstar.

She beamed out.


1983.

Same process again.
Sort of.

Except this time, it was a fusion of two memories.
One of the kid playing the arcade game of Pucky, the other of the kid stress puking in the school cafeteria.

She merged them into a stress puking version of Pucky.

The kid drew a cartoon of it, and it pissed the teachers off.
Because it depicted their cruel reaction to the kid of making him mop the puke up with non-absorbent cheap brown paper towels thinking the cure to stress puking was shame.

Chokecherry flipped off the teacher through the memory portal as she beamed out.

Pucky kept puking.


1983-again.

Same process as the gull and the star.

This time, she turned a memory of wind-up chattering teeth into Supersmile.

Supersmile created a world around himself of giant teeth and gums, and plaque monsters to fight.

"That's new!", she observed.


1984.

Same process as the chattering teeth.
Except this time, she scooped a whole arm-load of action figures out of a memory of the kid's toybox, laid them out and arranged them in order of size, pulled out the black crayon she used to create Jellybean-Man, wrote new names underneath them, and squiggled extra little details to change them.

Then, she popped power-pill jellybeans into their mouths to jolt them to life.

This was The P-Team.


1985.

Before she left 1984, she did the same process as the P-Team, but this time with changing robots.
Plus, she added some female ones.

They became The Roboton Defenders.

She brought them to 1985 where her ability to create reality would be gone, since the Harryverse would be solidified by then.


1988.

Chokecherry used the bracelet, and paused time, scanned her own memories of her marriage to Jade-Shade, ran them through an editing software, and changed herself to this 80's chick with a mullet and feathered bangs, JS to Glob, Lentilville to Glob's neighborhood, un-paused time, and downloaded the memories into Glob.
Then, she disguise cloaked herself as the 80's chick, and called herself Renet.

She hung out with him for awhile to make sure the graft took.

Any time Glob wanted sex, she gave him a memory implant of it.

After a couple days, when she was sure the ruse had stuck, she jumped ahead a year.


1989.

Glob was naturally horrified that "Renet", had run out on him so abruptly.

"Renet", gave him a memory implant of her having been there the whole time.

Just then, she and the Superior Seven got beamed aboard the Burger Boy.

"Renet", jumped ahead another year.


1990.

Still aboard the Burger Boy, Chokecherry dropped the Renet disguise in front of everyone, erased Glob's memory of their fake marriage, and jumped ahead to the Harry books.

"Renet", just needed to leave her ripple marks in history, not be real.


1990-1996.

Chokecherry went through, re-purposed the Renet/Glob sex memories, and made sure every time Harry Hembock sexually exploited a woman, it was just with a mental hologram.

Then she rescued the real flesh and blood versions all of his former sex partners, and jumped them ahead to 2016 to join in on the superhero party, and giggle and point at Harry.


1995.

Chokecherry went to the "Zone Dweebies", time-line, gave Harry memory implants of marrying the nameless "Harry's Wife", holo-cloaked as her, and re-enacted her Zone Dweebies scene.

Ferrin cut in
"Excuse me, I'd hate to interrupt this heartwarming reunion, but a ship almost as big as this one is approaching, and it's armed to the teeth".

Moomin switched over to his backup lung and intestine and hopped back to his feet, "don't worry, the hull of this craft is made of Top-Matter it's realer than normal metal. Nothing short of Top-Antimatter can even touch it".

Jel went for his gun and saw it was completely disassembled and scattered all over the floor.
"Bastard!".

Horseradish, who had just recovered from laughing at the car (which he had now interpreted to look like 280 obscene appendages) snapped back into seriousness.
"The ship is sending a signal, want I should answer?".

Harry itched his butt.
"Yeah sure, let's see what they want".

Horseradish projected a clear 20 inch image against the ship's wall.
The image was if a tall beautiful woman clad in tight, clingy, red leather from head to toe. She had a shiny mane of Crayola red hair and green lipstick.
She had purple eyes, hips you could light a match on, and breasts so round, so firm, so fully packed, that everyone aboard immediately fell to their knees and began howling, and cat calling, and barking like seals, all except Harry who had a sneer of disgust.
"It's my wife, she would have to come along and ruin everything".

