Monday, October 5, 2015

Updates Revenge (Part 5, Pumpkin Potpurri).

Yep, "Pumpkin Potpurri", is the new "Odds N' Ends".
Wish I'd thought of it last year.
Ah, well.

I swapped the order with "Based On A True Story", to save it for last, so I could save the surprise of a new thingy.
I'll swap it back next year.
I like to have True Stories last, cuz it pulls back the veil.
That's better for a wind-down.

Aaaanyhoo, I already casually had the link back to last year's version of this up top, so...let's just get going then!

This will be for stuff that doesn't go into a neat category.

First up...

Guillermo Del Toro returns to horror with "Crimson Peak".

Why didn't I put this in "Masters Of Horror"?

I fucking forgot, all right?

And speaking of....

H.P. Lovecraft's "The Colour Out of Space", is getting a re-re-REmake after previously being adapted into "Die, Monster Die!", and "The Curse".

Of those two, watch the former, not the latter.
And hope they really nail it this time.

And "X-Files", is coming back too.
There ya go, Hyla.
I wasn't a fan, but like "Twin Peaks", the rest of the planet was, so there ya go, rest of the planet.
You get "X-Files", and "Twin Peaks", can I have more "Deep Space Nine", and "Daria"?
Can we sign that deal, humanity?

Alright, so the oversights are corrected, now...

Vin Diesel's "The Last Witch Hunter", in a couple weeks.
This could be dumb fun, or MST3K fodder, either way.

"Scout's Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse".
This one hid under my radar until I saw the TV ad last night.
Where was this flick?
Looks like it's trying to have that "Evil Dead 2", "Shaun Of The Dead", feel to it.
Hope it's good.
I've been let down by a lot of zom-coms lately, so I'm hesitant.

I wish there had been a zombie outbreak when I was a scout, maybe I would have enjoyed my time with that organization instead of being creeped out and bored most of the time.

Then there's "Green Inferno".

I wasn't too impressed by this as it developed, because it looks like such a lock-stock-and-barrel ripoff of "Cannibal Holocaust", and I'm not too into Eli Roth's stuff anyway, but then I found out the twist that makes it different, is this time, the cannibals kill SJWs (Social Justice Warriors) and that ....that just might hook me.
Yeah, you've got my attention.

So, here's why I hate SJWs.
They're privileged over-fed upper-middle-class white people that tell you to "check your privilege".
They cry about tits in video games, and don't give a shit about female genital mutilation or honor killings.
They go to the U-fucking-N to cry about comment trolls telling them they suck, while a humanitarian crisis is going on in Syria.

Fuck these people.
Eat 'em, cannibals.
Eat 'em good.
Eat 'em aaaall up.
Eat the goddamned bones.
Turn every miserable molecule into poop.

Speaking of eating things that annoy you...

"Pride and Prejudice And Zombies".

You've got me at the title.

Apparently, the book is as popular as "The Zombie Survival Guide", and "Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter".
Let's hope the movie isn't as crap-ass as that last one.

If you don't know, Krampus is the evil counterpart to Santa from Germany.
If you're a bad child, he beats you with thorny vines and rusty chains.
He's even in Germany's Christmas parade.
Germany invented Santa and Christmas Trees, so fuck you, Krampus is canon.

And multiple filmmakers are playing catch up, and getting him into our public consciousness.
Kevin Smith is even taking a crack at it.
But, this one makes it out of the gate first, on December 4th.

Ah, if only Rankin/Bass were around, so they could do the puppet-toon version.

Anyhoo, this chunk of the list also counts as an update to "Twisted Christmas".

I know, Hyla, you hate getting Christmas on your Halloween, but this, like "Nightmare Before Christmas", should be an exception.

Shit, why wasn't "Nightmare Before Christmas", in "Twisted Christmas"?
Well, they're linked together now through this post.
Another oversight fixed.

"The Purge 3", Frank Grillo returns as Not-The-Punisher-But-Wink-Wink.
Sign me up.

"Resident Evil: The Final Chapter".

*Googles* oh my gawd, she's played this role for 14 years!
All right, Milla, pat on the back.
Retirement deserved.
I might see it at the theater for shits and giggles.
What the hell.

"Underworld: Next Generation".

Also, an untitled part 6.

*Sigh* somebody give Kate Beckinsale an Oscar for something so she doesn't have to do these?

Damn, these have been around for 13 years.
Her and Milla really have been in a Coke vs Pepsi race with these. just occurred to me, Milla Jovovich and Kate Beckinsale are generation y's Schwarzenegger and Stallone!

"The Forest".

