Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Superhero Flicks, Part 1: Superman.

We've gone from horror, to crossovers, now, finally to just plain heroes.

Which is what I promised way back here.

So, let's start this batch off with the guy who was all over those crossovers, and, who happens to be the first superhero.

Superman: The Movie

The film-

Christopher Reeve is Superman.
What else is there to say?

The history-

Talked about it a little here, and here, but um, yeah, this, and Star Wars were the big movies of my early childhood.
And, Leia and Lois were my first sci-fi movie star crushes.
Happy times.

Superman II

The film-

From here...
Kneel before Zod!
'Nother frikkin meme.
Great fuckin' flick though.
The duology rivals Star Wars.
Although, I part with most people, I like 3.
I think 3, while weaker than 1-2, has its highlights, and makes Superman a solid trilogy (ignoring 4).
Well...look at it this way, it serves its trilogy better than Spiderman 3, or a lot of other part threes.
And, it's got Pryor!
And they did these timeless masterpieces all without CG.
And they never raped Superman with special editions.
And Smallville's pretty popular, so, Superman's prequel didn't suck.

The history-

Ditto part 1.

Superman III

The film-

See the review of 2.

It has good parts.
Evil drunken Superman, the junkyard fight, the showdown with giant evil Atari.
It's 80's all over.
I love it.
Sure, it's not the classic the duology of 1 & 2 are, but, come on.

The history-

I loved it as a kid.
HBO played it to death, and I never got sick of it.
Months after this, Jedi hit theaters, life was good.

Superman IV: The Quest For Peace

The film-


Yeah, these were those waning "you can't hug your children with nuclear arms", days of the 80's.

This killed the theater franchise for Supes for...well, decades.

The history-

Me & my Ma were the only ones in the theater when we saw this.
I was a dumb little kid, so, I liked it...but..wow...yeah, this is craptacular.

I mean, I still have a soft spot for 3, and I can't defend this.
I own the DVD for the sheer morbid curiosity of the commentary.
Mark Rosenthal sorta keeps apologizing, and repeating variations on "poor Chris, it wasn't his fault, he tried so hard to make this even as good as it was".

Poor Chris, indeed. :(

Superman Returns

The film-

Superman returns...almost 20 years later...and not really, because they're erasing him with a reboot.
Fuggin' Hollywood...

Anyway, from here...

Over a decade of development hell.
Rumors of Nick Cage.
A horrible script draft by Kevin Smith.
Weenie fanboys defending the Kevin Smith draft because it was Kevin Smith.
Many embittered arguments with said fanboys on AICN.

Finally, after much bullshit, it reincarnated as "Superman Returns".
Pretty decent.
Awesome in the theater.
In hindsight, a little TOO faithful to the Donner film, almost a rehash, but they should have plowed ahead with sequels anyways, the trilogy would've been done by now.
Instead, we're getting a reboot.
Warners learned nothing.
A development hell before this film, a development hell after it.
Batman vs. Superman, never happened.
Justice League, never happened.
They were never gonna happen.
Why did they fuck around with 'em?
Well, we got all the lost concepts as animated films anyway.
And Nick Cage became Ghost Rider.

The history-

Yeah, the above covers it pretty well.

The Man Of Steel

The film-

Well...Cavill has the comic book jawline for it...not too dippy about the muted hues on the suit, reminds me of evil drunk Superman from 3.

I hear Zod is back...

Russell Crowe as Jor-El?

All I can think of when I look at his mug is..
Fangirl- "Omigawwwd! It's Russel Crooowe! Squeee!!".
Russell Crowe- "Take that you vagoina!!", *punch!!*.

Why do they have to redo the fucking origin again?
That already pisses me the fuck off.
The origin has been done to death.
Countless comic reboots, cartoons, Smallville was a 10 year long fucking origin, we get it, just get going.

Yeah, I'm...cautious....
It'd be a "Fright Night", remake level surprise if this doesn't eat it.

