Thursday, June 30, 2011

A couple more logos from Glen...

....hard decisions to make...

Read More......

Minor biography list tweak.

Added 3rd anniversary to "some times of my life". Read More......

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Happy 3rd anniversary, Shmegalamonga!!!!

Been quite a ride, let's look back...

Year one.

Year two.

Well, year two, I promised it would only get better.
Did I deliver?
I dunno, up to you folks.

Wrote a lotta rants, finished off the Harrys, did Krazy for decades, which turned into the yearbook section.

Lessee...what else?
Oh, yeah, Dr. Herbert...

(0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Oh, and went nuts posting songs that float through my head.
(Up to #29 as of this posting)

Had an absolute blast doing all that, dunno if you enjoyed it or not...hope so.

So, for year four, more of that, some new stuff maybe, and mostly, gotta have a tighter focus.
Gotta pull this mess together into something a little more professional.
Gave myself those first two to wander around and throw paints around.
Now, it's got to take shape.

Gotta be worthy of being linked to Margaret's thingy, don't wanna be embarrassing her anymore.

Last, but not least, check out the new logo, thanks again, Glen.

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Okay, first of all....

....thanks to Glen for the new logo.

Submitted form..

...and, from this... this..

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Monday, June 27, 2011

"I am Science!!", Episode #6

...with Dr. Logan W. Herbert.

In the USA, everyone has an ass, hence phrases like 'get your
ass in here'. As everyone knows, an ass is a Donkey. Where did all these Donkeys come from?

A breeding program started by Dwight Eisenhower in the early 1950's.

It was thought that donkey would make a cheap and delicious beef substitute.

This, of course, was assinine.

Donkey burgers simply taste like ass.
Public reaction was immediate.

The excess donkeys, going uneaten, eventually stacked so high, one didn't know their ass from their elbows.

Thus, they were trucked away, to be sealed off in old abandoned mineshafts, or ass-holes.

By the mid/late 50's these old forgotten ass-holes became popular coupling sites for hormonal teenagers, hence, "fucking ass-holes".

And the following generation, being largely concieved at such sites, were known as such in popular shorthand.

Many colorful ass related and adjacent metaphors share a similar pedigree, but I think you can probably sort them out yourself.

Failing such, pull it out of your ass.

I am made of science!
Portzebie! Read More......

Saturday, June 25, 2011

There's nothing to know #12.75.

Fuck it.

I got accused recently of "hand waving", in these.

What of it?
Fuck it.

Let's look at religion, I've beaten that to absolute fucking death in teeth-aching detail why that's all fucking made up.

Well, once you know it's all made up, the whole fucking edifice, do the fine details really matter?

Does it matter WHY the Pope wears his stupid hat?
Do you care if his curly cane has a spooky mythic origin story?
Do you care WHAT that story is?
I don't.
Cuz it's all fucking made up.
You're going to be illuminated of WHAT the bullshit story is, but it's going to be a bullshit story.
An eye-roller of one.
Cuz it ain't real.
They made it the fuck up.
The whole thing.
Top to bottom.
Fuck it.

And I got nothing inherently against made up bullshit stories, I love movies after all.

But movies are harmless.
Religion, not so much.

And the things I describe in these other rants?
Not so much.

And like with religion, once you know that humans are evolved, that we're monkeys in clothes, what more do you need to know?

Dance clubs, social drinking, peer rejection, what do you think you're going to find out?
It's going to be like the Pope's fucking hat, some shit people got together on, and made the fuck up.

If it's harmless, I don't give a shit, but, in the very specific cases I laid out, not so much.

I've figured it out for myself, I've "gotten over it", I don't really care anymore, I'm pretty jaded, and in the day to day, kinda bored with it all.

BUT, I wish someone had told me.
I really do.
Woulda saved a lot of time.
I value nothing at all about the hours of head-scratching.
Someone just should've said, and got it the fuck over with.

Either no one has the balls to tell you, or they think there's something to you figuring it out yourself from being smacked around by life, or...and this is the retarded part, that it's ineffable.

Well, I don't happen to buy into any of those, especially the last one.

I don't think anything is, I think every idea can be conveyed, all information is transferable, and pretty much all of it should be.

I'm also accused of dwelling on my childhood/teenhood.

My reasoning is thus.

If, human beings are these monkeys, these reactive animals, you can get at the guts of people as kids.

The human animal is at its core there.

And what comes after that, well, it just seems to be Pope hats, and Pope canes.
A bunch of PPPT, who cares?

That core, that's the thing to know.

That's why I go back there.

Again, back to the Pope and his hat, they can make their goofy mojo rituals as convoluted and complex as they want...but, in the end, it's essentially dancing around the fire with a bone in your nose.

Well, if we're monkeys, and we are, just about everything is a bone in your nose.
Social ritual wise, anyway.

And I see no brilliant argument in place for preferring one form of bone in the nose over another.

"Oh, this form of bone in the nose dancing doesn't have superstition involved!".

Well, that's good, superstition is a bunch of destructive shit, and if superstition-free bone dancing stays harmless, have fun with that.

