Tuesday, May 31, 2011

"I am Science!!", Episode #4

...with Dr. Logan W. Herbert.

According to Boyle's Law, gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed, with that in mind, with all the bullshit in the mouths and minds of Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort - which do you think they will do first freeze - or blow up?

I don't know what way it will actually end, I'm a scientist, not a Swami.
But I do know that if they were both sewn mouth to anus in a sort of Human Pill-Bug configuration, and then strapped to a dynamo, considerable electrial power could be generated.

I have detailed diagrams of this, it's very exciting.

...the energy potential I mean...


I am made of science!
Mahingahey! Read More......

Monday, May 30, 2011


This one's for you, *Legion* wherever you are.
(Cigarette lighter)

Read More......

Saturday, May 28, 2011

"I am Science!!", Episode #3

...with Dr. Logan W. Herbert.

My daughter asked me "Why can't I stop thinking?"

Network television, toxic toy plastics, and children's cereals clearly haven't had their desired effect.


Mark's Daughter, you're going to have to be very cautious amongst your teachers and peers for the foreseeable future.
Tell no one else what you've told me and your father.

It's very dangerous.
Believe me.

Mark, invest in self defense courses, and survivalist manuals for your daughter.

As for alleviating undesired thought storms, I find white noise quiets my mind.
Put it on C-Span.
Or, fire up the DVD of "Star Trek: The Motion Picture".
You'll be comatose in no time.

I am made of science.
Gimmepower! Read More......

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Happy Towel Day, again!

Do you know where your towel is?

(Man, that came back around fast....) Read More......

"I am Science!!", Episode #2

...with Dr. Logan W. Herbert.

I had an 8 yr old ask me, "why are there natural disasters?"

The firewalls at World Weather Control are damned stubborn.
Apologies for the inconvenience.
Hope to have that squared away soon.

Until then, try to cut beef and sugary breakfast cereals from your diet.
Every little bit helps.

It's also a good idea to keep a daily journal of sunspot activity.
I'll explain why later.

I defy you, Universe.
We are enemies, you and I.

I am made of science.
Heil Gumby. Read More......

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"I Am Science!", Episode #1.

...with Dr. Logan W. Herbert.

"How do particles in the universe know where they are?".

You know how a can of beans has that big white gelatinous Queen Bean?

Well, the Higgs Boson is like that.
It's the Queen Bean of particles.
That's how other particles "know", where to be.
She tells them.
This is also why she's known as "the God particle".

And naturally, why she's so sought after by physicists.
You can just imagine the sort of nifty molecular tricks that could be done with a properly trained one.

Of course, we know what the Swiss will use it for.

Science salutes you, Switzerland.

I am made of science.
Long live Jambi. Read More......

Monday, May 23, 2011

Ben Stein: a horrid little man part II.

Ben Stein: Rape apologist!

Previous chapters in the "Ben Stein is a horrid little man", saga.
This one. Read More......

I am Science!!

Some time this week, there will be an experimental guest column by the head of development at Hemtech Labs, and former colleague of Doc Donner, Dr. Logan W. Herbert.

Trial basis for now, we'll see how it goes... Read More......

Saturday, May 21, 2011

A very merry Unpocalypse!!

AAAA verryy merry unpocalypse! To me? To you!!

A very merry unpocalypse to you!!



...and this..

...and also, this...

...and some of this..

...and a bit of this. Read More......

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Sidebar goodies.

Added "The Shmegalamonga coat of arms", and "follow by email", to the sidebar.

The email one is handy, lemme know if you think the shield is decorative, or clutter,...I'm not totally decided... Read More......

Dicky-Pedia: Volume II

In Podsvilles 0 & 1, I said I was going to build up a blunt vocabulary that was an antidote to the vocabulary of cute euphamistic American bullshit.
I was hoping that would emerge on its own in the rants, but, I guess I gotta give it a push.
So, going back through the first 44 entries, and condensing concepts, here's a starter kit of Dicky-Sniglets to get me going.

And hell, why not have this be the sequel to Dicky-Pedia while I'm at it?

And hey, look at that, the 200th cultural criticism to boot!

Okay, here we go...

Weirdness- Being/staying sane in an insane world, and anything that helps you do that.
Also, art/music that works toward that end. (see Insouciance)

Podsville- Also known as "the puzzle factory", "Bizarro-world", "Zombieland", "Lidsville", etc. The synthetic habitat of the allegedly "normal".
(see "the real world", "the shining habitrail on a hill", "Fairhaven")

Sniveling thugs- Those that threaten violence/censorship/financial obliteration, while playing the poor little victim, all over something really small and petty.
Often, they'll invoke myth based superstition (currently it's the popular flavor) but not always. These people are never able to take a joke.

Sideshow Bob- Kelsey Grammar. Particularly when he's being a partisan shill, or just an asshole. (See his ex wife)

Third world shithole- (See Arizona)

Quack-Whore- A scientist who sells out to woo merchants. (See Bill Nye)

Greed-bags- The "too big to fail", banks, and their Wall-Street and Washington cohorts.