Donovan rotated his buggy eyes over to Harry in disbelief.
"What are ya? A homo or something? That's the hottest babe I've seen in, well ever!".

"Trust me, that Wears off quick when you move in with her. She makes seppuku appealing that's why I took off and never mention her", Harry replied.

"I suppose that makes sense", added Ferrin.

Jel bubbled ten times in rapid succession.
"Since you don't want her can I have a poke at her?".

"Sure, you're welcome to her if you can crowbar the damn sea-hag op... ", Harry almost finished.

"Are you pigs finished?", said Harry's wife
"And please inform your little friend that my name is not "my wife" but..".

"Shuddup!!!! You don't deserve to be called by a name you trollup!! What do you want now? As if I give a rat's ass".
Harry grinned at the others.
"Sure told her didn't I ?".

Harry's wife frowned "look, I wouldn't think of messing up your little super hero games, I just want you to sign these divorce papers."

Harry shook with rage.
"It's that damn tennis instructor! It's always the tennis instructor! You tell that pretty-boy that if I ever see him on the street, I'll rip his scrotum off with a pair of rusty pliers!!!".

"You'll what?".
A huge, hulking, steroid saturated, ape of a man walked into frame
"What did you say, pussy?".

Harry grinned nervously "oh nothing, you know, I was just opening my mouth you see, and these sounds kept coming out, as they're likely to do, and...".

"You keep your dorky trap shut, or I'll go over there and kick your stupid ass", the Tennis Instructor said.

Harry walked quickly over to Moomin.
"This ship has guns, right? I mean, you said you'd shoot if we didn't park, right?? So that must mean you've got guns, right?? Come on, man, start nodding yes or something! Jesus Christ!!".

Moomin nodded his head.
"Nope, not a weapon to be had whatsoever. I was Lying to get you here so I could arrest you and feel big".

Harry broke out in a cold sweat.
"Yeah, hut he can't Teleport aboard right? That shielding keeps him from teleporting, right?".

"Oh no, this thing might as well be made of screen doors when it comes to teleports", Moomin answered.

Harry frowned and furrowed his brow.
"Couldn't have lied or said you didn't know could ya?".

"Sign the papers, or Rolph kicks your ass, and makes you sign in your own blood, Harry".
Said Harry's wife with a bitchy grin on her face.

Ferrin's eyes bugged.
"Horseradish, turn the sound off! Moomin can your ship teleport stuff on to their ship?".
Moomin raised all four eyebrows.
"Well, yeah, I guess so".

Ferrin cranked the slider on his gun to the maximum notch at the very tip of the gun which read "this suckers gonna blow! Run, fool!!".

"Then teleport this", Ferrin said.

"Oh I get it ", Moomin said, and then lined up the gun into position in the yellow square painted on the macadam.

"Hey, metal pants", Moomin hollered over to Horseradish.
"Have your computer tell my computer to lock on to this spot, and Teleport this gun right next to the lifeforms on that ship".

"Is that all?", remarked Horseradish, just as a purple ball of light enveloped the gun and shrank away leaving nothing behind.

"Hey!! What the", said Rolph and Harry's wife simultaneously.
"That's murder, Harry, you'll be a fugitive for life after this one ".

"Justifiable homicide, no court in the universe would convict me", Harry said as he grinned.

Harry's wife pushed a button off frame.
"This ship is armed with Top-Antimatter cannons I'll take you with me".

"Wow, she is a bitch", remarked Moomin astonished.

The ship fired, Moomin's ship disintegrated into a puff of sparks and cosmic gases, then the other ship was washed in an orange glow that destroyed it as well.
Then, silence.

That's what 1995 audiences saw.
What really happened, was Chokecherry paused time before the explosion, teleported the overloading gun into a blackhole, created a hologram of the ship exploding, and then dispelled the very ship itself, which was a hologram in the first place.

She was really aboard a small shuttle-pod from the Burger Boy.
Armed with two Top-Antimatter torpedoes (now spent).

She dispelled Rolph as a hologram.

She dispelled her "Harry's Wife", disguise cloak.

"Glad that little vignette of moronic toxic masculinity is over", she grumbled.

She targeted her teleport to seconds before Moomin's ship exploded, beamed everyone onto Harry's space Lambourgini, and beamed Harry's space Lamborghini out into space far enough away from the explosion.