But, when it's not harmless, when it becomes tribalist, and nasty, why NOT break it the fuck down, and leave it in dust like religion?

I think that's a nice service for people.

I got the time on my hands, I'll do it.
No charge.

And, there's no brilliant argument in place for only picking on religion.
If it's trilbalistic nastiness, let's dissect all of it.

Why set aside bits of it as I dunno, "sacred"?

Oh, don't go after that, this is the stuff WE like!

Eh, feelings.
I always hit up against that feelings barrier.

Well, there's another one for ya, kiddies.
There's nothing to know about the feelings barrier.
It is what it is.

There, that's all done.

Cuz fuck it.

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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

There's nothing to know #12.5

And remember...

Everying is hoooorribllle!! In iiit's ooowwn waayyyy!!!

Nah, no it's not, and that's not what this series is about.
Quite the opposite, I intend it to be uplifting, and funny.
Just teasing Caudimorax is all. ;)

Anyway, just a reminder, of some things that aren't horrible.

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Monday, June 20, 2011

There's nothing to know #13.

Fuck the whole damned ya-fuckin-hoo hoo-hah.

What do we call this whole damned mess?

This "someday, you'll 'get it'", mess?

(1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12, 12.5,12.75)

I'm going with "The whole damned ya-fuckin-hoo hoo-hah".

This week.
I might come up with something better.
"The gooberplex", appeals, but that's being used against movie theaters or something.

Anyway, once you can identify it, you can not give a shit about it.

And that's the greatest freedom of all.

Give The Whole Damned Ya-Fuckin-Hoo Hoo-Hah one of these, and one of these, and call it a day.

And if you've neglected to do so until now, call it a whole damned new life.

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There's nothing to know #12.

Eh, let's rush through a bunch of these, like the first one...

"Feeling grown up".

Nothing happens, you just keep on living.


It looks like strips of paper, and bits of metal, doesn't it?
It is.
Lot of cultural effort devoted to imparting magic onto it.
There ain't any.
But, you're gonna find yourself caught under the weight of it someday regardless.
Get used to it.


Yeah, that really is what it looks like.
Just the mass of people giving a minority of people the ability to push the mass of people around.
And if it seems like a bunch of 'em are getting off on it, they are.
They totally fucking are.
See "politicians".


The cold-blooded word for the "love and romance", package.
Cuz even a loveless emotionally dead pairing can be called "a relationship".
Yeah, like money, and politicians, I don't think that one's going away.
Be wary of that term, but know you'll never truly be free of it.


Crap, nothing there. Has no arguments, never did.
One group of people trying to make themselves feel better about themselves at the expense of another group of people.
Where have we heard that before?
Same thing, cranked to eleven.


See racism.


Unless it's stealing bread for your kids, or lying to Nazis to protect the people in your attic, fuck off.

Aren't you so fucking tired of these fucking politicians, or just people in your life in general, who do something that crosses a line, and either they give you "what? What are you gonna do about it?", or they try to sell you on some "greater good", shit, and then the greater good never fucking comes?

Or, they'll play that you're "naive", and give off that "I've got a seeecret", vibe?

It's shit. It's what it looks like. People being shits.
Fuck 'em.
Fuck their dumb fucking faces, fuck their dumb fucking movements, fuck 'em.


Like 'em?
Don't like 'em, can't fathom 'em, think you're missing a mystery?
Quit it.
It's what it looks like.
Guys throwing balls around.
If you've gone your whole life, and it hasn't clicked for you by now, it ain't gonna.
Don't stress it.

Being sociable?

Still not complicated. People purposefully try to make it so, it ain't.

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There's nothing to know #11.

Being properly sociable.

The basics?
Don't chew with your mouth open, or hold food with your toes, or whip out your junk, or shit on the table.
Y'know, stuff our hairy cousins in the zoo might do.
There's no objective reason for why these things are "bad", except for it being frowned upon by uptight people.

The Stooges, and the Marx Brothers could upturn these rules, but they got paid.

But, the trial and error of living will tell you that shit.

You probably already know it.

If not, how did you fucking turn on your computer?
Got one of those helper dogs?

Anyway, there isn't much else to know past that.

Don't murder the party guests, guess that one bears mentioning.

Don't noisily fuck your buddy's wife in the very next room, then come out, and brag about it.

Only Caligula got away with that one, and not for too long.

Generally, just be nice, and oh yeah, cultivate a good sense of humor, and some charm years beforehand.

Buuutt....that one kinda comes down to genetic luck, really....

Most people tend to be fucking boring, and compensate by being merely loud, and dominating the discussion by being loud.
These people are assholes.
There is no fancier word.

Sometimes, this works for them, and they manage to charm stupid people.

A little bit of wit knocks them down though.

Course, then they'll probably get vindictive, and steal your credit information, and slash your tires or something.

They're assholes, after all.

Then, you got some fucking drama on your hands.

Well, fuck it, they set the tone, start a fucking pie fight.

Anyhoo, all of this bullshit before you even throw drugs and alcohol on the fire.

Yep, this is the culmination, this is the "adult", model of that prototype, that first moment you were chucked into the corner with the little goblins.

