Shmegalamonga: December 2016

Thursday, December 29, 2016

THE END (By Paladin).

Inspired by chapter 30.

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Wednesday, December 28, 2016

QD:Season 2, Chapter 30. (Quantum Resolve)

2013
January 14th
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.
Season 1: Origins.
Chapter 0: Prelude.
Timeline 3.

Two superheroes materialized in a swirl of tiny triangle orange sparkles.
They called themselves "The Multiversers".
They had just come from scolding Mike Meggison into undoing his wacky time travel hijinks.

They were a man and a woman.
Infra-Green and Ultra-Red respectively.
They were brother and sister.
Harry and Kate Irwin.
Children of Jade-Shade and Chokecherry from the future.
Both wore transparent solid tachyonic hologram armor that only each other could see.
Under that armor, they wore just jumpsuits.
Infra-Green's armor and jumpsuit were green with blue highlights, Ultra-Red's were red with purple highlights.

Infra-Green's armor weapons were gun and bomb based, Ultra-Red's were blade based.
Infra-Green's special ability was time stopping and/or slowing, Ultra-Red's was phasing.
If they held hands, they could use both.
Either Ultra-Red bringing Infra-Green into the phase, or Infra-Green bringing Ultra-Red into the time stop.
Both could do creation of shields, cages, and flight packs.
Both had brainwave HUD with Planet Eidolon teleport level scanners.
By mixing and matching their skills, they could do pretty much anything.

Infra-Green looked at Ultra-Red and said "okay, this'll be timeline 4 now. Fourth time's the charm. Let's just cut through the BS, and help accomplish dad's original vision for Lentilville".
Ultra-Red nodded, and said "justice has waited long enough".

2016
December 28th
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.
Season 2: Heroes, Villains, & other nutcases.
Chapter 30: Quantum Resolve.
Timeline 4.

It was the biggest celebration the town had ever seen.
The Freed Radicals (with help from the Multiversers) had saved everyone, and fixed everything.

All the corrupt politicians and businessmen were locked up, all the non-violent drug offenders were set free, pollution was cleaned up, The Plant had been bought up by Mimme Isabelle, and turned into a Chokecherry soda factory, with Chokecherry herself as boss.

And the super villains? They were in laser jail.
Harry, containing the memories of all his selves, showed them how to make one.

There was a parade, and several outdoor concerts.

All the superheroes were there.
Not just Freed Radicals, but Legion Of Liberty, Zone Dweebies, Superior Seven, and classic solo characers going all the way back to Jellybean Man.
They'd all been plucked out of the time-stream and dimension-stream for this occasion.

Horatio Allison, Temperance Allison, and Miss Pique/Elisa Jack were also plucked out of time.
They got to see their long range plan come to fruition at last.

Lentilville had been renamed Cherry Blossom Cove.
A compromise between the original Pine Nut Cove, and Chokecherry essentially being the owner.

A band called Quantum Dissolve played a new kind of music also called Quantum Dissolve.
The band was made up of Freed Radical and Superior Seven members, and used instruments designed by Superstar and Dr. Herbert.
The song they currently played was called "goin' multiversing!".

Palapulam, Plawnee, and a guy dressed as Yummy Youse handed out free ice cream.
Okeen brand, to be exact.

Wood-Ro, beamed over from chapter 28, sat in Mimme's spooky rocking chair.
It had been animated in the same manner as Wood-Ro, named Cathy, and the two were married.
Furniture-on-furniture marriage having been made legal.

Dusty Irwin, in the Jade-Shade outfit, but without the mask, stood on the lead parade float, and muttered to himself "fuck you, Blackie, my actions did matter".

Chokie hugged him, looked up at him lovingly, and said "ease in the Badawah".

Dusty said back "yes, ease in the Badawah indeed", and smooched her.

Planet Eidolon from chapter 29 appeared in the sky just to check things out.

Everyone waved joyously, and threw cherry blossom looking confetti.

Infra-Green put his fists on his hips, and said "there, that's done".
Ultra-Red pressed a button on her wrist, and they both de-materialized to their next adventure.

Read More......

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

QD:Season 2, Chapter 29. (Evil Goes Out Of Business)

Meanwhile, back at chapter 24...

Harry got a message from Planet Eidolon on the screen of his computer unit, and he smiled.
"Actually, I've got a plan to settle the whole 'villain', thing once and for all too", he said with a devilish grin.

Planet Eidolon
Three Million AD.
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.

Planet Eidolon commanded the teleporter to scan itself a second back in time, and materialized a copy of itself from the scan.

Then, she networked the two teleporters together, and materialized a third.

With three working together, it was easy to duplicate another three.

And another three, and another three.....

Planet Eidolon
Five Million AD.
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.

Planet Eidolon had re-sequenced every quark of her existence to be one big giant inter-dimensional teleporter.

Then she teleported her entire mass back in time.

Planet Eidolon
Three Million AD.
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.

Dimensional-Teleporter-Planet-Eidolon materialized next to her past self.

She then re-sequenced her past self into a copy of her present self.

Then, she downloaded all her future memories into her upgraded past self.

Then, having erased away those extra two million years of evolution, her future self vanished.
Past Planet Eidolon was now future Planet Eidolon.
Instantly.
Which, is how it goes with time travel.

Planet Earth
2013.
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.
Timeline 3.

Harry Hembock looked up, and Dimensional-Teleporter-Planet-Eidolon materialized up in the sky.
His grin got bigger.
It was all over, and it was also just beginning.

Dimensional-Teleporter-Planet-Eidolon beamed up a sampling of criminals, and scanned their brain patterns.

She then used those patterns as a template to create a scan for all criminals.

Not just the muggers, rapists, and murderers, but the rent gougers, the scam artists, the swindlers, the sharks, the backstabbers, the cheats, the crooks, the predatory lenders, the dirty politicians, the crooked cops, the theocratic judges, the whole sordid lot, no matter their social station.
Top to bottom on the food chain.
No special privilege for anyone.

She then found a dimensional Earth duplicate where human beings never evolved, and beamed all the horrible people to that Earth all in one fell swoop.
Including the sample cases she beamed up.

Then, she swapped the clean atmosphere of that planet with Earth's dirty one.
All in one big instant transplant.
Then, she beamed all the other pollution.
The garbage, the heavy metals, the fossil fuel smoke, the soot, the radiation, the medical waste, the sewage, the urine gravy of the big cities, all of it, and sent it to the other planet.
Sociopaths made this mess, they could now wallow in it.

She then plucked out all the good clean stuff from that other planet a split second before the pollution arrived to ruin it, and sent it to Earth.
Trees, animals, insects, coral, ozone, clean water, all the choice goodies.

Beaming away all the assholes gave her ample genetic scans, and she scanned the remaining population, and beamed out all the bad genes, cleaning everyone up, so no new criminals and tyrants would ever be born again.
Evil was done.
Sent to the shit planet, or deleted.

She then surrounded the Good Earth with weather control satellites to further help unwind the damage the criminals had done.

She then hacked the entire internet, found every scrap of cash the criminals had hidden away in the deepest darkest bowers, and gave it back to the people as the biggest rebate ever.
Where things were in physical vaults, she beamed it all out, and distributed it household to household.

There was enough for everybody.
Health care, food, roads, space travel, everything.
Right there.
Stolen by pigs.
That was over now.

She then beamed up all the weapons, from teensy purse pistols, to atomic warheads, and broke them all down to raw elements.
With crime gone, and war gone, they were just wasting valuable atoms.

Then, she beamed down particle printers, and patterns for making everything else.
Then, she downloaded down patterns and instructions for how to rocket the internet forward a million years, and get teleporters and free energy up and running.

And with particle printers, tissue farming, and gene re-sequencing, all disease would fade out in a generation. If that.
With scanner drives, mental illness would be gone sooner.

And most mental illness not caused by genes was just residue of having to put up with the assholes, who were all gone now.

To make sure of it, she put a permanent self replenishing force-field around Shit Earth.
And self-repairing satellite beacons to warn anyone away.

Then, in a reversal of how she sifted out the evil people, she beamed up all the special, great, cool, and weird people, and beamed them directly to her.
This easily included all the superheroes.

