Friday, October 30, 2015

Fun Sized Movie Treats (Part 30)

Part three of the final four!
We're closing in!

The Kindred (1987)

First off, fucking schlock, but I'll get to that.
More important is the backstory.

The VHS was on shelves at the exact same time as "Evil Dead 2", and stores were pushing it just as hard.

My parents finally eased up on the age restrictions on R rated horror, and ED2 and this were my rental firsts in a 2 for 1 night batch.

Both were splatterfests, but I hadn't developed a discriminating palette yet, and convinced myself they were equally entertaining.

I also had it in my damned fool head that Anthony was a worthy next big monster to stand alongside Freddy, Jason, Michael, Brundelfly, etc, etc, and drew him in my notebooks, and referenced him amongst my friends like they were supposed to know what I was talking about.

Hey, you know some young nerd out there is doing exactly this with the fucking Bababdook right now.
Not saying "The Babadook", stinks, but I'm wagering we won't still be talking about it in 30 years.
So, give that poor kid a break, is all I'm saying.

Now, to the flick....

A crazy lady clones her son's cells, and mixes it with an octopus, and makes a deadly Lovecraftian horror, discernible reason,
I see no medical gain from making this thing, it's just horrible, and probably envied the dead as soon as it was born.

Despite this, the protagonists keep respecting her research like it was properly done science, and not unethical madness, and keep blindly respecting her like she was 100% rational.

This is what stupid people who post anti-vax or creationist shit on your Facebook feed think scientists are all like.
Just skinning puppies, jotting its anguished noises down on a clipboard with a dead look on their faces, and growing squid men in jars.

Anyway, crazy lady dies, and the dumb son of crazy lady, and his even dumber college buddies go to her house to clean out stuff, and run into Anthony, and he starts picking people off slasher movie style.

One of the knuckleheads in tow is Amanda Pays from "The Flash".
She's secretly working for a guy that skins cats (seriously!), and wants the formula to make more Anthonys, cuz science.

Anthony is ultimately defeated, much slime is sprayed around, literally drenching the set, and we're all stupider for having seen this.

I think deep down, I knew ED2 was the better film.
There's no way I didn't know.

I've re-watched this,, pee-yoo.

This is only worth seeing if you're historically curious to see Amanda Pays turn into a fish.

Otherwise, take a wide path around it.

Next up, the DOOM-choo train!!!

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