Saturday, June 1, 2013

Flicks I've watched online (Part 8).

The other parts...

  1. The worst of the worst.
  2. The worst of the worst (revisited).
  3. Miserable movies.
  4. More Miserable Movies.
  5. That's IT?!!?!?
  6. Flicks that really messed me up as a kid.
  7. Flicks I've watched online since last time. (mostly Tromas)
On to part 8.....

Manborg (2011)

Made for 1000 dollars.

Well, I've said it before elsewhere, take 80's student animation, 90's video games, run them through a blender, and pour it on the ashes of Ed Wood, and you get "Manborg".

You have to see the trailer to appreciate.

...and even that doesn't fully prepare you.

Words can't describe the joy "Manborg", brought me.
I thought that kind of pure childlike happiness had died in me.
Nope, just no one was making movies that tapped into it.

I had the chance to buy it at Bull Moose last trip, but...price wise, it was either "Manborg", or the Hannibals.
Couldn't have both.
And I'd reeeeaaally put off finishing that series off for a long time.
It was just time to do that.

Next time....

American Mary (2013)

Morbidly gorgeous.
In a similar vein style wise as the original "Human Centipede"

Finally, a horror movie made by women that doesn't suck.
(I'm fucking looking at you, "Boxing Helena"). to describe it without writing a spoilerriffic essay....

It's the strip club, rape-revenge, underground plastic surgery, lady-mad-doctor-psycho-killer movie you always wanted to see, but didn't know you wanted to see, until your heart told you as you were watching movie.

It all comes down to Katherine Isabelle.
She's fucking awesome.

She's....I kept thinking "Shannen Doherty if she didn't suck", but....that scratches the surface. the flick.
It comes to DVD June 18th.
Think I'm gonna nab that too.

Christ, it's heaps better than "High Tension", and "Feast", and I bought those fucking things....

Stitches (2012)

It's "Shakes The Clown", meets Jason Voorhees, with a teaspoon of Freddy.

Except....not very good.

Okay, plot is, a drunken party clown entertains a bunch off asshole kids who heckle and prank him until he trips and falls on a dishwasher shelf full of knives, and dies.

6 years later, the awful kids grow up into awful teenagers, who we desperately want dead, but don't get to see start to get killed until 47 minutes in.
Said killing is performed by the party clown raised from the dead by some ancient pagan rite performed by his fellow clowns.
He comes back with magical powers allowing him to commit cartoony deaths.

I wanted to like this a lot more than I did, but it fell flat as a tapioca fart.
The big dumb ending comes from a mile away, and leaves it open for shitty sequels.

Normally, I'd be all depressed, and wonder if I was getting too old for this shit, but no, it's not me, because I loved "Manborg".
Fuck you, "Stitches", you just sucked.

And, that's those.

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