She then went back to 3 million AD.
The freaks, geeks, supers, they'd all live with her, exploring the multiverse forever, and ever, and ever.
Going back anytime they wanted to visit, or deliver new discoveries.

Planet Earth
The 24th century.
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.
Timeline 3.

The Good Earth evolved into the world of Astro Gallop for real.

They built a fleet of starships, and one of those was the real U.S.S. Concordance.

Then, one day, Mike Meggison materialized on the quantum dissolver platform of the U.S.S. Concordance.

Mike sent a signal to Planet Eidolon, and smiled about what the next phase was going to be.

Planet Eidolon beamed the Concordance to her.

Now the Concordance would be exploring the multiverse forever, and ever, and ever.
Fulfilling its original mission in ways its crew never dreamed.

And so they did.
And so they all did.
The multiverse for their playground.
For eons and eons.

Then, one day....

Read More......

RIP Carrie Fisher.

Future-me from 5/7/24 finally getting around to this one.

QD:Season 2, Chapter 28. (Goin' Mulitiversing!)

Meanwhile, back at chapter 23....

Mike Meggison laid back in bed looking at his wall posters.
With the dimensions of the multiverse at his disposal, and with his posters as a map, he said "now...where do I want to go first?".

1997.
Lentilville Mall Area.
Bul-Wark.

Mike went back to Bul-Wark during one of his past self's days off, used creative time freezing, and teleports, and set it up so everyone was poisoned with laxatives, the toilets would back up with timed explosives, and the external doors and janitor's closets would be welded shut.
He set time in motion, admired his handiwork with a grin, and moved on.

1993.
Punnum Insurance.
He swiped that coconut cake with the cherry on top he always wanted.
The universe didn't seem to want him to have it.
This would prove to be right.

1994.
Hammond N' Yeggz Insurance.
Mike used the gene re-sequencing sub-system of the telport to turn the managers black in their sleep.
They came to work coated in white concealer, and their horrible jokes suddenly vanished.
Funny thing that.

1995.
Haitlin N' Sons.
He turned that manager into a woman.
She was still a loud moron, but now the other loud morons didn't like her for some reason.
And they felt uncomfortable telling certain jokes.
Again with that.

1995.
University Of Lentilville.
He gave the maintenance kids IQ boosts, and free scholarships (with some hacking help from Planet Eidolon).
He gave an equal number of the most spoiled brats there IQ drops, and maintenance jobs.
He felt good about it for a little while, until he realized it all looked the same.
He decided to move on, let history sort it out.
Things like this are why the universe begrudged the coconut cake.

1995.
Trinkets "R" We.
He turned that creepy dude with the rape fantasies into a dwarf with a pig-tail dick.
Turns out, it didn't slow him down as much as you'd think.

1996.
Hannalees.
He found dimensions where each of the managers were homeless, and swapped them with their doubles.
It wasn't like the movies, the homeless doubles ended homeless again pretty quick.
He gave the little retarded dude who pushed the carts an IQ boost, and he ended up manager.
And a good one for a change.
Until he donated to the Broompt campaign years later.
Didn't bump the IQ enough, I guess.
Human brains are trickier than they look.

1996.
Trinkets "R" We (again).
He confirmed who the culprit was who busted up his car, and beamed his pickup truck into the sun.
Then fixed his own car with its teleport pattern from a couple hours ago.
Then made the culprit wake up black and gay the next day.
It only made him more popular.
Not with his old friends, of course, but after the move to LA...

1989.
Hembsire Hillock.
He turned all the shitty parents of the kids into kids themselves, and beamed them there.
Then, he turned the kids into their adult selves from the future, and set them loose.
They proceeded to commit a crime wave.
Ah well.
Fuck Lentilville.
You broke 'em, you bought 'em.

1990
Shady Dave's Flea Market.
Mike beamed out all the tapes, and all the comics.
Then, he sent them back to himself from a second ago, so they'd become time copies, and therefore not stealing.
Then, he sent them to his past self in this time with a note saying simply "you win".

1994.
(Same time as Punnum Insurance)
"Zap Pow Crash", class.
He turned the teacher into a humanoid rat in his sleep.
For some reason, he didn't use this to fight crime.
How utterly disappointing.
Comics lie.
And now Mike was saddled with hundreds of them.

2000.
Computer class.
He turned the teacher into a cyborg.
Again, no crime fighting.
Nor gratitude.
Damn it all.
He used a boot disk to reformat him.
His new self was now happily married to a soda machine.
"Finally, one of these worked out", he thought.

1988.
He made a visiting comic creator wake up as a humanoid Tortoise.
Only after he turned his nose up at "Goony Lookin' Street Fight Pumpkin".
Again, no crime fighting.
And yet, the reality show of Tortoise-guy actually had better ratings than the cartoon of the dude's comic.
"Another win!", Mike thought.

2016.
He undid all the previous changes by stopping himself, and giving himself the memories of it.
Because dimension cops calling themselves "Multiversers", made him do so.
Turns out, the memories were good enough.
Revenge was fun to think about, but the real thing had rippling consequences.
Who would have thought?

1985.
Mike rescued his childhood homemade wooden dummy made of lumber, Wood-Ro, from the dump, and gene re-sequenced him into a real boy.
He then copied his memories and intelligence into him.
Well, the DNA scans said it was a real boy, but he still looked like a dummy made of rectangular hunks of lumber.
And the downloader app said he had human intelligence, but he moved all twitchily like a confused insect, and didn't speak.
"Meh, close enough".
He then sent him ahead to a future chapter.

2009.
He beamed to the Dublin meeting, and didn't miss it this time.
That had always really bugged him.
Now, other things could bother him.
There was always something.

2016.
He paid individual visits to all his board, blog, and Facebook friends.
Some of them were even genuinely happy to see him.

24th century.
Mike materialized on the quantum dissolver platform of the U.S.S. Concordance.
He was greeted by a human male, a female android with a chrome skullcap, and a three eyed dude from Epsilon Iotia Gamma.
He recognized them immediately.
Mike sent a signal to Planet Eidolon, and smiled about what the next phase was going to be.

Read More......

Monday, December 26, 2016

QD:Season 2, Chapter 27. (Reverse Breakfast, The Easter Eggs)

Three Million AD.
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.

Planet Eidolon locked her scanners onto chapter 26, and as a virtual re-creation of her 16 year old self, supplied commentary.

"Dusty Irwin was awoken by the alarm clock".

It was a radio alarm clock, and "Round Dog", Ripington was playing.
Offal was his guest.

Among the memes generated by that show were calling the meal of supper "saypoo", exclaiming "flatulato!!", when passing gas, pronouncing the sound effect of gas as *Brooommpptt!!*, exclaiming "wash your ass!", for no apparent reason, calling people devils by screaming "devooooos!!", calling a vagina a "snoosh", pronouncing "suck it", as "sawk eet", and "suck and fuck", as "saaawwk and faawwwk!", throwing in "sook-a da kook!!", in as an alternate for fellatio, replacing the phrase "fixed that for you", with "for the fuckin' yams", calling the female torso "tits-and-belly", playing a loop of a guy saying "Booo!! Fuckin' booo!! Go suck a weenie!! WEENIE!!!", as a mockery of bad heckling, and for no apparent reason, when in a victorious mood, "I'll never die again!".

I do not like Round Dog.
Not a fan of Offal either.
The two of them together?
Insufferable.
Just insufferable.

"Dusty loved being awake.
Awake was where he could be The Jade Shade".

Ease in The Badawa.
That's what they say in the 5000s when you're having a peaceful day.
It loses something in translation.

"Asleep was where he had to wait to be Jade Shade again".

And hung out with the dream guardians, Palapulam, and Plawnee.
Who were the source of the names of the Freed Radical team members.
How do I know this?
Brain-scans.

"Being married to Chokecherry, and hanging out with and mentoring other heroes was pretty damned sweet too".