Now you gotta deal with the big goblins.
And it hasn't gotten any better.
Or, really more sophisticated, despite superficial appearances, and pretenses.

Dinner parties, forced employee gatherings at work, bars, clubs.
The long death march.

A thin sprinkle of tolerable, to actually good people, buried in a sea of boring assholes, zombies, fevered egos, drama queens, and the occasional full-blown-wackaloon.

Why do people suffer through this miserable bullshit?

A roughly 1 in 100 chance of getting laid.

Well, the odds go up if you're pretty, but that's genetic luck, and you ain't gotta have much of a personality, if any, and only enough mindpower to move your body around, and keep it from rotting.
Like a chicken.

If you're Brad Pitt, you could probably eat with your feet, and still get some trim.

Yeah, so that about wraps it up for "properly socialized".

Oh, yeah, and murderers get love letters, and marriage proposals.
You think they had to squint and grit their teeth through strobe lights, and shitty house music?
I wager not.

So, that does it in for all the dumb little fake games.

Well, okay, some people actually ENJOY all that horseshit.

If you're one of those people, the world is your oyster, you don't need my advice.

But, if you're a young curmudgeon like me, maybe the whole deal has left you scratching your head.

Wonder no longer, because as the title says, there's nothing to know.

Be yourself, find or construct situations where you can be your whole uncensored self without someone's uptight lack of humor getting you down, and have fun within those situations.

But, every geek knows that.

And, try very damned hard to find hidden fun in the horrible awkward imposed situations.

But, every class clown knows that.

Failing any of that, for whatever extenuating circumstance, keep insouciance, an escape rout, and an excuse in your tool kit.

Life is a long haul, but it's longer with ulcers.

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Saturday, June 18, 2011

There's nothing to know #10.

Being properly socialized.

Overrated. At best.

But, oh, okay, let's dig into it...

So, 'round toddler ages to about five, your folks go to their friends houses, and throw you over in the corner with some other little goblins, and hope you'll "socialize".

And it's every bit the half-assed lab experiment it sounds like.

And the QUALITY of the specimens they toss you in with doesn't seem to matter a tit to them.

That always seemed strange.
It is.
No mystery there, don't try to crack it.
It is what it is.

And then that whole disaster is supposed to...I dunno, brace you for future disappointments, or something...

But it doesn't exactly work.

Then you're unceremoniously tossed into the public school system.

And that's another fucking mess, but at least there's a lot of laughs at the strangeness of it all, and at least there's recess, and I don't care what anyone fucking says, the school lunches are 95% palatable.

The kids always ragged on the fucking food, like their moms were gourmet fucking chefs.
Well, I had enough sleepovers to know, their moms weren't fucking gourmet chefs.

"Put some fucking pepper and garlic and oregano in the sauce of your fucking American Chop Suey, it's bland and lifeless, you should be fucking ashamed!!!
I wouldn't serve this swill to prisoners!!".

That's what you WANT to say, but they beat MANNERS into you, so there goes that option.

So, I guess there's that....

But yeah, the knocking school lunch deal, it's jive.
But it's the earliest form of jive.
It's the popping open seed pods of "cool".

That's where you're allowed, indeed encouraged, to be a rude little shit.
But only to other little bastards.
And behind the backs of adults.

Then you hit high school, and that shit REALLY sets in.
Ooohh, baby!

Then the exclusionary nastiness gets "sophisticated".

And there's an aura of "the ineffable", about it.
Indeed, some kid knowledge is downright "transcendent"!
And you have to grovel your way into the graces of the cool club to find out what it is!!
And you get in there...and you don't LEARN anything, but you're special now, and you FEEL it, and you "get", it!!

And if you lead the club, maybe you've even got "it"!!

And I guess this is the real process of "being socialized".

Downloading these big vomitous eruptions of extraneous data into your pliable little mind, to be a properly conditioned survival organism for this modern industrial society.

Or, so the theory goes.

But, as I showed last chapter, "cool", is a fleeting illusion that has nothing to with reality outside of the teeny-jail.

Well, Hollywood, maybe.

Then enough "cool", becomes "it".

By what scientific process does this transformation occur?
It doesn't, it's all fucking make-believe.

And it all kicks in at about 5th and 6th grade.
But, again, you have recess, so it's not so bad.

Then high school comes, and there's no more recess, and nothing's as funny.
There's study hall, but it's never quite the same, and there's some laughs here and there, if you're lucky to find some buddies, it's even better.
But those are flickering little bright spots, like stars in the darkness.

And all of the bullshit around the edges, fucking make-believe.

"Well, maybe you're supposed to figure out the rules of the make believe, and that process of navigating chaos is some character building exercise".


"Well, maybe you just weren't good at it, and you're jealous!".

I was actually fairly well liked by a diverse group of people.
And I never laid any jive bullshit trips on them.
I think they subliminally appreciated that.

Just try to do your own thing.

Fuck the rest of it.

There's nothing there to know.
No secrets.
It's all what it looks like.

And as for being "properly socialized", I got nothing for ya.
I got no idea what that phrase means.
The words make sense, but in combination, they're gibberish to me.

