So, continuing what I've started with Freddy, and Jason, the Pinheads.
Or, the Hellraisers.
Man, what do I say? It's just fucking wonderful.
It's all been said before, it took horror out a whole new door.
Doug Bradley nailed it in an interview, without the Cenobytes, you actually have a pretty serviceable little exploitation horror movie all on its own with Frank, and Julia, and Kirsty.
Add the Cenobytes, and it throws gothic horror into the mix, and it's a whole other recipe.
And, of course, it introduced body-modification, and S&M to horror.
Course, now that shit's pretty mainstream, but Hellraiser helped pave the way.
Wonderful film, I'm going to be watching it again with part 2 for Halloween for sure.
Well, I repeat my tape-rack story from the Jason one.
Freddy, Jason, Pinhead, I pined after all of these via the VHS boxes back in the day.
Unlike Jason, Hellraiser gave me NO clue as to what was going on.
It didn't suck!
I first saw it on HBO spending the night at my grandmother's house (yes, the CB grandmother).
Nabbed the tapes of 1&2 later on one of our Shady Dave's trips (see Freddy for the nitty gritty on Shady Dave).
Hellbound: Hellraiser II
Mostly, ditto the first one.
Doug Bradely, in the same interview mentioned above, said what a thoroughly compromised film this was, because some economic crisis of the day erased a third of the original planned budget.
I dunno, they made a silk purse out of a sow's ear, because I still think it looks fucking great.
And continuity wise, 1 & 2 are the Superman 1& 2 of horror, they're so linked, they're really one big movie in two chapters.
And as you can see from the critic blurbs on the image I've posted, Pinhead had become the Darth Vader of horror by this point.
Hmm, that would be a good fight, actually.
Pinhead would win.
His telekinesis is stronger.
He can melt things, and freeze things, so he can alter matter.
And he knows your secrets as soon as he sees you, so he can read your mind from cover to cover in less than a second.
Vader can just throw things, and get foggy impressions.
And Pinhead is indestructible (barring the box sending him back to Hell).
The other monsters/killers?
Pinhead would shred 'em.
Michael Myers, Leatherface, Jason, Chucky, all of 'em are pretty much just humanoids.
The chains would just dice 'em to mincemeat.
The only one who would offer up much of a fight would be Freddy, and that would all depend on what dimensional plane the fight happened on.
Ah, but look at me geek out here...
Pretty much ditto the first one.
Oh yeah, Steve raved and raved about how awesome Cenobyte transformed Doctor Channard was, and that he was his new favorite monster.
Eh, he is visually interesting, and as a character, he's fucking evil, and I really dig his weird voice, and I do impressions of it sometimes, but...y'know, Pinhead is king.
Didn't see Channard in 3.
Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth
Okay, this one wasn't as artsy and magnificent as the first two, overall it's clunky, and has embarrassingly bad stretches, but y'know, I'll defend it.
It has good parts.
Pretty much any time Doug Bradley is on screen, he classes it up.
We find out about Pinhead's human alter ego, Elliot Spencer, in this one, and his backstory is pretty cool.
So, if we're calling Freddy and Jason by their given birth names, we really ought to be calling Pinhead Elliot.
Some have said the "cyber-Cenobytes", or whatever you wanna call them, are ripoffs of the Borg.
Fuck that, the Borg were Cenobyte ripoffs in the first place, right down to how they're made.
And, back then, it irked me how the Cyber-Cenobytes kinda acted like average human assholes given powers, but...remember how "the female Cenobyte", (AKA Deep Throat) from the very first one was pretty much horny for torture, the Cenobytes were always dicks, it's just Pinhead that had the cool presence.
Pinhead is the exception, not the rule.
And back to Pinhead, he's got a lot of good lines in this one.
The whole bit in the church fucking with the clergy, and the iconography, is just golden stuff.
A lot of the stuff he says while trapped in the statue is some nice dark shit I nod along with.
Yeah, the good parts are great,...but, yeah, the rest is shit.
If it were a Halloween bag, it would be Lindor truffles, and black licorice.
Thumb sideways hovering towards down.
But..y'know, Doug Bradley says this one was his favorite one to film.
Can't remember if I grabbed this at Shady Dave's, or at some other flea market.
I loved it when it was new.
Hey, whaddya want? I was a dumb kid then.
Well...I liked the history of the box they gave.
It glued everything from the first 3 together, and as a geek, I like that attention to continuity.
I liked the crossing over of three time periods as a device.
I like how it cleared up the head-scratcher ending of 3.
I like that it TRIED getting back to the raw scariness of the first two...and it did that better than 3 did...
But, it just stinks.
Doug Bradley can't even help this one.
His lines sound pretty, but they're empty nonsense, you really miss Clive Barker at this point.
And it's so fucking cheap.
And what is it with taking monsters into space?
Jason, Leprechaun, Pinhead, it was a fad in the 90's to do this.
I dunno, were they trying to grab the "Alien", audience?
Bought this out of Movies Unlimited.
Showed it to Hyla and Spencer, I raved about it, they weren't impressed.
Inferno, Hellseeker, Deader, and Hellworld
I can't watch 'em.
If they get worse than Bloodline, I just can't fucking watch 'em.
And, apparently, they do, Rotten Tomatoes savages these ones.
I love Pinhead, I love Doug Bradley, I'm glad he kept getting pay-days off of this franchise, and if some suckers bought these, I hope they at least liked 'em.
I just will not be seeing them.
A reboot piece of shit without Doug Bradley, and made in someone's garage for 5 bucks.
I won't even bother with digging up the pic.
So, there you go, that's the Hellraisers.
Two good ones, six shitty ones.
Which is pretty much Michael Myers's batting average, and yet Michael Myers is more beloved, and perceived as the purer horror series.
Bah, says I.
And on that note, up next, Michael.
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