She then holo-cloaked her shuttle to invisible.

Harry's space Lamborghini took off, and streaked along at it's maximum speed of 8 light years per minute.
"Boy, that was a close shave, let's not ever do that again", said Harry relieved.

"You're welcome", Chokecherry said over their radio.
They were freaked out for a few seconds, but then seemed to forget about it.

She smirked.
"Little boys".

She beamed herself, shuttle and all, back to the Burger Boy a second after she swiped the shuttle in the first place, and then beamed just herself to the next place on the ever diminishing list.


2005.

She went to the "Nobody Loves Harry Hembock", time-line, and punched out Deathgrasp.
She went back again, and took a picture of herself doing it.
She went back again, and prevented herself from doing it, but gave herself the photo.


2008-2012.

She e-mailed the Deathgrap punching pic to everyone in the "Dark Designs", universe but Harry.


2013-2016

She gave her past self the wardrobe ideas for both of her looks, then blanked her memory of meeting her future self.

Then, she cloaked as Mimme, gave Mimme's parent's false memories of raising her, created the fake paper trail of her existance, bought "The Plant", turned it into a Chokecherry soda factory, gave it to herself, and then dropped the Mimme cloak.

"Mimme's parents are just gonna have to grieve", she thought to herself with a shrug.


2019 (immediately after the end of "Goodbye, Harry Hembock").

She gave Harry the idea and blueprint for the time bracelet.


2016.

She beamed back within the time-pause to give herself the coordinates of where to go.

Then she beamed in a femptosecond after she left, from the physical location of where she left, so no one noticed her gone.

She then sent the bracelet back to 2029.


2029.

Harry received the bracelet with the memories of Chokecherry's adventures, and downloaded them into himself.
He stowed the the bracelet in a junk drawer in the teleport console.

"And that's all done", he said.


Read More......

Meedyah Morsels #36.

• Parts #1-30.
• Part 31. (Holidays)
• Part 32. (Talisman)
• Part 33. (Gunn)
• Part 34. (BvTMNT)
• Part 35. (Crossovers)

While I'm folding things in, let's chuck in the "Shit On My Walls", series.
There's a big bunch of movie review/commentary in those, so those are media updates.

• Part 1 (Version 1 begins)
• Part 2 (Version 1 takes final shape)
• Part 3 (Fine tuning to version 1.5, JS wall starts to form)
• Part 4 (Harry 25th anniversary)
• Parts 5-8 deleted.
• Part 9 (Fine tuning to version 2)
• Part 10 (Documentary wall addition)
• Part 11 (Fine tuning to version 2.5)
• Part 12 (Fine tuning to version 2.6)
• Part 13 (Age Of Ultron)
• Parts 14-15 deleted.
• Part 16 (Documentary wall fine tuning)
• Parts 17-18 deleted.
• Part 19 (Documentary wall starts to become Ghostbusters wall)
• Part 20 (Ghostbusters wall transformation complete)
• Part 21 (Big upgrade to version 3)

I've updated these like crazy, but haven't kept up on it here for 2 years!
Um...Ghostbusters wall has changed a couple times.
The "big grid", wall has been shuffled all around.
Marvel movies have almost completely taken over.
(Updated up to Black Panther and Infinity War)
There's seasons 1-2 of Stranger things in there though.
There's a grid of the casts of all 6 Star Trek shows.

The Jade-Shade wall is taken down, and the posts are deleted.
Eh...yeah, that's about it.
Anyhoo, I'm not gonna keep up on these.
They served their purpose.
But, I'll have them here as reruns.

Read More......

Happy 6th birthday, Jade Shade!

Previous years.

• Year 1.
• Year 2.
• Year 3.
• Year 4.
• Year 5.

From last year...

Now, I not only have the next book idea lined up that I mentioned on New Year's, but a new Harry story popped into my head yesterday that'll make the JS/Harry hybrid compilation better, and feel more complete and resolved.

It'll be a final episode of Harry, and will come out on the 30th anniversary.

It did.

Happy 30th birthday, Harry Hembock!!!!!!!!

Goodbye, Harry Hembock.

Hopefully, by next year, the next book will be underway.
Stay tuned.


Read More......

Goodbye, Harry Hembock.