Well, looking back at it all, the concepts behind it seem to be incoherent gibberish.

Seem to be? Are.

Let's cut right to it.
It's a bunch of stuff to make dumb people feel good about themselves.
And for the dumbness to feel "normal".

It's not.
And it doesn't work anyway.
Most people are some level of insecure or alienated by the whole mess, just some are better at hiding it.
Sales of alcohol and antidepressants don't lie.

But we'll get into that "complex", adult shit in the next chapter.
Read More......

Thursday, June 16, 2011


My theme song.

...this week.

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There's nothing to know #9.


...or "the it factor".

Ya hear that about celebrities.
I think there's even a show called "the it factor", if I remember right.

This shit's an appeal to "the ineffable", which is just a big fat argument from ignorance.

Maybe you ask yourself "why can't someone just be talented, and/or be attractive, and/or have a strong personality, and not have it be an appeal to fucking MAGIC?".

Well, there's nothing to know there.
The question answers itself.

More human bullshit.
And Einsteins didn't come up with it, so don't sweat it being too fucking complicated either.

If you're one of these fucking talent agents that has to justify their fucking existence, you no doubt get paid more if you can vaguely claim to have magical powers.

Has to be vague though, if you come right out, and say you have magical powers, you may as well put a pyramid hat on, and start a cult.

BUT, claim the ability to "spot 'it',", then, you get the power rush of a cult leader, and the legitimacy of a suit wearing professional.

Name painted on a frosted glass door and everything.

So, how are these fuckers doing?

Well, rattle off 20 celebrities you fucking despise.
Right now, count it off on your fingers.
Maybe, just maybe, you'll have a little struggle past 15, but those first 10 fly right out, don't they?

They're right fucking there, ruining your fucking TV and radio.

And I betcha dollars to fucking donuts, some insufferable cockmonger told them they had "it".

So, that's "it", for ya.

Another pseudo-mystery deflated.
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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

There's nothing to know #8.


Fashion, lingo, trends, popular music, all of it fleeting, most of it crap, and all of it used to beat you over the fucking head, and make existence nothing but troublesome.

Generation, after generation.

And people know it.
They look at it dead on, know it for what it is, and go along anyway.
Even when they see posts like this, and go "right on!".

Most people are too fucking weak, and give in, and get on the boat, which is why the boat even exists in the first place.
All it takes is those first rotten conspiring giggling little shitheads to get the ball rolling.
We all gotta stop listening to giggling shitheads.
They don't fucking know anything.

How do I know it's all a bunch of shit?
The results don't lie.
It fails.
The illusion dissolves.
It's all a fleeting little cloud in the breeze.
"Cool", changes.
People get old, and bitter, and regretful, and realize what total insufferable shitheels they were as kids.
And they look at THEIR dumb kids, and cringe.
...and they do nothing to stop it, because they'd be hypocrites.
So, the next generation has to put up with these little assholes.
And so it goes.

Nothing there, nothing to know.

Oh, there's a LOT to fucking know if you wanna join in on this whole idiot dog-and-pony-show.
I ain't gonna fucking tell it to ya though.
You kiddin?
True waste of braincells.

Okay, you want a cool tip?

Wear black, and lug around a fuckin' baseball bat.

Someone laughs at your outfit, because it's not the clique approved costume, you hit 'em with the fuckin bat.

That's what the fucking bat is for.

You hear giggling tittering whispers behind your back, hit those people with the fucking bat too.
Even the chicks.
They never expect it.
The look on their face is priceless.
Might have to chase 'em.

Someone gives you a finger jabbing lecture against hitting people with bats, hit 'em with the fucking bat.
Extra hard.
Put your whole body into that one.

Eventually, you'll be someone people will want to get to know.
Trust me.

Worked for our ancestors, I'm betting it transcends.
I betcha.

And it'll put the lame sissy shit that used to be "cool", that week into perpsective REAL fucking quick.
Like greased fucking lightning.

That shit'll go from ineffable to crystal fucking clear, I promise ya.

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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

There's nothing to know #7.

The ineffable.

More bullshit.

If it can't be conveyed, it's shit.
Fuck shit people are too dumb to even be able to tell you.
Then they act like YOU'RE the dummy for not knowing?
Fuck 'em.
This shit is essentially the perpetual state of being of jackasses who are wrapped up in the IDEA of "the transcendent", and don't even know enough in their empty little heads to CALL it that.

This is that "oh, you'll understand someday", shit.
The giggling idiots live in this fucking zone.
Leave 'em to it.
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There's nothing to know #6.


Buncha shit.

And it's not limited to fucking religion.

Some truly dumb people think that there's some literal cosmic communion in popping a pill, swigging down some jet fuel, or in a fuck.

There ain't.

There's no magic in this world.
Never was.

It's all brain chemicals, and bodily functions.

If a bunch of magic is what some ass is giving you grief for not "knowing", they're fulla shit.

Don't waste time trying to figure it out, there's nothing there.

Move along.

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There's nothing to know #5.

Drugs and alcohol.

On the one hand, I'm on the side that thinks "the war on drugs", has been a miserable failure, and a pathetic joke, that's ruined lives, and killed thousands for absolutely nothing.