Chokecherry now officially endorsed Chokecherry soda.
Also, they make Blood Orange and Purple Pepper sodas.
The company was run by the heiress, Mimme Isabelle.
Mimme is Pixelmistress in the Freed Radicals team, which is how Chokie got hooked up with the endorsement deal.
Mimme was named after a baby talk noise her big brother had made in the crib.
Interestingly, she dressed as a female cupid in a middle school play once.
Her character died.
Like in a certain dream.
Quantum telepathic bleed over? Who knows?
Chokecherry had Mimme put Quantum Dissolve in the sodas to try to antidote evil in the town once.
Didn't work out so well.
Ah, well.

"He jumped out of bed, ready and excited to face the day".

Almost tripping over Teetso 10, his experimental rocket pack.
Everyone including Dr. Herbert was still too terrified to field test it.
Good call, as it turns out.

"Having Chokecherry sharing the job with him helped a lot too.
None of that "you and your crazy dreams", bullshit.
He couldn't imagine having a ball-busting harpy chopping away at him.
He then remembered his hallucination from Mr. Sleepy Seeds, and shuddered".

Oh, speaking of her invaluable help with the team, we never got to Chokecherry's recruitment drive, did we?
So, here's her batch of Freed Radical members that she loosely called "Chokie's Heroes", until the big merger in chapter 12.

Blood Orange, Purple Pepper, and Zoria Bacillus who we know.

There was The Slicker, who is Nick Rainey, who's my biological dad.
I didn't know then.
I know now through genetic screening.
I don't care.
Moving on...

Nut Crush & Lopper Lass.
Lopper Lass is the daughter of Angus McUngus, the owner of a meat pie shop who eventually died straining at stool.
A drinking song was dedicated to him called "the violent crapping of Angus McUngus".
They still sang it until the last I saw human beings sometime around the hundred-thousands.

Nut Crush became my boyfriend, then husband, and we had a son named Harry.
...yes, it's who you're thinking of.
Time travel and such...
Don't tell him.
It'd get weird.

Baken & Pornne, a former "meat man", and a former dancer at "the serious drawer", respectively.

Upholdor, a former safe cracker nicknamed Fingers McGinty.

Commander Vindication, a guy inspired by the "utility belt", entries of Shmegalamonga.

Palupulam & Plawnee (the latter being a dog), named after baby talk from Palapulam's kid sister that she received in a dream. How they ended up in JS's dreams is a tangled web of time travel, and brain-scans overlapping by complex chance.
Or else, the dream world is real.
Whichever.

Mister Impregnable, an opposite Jade Shade, in that instead of being bitter over his evil home town, he was bored with his beautiful hometown.
That town got renamed along the way in history as "the Badawa", and then had a popular soap based in and around it called "Ease in the Badawa".
The opening slogan was "like sways of the metronome, so is this, Ease In The Badawa!".
Long after the show died, and it was forgotten, the phrase lingered on.

The Bogey, a proto-Jade-Shade from the 90's whose origin was hinted at in the recounting of season 1, chapter 4, in season 2, chapter 18.

Zettabit & Pixelmistress, the latter whom I just talked about above, and the former being her inconsequential and forgettable boyfriend.

And finally, a family team called The Inconceivables, made up of Mr. Inconceivable, Popcorn Girl, Spurt, and Dwindle.
Most of whom we met in season 2, chapter 13.
Spurt? He just runs. Not even very fast.
They had to give him something to do to feel useful.

"Unlike that world, he never questioned why he existed.
He knew exactly what he was for".

Sperm donation for a much better superhero.
...what?

"He sighed happily, went down to the kitchen, drank milk, and ate what he damned well wanted.
What he damned well wanted was toaster pastry, and he made it himself without whining".

Good boy, have a biscuit.

"Eidolon was there, and he listened to her talk to Chokie, and was immediately interested.
His girls weren't knuckleheads".

Yes, and the former had under her shirt an Omneron head flash drive necklace containing the Hembooks, Dark Designs, QD as it comes out, Omneron's core program, and some favorite hacker apps powerful enough to crush the Pentagon to dust if need be.
Yep, no "knucklehead", was she.

"She was not a valueless little bastard like most of her schoolmates.
All they wanted was stuff.
And what meaningless shit it all was".

Like that creepy rocking chair carved by Mimme based on a Mike Meggison nightmare in "The Books Of Blah".

"Eidie had her doodads, but she put them to valuable use, and they didn't come in vomitous neon pink".

Because if her Pentagon-smasher necklace were pink, that'd just spoil everything.

""Cram Rockwell paintings, THIS is the American dream", Dusty thought with a smile".

"America", being an ancient and defunct country that thought it owned the universe.
And "Rockwell", being a painter with too much sincerity for his own good, but in the end who did no harm.
Yes, I can certainly see how the one follows the other on a moral scale...

"Eidie was shoveling down a bowl of Zam Bonies, and he didn't mind at all".

Thank you, Prince Toaster Pastry.
My life has meaning now.

""Kimber, Irma, Chokie, the shit we've been through, and they never broke your spirit", he thought as he ogled her up and down".

How are her ordeals and accomplishments part of "we"?
Feminism, folks!!

"He looked at Eidie, and saw Chokie in her future.
"You lucky, lucky, girl", he thought.
Then, he felt sad for everyone else's daughters".

I'm not your daughter, creepo.

(Sing-song-y) she's a leg-end waiting to happeeeen!
No, dipshit, I done happened.

"Chokie noticed the smiling, and smiled back".

*Grumble, eye roll*

"All of this couldn't be more perfect if flying saucers were outside the windows vomiting forth flocks of choir-ing angels guided along green tractor beams".

Angels being demigods.
One of the ancient forms of worship, and therefore a thing considered God, was the sun.
And demigods off the sun, being the race of Stars, who in one universe, live in our sun, and who's superhero is Superstar.
So, you could call him an angel.
He's not gonna play a harp anytime soon though.
BUT, Superstar founded The Superior Seven.
Which consisted of Superstar, Glob (1987 monster incarnation), Street Fight Pumpkin, George Ginespurn, Marvin Metamorph, Robo-Bo-Bo, and The Twornkie.
So, they were a legion of honorary demigods.
And they fought aliens in saucers.
So, with some dimensional transporting, that whole scene could come true.
Singing lessons would have to be involved though.

But, before Superstar founded that team, there was Jellybean Man.
And just after him, Tuperbird (Tuper = Tough + Super).
And just after him, Superstar as a solo act.
And just after him, Glob (1985 slime blob version).
And just after him, Squabsy, a sad attempt at a more G-rated character, who was quickly and happily killed by Glob. He was the Harryverse Jar-Jar.
And just after him, came Roboton Defenders, a bunch of changing robots, whose only survivor ended up being Kadoonk, a robot that turned into a B.B. gun.
And just after him, Superstar got Superior Seven up and running.
But then, when the Superior Seven fell apart, Superstar made a team of third stringers, including Kadoonk, Tuperbird, Jellybean Man, and a clone of 1985 Glob.
And they were wiped out.
By saucer aliens.
Ironically enough.

Again, not the angelic scene Dusty was hoping for.

But, sadly, and oddly, the best the multiverse has to offer.

Now, in the background, if we pause and zoom in, as the third-stringer Superstar team was dying off, we can see a stick-man eating pellets of goat shit as they fall warm out of the goat's ass.

We've got a child with his eyeballs ripped out tugging at his mother's skirt screaming "mommyyyy!!", while his bloody eyes are being held up happily by his playful and adorable baby brother.

We have a vomiting video game blip interacting with reality somehow.

We have a man getting "laser hemorrhoid surgery", and getting his entire lower half blasted off and incinerated in an open strip mall window.
This is probably causing the blip to puke.
Or else, the eyeless kid.
Either one.

We have a bakery in the same strip mall called "Dridgerbread Man", run by a gingerbread man.
So...ginger cannibalism.

We have an invisible man sitting at an outdoor table in front of "Dridgerbread Man", wearing only white gloves, eating fruit salad without silverware.

We have a talking Teddy bear experiencing diarrhea at a fast food burger restaurant in the strip mall.

We have a humanoid pile of stomachs called Gastro The Intestinator using his bowel-kinesis to cause the Teddy bear to poop himself from a passing pickup truck.

We have a man at the same burger restaurant dropping dead of hunger pains in the parking lot before he gets inside.

We have a three year old child's crayon scribble rendition of the The Prodigious Mass looking up at the death of Jellybean Man in dazed confusion.