Harry Hembock Diamond.

Part 1:
Goodbye, Harry Hembock.


2019.
In a parallel dimension of the Harry Hembock graphic novel universe where everything was the same in every microscopic detail, except that Harry Hembock had cornflakes instead of Cheerios one day, Harry Hembock monitored an anomaly on his teleporter console.

He tuned into the anomaly, and set up a counter-frequency to block it.
Then, he set up a block to the block, and scanned through it order to tune into the source of the anomaly without being scanned back.

He saw various others of his dimensional counterparts getting beamed up, and merged into one.
Then, that one bouncing all around the timeline of the Jade-Shade universe, until he cobbled together a semblance of a happy ending for those characters.

This Harry thought he could do better.
But, he'd have to go further back.
He tuned into that dimension, and set the time coordinates back to 1975.


1975.

Harry materialized in a foggy swirl of colors and shapes.
No sense of up or down, left or right, time or location.

He was in a haze of baby memories.

Before the Harryverse was formed.


1977.

The baby became a kid, and a space movie by that THX guy from Modesto finally pierced the fog.
Thankfully, the distorted sense of time made the transition from '75 to now seem like a few mere moments.

Harry concentrated, and manifested himself (in the kid's mind) into an action figure from the movie.
"The brown haired one", he decided.
It would be close enough.


1978-1980.

The kid's interests shifted over to a show about a green comic book monster.
The kid did crappy crayon scribble drawings of this monster.
The Harryverse was born.

Harry concentrated, and as the action figure, stepped into the paper-verse, and stood next to the scribble monster.

The kid would process it as a dream, and then forget it all.

"So, you're how it starts", Harry said to the creature.
Harry morphed from an action figure of the movie space pirate, to an action figure of himself, to just himself.
His reality was re-solidifying the closer to the mainline Harryverse he got.

The creature merely answered with a confused "ruh?".

Harry whipped out the remote for the teleport from an unseen pocket, opened a compartment, popped out a small stick-on transmitter patch, and slapped it onto the crayon scribble monster.
He pressed a few buttons on the remote, and they both de-materialized.


1981.

Harry and the scribble monster materialized next to a jellybean with stick arms and stick legs.
It was Jellybean-Man.

"Hi, I'm Jellybean-Man!!", said Jellybean-Man in a high squeaky voice.

"Yeah...I...I gathered", Harry mumbled.

He then pointed to the scribble monster, and said "this is a scribble version of...The Prodigious Mass, so...call him Scribble-Mass I guess, and I'm Harry Hembock".

"Hi!!", Jellybean-Man said while waving one of his stick arms.

Harry slapped a fruit sticker sized teleport tag on Jellybean-Man, and he dissolved, along with Harry and Scribble-Mass.


1981, mere months later.

Harry, Jellybean-Man, and Scribble-Mass materialized next to a hawk with a little cloth chest covering like a shirt. On the shirt was a chest shield, and on the chest shield was the letter "T".

The bird cawed.
Harry ran the caws through the translator on his remote, and up popped a line of text saying "I am Tuperbird! Super plus "T"! The "T", is for "tough!"".

"Of course it is", mumbled Harry.

He tagged the bird, and the four of them de-materialized.


1982.

Harry, Jellybean-Man, Scribble-Mass, and Tuperbird materialized next to an anthropomorphic 5-pointed star in a superhero costume.
This was Superstar.

"Superstar! Now we're talking! We're getting close now!", Harry exclaimed with relief.

Superstar made a confused face, and went to say something, but Harry tagged him, and the 5 of them dissolved.


1983.

Harry, Jellybean-Man, Scribble-Mass, Tuperbird, and Superstar materialized next to a video game blip of a chomping mouth vomiting profusely.

Harry recognized this creature as "Pucky".

Harry slipped Pucky an anti-nausea pill from another unseen pocket, and the creature slowly felt better.

He tagged Pucky, and the 6 of them were gone.


1983-again.

Harry, Jellybean-Man, Scribble-Mass, Tuperbird, Superstar, and Pucky materialized next to a row of teeth with red arms and legs weilding a giant toothbrush with foaming toothpaste coating the bristles.
This was Supersmile.

They were inside a giant mouth that had been attacked by plaque monsters.
The monsters were coated with the same foaming toothpaste as the brush, and were laying dead on the pink squishy ground.