On the other hand, the CULTURE built up around these substances leaves a lot to be desired.

A bunch of good rock songs, and some cool paintings, and a couple trippy films, sure.

Everything else has been pretty fucking stupid.

Especially the day-to-day stuff from average fuckin' dipshits.

Let's focus on alcohol for a bit, cuz that's the one this culture will beat you over the fuckin' head with.

You can pass on heroin, and coke, no prob.

Those are evil fucking drugs with no benefit, you just end up a junkie hugging a toilet, or moaning in an alleyway, so no one gives a frig if you flip those off, not even the fuckin' junkies offering it.

But fuckin' booze, your own goddamned parents will think you're weird avoiding that shit.

And it actually fucking kills more people.

Where's the logic in that?


No fucking logic at all, don't look for it, it's a waste of time.

Trust me, I've picked it apart for years, it ain't there.

Well, one of the "reasons", if you can call it that, is the "social lubricant", factor.

Which is one of those quaint little euphemisms people like to make up to conceal the truth.

This particular one translates to "if you have a decent buzz-on, you can tolerate assholes, and it lets you get away with behaving like an asshole, because you can just go 'oh, wow, I was so drunk!', the next morning".

And those loud boring phony assholes, that's rocket fuel for them.

And if you make a habit of this behavior, you're not "better than anybody", and that's something that has to be destroyed immediately, because most people are insecure little rats.

So yeah, there's that whole deal.

But, for most, it doesn't go any deeper in their tiny little minds than "everyone else is doing it".

And all that bullshit is why parents will start to give you shit if you haven't been plastered by 22.
You're a nerd, and they want grandchildren.

Well, sorry, drink all the Rolling Rocks you want, buddy, if you can cite episodes of Trek by both title and number, and own a shitload of horror movies from before you were born, you're not going to the football player's parties.

Like I said in this one, go to conventions.
You are what you are.
The truly lamest people are the ones who can't face that, and try to artificially mutate into an average asshole.

Oh, yeah, then there's the whole "you got some living to do", deal.

Apparently, there's not much on "the ride of life".

Be born, play with toys, put away the toys for chicks, fuck, consume substances, hold down a mind numbing job to fund your own ugly kid, die.

Jayzus, no wonder people run away to the circus, try to become rock stars, or join Greenpeace.

Well, I'm not gonna try to talk anyone down from the whole booze thing.
If it appeals, have at it.
I don't really care.

But if you find yourself becoming a teetotaler nerd, just know you're in for shit, and that, there's no deep mystery you're missing.

No deep philosophical argument, either.

It's all visceral shit.

And okay, I'm no fuckin' role model, but...hey, Penn is a teetotaler.

He's cool, right?
Okay then.
There's your guy.

Okay, that's booze, on to pot and acid.

Hey, unlike booze, pot's never made anyone a violent punchy asshole.

That oughtta be America's drug, not fuckin' Budweiser.

Well, statistically, it's getting up there.

Now if we could just stop locking people up for it.

I haven't heard any story from anyone coming out the other end of the Willy Wonka Freakout Tunnel that was significant.
Not like the alterna-verse gave them the plans for transwarp drive or nothin.

But, whatever, never seen a trip make someone an asshole that already wasn't one.

Never seen gang shootouts over acid.

Not for me though.
There's enough horror inside my head, I don't need to add graphics.
And I don't need my demons TALKING to me.

Anyway, these are all choices for you to make for yourself, just know that, there's really nothing more to know than what you've already heard.

The subtle implication that there is, has been bullshit.

But this is a culture that's full of bullshit, so are you surprised?

Yhep, nothing to know, move along...

Read More......

Monday, June 13, 2011

There's nothing to know #4.

Fuckin 3: Fuckin' Drama.

So, your wife's sister whips her snoosh out at ya, and you're like "well, that's just the sort of thing to pick me up from this bummer of a day".

So, a little bit of the old in-and-out, and sure enough, you're pepped right up, and maybe it's gonna be a jolly day after all.

Then, the wife comes home, and starts screaming her guts out, and "oh, boy here we go with this shit again", and all you want is some goddamned peace and quiet, so you go get the fucking butcher knife, and that only elicits even more screaming, and things just spiral downhill from there.

It's such a pain being a human being just trying to have a good time.

Yeahright, what a buncha shit.

They're all stupid, the chaotic.
The stupid feed on chaos.
Fuck 'em.
Get outta there.

There's nothing deeper to know, nothing fancier to do.

Everything is as it seems.

Pack it up, and go.

Fuck drama, drama sucks.

This is some self-evident shit, but it plays a part in other segments.
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There's nothing to know #3.

Fuckin 2: Love N' Romance.

Be yourself, find someone you like, and who likes you back, hook up, live happily ever after.

It's that simple, or, it ought to fucking be.

It ain't.


Well, cuz most people are fucking idiots, and totally ruin everything they get their grubby shitty little mitts on.
Sometimes, on fucking purpose.
Then you gotta put up with the fucking baggage they leave behind in people.
Then it becomes your fucking baggage, and fucks up the next poor unfortunate that has to put up with you.