We have a humanoid pile of apples called Appletron with mouths on his head, feet, and hands (which are all single apples), that make apple crunching sounds, and nothing else.
He does nothing to help the fight.
He just crunches.
He just keeps crunching.
It's most unsettling.

And we have a man at the dentist, again, at the strip mall, and if we zoom in on his mouth, Super-Smile is fighting green clumps of filth inside the mouth.
If this green filth represents plaque, then this man must not have brushed, or even used his own saliva in 50 years.
If a miniaturized superhero has to clean your mouth, you've made several bad life choices.

Nope, none of this represents a glimmer of an angelic host either.
In all the dimensions, this is as close as we get.
Heckuva thing, when you really think about it.

Let's see....in the dentist's waiting room, is a children's storybook about a ogre who peels apart and rearranges the rainbow, and changes the world's colors, and two (now green) little boys have to ascend the rainbow with bubblegum bubbles, fix the rainbow, and defeat the ogre.
How sweet.

But only a brief respite, because, in the same waiting room, on the television, is "Grossey Mosey", a crappy evolutionary precursor to "The Krazyfool Show", and the host is being punched in the head by giant brass knuckles, cracking his head like an egg, and causing his brain to roll out on the floor to the screams of the studio audience.
If this is a gag, he's going way too far into it.
I've seen crazier stunts though.

Someone changes the channel, and it's a low budget public access outer space show about three space cadets, two men, one woman, and the leader is a mutant with bulletproof eyes, and a scratchy voice.
The woman says "asaboonie!", instead of cursing.
It makes no sense at all.

In another universe, this inspires Wayne Vance to play Planetary Patrolman, and later become Commander Continuum.
It just makes you want to die.

My cyber-self takes all this in sitting at a table at the playground at the burger restaurant with my tablet computer.
I sigh.

At the table next to me, is a man made out of cut out paper, and drawn in crayon.
He introduces himself as Ricky Recoil.
I sigh again.

Really long way of saying, nope, no angels.
I looked.
I really did.
I'm a living planet with a dimension scope.
Trust me.

"Dusty finally slapped on the JS mask, threw on his coat, and said "whelp, better hit the old dusty trail! Don't wanna be late!", with genuine pep".

Get it?
Get it?
Dusty trail?
Eh?
Eh?
....ehhhh...

"He flipped up the mask, and kissed Chokie passionately on the way out.
"Because that's what we do"".

*Eyeroll*

"Eidie rolled her eyes, and she followed after him, because he was her ride to her shift at Lovely's".

And guess what he played on the radio?
Fucking Round Dog.
Yeah.

Anyway, that was season 3 in a nutshell.
Bye.

Read More......

Sunday, December 25, 2016

My Christmas Loot: Part 5, The Scars Of Looty.

And, here we go...

Captain America: Civil War (2016)

See here, and here.

Marvel's up to date until Dr. Strange comes out on video.

X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

See here.

Yeah, this one already ain't holding up so good.
Meh, fuck it, I still like it.
Shit, I've still got soft spots for parts of "The Last Stand".

Blade Trilogy (1998, 2002, 2004)

See here, and here.

The MCU wouldn't exist without these.
Blade led to X-Men, led to Sam Raimi Spider-Man, led to everything else.
Marvel has the rights back to this, they should drop the character into Netflix-verse, or ABC-verse to make him canon.
They owe him one.

Y'know, I've always heard that "Trinity", is like, one of the worst things ever made by human beings, but...eh, it's watchable.
I got entertainment out of it.
Oh, it's not great, and it's the least of the three, David Goyer is no Guillermo Del Toro, but it's got some fun stuff.
Neat that it has a pre-Deadpool Ryan Reynolds, and Patton Oswalt.
Plus, Dracula is now Heatwave on "Legends Of Tomorrow".
Lotta Kevin Bacon-ing you can do with that.

Yeah, I'm glad I have these in the collection.
After all the bonuses, I'm Blade-ed out though.
Phew, damn.

Star Trek Beyond (2016)

See here.

Much better without the movie theater talkers.

They're playing "Into Darkness", in basic cable, and eh, it ain't half bad.
"Beyond", is certainly better, but "Darkness", ain't as bad as Red Letter Media said, nor as great as I thought on first watching.
Wavey hand in the middle.
Anyhoo, glad this got me back on board the Trek.

Sausage Party (2016)

See here.

Aaand, I wanted "Suicide Squad", but it came out late.
I'll grab it someday.

And the rest was candy.

THE END.

Read More......

On the sixth day of Christmas.

Six geese a laying!
....in a fucking pie crust!!

(Still in tune)
Cuz fuck this shitty fucking year!!!

This year's stuff.

Bam, done!

On to presents.

Read More......

Saturday, December 24, 2016

QD:Season 2, Chapter 26. (Reverse Breakfast)

Just before chapter 21, this happened...

Dusty Irwin was awoken by the alarm clock.

Dusty loved being awake.
Awake was where he could be The Jade Shade.

Asleep was where he had to wait to be Jade Shade again.

Being married to Chokecherry, and hanging out with and mentoring other heroes was pretty damned sweet too.

He jumped out of bed, ready and excited to face the day.

Having Chokecherry sharing the job with him helped a lot too.
None of that "you and your crazy dreams", bullshit.
He couldn't imagine having a ball-busting harpy chopping away at him.
He then remembered his hallucination from Mr. Sleepy Seeds, and shuddered.

Unlike that world, he never questioned why he existed.
He knew exactly what he was for.

He sighed happily, went down to the kitchen, drank milk, and ate what he damned well wanted.
What he damned well wanted was toaster pastry, and he made it himself without whining.

Eidolon was there, and he listened to her talk to Chokie, and was immediately interested.
His girls weren't knuckleheads.

She was not a valueless little bastard like most of her schoolmates.
All they wanted was stuff.
And what meaningless shit it all was.

Eidie had her doodads, but she put them to valuable use, and they didn't come in vomitous neon pink.

"Cram Rockwell paintings, THIS is the American dream", Dusty thought with a smile.

Eidie was shoveling down a bowl of Zam Bonies, and he didn't mind at all.

"Kimber, Irma, Chokie, the shit we've been through, and they never broke your spirit", he thought as he ogled her up and down.

He looked at Eidie, and saw Chokie in her future.
"You lucky, lucky, girl", he thought.
Then, he felt sad for everyone else's daughters.

Chokie noticed the smiling, and smiled back.

All of this couldn't be more perfect if flying saucers were outside the windows vomiting forth flocks of choir-ing angels guided along green tractor beams.

Dusty finally slapped on the JS mask, threw on his coat, and said "whelp, better hit the old dusty trail! Don't wanna be late!", with genuine pep.

He flipped up the mask, and kissed Chokie passionately on the way out.
"Because that's what we do".

Eidie rolled her eyes, and she followed after him, because he was her ride to her shift at Lovely's.

Read More......

Friday, December 23, 2016

QD:Season 2, Chapter 25. (The Lost Chapters, 2015)

Before Harry showed up in 2016, this stuff happened in 2015.

Chapter 20.1. (Flagentula)

Jade Shade flashes back to his Flagentula meetings (see "Jade Shade vs. The Incarceration Racket") that happened in between each chapter of seasons 1-2 up to this point.
Willguy is retcon-ed in more, and we get recipes of foods served at Flagentula.
(See gorge-athon at Shmegalamonga for those)

Chapter 20.2. (The Angry Draft)

Mike Meggison (of the QD universe) flashes back to writing "The Books Of Blah", under a bad spell of depression and paranoia during a particularly gloomy winter, and this leads right up to him getting the e-mail from Jade Shade in season 1, chapter 30.

