Saturday, August 10, 2013

Flicks I've watched (Part 15)


See here for part 14.
And also "Best of the worst of the worst", which is kinda part 14.5.


John Dies At The End (2012)


Directed by the dude that did Phantasm, and Bubba Ho-Tep.

This is really hard to describe....

Okay, you know those fucked up Mike's Hard Lemonade ads from the 90's, like the one where the guy grows an evil head, and the one where monsters are parachuting from the sky?

Imagine a whole movie of wacky shit like that.
It's gorgeous.

I don't want to spoil anything, so, let's move on.
Just watch it.


The Last Stand (2013)


Briefly mentioned this one here.
(Underneath the Conans)

So, this is Arnold's big comeback picture.

Ehh...it's actually pretty good.
Action movie stereotypes, and cliches, and cookie cutter plot-Legos, but once it got to a full boil with the action, it was pretty fun.

Kind of reminded me of a John Wayne flick he would have done in the latter part of his career.
Except where it's Arnold, you've got Gatling guns, and bazookas.

Not a new Arnold classic, but worth a spin.


Bullet To The Head (2013)


I liked this, but not in the way I thought I would.

From the ads, I thought it looked like in the same tone as "Punisher", but with more humor.
I'm always on the lookout for a revenge picture that gives me that same Punisher buzz.

But, the humor was more like the first "Die Hard", but cranked up to almost parody.
Yet the violence was full on, and dead serious.
It was a weird tone.

It was like....Assey McGee, with Stallone as human Assey.

Overall, the storyline was clunky, and nothing great, but the characters were likable enough, and the action was good.
This butted heads with the Arnold picture in the theaters, and I have a hard time deciding which is better.
So, I won't.
Apples & oranges.


Ichi The Killer (2002)


Okay, consider this an add-on to "Worst Of The Worst Part 3".
I knew I left one behind...

All right, so this is directed by the dude who did "Audition".
It's better than that one, I'll give it that much.

It's chock full of gore, it (whether this is intended, I don't quite know) plays around with the archetypes of Batman and Joker, it's intense as all get out, it's got balls to spare, but ...ehh...I didn't dig it.
Way too long, unlikable unsympathetic characters, bleak as shit, visually pretentious, overall, kind of a letdown.

But, again, still better than "Audition".


The Crazies (1973)


No, not the fuckin' 2010 remake, the real one.

The remake focuses on the madness plague, and is the spookum horror stuff you'd expect.

The original, being a George Romero pic, has social commentary, so focuses more on the miserable failure of the military authorities at every turn to rein the plague in, and run an efficient operation, and...given all that's gone on with 9/11, and Katrina, its message holds up, and is more relevant than ever.

Message being, shit hits the fan, we're jolly well fucked.

The ending song is stuck in my head, and I shouldn't be the only one, so here...






Survival Of The Dead (2009)


And while we're on Romero...

Um..hmm...
Yeah, this is the least good of the Dead sextilogy.

I mean, it's okay, it's better than an episode of "The Walking Dead", George is the zombie master, so he stays ahead of the curve, but man..."Dawn", and "Day", set the bar so fucking high, y'know?

Well..."Day", was sneezed at in its day as not living up to "Dawn", but, it just might be my favorite.
It arm wrestles with "Dawn", for sure.
Anyway, point being, a lot of people have come around to liking "Day", more, if not best.
So...maybe time will age this second trilogy like a fine wine too.

I'm going to go ahead and buy "Land", "Diary", and "Survival", for the commentaries, if for nothing else.
There's a narrative flow to the ones for "Night", "Dawn", and "Day", and I'd like to see that play out.

Once I get them, I'll go more in depth with the dead series in its own post.
Stay tuned for that.


Justice League: 
The Flashpoint Paradox (2013)


See here.


Wishful Drinking (2010)


The documentary film of the stage show of the book.

Take all of Carrie Fisher's anecdotes from talk shows through the 00's and make it a comedy show, and it's that.

Pleasant enough, especially if you're a Star Wars, or TCM junkie, or both.
I enjoyed it, not enough to own though.
Glad I saw it.


The Virgin Spring (1960)


"Last House On The Left", ripped this off lock, stock, and barrel.

And this one is easily the better film.
Sweatlessly.

Now, see, I'm conflicted, homage to the point of ripoff pisses me off....BUUUT, if Wes Craven didn't launch his career with "Last House", there'd be no Freddy.

If Siegel and Schuster didn't rip off "Gladiator", there'd be no Superman, and probably no other superheroes.
Comic books as a medium might even have died off.

If Stan Lee didn't rip off "Gladiator", mixed in with "Frankenstein", there'd be no Hulk.

No Superman movie, possibly no other superhero movies.

No Hulk, possibly no Avengers.
Definitely wouldn't have been as good.

And, if it weren't for all of that, I may have never even heard of "Gladiator", or indeed, "The Virgin Spring".

I'm in inner conflict about that.
I see stuff in my own work that's similar to stuff without meaning to be, it's subliminal absorption, and it could be taken for a ripoff, and I didn't mean it, but people won't care, they'll attack anyway, but....ripoff artists helped build our fucking culture.
So, what does that say?

I just don't know...
It doesn't FEEL right, but my feelings could be wrong.
There's enough historical evidence to suggest that they could be.
Maybe my outlook on this whole enterprise of my life has been screwed on backwards.
Terrifying thought.


Ted (2012)


Not so great.
It really is just an extended Family Guy episode.

Ted talks like Peter Griffin, and they even fucking make a joke about it.

Alex Borstein and Mila Kunis are in it, Patrick Stewart narrates it, it's chalk full of flashbacks and cut-aways, yeah, it's just Family Guy.

And not great Family Guy.
Like how "The Simpsons Movie", wasn't great Simpsons.

Just more of the same.
Meh.


Martyrs (2008)


Yeah, this and "Ichi The Killer", could be "Worst Of The Worst", part 3.5.

I hated this one.

I don't want to go into the spoiler detail that I went into on Facebook, but...suffice it to say, it's torture porn, but with a pretentious philosophy that doesn't add up in the logic department.

None of what the bad guys do makes logical sense, even accounting for that they're maniacs.

Pissed me off.
Give it a miss.

"But Mike, they skinned a girl alive!".
Don't care.
So did "Hellraiser 2".
Next.


The Thin Red Line (1999)


I think I may have found my new most hated movie of all time.

Holy fuckballs do I hate this.

I mean, I fucking detested "Gummo", but at least it engendered the kind of boredom that made me angry at how bored I was.
This thing is just soul-sucking.

And at least "Gummo", was cheap, this cost a motherfucking fortune, was full of over-fed movie stars, and was nominated for motherfucking Oscars.

Fuck you, Hollywood.
Fuck you, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

Read all the negative Amazon and IMDB reviews.
I pretty much second all of them.


And...that's that.

Up next, stuff I bought.

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