The best thing in life, and it's been ruined by stupid people.
Add it to the fucking list.

Oh, okay, it's not ruined, but it can be fucking rough, depending where you live.

I got any advice for ya?
Hell, no.

Really, just stick to the first sentence under the dumb picture.
Don't make it complicated.

Oh, yeah, and don't read anything out of a fucking book.
How do I know the books suck?
The results speak for themselves.
The divorce statistics never dip down.
Dr. Phil never runs out of stupid fucking guests.
And really, if some asshole ever wrote the ultimate relationship guide, a massive chunk of the tree-killing industry would suddenly go *poof*.
So, there's no real profit motive to fixing this mess.

The fact that section at Borders even exists after all these decades should fucking tell you something.

Yeah, there's a lot of games, and jumping through hoops...for some people, and the books try to tell you how to navigate that maze of bullshit...but, they don't seem to be working...

So, fuck that, fuck games, move on to the next person.

Keep trying 'til you're fucking dead.

Or, be a hermit.
Does that work?

So, yeah, there's stuff that you wish you COULD know, but there's nothing TO know.

Anyone who claims they solved it is a fucking liar.

Or, if they actually believe their lies, they're fuckin' stupid.

And that's more giggling idiot shit too.

The idiots couple up, and giggle at the lonely people, and think they've solved the mysteries of the universe.

...then they fucking break up.
Ha, fuck them.

Yep, another case of there's nothing to know.

Stick to that first sentence, and cross your fucking fingers.

S'all you can do.

Everything else is bullshit.

Read More......

Sunday, June 12, 2011

There's nothing to know #2.


Okay boys n' girls, it's like this.

Girls got one of these...

Guys got one of these....

Penis goes in the vagina, there's a bit of a butter churning motion for a couple minutes, white stuff comes out of the penis, the white stuff has microscopic tadpoles swimming in it, one of the tadpoles makes it up inside the woman, merges with a cell called the Egg Cell, the resultant fusion splits into tens, hundreds, millions, billions, trillions, and turns into a baby.

And that's where they come from, not a cabbage patch, or the stork.

There, that was easy.

That's "the mystery of life".

No cosmic vortex, no acid-trippy-hyperspace-sequence, no booming voice from the invisible sky daddy, nothin.

That's it.

From here on out, we'll call this procedure "sex", or "fuckin".
Mostly fuckin.

Wars have been fought over it, all the best swears are based on it, all the best jokes, all the really good movies they won't let you see, that's what it's been about.

That's it.

Oh, that, and the whole butter churning process leading up to the babymaking pecker-sneeze feels quite pleasant, so, a lot of people do it just for the sake of that, instead of the whole baby thing.
In fact, some people go their whole lives trying to avoid the whole baby deal.
They're extremely disappointed when it happens.
Party's over.

Oh, and positions seem to help, but there's only so many holes, and only so many places for the legs to go, but, if you're interested, Google "Kama Sutra", or "Cosmopolitan", and you'll end up with something.

Aaaand, when you run out of hole and leg combinations, all that's left, is silly costumes, torture devices, and peeing and pooping on each other.

But, that's not even sex.
But, stupid fucked up people will not only act like it is, but like it's the next thing after sex.
But yeah, that's the "mystery knowledge", kinky people think they have up their sleeve.

There's no fourth hole hiding in another dimension or nothin' like that.

That's it.

All there is.

That's something else the giggling idiots think they're geniuses for knowing.
Or, geniuses for doing.
Or, pretending they did.
Or, pretending they did WELL.

And oh, yeah, stupid people aren't astronauts or nothing, so they usually got their chick into the sack by being the sort of smarmy, slimy, phony twit I mentioned in the last entry.

More often than not, alcohol was involved.
That's more or less why that stuff exists.

And that whole "accomplishment", adds to their giggling idiotism.

These are the basics, we're going to build on this.

You're going to find as we go, there pretty much is no legitimate license for arrogant assholism on this whole miserable fucking planet.
(Despite that this planet is filled to busting with it)

Well, Buzz Aldran, cuz he landed on the moon, he gets to crush anybody.
But, he doesn't, because he's a class act.

So, yeah, nothing.

So, anyway, back to the culture built up around this activity.

All the trouble you got into for trying to see a movie everyone was laughing their asses off at in the next room as a kid?
It was about fucking.

The forbidden magazines in Dad's stash?

The shit you had to put up with for saying "fuck"?

The reason movies are even rated?
Some uptight old christian ladies don't want you to find out about fuckin.

Fake fuckin.
Implied fuckin.
Talking about fuckin.
Or, just saying "fuck".
"Mature audiences"?

Same as R, but you might see vaginal lips, or a dick, and it's all buried in a very pretentious movie that doesn't make it even worth it.


A marketing gimmick by the porn industry.
X is X.
But fuckin.

Fuckin on DVD.
Or, the internet, but yeah, fuckin.

Covered eyes, hushed voices, whispers.
All to conceal fuckin.

Weird family secrets you won't get to hear until you're 20?
They pretty much will involve fuckin.

This culture will judge you on how soon you get down to fuckin.
The longer you go, the more the idiots will giggle.