During his paranoia, he's haunted by strange nightmares.
These include-
-Mummified starving African kid with red eyes and fangs.
-Monkey caterpillar.
-Monkey fetuses in an Asprin tin that you put on pizza to become immortal.
-"The boy who cried brains", a fake b-movie playing on a broken unplugged TV with a smashed out corner of the screen that reveals the zombie kid is IN the TV.
-Veins in the cookie jar! What it sounds like. A cackling cartoonish villain puts a rolled up ball of dripping veins in a cookie jar to be found.
-Sentient orange gooey skull necklaces that make out with each other, and burn the wearers, while a trailer narrator says "The Skulls Of Astaroth!!".
-A fat guy getting his legs crimped off by a metal scissor blade crusher thing, and then carried away by a conveyor belt bloodlessly like they're empty Muppet legs, while he calmly chants "off...off legs..off legs".
-A cute chick with ear length black hair dressed as a cupid, pricks herself with her own arrow, and dies. Mike bawls over this like they've been married for years or something.
-In The Finich. (see Shmegalamonga)
-A million ones where Mike's wandering a flea market, and can't find anything good.
-Sex toilets. This weird giant school gym sized public restroom with these things that are like urinals, but bigger, and you get naked, and get up on this shelf on your knees, and there's a hole you poke your dick in, and maybe there's someone on the other side, maybe it's a machine, you're never told, and then after you cum, you flush the sex toilet, and it washes away the cum, and washes your cock-n-balls. Then a blow dryer dries you off. They're co-ed, there's ones with a girl attachment, there's no privacy walls, and they convince everyone in the world to use them, because they're from Europe.
-Mike meets Margaret Bonanno at a book signing, and her book has a ziploc bag in the back full of deli meats. Merlin shows up, and tells him the time he spent a stint in debtor's prison.
-Mike reads a creepy picture story book about a rocking chair with a creepy face carved on it that's alive. Mike turns out to be sitting in this chair, and screams.
-A certain furry sidekick from a certain space opera franchise meets the evil wizard of same franchise, and goes bald, and gets beef jerky fingers from an evil spell from said wizard. A certain space pirate casually shoots the wizard, and tells the furry sidekick he'll "fix him with the cellular sorter".
-A teacher says "you're failing quest because your bones are too soft".
-Mike's dad fights a pack of wolves, ripping their bottom jaws off, and throwing them into a pile.
-Mike goes to his neighbor's and gains entry into his home pretending to be "the meat man". He's originally planning to kill him, but he finds he enjoys selling his neighbor's family meat, and his hatred subsides. Then he admits he was going to kill them, but changed his mind. This causes them to accuse him of tainting the meat profession, and they throw the meat into a trash crusher under a trapdoor in the kitchen floor. Mike weeps for the destruction of all that good meat, and learns his lesson. That being, keep your foiled murder plots to yourself. Especially with meat at stake.

All of this becomes "Books Of Blah", fodder.

Chapter 20.3. (Hembooks: Afermath!)

The Hembooks come out, and Mike is emotionally abused for it by internet trolls.
His sense of vengeance leads to him deciding to help JS write QD all the more.

Chapter 20.4. (The Mask Mark Infinity!)

Jade Shade gets tech upgraded with a mask with holographic morphing, and a new suit lined with composite metal foams that can take a pounding from a Gatling gun, and an invisible coating of aero-gel that can shrug off incendiary levels of heat.

Also, a new wrist dart launcher with darts tipped with a drug called "Quantum Dissolve", made from Commander Continuum's spinal fluids, and Mister Sleepy Seed's hallucinogens, that makes a villain hallucinate melting away into a puddle of green slime, then waking up with a reformed character. Sadly, there's not enough of this drug to go around, plus some get side effects of becoming even worse villains.

But hey, thanks for trying, Dr. Herbert!
A for effort!

Chapter 20.5. (Zone Obtruder)

JS also gets a new pimped out motorcycle with the same armor as his new suit.
Chokecherry designed it, Dr. Herbert fabricated it, and gadget-ed it up.
JS calls it Zone Obtruder (duh!).
It's Teetso 9.5.
T.E.E.T.S.O. being Terrestrial Evacuation, Exploration, and To Spy On.
Teetsos 1-9 being Dr. Herbert's previous vehicles going back to his childhood tricycle.
Teetso 10 being a rocket pack, but we'll get to that later.

Chapter 20.6. (Fuck Hospitals)

Offal has to sit in a waiting room, and observes all the freaks, and jots mean things about them for future comedy routines into a notepad he keeps at all times.

Chapter 20.7. (It's just movies, folks)

"Spook Smashers", gets a female reboot, and the internet loses its shit.
The haters become a movement of neo-Nazis, and endorse a guy called Broompt for president.
Liberals split over whether they're Nazis, and become completely ineffectual and worthless.
Chokecherry just starts hurting the Nazis whenever they get too rapey and doxxy.
This starts a proper second-wave feminist counter-movement, and "Spook Smashers", makes a billion worldwide.
Broompt is sent home packing on election night, and his company stock plunges into the core of the Earth, and he and his children become homeless, and are urinated on by black people.

Chapter 20.8. (Jade Shade meets God)

Jade Shade gets accidentally dosed with Quantum Dissolve, and has a lucid Near Death type experience where he meets God, and immediately kills God with logic.

After God dies, The Devil takes over, but Jade Shade wraps conflicting Bible passages about the Devil around his bat, and smashes the Devil's head in.

Televangelists and conservative talk-radio hosts nationwide howl and wail with despair over the loss of The Devil, as he was the true support beam to their whole racket.

JS awakens refreshed and happy, immune now to Quantum Dissolve.

Chapter 20.9. (Streetsweepers vs Legion Of Liberty vs Deathgrasp)

Just like it sounds.
It would have been, I mean was, glorious.

Chapter 20.9.1. (Jade Shade vs The Green Monster)

A neat meta looping back to his own origins in convenient handy fight form.

Chapter 20.9.2. (The conspiracy unravels)

Jade Shade and Chokecherry find out that the Elisa Jack kids are all really alive, brainwashed, and sent to Canada. They free them from their programming with a modified formula of Quantum Dissolve, and send them back home.

They also finally find and kill the architect of the conspiracy against Dusty, and we learn the convoluted reasons why.
...I wish I knew.
Dusty probably threatened someone's power somehow.
That's usually what it is.
Humans aren't very complicated.

Then chapters 21-24 happened.
And Harry unwittingly erased all of these in timelines 2 and 3.

Read More......

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Quantum Dissolve/Harryverse announcement.

Quantum Dissolve is closing in towards its ending.

I had a way bigger version of this thing planned out, but a lot of contributing factors are making me have to end it a lot sooner.

My original idea was to start with a simple teensy idea, and use crossovers to roll it into a bigger and bigger snowball of world building until I knew what the universe was, and could see where it was all going, and then could plot out the ending.

Well, that ending came to me much sooner.

I had an ending that took 10 "seasons", worth of material to build to, but...as I moved along, I kept having to revise the timeline of those seasons, until I realized "fuck it, I can finish it the fuck off now".

And then I realized "fuck, I'm 41, it's taken me three years to get 2 seasons done, I've GOT to wrap it the fuck up now!".

So, as you can tell if you're reading along, I'm closing in on the conclusion.
Behind the scenes, I'm done already.
Emotionally and creatively, I've been done for a long time.
I just gotta crank these last ones out.

Time to move on to other things.

What I'm gonna do to make up the difference, is lump Quantum Dissolve, and Harry Hembock book 5 (made from the stories here, and a text version of Dark Designs) into one volume.

Kinda like how each of the existing Harry books divides into 2, it'll be this hybrid book, and then inside, it's "Harry "Hembock: Shmegalamonga", and "Quantum Dissolve".

Tentative title of the omnibus of the two is "Harry Hembock: The Internet Years (1997-2017)".

You're not missing out a big finale that got cut, the ending is still the ending, just the rambling to get there is getting cut out as the dead weight it was.

It just took me the 3 year journey to figure this thing out, and point me towards the next thing.

Maybe I'll still get that gigantic planet sized snowball that I wanted my original vision to be, but I don't have to mash it all into this one book, I can connect it to future projects.

That's what I learned most from this, one book can't do everything, don't be greedy, spread things around.

And still, when you lump together the Harry stuff, plus blog bonuses, plus QD/JS, plus introductions and covers and stuff, that's gonna be a good sized book anyway.

It's not like I sacrificed a tome for a pamphlet.

So, it's not quitting, I got what I wanted and needed out of this project.
It was a good ride, and hopefully, when it's all done, it'll feel complete.