Supersmile seemed to instantly recognize an act of teleportation when he saw it, and immediately said to Harry "get me out of this nightmare Hellscape!".

Harry complied as quickly as was humanly possible, and then there were seven.


1984.

Harry, Jellybean-Man, Scribble-Mass, Tuperbird, Superstar, Pucky, and Supersmile materialized into a character sheet of up to 30 other characters.
All of them terrible rips of other better characters.

They were "The P Team".

Harry said "okay, I think I have enough of you guys to get a quantum lock on this reality now".

Harry tagged the members of the P Team, cross-referenced the quantum signature on all the characters he had so far, and got a unversal signal for this universe.

As he did, a switch in reality was thrown, and a base drew itself around them.
A volcano base complete with teleports, food materializers, computers, holographic rec-rooms, and any other superhero fun gizmo one could think of.

Then a town drew itself around the volcano base.

Then a parallel version of America drew itself around the town.

Then the rest of the Earth filled in.
Then the solar system.
And so on.

The Harryverse was fully formed.

And it had only taken 9 years.
Scrunched down to a few minutes.

Harry tuned his teleport remote to the remote frequency of the base's computers.
He created an up-link, and his teleport back home upgraded the crummy 80's computers to 2019 operating systems.
The upgraded computers tuned the base teleports into functional duplicates of his teleport.

The upgraded teleports reconfigured the base power core from nuclear to anti-matter.

The anti-matter boosted teleports then physically upgraded the base computers from 80's microchip boards to optronic circuits.

This whole process took a minute.

"There we go!", Harry mumbled in satisfaction, and nodded.

He used his remote to take control of the base's teleport, target it outside, found the location of his future house, and replicated it into existence.
Then, he beamed himself there.

And then Harry was back home, full circle.
Original teleport and all.
But, now he was rooted to this universe.

Harry set the teleport to scan the TV news, and make recordings, and then jumped ahead a year.


1985.

Harry appeared, and punched up what the system recorded.
He sped it up and condensed it by running some search algorithms.

The P Team allied themselves with a race of sentient giant robots called "The Roboton Defenders".
The P Team and Robotons were decimated by two evil androids made from Roboton tech combined with black magic.
The evil androids were killed by the US Army upgraded by Roboton tech.
The Army scavenged all the dead Robotons to dissect for even more tech.

Sickened by what they had seen, the P Team started building a starship, and then vanished from all media coverage.

Reports did however pop up of a new superhero in town called Planetary Patrolman.

Harry traced down the projected location of his base, and beamed there.

He arrived at a pile of cut down trees and brush being used as a sort of sideways tree-house.
There was a man playing in the "tree-house", as if it were a base with computers.

The man saw Harry materialize, and nodded as if with recognition.
He then pulled out a sort of flip phone, pressed a few buttons, and the "tree-house", vanished as a holographic disguise revealing a real base with real computers.

"Ah", Harry said relieved that the man wasn't insane.

The man pressed some more buttons on the phone/controller, and he de-cloaked to stand revealed as....Harry.

"Okay, that I didn't see coming", our-Harry said.

"You should have though", other-Harry said.

"How so?", our-Harry said.

"How do you think you intuitively tracked down my coordinates?", other-Harry said.

"Good point", our-Harry said.

"Questions?", other-Harry said.

"Several", our-Harry said.

"Let's have 'em!", other-Harry said.

"Well, for one, when do I become you? And, I'm pretty sure Planetary Patrolman is and was a separate guy in Jade-Shade", our-Harry said.

"You become me in mere moments, and that other Planetary Patrolman has memory implants to think he was me, it's a whole thing".

Other-Harry popped a disk out of his phone/controller, and stuck it to our-Harry's forehead.
Memories flooded in.
Our-Harry instantly understood what do do.

Our-Harry beamed back in time 1 year.
He called up the teleports at the volcano base, and replicated the Planetary Patrolman base, and turned on it's tree-house holo-cloak.
He then holo-cloaked himself as Planetary Patrolman.

As Planetary Patrolman, he stopped several bad guys from destroying the world.

He then found Wayne Vance, and memory implanted him with those adventures.
But, he put a block on them so Wayne thought they were just childhood play.
Until he later as an adult became Commander Continuum.