Starring "Game Of Thrones"'s Nat Dormer, who you may know as Paladin's visual inspiration for Chokecherry.
Damn you, pun, you came out of nowhere!!

Anyway, call it "Chokecherry vs Japanese Forest Spooks", and enjoy.

"Cabin Fever", is getting a remake.

Yep, it came out in '02, it's time by the new standards.
Hell, by the new standards, it's WAY past time.

"Five Night At Freddy's", is being adapted into a movie.


"Night On Bald Mountain", from "Fantasia", is getting adapted into a whole movie.

UNGGHH!!! *jizzes in pants*
Ha! I had my special blammin' pants on in preparation!

My past self from the above link...

Wish the Disney company of today would have the balls to make a whole movie that dark.

Okay, Disney, with this, and how you've handled Marvel and Star Wars, the bad blood is mopped up.
I...I love you, Disney.

And, that's all of those.

Up next, in a crapload of days, Halloween.
I'll try to find something to put up between now and then though.


Diacanu said...

Oh, and The Goosebumps Movie is a thing.

B. D. said...

I may be making as many as four trips to the theater before 2015 is up:
-"Crimson Peak"
-"The Hateful Eight"
-"Star Wars: The Force Awakens" (if the damn thing just doesn't flat-out blow, I guess count me basically happy)

Of the four, the one I'm most likely to drop is "The Hateful Eight" - I'll still see it, but my opinion of Tarantino's recent work has been all disappointments post-"Kill Bill."

-"Crimson Peak" is like a week from now, guess I'll give myself a late birthday present (I'm 33.) Of course I'm not really quite in love with Del Toro either but I'm always curious to see his stuff anyway. We'll see how the reviews are.

"The X-Files": The first movie isn't bad, but God what was the big DEAL back in 1998? Oh right, all the mythology secrets that the damn thing didn't really reveal. It now plays like a GENERIC big-budget mythology episode!
The second movie is worthless, boring cack. A total dud, it never should have existed. It flopped anyway, I guess they're really counting on the name to bring this show back!
The last three seasons of the show, while not as bad as I was told, were more limp than they weren't. So the whole thing basically should have ended around 1998!
Couple all that increasingly weakening legacy with poor Duchovny's Charlie Manson show immediately bombing (it is gone, right? I can't be bothered to check) and I'm not exactly hopeful for this new thing! I do like the first five seasons though!

Vin Diesel looks pretty pathetic on that witch hunter movie poster. Guy hasn't had a non "Fast & Furious" hit in awhile has he?

"The Green Inferno": this one got some decent reviews and is pretty popular with the anti-PC crowd (not just for having the cannibals eat SJWs but for having them be...well, cannibals who will kill your ass, which isn't popular with the PC crowd either) so I'm interested, and curiously looked up the Parents' Guide on the IMDb entry and the killings do sound fairly gross. That "penis cutting off" bit in "Hostel Part II" was pretty stupid looking though, hell the stuff in Lars Von Trier's "Antichrist" wasn't hard for me to stomach at all, so I doubt this movie's female genital mutilation scenes (which are apparently offscreen) are going to faze me. I know they use props and stuff, so how would they do it convincingly?

Holy crap "Resident Evil" and "Underworld" are still producing sequels? You're right about that Coke and Pepsi thing! Has Milla Jovovich ever talked about "Dazed & Confused" in interviews since her face was all over the marketing for the thing in spite of her not having any lines and running off with this other cast member during the middle of filming to get married because they didn't get along with the rest of the cast? True story!! (The Resident Evil games turn 20 this year too! So does "Yoshi's Island," my all time favorite game!)

Oh those whacky Germans. Krampus always made me laugh too. What is it, you have to find a beer stein or a pickle or a red shoe or something on the Christmas tree to get a lucky present in Germany? Can't remember, but Krampus is hilarious!

I didn't know until recently that that devil from "Night On Bald Mountain" has a name, it's Chernabog, but I thought it was just good ol' Satan. He scared me as a little kid so I guess he's still pretty effective.

Disney is simultaneously evil, good, and a totally easy target, and yet seemingly coated with Kevlar...will anyone ever take them down? Hey, I like a few Disney things too, and yet I bash them all the time! (Happy 20th anniversary, "A Goofy Movie"!) (yes, I liked "A Goofy Movie" at least when I was a kid)

Diacanu said...

Sorry, didn't flake out yesterday, just have nothing to add to any of that.
You pretty much said it all there.

Diacanu said...

Note to self.
Next year, keep them in this order, don't reverse 4 and 5.
That keeps them in the same order as the Halloweens themselves.

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