Course, the giggling idiots will end up with a bunch of ugly kids, and some ex-wives, so, pppt.

Unless you're a girl.
Fuck too soon, and/or too often, and be a girl, and you're a "whore", or a "slut".
And guess who giggles?
The idiots.
Be the one who gets knocked up in the equation, forget it, you're fucked.

"So, what IS this culture's rationalization for deciding on this whole judgement deal?
Surely it was reasoned out.
Surely there's a logic to it.
Surely some wizened elders from the scientific and philosophical communities worked all this out".


All based on nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

There's nothing to know.
There's nothing even there.

"But...this whole deal sounds quite important to our're telling me...we just let the IDIOTS run around, and make all this shit up??".

Exactly what I'm saying.
It actually happened.
Believe it.

"Holy fucking shit!".

Yeah, I know.

"And all these shitty little morons....we let them breed, we let them become our leaders, we let them start wars...".


"Holy fucking shit, that's depressing!".


Yeah, the adult world is as stupid as you thought.

You couldn't put your finger on the fine details, but there was a vibe there.

Go with those instincts.
That's the theme of this.
You're right.
Everything you feel is right.

There's no cosmic secret.
This whole "fuckin", thing is about as deep as it ever gets.

Why did everyone act like this was a COSMIC secret and build it all up?

They're stupid.

And yes, they're actually THAT stupid.

Yeah, take it all in.

That's the scope of it.

You want more?

Read these...

Linky 1.

Linky 2.

Read More......

Saturday, June 11, 2011

There's nothing to know.

This mini topic has cropped up a lot in my head, enough times, that, I figure I can make another series out of it.

It comes down to this, there's a lot of shit I thought I would "get", when I grew up, and now that I have the perspective of 35 years,...there's nothing to "get", it's stupid shit. Or evil shit.

My instincts were right.

And you kids out there, so are yours.

There's no deep hidden fucking meaning, no cosmic mystery.

Don't listen to bullshit.

So many stupid evil assholes dangle that around themselves, this aura of cosmic mystery, that they KNOW something you don't.

They don't, they're evil, stupid, and full of shit.

And I wanna break all those little things down as I think of them.

Hopefully, by the end of this thing, I'll have every last one fucking disintegrated.

And hopefully, that can spare some confused nerdy kid out there some fucking grief.

Well, let's have an example or two to get the ball rolling...

Well, here's one I've ranted before, the whole grownup fight thing you didn't get when you were little.

There's nothing to know.

People can be melodramatic assholes with terrible conflict resolution skills.
It's a plague across the planet.
And it's every bit as stupid and fucked up as it looks.

There's nothing to know, it is what it is.
Your senses aren't betraying you.

Or, hey, are you a nerd, and the popular jerk kids are giggling meanly, and you assume it's about you, and you're curious what the joke is, and you wonder how/why the lead popular kid is so popular, even though his "jokes", aren't funny, and his stories aren't interesting, and his "charisma", seems to be that he's just loud, and talks in a phony fucking DJ sorta voice?

There's nothing to know there.
He isn't hiding the greatest joke in the world, there's no magic secret to know, he's just a loud obnoxious asshole.

A boring loud obnoxious asshole.

A MEAN boring loud obnoxious asshole.

Your senses aren't deceiving you.

"But...but..why is he so liked?".

People are fucking sheep, the loud obnoxious monkey gets the attention regardless if he actually has something to say.
Watch politicians sometime.
Okay, maybe there IS that to know, but surely your senses were telling you that.
You just didn't want to believe it could be so simple.
Your intellect rebels.
Well, believe it.

"But...but...if most people are these dumb girl I like is part of that clique..I have to save her!".

Stop liking her, she's a moron, and she's poisoned.
Go meet some girl at a convention or something.

So, there, there's a couple down right there.

So, that's childhood, and high school, here's one for your later teens, and twenties.

Have you been sold on liberalism in that, liberals won't censor shit like a Rethuglican Christ-o-fascist, or even be an outright fascist?

And theeen....Democrats turn around, and try to censor rock n' roll, or video'll see a liberal journalist get all star-struck, and gooey-eyed around a leftist fucking dictator, and you're a bit confused?

Yeah, there's no deep secret to unlock, you're looking at what it is.

And don't bother trying to get a straight fucking answer from the perpetrators, cuz you ain't gonna get one.

So there, there's that innocence lost.
But don't think running into the arms of the fucking tea party's gonna erase any fucking hypocrisy.

There, a trifecta of bubbles popped, that was fun, I'm gonna like this column.

Read More......

Friday, June 10, 2011

Yearbook, 2011, jogging my memory.

Lotta shit going on this year...


Has come out, haven't seen it yet, heard good things.

X-Men: First Class

Lotta folks saying it's the best superhero movie since "The Dark Knight".
Ehh...we'll see....

Green Lantern.

Coming really soon.

Green Lantern: Emerald Knights.

Aha! So that's the next animated anthology film!
(Previous ones, The Animatrix, Batman: Gotham Knight, Halo: Legends)

Dead Macho Man.


Dead Jeff Conaway.

