Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Fun Sized Movie Treats (Part 8)

"Ooo! Piece of candy!".
-James Woods.

Ten in one today!
Yep, you guessed it, don't get excited...

Amityville 5 through 14.

Yes, you heard right, 14.
I haven't seen any of these, and I ain't gonna, so let's just Jaws 19 this shit off of Wikipedia...

The Amityville Curse (1990)
Same old shit in a different house for no properly given reason.
Maybe the lamp spirit from 4 migrated.

Amityville: It's About Time (1992)
A magic clock from the rubble of the Amityville house causes temporal hi-jinks.

Amityville: A New Generation (1993)
A magic mirror from Amityville this time.
So...Amityville basically became "Friday The 3th The Series"?

Amityville Dollhouse (1996)
Exactly as it sounds.
A dollhouse version of 112 Ocean Avenue causes...you guessed it, hi-jinks.

The Amityville Horror (2005)
Reboot time!!

The Amityville Haunting (2011)
Found footage version.

The Amityville Asylum (2013)
A haunted asylum.
The only connection, is it's in the town of Amityville.
So, apparently, the whole town is cursed.
It grew like a tumor I guess.
"It", being bullshit, not Manichean evil.

Amityville Death House (2015)
Eric Roberts as an evil wizard, nuff said.

The Amityville Playhouse (2015)
A theater in Amityville has the curse now.
We've gone from items to places now.

Amityville: The Awakening (2016)
Re-reboot time!!
Jerome from "Gotham", is gonna be in this one.
No poster yet.

The Balony Detection Kit stuff from yesterday still applies.

As long as people are superstitious, and buy the "based on a true story", bill of goods, there'll be a trickle of money to squeeze out of this old carcass.
So, I'm guessing roundabout forever.
Way to go, humanity.

And seriously, if in a couple years, I break down and watch these, shoot me.
Shotgun to the head like a zombie.
End that shit.
You'll be doing me a favor.

Next up, a reunion with some old "friends"

1 comment:

B. D. said...

The idea of "Amityville: It's About Time" being about an EVIL CLOCK made me die laughing.

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