If not, ah, well, there's always the next one.

Read More......

QD:Season 2, Chapter 24. (Harry Hembock meets Quantum Dissolve)

Planet Eidolon
Three Million AD.
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.

Harry clumsily poked around in the control pad interface for a few minutes, and felt like he was starting to make some headway.

Just then, a blue laser shot out of the screen, and swept over him in two passes.
One right to left, one top to bottom.

The device acquired his quantum dimensional signature, and fired up a cross-temporal link.

A blue wave of fine sand-sized sparkles passed over Harry, and his duplicates from "Quantum Dissolve", "Dark Designs", and "Harry Hembock Classics", materialized in the same spot, and fused with him.
He absorbed their memories as smoothly as if they were things he always knew, and just now remembered.

...but those weren't the only Harry incarnations in the fusion.

1989
The Sweetserverse.

Once upon a time, there were a bunch of guys shooting each other with big guns.
One guy, with a sawed off double barrel 12 gauge shotgun, was Harry Hembock.
He dematerialized, and fused.

1992
Tendin-verse.

Harry Hembock threw his latest gadget on the ground a yard away from Lord Prizmus.
He dematerialized and fused before he could see the results.

2004
The NaNoWriMo-verse.

Harry Hembock looked at what he’d just written, and shook his head in despair.

“Ugh, this is a book I’d like to read, but not one I wanna write. Christ, and I’ve lost Monday, so I gotta squeeze out twice the output today. Christ, this is depressing. I’ve got to go eat”.

Harry pushed back his chair, and headed to the kitchen.
Then de-materialized, and fused.

2012
"When Worlds Collide" verse.

Harry stood, grinning like an idiot, next to Cap'N Kabang.
Then, de-materialized, and fused.

2014
25th anniversary-verse.

Harry stood among a crowd of old friends and foes for a big birthday shindig, grinning like an idiot.
Then, de-materialized, and fused.

2740
Zone Dweebies-verse.

Harry Hembock tuned his Neutrino-Net network intergalactic range car stereo to channel 59,000.
Then, de-materialized, and fused.

Planet Eidolon
Three Million AD.
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.

Harry absorbed all his duplicates.
With their experiences, he was suddenly able to crack the control pad, and punched up a new combination.

The sparkles swept over him again, and took him away.

But not directly to chapter 22.
First, he took some side trips...

2049
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.

Harry met up with 49 year old Eidolon, won her trust, and asked her how the original QD future played out.
What she described, was a plodding dull saga of un-powered street level superheroes led by JS growing into a nationwide movement, changing government policy, becoming legal law enforcement officers, and bringing about a drab grey sorta-utopia over a very, very long time, and hindered by many, many assholes and the inevitable setbacks from said assholes.

"Yeah, fuck that, I'm gonna meddle", Harry said, and de-materialized further into the past.

1981
Real world.

Six year old Mike Meggison drew a pinky-tip sized oval with a cranberry colored crayon.
Then, he drew dot eyes, and a smile. Then, stick arms and legs.
He called his creation "Jellybean Man".
The Hembock-iverse was born.

Harry witnessed this via the scanner of his computer pad from several yards away hidden in the woods.
"Too soon", he said, and de-materialized.

1985
Real world.

Ten year old Mike Meggison in a break period in his 5th grade class drew a glob of green slime with red snake eyes, and a mouthful of shark-like fangs.
He called it "Glob".
The Hembock-iverse was almost there.

Again, Harry witnessed this from a distance via scanner out in the school parking lot.
"Still too soon", he said, and de-materialized.

1989
Real world.

Thirteen year old Mike Meggison wrote the line "once upon a time, there were a bunch of guys shooting each other with big guns".
Hembock-iverse had finally become itself.

Harry poked his head into the classroom, and said "keep it up kid, you're onto something!".
Then, he ducked away, walked around a corner, and de-materialized.

2011
October 20th.
Real world.

Mike Meggison stood in the grocery store staring at a green Halloween mask.
"You're on the right track, kid!", a familiar voice said behind him.

He turned and looked, but the mysterious person had already disappeared.

2011
October 20th.
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.

Mike Meggison stood in the grocery store staring at a green Halloween mask.
"You're on the right track, kid!", a familiar voice said behind him.

He turned and looked, but the mysterious person had already disappeared.
He shrugged, and walked away.

Just then, Dusty Irwin walked up to the display, and saw the same mask.
He stopped dead in his tracks.
The mask hypnotically grabbed his attention.
A legend was born.

2013
January 14th
The "Quantum Dissolve", universe.

Season 1: Origins.
Chapter 0: Prelude.

Harry was at the local radio studio, and sat opposite Alex "Round-Dog", Ripington who was ranting away about the 9th anniversary of the time a disgruntled sports reporter tried to kill him with a car bomb.
He patiently waited for his turn to talk.

Steve Ellicott sat in his car in rush hour traffic.
He turned the radio off.

Outside his car window was an apartment building.
Inside that apartment building, Dusty Irwin awoke from a memory nightmare.
"Fuckin memories...fuckin life", he mumbled.

Chapter One. (Jaded, and shaded)

Dusty looked at the writhing teenager, and told him "tell your friends".

When masked, he figured he'd better keep it short and sweet.
No Shakespeare shit.
No rants.

He'd written "Jade Shade", in spraypaint on the punk's back.
A pity the paint wasn't green.
Black and red, it was always black and red these kids stole.
Sometimes blue.
Blah.
He went with black.

Not a glamorous beginning, but it would have to do.
Dusty tried not to be depressed.

Harry watched from behind the dumpster, and with his scanner.

Chapter Two. (Taking it up a notch)

Harry still tailed after JS/Dusty.

Chapter Three. (The mask)

Dusty flashed back to when he saw the original mask that inspired his first one.
Harry entered the same flashback in his mind, and saw himself again inspire Mike just before Dusty showed up again.
This probably wouldn't be the first time things got meta.

Chapter Four. (The man behind the mask)

Dusty flashed back to his whole life story.
Harry had already been to all those years.
The important ones, anyway.

Chapter Five. (Jade Shade vs Desmodus-Guy)

JS took out Desmodus-Guy, and solidified his reputation.

Harry still observed from a distance.

Chapter Six. (Jade Shade vs Peerless-Person)

JS took out Peerless-Person, and further solidified his reputation.

Harry still observed from a distance.

Chapter Seven. (Jade Shade vs Phidippus-Dude)

Harry watched in the distance still, this time from an adjoining rooftop, as JS had a dull conversation with Phidey.

This time, he snapped a photo of unmasked Phidey.

Meddling time had begun.

Chapter Seven Point Five. (The Mask, Mark 2)

Dusty opened the package left outside his apartment.
It was a mask.
A green metallic mask.
A streamlined hybrid of the one he saw at the grocery store back in 2011, and his current one.
Accompanying it was a note, saying simply "from a fan".

The hair stood up on the back of his neck.
Someone knew who he was.
And was sending suspicious gifts.

Under that note was another note on red paper.

"This weird gift and note are from Dr. Logan W. Herbert.
Dunno what game he's playing, or why, but I'm cutting through the bullshit.
-Harry Hembock. P.S., the mask is safe. I scanned it".

The meddling had officially started.

Chapter Eight. (Jade Shade vs The Prodigious Mass)

Harry went back in time, and prevented Prodigious Mass from mutating himself and his victims.
"Screw that horror movie shit. It added nothing", he grumbled.

The meddling was in full swing now.

Chapter Eight Point Five. (Dusty on the road)

Without the events of chapter eight, there was no need to go wandering the road, and this one poofed away.
But JS/Dusty wrote his rant in his journal anyway.
Rich people were still assholes after all.

Chapter Nine. (Jade Shade vs The Ultranational)

Without JS taking his wandering sabbatical from Lentilville, Harry beamed to Sectorville, and took out Ultranational himself.

And virtually the same way.
Except he stunned him with an energy blast from his watch, instead of a dart.

Chapter Ten. (Jade Shade vs Comrade Crimson Crossbow)

Ditto Crimson Crossbow.

Chapter Eleven. (Jade Shade meets Combatant)

Dusty opened another strange package with another note.
Again, a second note from Harry.
"Yeah, it's that weirdo Dr. Herbert again. Don't worry, he's harmless".