So, that's those....
The memories are happy, if not the hopes for the future.
But, Superman has roughed tougher times...

Up, next, Batman, of course.


hyla2 said...

Oh, so you DID see the 'Fright Night' remake, then? Or is that just going off our hearty recommendations?;P

Yeah, I actually turned my nose up at 'Superman Returns' BECAUSE it was too fanwanky and incestuously intertwined with the prior series of Chris Reeves films. 'Fuck's sakes,' I sez, 'Do a Batman Begins with it and start fresh, don't just give your beloved childhood movies a handjob!'.

Although it DID have a Bats Begins-ish darkness to the costume and the look of the whole film that I . . . could NOT stand. Supes is the blazing, life giving sun, descending from on high to save the day and make it right. He's the apple pie Apollo! Dark is so not him . . . unless he's a drunk evil duplicate, of course.

This new reboot, now . . . I dunno. 'Hey, the guy who directed 300 and Watchmen is doin' it, how bad can it be?'

. . . Um. REALLY bad? (cough-suckerpunch)

Wait'n see. (OOH! This comment's word verification code is 'mentart'!)

hyla2 said...

Looks like you're sticking to movies with this run, eh? (the comics crossovers was all multimedia crazy!)

. . . OR are we saving TV / Animation for later . . . ?

Diacanu said...

Re: Fright Night.
Nope, just the recommendations.

Re: Superman Returns.
Yeeeaahh, I 90% agree with you about it being a bit on the Donner-wank side....and it has other flaws...
But it really was a great ride in the theater.
The plane rescue, and the whole deal with the Kryptonite island were fucking great.

I dug the soundtrack on it too.

Dark? I didn't think so...Spacy Luther was a fucker...but Ruth Superman was still aple-pie-ish, I thought...*shrug*

Re: Remake.
Now, the REMAKE looks like it's trying to go dark.

And yeah, I didn't even see Suckerpunch, I could tell from ads it wasn't something I'd like.

Like the new av.

Diacanu said...

Hmm...I'm struggling with animation...

I've titled it "flicks", so..I gotta stick with films, and not shows...BUT there are animated movies...luckily, there's a Wiki page with a list of everything DC's made.

Yeah, I'll probably go back, and do animated Supes/Bats.

By the time this thing is done, I'd like to get in...everything.

Or, at least everything I've SEEN.
Like, I haven't seen the 40's Batman serials, or heard the Superman radio plays, and probably won't ever get to...
But...within reason...

hyla2 said...

I just meant the tone of the promotional materials, y'know, and the color palette . . . They were clearly trying to capture a 'Batman Begins' vibe. So, I pretty much turned my nose up without giving 'Returns' a fair shake.

Mebbe I Netflix it.

Diacanu said...

Yeah, I know what you mean about the pallette.
The blood red cape was almost exactly the same shade as evil drunk Superman.

I wouldn't have minded sequels.
they could have tweaked things as they went, and just ignored the Donnerverse once they were rolling, I don't know why they had to reboot.

Well, we'll see how this one goes, but...really?
Crowe as Jor-El?
I'm having trouble with that one...

Diacanu said...

....I'd still like every damned movie to end with Supes flying at the camera, smirking at the audience, and turning away, and circling the Earth to the Williams theme.

hyla2 said...

Hmm. Not to stack even more of a payload on this project . . . But you did a separate series for the comics crossovers . . .

Maybe do a TV/other media hero series after movies? Sorta catch all that other stuff?

If you aren't JUST doing superheroes with the movies, as discussed elsewhere, there's lots of TV stuff that should qualify beyond cartoons and old Adam West Bat-goofery . . . '80's action hero shows (A-Team, Knight Rider, Street Hawk)? '90's fantasy hero revivals (Beastmaster, Conan, Herc & Zena)?

Why, the possibilities are . . . oppressively endless!

Diacanu said...