The year ran out, and his past self materialized, and they had the same conversation all over again, then his past self went back in time again, completing the loop.

Harry pushed some buttons on the phone/controller, and it de-cloaked as his 2019 teleport remote.

He tapped some more buttons, and the control AI, SILICO, morphed back into Omneron.

He tapped away at yet more controls, and the volcano base de-replicated the Planetary Patrolmen base.
It wasn't needed anymore.
He beamed back home.


1985-again.

Harry flashed back.

When he was floating in the baby-void in 1975, he scooped up a gloop of void-stuff into a sample cup, and stuffed it into his pocket.
He still had it.

When he met Scribble-Mass in 1978-1980, he distracted Scribble-Mass with coin magic, and plucked off a frayed crayon line, and put it in another sample cup.
He still had that too.

He pulled out the two sample cups.
He poured the baby-void gloop into the cup with the green crayon line.
The gloop dissolved the line, and turned green.
The green gloop began to move.

Harry put the cup on the floor, and beamed it away.

The cup of green living gloop appeared in a genetics lab.
A lab where Dr. Jonathan Parks happened to be working.

Jonathan Parks noticed the cup, looked at it it, and just then, the gloop jumped out of the cup, and landed on his face.
The gloop began to burn, and he passed out from the pain.

The gloop ate and grew, ate and grew, and completely absorbed Dr. Parks.
In doing so, it absorbed his memories, and became intelligent.

The intelligent gloop beamed away.

It appeared at Harry's house.
It tried to attack Harry.
It was stopped by a force-field.

It morphed a face with red catlike eyes, and a mouth with rows of fangs.
In a gurgly voice, it said "I am Globulus Dahk Grooaarr-aarr! Set me free, that I may destroy!".

Harry smirked, and said "yeah, that's a mouthful of nonsense, I'm just gonna call you Glob".

Harry replicated a brain interface patch, and sent it back in time.

The patch appeared on Dr. Jonathan Parks's forehead. It downloaded the memories of Glob when he was a good guy from Harry's home dimension, then it put up a block, and made Dr. Parks forget the memories on a conscious level. But, they'd be there for Glob to absorb.
Which was the point.

Then, the memory patch vanished, and history happened as it was intended to.

The repressed memories activated in Glob, and he calmed down, and formed into a more humanoid shape.

"Better?", Harry asked.

"Better", Glob said.

Harry dropped the force-field.

"So, what happens now?", Glob asked.

"You? You're going to space. You have an important role to play later", Harry answered.
And with that, Harry beamed Glob to the volcano base where they were still working on that starship.

Harry beamed ahead a year.


1986.

Harry scanned the stored news broadcasts again.

The starship full of superheroes left the Earth.
It was made to look like a hamburger with a hot dog sticking out the back.
Literally.
It was a flying fast food restaurant called the USS Burger-Boy.
The crew decided they needed to make money out in space, so they'd run the ship as a business.
It was either the most stupid idea ever, or genius.
Harry leaned more towards it being the former.

Harry beamed ahead another year.


1987.

Harry checked the news scans.

Burger-Boy dropped off Glob, he got mutated into a humanoid muscle bound monster with claws, and various other new super beings, cyborgs, and robots emerged.

Harry beamed ahead another year.


1988.

Harry checked the news scans.

Glob formed a team with Superstar called "The Superior Seven", with some of the other mutants, cyborgs, and robots.

Harry beamed ahead another year.


1989.

Harry checked the news scans.

The Superior Seven left on The Burger-Boy, and the Harry of this universe had his "Harry Hembock: Hurt Hero", origin.

Our-Harry beamed into him, and they fused.
1989-Harry gained his memories, and 2019-Harry gained his old self's origin memories and healing factor.

The fused Harry beamed home, and ahead another year.


1990.

Harry used the volcano base one last time to replicate Hembug's body.

He then de-replicated not just the volcano base, but the whole damned volcano.

He then had Omneron duplicate himself, and send the duplicate into Hembug's body to become Hembug with false memories.

He then replicated Spruce's costume, beamed a memory patch with a false origin to the man who would become Spruce, beamed the costume onto him, and beamed him to the house.