Chapter Twelve. (Home again, home again...)

Harry took care of the Mayor himself.

He used the little black brain scanner drive, and just reprogrammed the bastard.
"Yeah, enough of you, pal", he said calmly, while watching progress bars load.
JS/Dusty was never bothered by him again.

Chapter Thirteen. (Jade Shade vs Mark Augustine: Hadesburster)

Harry beamed Hadesburster directly to the loony bin.
"Again, this shit contributed nothing", he muttered.

Chapter Fourteen. (Jade Shade vs Mr. Sleepy Seeds)

Ditto Mr. Sleepy Seeds.

Chapter Fifteen. (Jade Shade meets Chokecherry)

Harry stayed completely out of the way for this one.

Chapter 16-17

Ditto.

Chapter 18. (Streetsweepers vs. Transposers).

Harry dissembled the Transposer with the teleport tuned for a peice at a time, then left a note, basically telling them what the parts were good for.

Chapter 19. (Streetsweepers vs. Tomahawk-Fuzz).

Harry time froze and tied up Tomahawk Fuzz and his puppet-master, un-froze them, and left more notes.

Chapter 20. (Streetsweepers vs. Funster).

Harry reprogrammed Funster's madness away, saved his victims, and went back, and saved JS accidental lethality victims.

"Like The Prodigious Mass, that added nothing either".

Well, except JS learning that Chokie/Irma was Kimber.
But Harry spoiled that in a note.

Chapter 21. (The woman behind the man behind the mask).

Speaking of spoilers, Harry went back, and gave Chokie/Irma a note spoiling that Dusty was alive, and JS way ahead of time.

"Let's get this show fucking moving", was Harry's philosophy.

Chapter Twenty Two. (The myth behind the mask)

Six year old Kimber Allison sat down at her writing desk with a notepad and a sharpie marker, and began to jot down some ideas.

That a strange man in a sweatsuit with an "H", on his chest told her in a dream.

Chapter Twenty Three. (The man behind the mask behind the man)

Harry materialized inside of and became Lash Tameron.
He looked at the mask Lash had sculpted, and said "you're gonna sell like hotcakes!".
Then added "....after Jade-Shade becomes a thing".

Chapter Twenty Three Point Five. (Lentilville)

Harry looked at a map of Lentilville on his his computer unit, then scrolled through some of its sordid history, and grumbled "blah, blah, blah, grouchy pretentious fucking blah", and moved on.

Chapter Twenty Four. (Streetsweepers meet "A Fan")

JS and Chokie assembled the clues Dr. Herbert had left, and went to his house.

Harry's notes had told them about this long ago, but said to let him have his dumb little game.

Chapter Twenty Four Point Four. (The death of the Irwins)

...but they didn't let him fake the deaths of their secret identities.
That was dumb.
Secret identities have social security cards, and licences, and bank accounts, and helpful connections.
All of this advice was in Harry's notes.

Chapter Twenty Four Point Five. (Dr. Herbert's thesis)

Harry gave it a skim with another "blah, blah, fucking blah..", and an eyeoll.

Chapter 25. (Streetsweepers meet Krazyfool)

Harry mostly stayed out of this one.
Except he beamed away Comrade Crimson Crossbow's flaming arrows, and put them out in space to snuff out, then get gobbled up by re-entry.

JS and Chokie did the rest.
And they still got their fame, minus burn injuries.

Chapter 26. (Jade Shade meets Harry Hembock)

Harry fused with Lash Tamron again, this time dressed as Harry Hembock.

Now, he was able to openly meet JS, and told him all the forbidden flashback stuff.

Then, at the pre-ordained time, he time froze the mystery assailant, beamed away his shuriken, tied him up, un-froze time, and unmasked him as....

Phidippus-Dude.

Whom he confirmed from the picture he'd snapped of him.

A history change of this magnitude was dicey, so he used the black memory drive to reprogram JS's memories with the original "Harry dies", version.

Except with Phidey, A.K.A Ruby Revenant captured.
He made sure his fight with JS in the false memories was epic too.
"Why not?", he figured.

Chapter 27. (Harry Hembock: Revelations)

Harry spilled all this, so this poofed away.

Chapter 28. (Harry Hembock: Revelations (Part 2))

Ditto.

Chapter 29. (Chokecherry meets Eidolon)

Harry was tempted to upload future knowledge to Eidie right here, but decided against it, and left things alone.

Chapter 29.5. (The origin of Eidolon)

Harry left this alone too.

Chapter 30. (Jade Shade meets Shmegalamonga)

Harry reprogrammed Mike's depression out, and let him cut to the chase of putting the Harry books out.
"Just speeding up the inevitable", he muttered.

Chapter 31/38. (Shmegalamonga meets Dr. Herbert)

Harry left this one alone.

Season 2: Heroes, Villains, & other nutcases.
Chapter 1. (Streetsweepers meet Blood-Orange and Purple-Pepper)

Harry watched the conversation from a distance.
JS tuned out, but Harry picked up something about Blood Orange's crazy ex-husband throwing a phone at her and hitting a video game console, destroying both.
Purple Pepper had gotten her out of there, and just days before they both met Chokie.

"Lotta crazy ex-husbands", in this universe", Harry muttered before beaming out.

Harry traced down the ex-husband, and put him in the loony bin with Hadesburster and Sleepy Seeds.

Chapter 2. (Zone Dweebies Addendum: Revenge of the Cyber-Vixens)

Harry stayed out of this one, but he did watch with his scanner, and was slightly wounded by the descriptions of him by the two ladies.

Chapter 3. (Jade Shade meets Commander Continuum (the man from 2014))

2014
August 17th.

Commander Continuum opened his eyes.
Back in the cafeteria of Elisa Jack.

He looked at the analog clock on the wall, and noted that everything from Horatio Allison to now had only taken 5 minutes.

The second-by-second reality was fading like a dream, but the important bullet points would remain.

It was always like this.

Just then, Harry materialized, put a scanner drive onto Continuum's forehead, and then on his own head, and performed a mind-splice, and entered the hallucinations Continuum had just left.

As he downloaded the memories, in the background, the computer recorded the neural quantum mumbo-jumbo in Continuum's head that allowed this kind of perfect temporal-historical reconstruction, uploaded it to Planet Eidolon, who then sent it back in time to her past self, who used it to complete the time loop of creating Commander Continuum's powers in the first place.

Meanwhile, by digitally backing up the neural-quantum whatever, Harry had permanent access to an emulation of Continuum's power anytime he used a brain drive on himself, or with others.

All of this, plus the time travel history of Lentilville, became known to Harry in a few seconds.

Harry then blanked Continuum's memories of ever seeing him there, and planted a neural suggestion that rendered him invisible, while he retrieved the two brain drives, and dematerialized away.
Like he had done for JS in season 1 chapter 26.

Chapter 4. (Jade Shade meets The Excruciationizer!!)

Harry stayed out of the way, watching from a distance, but as JS and Continuum picked up each recruit, he scanned their quantum-temporal signatures for something he had planned for later.

He had done the same for Blood Orange, Purple Pepper, and Zoria Bacillus.

Chapter 5. (Jade Shade meets Planetary Patrolman and SILICO)

Planetary Patrolman and SILICO were Commander Continuum and Omneron as it turned out, so there was no need to re-scan either of them.

Although, he had already gotten this backstory memory from chapter 3.

Chapters 6. (Jade Shade meets Sigma-Max)

Harry hung back, watching, scanning quantum data still.

Chapter 7-12

Ditto.

Chapter 13. (Streetsweepers vs. Peerless Person and Phenomenal Female)

Harry beamed away Phenomenal Female's explosives, and beamed her directly into the jail.
"Screw those assholes", he crumbled.
"Go get orally raped", he added, and nodded with satisfaction.

Chapter 14. (Eidolon meets Alfredo)

Harry acquired the Elisa Jack to Alfredo connection via his scan of Commander Continuum.

Chapter 15. (Avian Louse meets Offal)

Ditto the history of Offal.
In fact, "go get orally raped", was one of Offal's many catchphrases that had infested into Harry's mind like virii.