Myth Cult Kidfuckers- The heirarchy of the Roman Catholic Church.

Joey Ratz- The Fuggin Pope. I ain't calling that fucker no make-believe title.

Homeopathic faith- The non-existant faith of those who bawl "blasphemy".
The automatic setting for Sniveling Thugs.

Lying Savages- A.K.A "The Lizards", Those that create, and are empowered by fear.
Politicians, clergy, pundits. Basicly, anyone in authority with blood on their hands, directly, or vicariously.
No answers to my challenges on that topic. Never gonna get one.

Tinfoil mongers- Conspiracy nuts, and gloom and doomers, with un-evidenced hoo-hah. And they never apologize when proven wrong, or the doom doesn't happen. It's just dead silence, and on to the next abomination.

Science denialists- Children who don't want to clean their room, and deeply resent being told to do so. That simple. Desperately and feverishly try to paint their opposition as the Tinfoil Mongers. Same deal, when wrong, dead silence.

Sissybaby-fuckers- The Catholic flavor of Sniveling Thugs.

Squabble-dubs- Talk show guests, warring countries, prick waving leaders, your parents. Mankind at its basest, and dubbiest.

Thuggery- The vindictive behaviors of Sniveling Thugs.

The Owners- (see Lying Savages)

Godbawlz - The level of entitlement and un-earned respect demanded by people like Joey Ratz, and the Sissybaby-fuckers, and the balls on them to assume it. Muslim Clerics also have Godbawlz.

Insolence- The descriptor given to the behavior of those who refuse to kiss the Godbawlz.

The Horror- The stuff our lovely species churns out daily. (see the news)

Myth Cult Rapists- The more accurate descriptor to the Myth Cult Kidfuckers, since apparently, Catholic clergy are raping everybody, not just kids.
And it covers the atrocities of Islam too.

He-Man Woman-Haters Club- No gurlz allowed!! Cute name for the Myth-Cult Rapists, since they aren't exactly always raping.

The Pie Eating Contest- Corporate competition, every day prick waving, one-upmanship, cock-blocking, throat-cutting, back-stabbing, double-dealing, this whole American THING we've got going on. Particularly, its self-righteous pseudo-philosophical justifications.

Spock was right- Humans are illogical. (see Podsville)

The Horror Show- The News.

The Greasy Turd- The fella in diagram 1.

Insubordination- Not saluting and clicking your heels in the presence of The Owners.

A plan- Get one, kids.

Insouciance- How to get through this life without shooting a fucker.

The Slow Motion Apocalypse- BP oil spill, recessions, etc, etc...

Individuality- A rare commodity in America, and the Greed-Bags don't seem interested in it.

The 9 Snarks- And the 12 suggestions. My parody of the 9/12 list.

Straining out a movement- A.K.A "pinching off a movement". The formation of yet another gathering of miffed humanity.
Sniveling Thugs, and Squabble-Dubs, will typically be in their number.
The inevitable end by-product of The Pie Eating Contest.
One must flush movements before they stink up the house.

This!- The Shmegalamonga coat of arms.

Strawberry Fields- Nothing is real.

Entropy- It devours all.

Bullshit yourself!!- How the Zombies/Pods get through life without shooting a fucker. (See also, drugs, alchohol, religion)

Captain Beeble- You were too beautiful for this world *sniff*.

Randian Villains- Fox News.

Santi Teardrops- A cross between Santi Taferella, and Frankie Teardrop. I called Santi "Santi Teardrop", because I could see him ending up like the character in "Frankie Teardrop". So, Santi TeardropS, plural noun, would be the angst tears cried by an emo bitch. So, avoid the Santi Teardrops, kiddies.

The Real World- Actually, an illusary state of mind. The way the zombies/pods describe their enslavement. Makes it sound like a noble conviction, y'see. (see Podsville)

The Shining Habitrail On A Hill- My snarky name for "the real world". Has that extra ring of in-group pride The Pods seem to love so much... (see Podsville)

Concerned Mothers- The Nervous Nanny flavor of Sniveling Thugs. Also, Fuck the PTC.

Harry Hembock Hair- The chick hairdo for the 2010's, apparently.

Incoherant Bullshit- What to generally expect from political discourse in America, since its very image of itself is loaded to busting with dissonance.

The one with the names- Postcards From Podsville #34.

Fuck angst- The mantra to keep the Santi Teardrops at bay.

Fairhaven- The West. (See Podsville)

The Rape Couple- Luke & Laura. Romance in the mind of millions of frustrated 70's housefraus, apparently.

Madonna- The epitome of, thus definition of, pseudo talent.
Overhyped/overpaid mediocrity.
Ex. "Red Lobster is the Madonna of seafood".

Teeny-jail- High school.

The poison- The bio-hazardous waste matter given off by Podsville, and its institutions, and inhabitants, that gathers in the blood, and can only be vented textually and verbally in rants.
This act can also help others vicariously flush out their poison, therefore, it becomes a medical responsibility.