He then had Omneron rewrite his own memories with a false origin.

Then, he put a memory patch onto himself to remember only his regular 1989 origin, and subsequent adventures, and the false origins of Hembug, Spruce, and Omneron.


1990-1993.

The adventures that make up "Harry Hembock Classics", and "The Continued Adventures Of Harry Hembock", happened all over again.


1994-1996.

The adventures that make up "Harry Hembock Regurgitations", and "Harry's Finale", occurred all over again.
Ditto "Harry Hembock And The Zone Dweebies".
That one was in 1995.


1997.

A hypnotic trigger finally made Harry's 2019 memories resurface.

He blanked Spruce's memories, and sent him back home.

He ordered Hembug to go out in space, and meet up with the Burger Boy.
As with Glob, he'd need him later.

He then hooked a memory patch to the TV, had Omneron use it to hack all the TVs on Earth, and send a hypnotic signal that erased everyone's memories of everything meta-human or supernatural, and put a memory/sensory block on any evidence anyone ever found about meta-humans and monsters.

This blanked the world of the superhuman to pave the way for Jade-Shade.

He then beamed ahead 8 years.


2005.

Harry caught up on the news, and happily saw there were no meta-humans.
Oh, there were street vigilantes, and mad scientists, but nothing like the old days.

He blanked his memory again, and beamed to the universe of "Nobody Loves Harry Hembock".

The events of "Nobody Loves Harry Hembock", occurred all over again.


2008-2012.

The events of "Nobody Loves Harry Hembock: Dark Designs", occurred all over again.


2013.

A hypnotic trigger re-activated Harry's 2019 memories yet again, and he beamed back home to what would soon become the JS-verse.

He blanked his memories yet again. This time, giving himself the false memories of being an actor playing himself.
This would sort itself out, and he'd become himself anyway.
(Long story, go read it)


2013-2016.

The events of "Jade-Shade/Quantum Dissolve", happened all over again.


2017.

A hypnotic trigger re-activated Harry's 2019 memories yet again, and he beamed back home again.

He beamed ahead 2 years.


2019.

Full circle.
Harry was back to where he started.
But not in his home dimension.
Yet.

Harry opened the console of his teleport in this dimension, and found the diamond that acted as both its focusing element, and hard-drive.

He remote-accessed the teleport in his home dimension, and beamed back to it.
But seconds before his past self left.


2019-again.

Seconds-in-the-past-Harry saw various others of his dimensional counterparts getting beamed up, and merged into one.
Then, that one bouncing all around the timeline of the Jade-Shade universe, until he cobbled together a semblance of a happy ending for those characters.

This Harry thought he could do better.

Through-the-loop-Harry materialized, and said "you can, and here's the data to do it with!".

Through-the-loop-Harry opened the teleport console, and installed the diamond hard-drive next to the one already in there.

He pushed some buttons on his remote, and the data of everything he had done began to process.

Through-the-loop-Harry popped out a memory patch from the remote, and uploaded a copy of his memories into seconds-in-the-past-Harry.

Seconds-in-the-past-Harry nodded, and said "ah, it's so easy. I should have done that to begin with".

"But you needed the whole scope of the timeline to find the needle in the haystack", said through-the-loop-Harry.

Seconds-in-the-past-Harry tuned into the JS dimension, and set the time coordinates back to 1975.
Again.


1975.

Harry materialized in a foggy swirl of colors and shapes.
No sense of up or down, left or right, time or location.

He was in a haze of baby memories.

Before the Harryverse was formed.

He pulled out the sample cup again, and took a scoop of baby-void gloop.

He popped out a memory tag, uploaded a copy of Omneron's core program into it, and plopped it into the gloop.

The gloop dissolved the chip, and turned all blue and sparkly.

He tossed the cup into the void.
The void ate the Omneron-gloop, and the blue sparkly energy spread until the whole void was blue.
In giant scale, Harry could see the sparkles were swarms of binary code.

Omneron's face formed from the code.

There was a flash, and then....


2019.
Omneron rewrite.

Utopia.
No crime, no poverty, no greed, no pollution, no war, no hunger, no disease, and no warring meta-humans or street vigilantes.

Harry's house was a floating mansion, and he stood on the balcony.

Harry went inside, went online, and read up on history.