I'll...I'll get all that stuff in...eventually, but see, that's the thick end of the pyramid, I'm starting at the pointy end first.

hyla2 said...


So, back to pre-shitting on 'Man Of Steel'!

Did you hear? Ol' Russ-El (ha! I . . .I clever . . .) gets in a super-dust-up with Zod! Sooo . . . they're super . . . on Krypton too?

eeehhhh . . .

Diacanu said...

Oh, boy...this smells like the polar bears in the Smith script...

hyla2 said...

. . .

Strip off mah nurd-stripes, cap'n, ahm asleep at mah post. :(

You're gonna have to fill me in on the Smith script, I know bupkis.

hyla2 said...

Uh-oh. I smell a tome comin' . . .

Diacanu said...

Oh, right, you weren't immersed in the net in the late 90's...

Back when Nick Cage was supposed to be Superman, WB brought in Kevin Smith to write the script, but the producer was a feeble hack who thought he was creative, and gave Smith all kinds of loony shit he had to put in the script.

The most loopy was the guy was obsessed witht he image of Supes fighting polar bears.
That had to be int her,e or the picture was no-go.

So...smith crowbared polar bears in there.
And there was just no way to rationally work 'em in, they just show up, and Supes beats 'em up, and then the story continues.

So, yeah, fandom guffawed at that for a good long while.

To this day, mention polar bears to Smith, he'll flip you off.

Oh, also, there had to be a robot spider.

Just had to be.

And a gay robot villain sidekick, he thought gay robots were hilarious.

Well, lo and behold, the same guy worked on "wild, wild, west", and the robot spider ended up in there.

So...if a movie called "gay robots vs polar bears", comes out someday, don't be stunned.

hyla2 said...


Shit, son! Just try and hold me back!


Diacanu said...


Diacanu said...

Yeah...so...what you just said about Super powered Jor-El...well, it's a wiff of polar bear poo all over again.

Warners really doesn't learn anything.

hyla2 said...

Well, I haven't actually read anything about superpowers precisely, but that Jor-El and Zod have a fight scene . . . Yes.

That happens.


Maybe Zod says something about Lara's jugs, I dunno.

Diacanu said...

I've seen Crowe in costume, he looks bulked up like a Masters figure...

(Check e-mail)

hyla2 said...

Oh, shit they all do.

Have you seen Supes?

No undies, but he has these wierd silvery trim doodads on his legs and ribs and shit. And widdle bracelets.

Eh, it's a different take at least. More . . . alien-ey, I guess.

Diacanu said...

Well...I'll be waiting for the moment where Zod gets plopped into a trap door via the rotation of a bright orange throne, and a giant six year old with a piss-bowl haircut exclaims "you saved Castle Greyskull!".

Diacanu said...

..shit, now I miss that fuggin' playset..

hyla2 said...


Right, then someone can smack him in the face with the spinny training gizmo.

And he lands next to the sticker of the caged in pit of oogy creepy monsters and he screams like a bitch.

. . .

(Shit. Now I miss Greyskull too . . .)

Diacanu said...

*Flashbacks for several minutes*

...note to self, first couple million, reproduce scale model of Greyskull, move into it.

hyla2 said...


Don't forget a giant monster-dungeon sticker on the floor, either.

Or a tacked on attic addition with a giant robot bird on it.

Diacanu said...

The sticker for damned sure.

The add on Eternia towers...I dunno, I might have to do some touring to pay for those..

hyla2 said...

Yeah, not to mention the permits.

That'll be a huge hassle.

Especially for the anti-aircraft blasters.

But think of the resale value!

Diacanu said...

Oh, some nuthouse state like Montana wouldn't mind at all.

..eh, I'd need all those weapons though...it's Montana.

hyla2 said...

Pssh, no prob. Just swing on by a roadside pancake house, you can probably pick some up in the gift shop.

That's where I got a sword cane!


Diacanu said...


Stories like that almost make me wanna travel.


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