Help me Smee!- An exclamation to describe a hypnoticly repetitive performance/lecture/task/routine/ritual/exhibition/person/etc.

Dilhole- Scott Adams.

Hammer Brothers- Godbawlz lickers who express themselves silently, and more "sincerely", than your typical Sniveling Thugs.

Foxwoods-Junior- Chuck E. Cheese. Latest target of Concerned Mothers.

Read More......

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Grandpa's Ghost Stories.

A.K.A "My Radioactive Spider Bite moment".
(Click here for sequel)

This was my favorite book in second and third grades.

I credit it with starting me down the path of weirdness.

Course, by 4th and 5th grades, I upgraded to "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", but this always had a warm spot in my heart.

The narrator in this is a bit..eh,...I always read it better in my head.
But, whaddyagonnado?

This should be on the bookshelf of every little kid out there.
...every kid should have a bookshelf come to think of it.
Kids these days, and their vidya games...*mumble, grumble*

Read More......

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Another step in scary-real androids.

Read More......

Chuck E. Cheese is gambling!

*Sigh* another "concerned mother", sniffing for free cash and prizes, and a restriction on liberty...


Look, lady, it's like this...

This is a rat-bastard Ferengi country.

Wall-Street at its core is a big casino, corporations at their core are mafioso fiefdoms.

Let's stop pretending its all fucking noble.
Can we?

Why shouldn't a child absorb the values they need to survive in this repulsive shithole?

And let 'em win a damned penny whistle, or an eraser, and have a brief twinkle of victory in their poor little hearts.
There's plenty of time for life to joylessly beat the shit out of them, and cram turds into their mouths.

Read More......


Threw this into Harry Ultra-MSTisode #2, meant to post it separately, didn't get to it until now.

There we go....

Really did come to me in a dream.
I miss dreams like that, haven't had one in ages. Read More......

Sunday, May 15, 2011


Changing "song of the week", to "song of whenever the hell I feel like".
The resultant abbreviation is above.

Foo Fighters song from the new Thor flick. Enjoy.

Read More......



I love the word. I love the object it describes.

I remember as a kid, I saw some movie on the channel 56 creature feature that was some sort of cowboys vs. mad scientists deal, I wish I could remember what the hell it was, but it had a scene where the good guys had to cross an acid pit by hanging upside down across a rope, sorta sloth walking it, and if they lost their grip "SSSSSSSSS!!".

I had never heard of acid until that moment, and had to have it explained to me that it was a liquid that if you got it on you, you melted.

I fell in love instantly.

Where was this substance all my life?

When I got up in age, around 5th/6th grades, I learned the finer details of the chemistry of acid, about how the molecules sort of "unzip", the molecules of what they're dissolving.

Even more of a thrill.

You're essentially being de-molecularized by this stuff.

Actual sci-fi disintegration, and this shit was for real!!

Again, "where was this information all my life?", I wondered.

This should have been in the orientation pamphlet in the womb next to Star Wars, and Dinosaurs.

And the word, it was perfect, that "c", in the middle, if you hold it, it pretty much resembles the sizzle!


Then, when I made it up to Sweetser, I learned of a street drug called "acid".

Holy shit, something so badass in its effect on you, they named it after acid!!

I guessed that it probably "melts your mind".

Then I was informed that's EXACTLY what it fucking does!!


Then, in real high school, I found out it actually is an acid, and the definition of acids gets a bit trickier, and that the "A", in DNA stands for acid too.

But, it didn't disillusion, everything I learned about acid just kept getting cooler.

Jumping back to childhood, every flick that had acid in it thrilled me to no end.
It's all over "Superman 3".
It's even the plot gimmick of the finale.

Acid blood in the xenomorphs in Alien/Aliens?
Hog heaven.

The "Josh Acid", skit on SNL?
A true dream come true.

How my heart thrilled with fantasies of dumping it on people, dunking them in it, so many wonderful ways to destroy.

Bad people who had it coming, of course.

I'd never actually DO it, but in the playground of my mind, why not?

Then, in recent years, I heard stories of assholes in theocratic middle-eastern countries throwing acid in the faces of women for...having free will, and a vagina in combination....

Ahhh...dammit, that fucking ruined it for me.

Tch...another dream spoiled by religion.

Hitchens is right, religion, it poisons everything.

Even poison.

Ah, I still like the word acid though.

And I'm still to this day deeply frustrated my parents refused to foster my obsession, and get me this toy for christmas back in the 80's....

Read More......

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Song of the week #25

Soothing song, weird video.

Read More......

Sunday, May 8, 2011


Read More......

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Things that don't give me nightmares #25.

Song of the week.
Read More......

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Song of the week #24.

Blah, enough of Bin Laden's dumb mug...

Here, a memory of the tail end of the 80's.

Read More......

Sunday, May 1, 2011

They fucking got 'him!


Well, there...my 9/11 anniversary post will be less bitchy this year....

Read More......


Added the tag "Yearbook", to "Krazy For Decades", and its constituent decade rants.

It'll make it easier for adding the annual updates to the rest of the series. Read More......

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