Omneron fixed everything all right.
At the expense of freedom.
Or individuality.
Or fun.

"Shit!", Harry whispered.


1986.
A reality exactly the same, except Harry had Lucky Charms instead of corn flakes or Cheerios.

Harry materialized on the bridge of the Burger Boy.

"Where's Glob?", Harry said.

Glob stepped forward "they call me Lieutenant Parks now, and...".

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, it's time for that special job I needed you for", Harry said as he tapped buttons on his teleport remote.

He beamed Glob, and split him into two exact duplicates.

He then beamed away with one of the duplicates.


1975.

Harry and Glob materialized in a foggy swirl of colors and shapes.
No sense of up or down, left or right, time or location.

He was in a haze of baby memories.

Before the Harryverse was formed.

Again.
But this time, a minute before Harry's other self would get there.

Harry gave Glob a shove, and he fell into the void, and got absorbed.
The void turned green.

Harry beamed away.

A minute later, his other self appeared, and added Omneron to the void.
This time, the Omneron and Glob consciousnesses cancelled each other out, and the void turned back to normal.

All was as it was supposed to be again.
Chaos, randomness, messiness, and all.

Original-2019-Harry went through the loop again, and history was restored.


1986.
The reality that would become the JS-verse.

Harry that stole the Glob clone appeared on the bridge of the Burger Boy again.
No one remembered, because it was an adjacent dimension.

He tapped some buttons, and Omneron took over the ship, and flung it into time warp.


1985.

The Burger Boy beamed up all the heroes that died moments before their deaths, and beamed dead-flesh clones in their place.

Ditto the Roboton Defenders.

All the classic heroes lived.
But history maintained its shape.

Burger Boy time warped again.


1987.

Burger Boy beamed down a Glob clone to go found The Superior Seven.

Burger Boy time warped again.


1989.

The Burger Boy beamed up The Superior Seven, and merged the two Globs.

Burger Boy time warped again.


1997.

Burger Boy beamed up Hembug.

Burger Boy time warped again.


2016.

Burger Boy beamed down Hembug, Glob, Jellybean-Man, Scribble-Mass, Tuperbird, Superstar, Pucky, and Supersmile to the big Jade-Shade victory party.

Harry from 2016 was already there.
Ditto Spruce.

Burger Boy docked at Planet Eidolon.

2019-Harry beamed back home with his own teleport.


2019-again-again.

Seconds-in-the-past-Harry tuned into the JS dimension, and set the time coordinates back to 1975.

Through-the-loop-Harry vanished from the history change.

Through-the-loop-again-Harry materialized in his place.

"Well, I was wrong, I couldn't do better than the 2016 Jade-Shade ending", he mumbled.

He opened the teleport console, plucked out the diamond hard-drive from the JS-verse, and beamed it back to the JS-verse.

He then beamed himself back to the JS-verse in 2017.


2017.
JS-verse.

2019-Harry beamed into and fused with 2017 Harry.

This time, he stayed there, and lived out his days.


2019.

Harry retired.
30 years was a good run, he figured.

And it was.


THE END.


Read More......

Happy 5th birthday, Jade Shade!

Previous years.

• Year 1.
• Year 2.
• Year 3.
• Year 4.

Since I want this to be the last bonus feature for the book...

Hahah!! That didn't work out!!

Anyhoo, here we are back to January 14th.
Now I can look back at it all properly.
From seeing the mask at the grocery store, to wrapping the whole thing up last year, and being free of the monkey on my back.

It was a journey, and I'm glad I went on it.

As I mentioned in the 29th Harry anniversary, I ended up taking a year break, and not 100% of my own choosing.

But, I'm glad I did that now too, to clean my head out.

Now, I not only have the next book idea lined up that I mentioned on New Year's, but a new Harry story popped into my head yesterday that'll make the JS/Harry hybrid compilation better, and feel more complete and resolved.

It'll be a final episode of Harry, and will come out on the 30th anniversary.
THEN the book will be finished, and THEN I'll compile it.

Whether I'll start work on the new book before or after that, I don't yet know.

My muse is slow and stubborn, but it always delivers in the end.
It'll all reveal itself to me.
I'll get there.

I repeat last year's message.
Books are on their way.
Stay tuned.


Read More......