Bummer. Saw it coming.

Dead Sarah Jane.

Total bummer.

Dead Bin Laden.


Dead Kevorkian.


Human Centipede 2 banned in the UK.

Straight up bullshit.

Batman Year One animated.

Coming soon.
Fucking yay.

Batman: Dark Knight Returns animated.

Next year, probably, but announced this year.
Fucking, fucking, fucking yay!

Fake doomsday.


Anthony Weiner's weiner.


First few Dr. Herberts.

Might be significant if this bit goes anywhere.
( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Read More......

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Right and Left debate in this country.

Right- I want corporations to rape us up the ass.

Left- No, I want the state to rape us up the ass.

Right- You idiot leftie. With the state, we have no recourse, but with corporations, at least I can pathetically dream that my meaningless dead-end cubicle jockeying will end in ME being the one doing the assraping.

Left- But WE are the state! The state is us! You get to join in on the assrape with your vote!

Right- That's not good enough. People are freeloading in on my assrape. It should take HARD WORK to get up to the front of the line for some assrape.

Left- What of the sick, and the old? Do they get any assrape? Or, would you just leave them in the streets to be assraped?

Right- If they didn't want to be assraped, they should have planned ahead in youth, and invested in a no-load mutual butt-plug.

Left- What of the crippled? They couldn't work to afford the butt-plug.

Right- The state shouldn't be assraping me to pay for it. It should be private charities. Possibly funded by the ass-blood diaper companies.

Left- So...somebody's getting assraped...

Right- Someone's always getting assraped, life isn't fair. But the state shouldn't assrape me to make it fair.

Left- But you're getting assraped anyway, hence the bloody diapers...

Right- Yes, but it's corporations raping me up the ass. I get to choose my assrapist in the free market.

Left- But, it's a monopoly of 4-5 rich families of assrapists that make all the assdiapers...

Right- It's 4 more choices than China...

Left- What does that mean?

Right- It means shuddup, commie.

Left- But you're defending a system where we're assraped by a minority, if we're going to get assraped, it should be by a majority, to spread the assrape around.

Right- Why should some bums get some assrape?

Left- Because bums are exactly who needs some assrape. Look, life isn't fair, someone's always getting assraped, so, why shouldn't we all assrape ourselves?
That's direct democracy.

Right- Assrape ourselves? What are we, contortionists? No, I'd rather that be handled by professionals.

Left- Like politicians?

Right- Fuck, no. I told you, hard work should determine assrape. Politicians don't work hard, because I say so.

Left- They work hard at assrape....

Right- Yes, but they didn't EARN the assrape, I want everyone to EARN the right to rape me in the ass.

Left- By?

Right- Selling me assrape in an open free market. Companies have to persuade me to spread my cheeks open, and they'll kiss me on the neck, and work my crank to boot.
The government just assrapes me.

Left- So it's not assrape if you like anal sex?

Right- You calling me queer? you're not?

Right- Hell, no!

Left- So, it's assrape.

Right- You just don't get it.

Left- Look, if you leave it to the corporations, there's no oversight, at least with state assraping, there's checks, and balances.

Right- But we're still getting assraped.

Left- Life isn't fair, but at least this way, it's fair.

Right- Wait, what?

Left- You just don't get it.

Right- Ope, lunch break's over.

Left- Yep, time to get back to it.

*Both are unceremoniously assraped*

Read More......

Sunday, June 5, 2011

"I am Science!!", Episode #5

...with Dr. Logan W. Herbert.

Why is the sky blue? What makes the sky sad?

Rayleigh scattering, the sky really, really hates Rayligh scattering.
Sends it right into a deep suicidal funk.

Wouldn't it you?

But, you know, depression is underrated.
People desperately try to escape from it, when it's a perfectly natural state when you look at the world honestly.

It's my current operating theory, that depression is the next step in human evolution.

Think about it, what inflicts the most horror on our existence?
Other human beings.
And who are the most horrible human beings?
Dictators, currupt bankers, corrupt politicians...
What do they have in common?
They're all rampaging egotists.
They all think very highly of themselves despite having nothing in their objective accounting of themselves to back this feeling up.

Ego from nowhere.

Automatic reflexive self-esteem, or ARSE I call it.

Now, I'm sure out on the savannah, ARSE had survival benefit.

Without Google to check, you just had to "know", your survival decisions were right, to go with them as quickly as possible.

Well, we aren't on the savannah anymore, and "knowing", you're right when you're not, and then still thinking so when it all blows up, is simply being an ARSEhole.

Modern civilization requires more introspection, and critical thinking.
Hence the depressed.

So, all you depressives, look up at that big blue depressed sky, and feel inspired.
But not too inspired, or you might make an ARSE of yourself.

I am made of science!
Easeinthebadawa!! Read More......

Friday, June 3, 2011

Dr. Jack Kevorkian (1928 - 2011)

Well, crap...

Mentioned him in my first 90's rant...

I agree with what he did, and I liked the guy.
He will be missed. Read More......

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


Man, Youtube really does have everything.

Enjoy this earworm that's been stuck in my head for 30 years, and will crawl around in there until I am dead.

Read More......

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