Chapter 16. (Chokecherry vs. Mage-Shiv (Round 2))

Harry watched this fight on his scanner from the donut shop.

Chapter 17. (Green Key/Laser-Jail)

September 13th, 2015.

Harry materialized next to Mike Meggison, put a scanner drive on his forehead, and mind-meshed with him.

He entered the realm of 1992 Tendin-verse Harry, connected it to Mike's July 2nd, 2014 memory, and then up to now.
His 1992 memories from his fusion self came full circle.

Then, Harry sent Mike his memories of having insired him in 1989, and 2011.

"Ah, it WAS you", Mike said as Harry removed the drive.

"Yep", Harry said.

Then, Harry hooked the drive to Mike's "green key", drive, sucked up copies of all the JS stories, then downloaded them as VR into his brain.

"And, done", he said, then de-materialized.

Chapter 18. (Commander Continuum vs. QD Season 1)

Harry got all these memories in chapter 3, so he skipped this one.

Chapter 19. (Jade Shade vs. The Incarceration Racket)

Harry got these same memories from Lash Tamron in season 1, chapter 26, and amplified them to the detail in chapter 19 when he copied Continuum's powers.
So, ditto on skipping this one.

Chapter 20. (Captain Descrambler meets Season 1, Chapter 0)

Harry had actually been there for Season 1, Chapter 0, and had gotten Steve Ellicott's memories of it during his scan of Commander Continuum.
Another skip.

Chapter 21. (Planet Eidolon)

Planet Eidolon already gave him these memories during his meld with Continuum.
"Man, there was a lot packed into in those few seconds", he mentally observed.

Chapter 22. (Planet Eidolon meets Harry Hembock)

Harry materialized outside of Lovely's, just out of view of any windows, and strolled in.

Harry aimed his tablet at Eidie's tablet, and pushed some virtual buttons.
Her tablet lit up with multiple downloads that completed in seconds, and changed the interface around.

"Hey, what the fuck, man!!?", she exclaimed with horror that he could hack her.

"Don't worry, it's good stuff. It'll change the future. Which is fine, because the original timeline without my help looked like a drab bummer anyway".

After visiting 2049, this seemed true enough, from Harry's point of view.

Eidolon looked at her tablet, and saw some strange references to "Planet Eidolon", and a future copyright date that couldn't possibly be real.

Steve Ellicott came out from the back room, and Dusty Irwin walked in returning some JS fan-film tapes.

Steve, Dusty, Eidie, and Harry all stared at each other for a couple awkward confused moments, and Harry, ever the chatterbox, was the one that broke the silence.

"Okay, this is a long weird story, but I can prove all of it...".

Chapter 23. (Harry Hembock upgrades)

Harry used the scanner drive to link Eidolon to the net, and Planet Eidolon, and drastically sped up the origin of Planet Eidolon.
More meddling.
His biggest yet.
But he was far from done.

QD:Season 2, Chapter 24. (Harry Hembock meets Quantum Dissolve)

Everything above happened.

Then, Harry beamed all the Freed Radicals to Lovely's.

Then, he used scanner drives to give them all his memories of the timeline meddling he'd just done.

Then, he beamed back to season 1, chapter 0.

Then, he beamed all the future Freed Radicals together at Lovely's again.
Way ahead of schedule.
Using the quantum-temporal signatures he'd scanned and saved along the way.

This created a third timeline from the original.

Then, he fused the Freed Radicals with their timeline 1 and timeline 2 selves.
Their timeline 2 selves remembering everything Harry remembered thanks to the scanner drives.

"Ta daa!", Harry said with a smirk as everyone's memories sorted out, and they realized what he'd done.

He tapped a few more commands, and fused all the Mike Meggisons together too.

"So what does all this cross-temporal madness even mean for us?", JS demanded.

"You're free. You can do whatever you want now. And we're back to 2013, so fuck 2016".

"So, we have to beat all those assholes up all over again?", Chokie asked, disgusted.

Harry got a message from Planet Eidolon on the screen of his computer unit, and he smiled.
"Actually, I've got a plan to settle the whole 'villain', thing once and for all too", he said with a devilish grin.

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Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Big Winter Movies Part 2. (Part 0.75).

Well, it's not a movie, but it's movie adjacent, and it's not a review cuz it ain't out yet, but...I dunno where else to put it.
Meh, I'll throw a crossover tag onto it too.

Ghostbusters 101 (2017)

From here...

Now the journey with this flick is truly complete!

Wrong, me from October!!!

Yep, IDW is doing the original and "Answer The Call", Ghostbusters crossover!
Comes out March 2017.
I knew it, I wanted a movie, but I knew if we didn't get a movie, we'd get something.
Here it is.
Well, somethin' to look forward to next year, and goodness knows I need it.

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Monday, December 19, 2016

Big Winter Movies Part 2. (Part 4).

Let's not dick around, it's Star Wars.

Rogue One:
A Star Wars Story (2016)

Previously-

Again, as with last time, no spoilers.

Quickie version, HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

Rundown version.

Star Wars came back with Force Awakens, and it's still back.
Personally, and this is just me, better than Force Awakens.
The first awesome prequel!!!!! The curse is broken!!!!
Still fresh off the buzz, but in this moment, I'd rank 'em...5,R1,4,7,6,3,2,1.
Chock full of Easter eggs for the longtime SW geek.
A true prequel, meshes right up to ANH.
You will never watch ANH the same way ever again.
You will want to slap in your DVD/Blu-Ray of ANH the second you make it home.
Did I mention "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!"?? I did? Good.
Now..the nitpicky shit...
No opening crawl. I got over it quick. I figure, this movie goes inside the opening crawl to ANH.
No John Williams, and no familiar themes until the credits music. The score is good, once you're caught up in the movie, you're fine. I can see others not liking the new composer's style, but whatever. I thought it was Star Wars flavored. John Williams is classic green Mountain Dew, and this was new purple Mountain Dew. Either way, you're getting some core Dew in there.
Title cards for planets. That's new.
Best character? All the critics are saying it, but K-2SO, easily.
All the human characters are great too, you'll fall in love with them, especially Jyn, Cassian, and Chirrut.
Now for almost-spoilers. You won't understand until you see it, so I'm not really telling anything...
A classic ANH baddie shows up in CG form...and...uncanny valley. Not as bad as Snoke, but..yeah. I can forgive it though.
Odd though, because a classic ANH goodie also shows, up, and they nailed that one.
Vader is thinly sprinkled, but boy, do they ever make him count!!
Expands the SW mythos with ideas that were in Lucas's original drafts, and that have been in the novels, but now they're onscreen canon. I ate that shit up like Halloween candy.
Definitely have to see it at least one more time.
My first movie in a long time I went to at night. Circumstances demanded it.
Wasn't crowded at all.
Had to sit in the back though. Some dudes had my favorite spot. Oh well, it was a good view.
Ride back was sweet, barely any traffic. Lights were quick, or on my side.
Now, to go watch all the Youtube spoiler reviews, and Easter-egg videos I've been accumulating.
So, yeah, if you haven't seen it yet, you better have a damned good excuse. SEE IT NOW!!!

Hmm, yeah, I think that's rambled on long enough.

Next time, this at least once more, then Logan!!

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Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Big Winter Movies Part 2. (Part 1.5).

This finished off Sunday, but there was other stuff in the way, so finally, we get to....

Ash vs Evil Dead (2016)

Previously with this franchise....

And now, the (spoiler filled) episode reviews from the comments section of "Big Winter Movies Part 2 (Part 1)".

Now for the overall show rundown as a 5 hour movie again.

Loved it better than season 1.
Awww yeah, these seasons play soooo much better as binges. This week-to-week shit for two months is fucking torture.
This needs to be re-watched to loop back to how the beginning and end connect.
No weak episodes, It was all awesome, and each episode topped the last.
The classic movie trilogy strung together equals 4.5 hours, each of these seasons is 5 hours, so you get a trilogy plus half an hour of content every year. With movies and two seasons, we're equal to a trilogy of trilogies now. There's enough Ash stuff to keep you happy for a whole day minus pooping and sleeping. And there's three more seasons coming! We've got it made in the shade as Ash fans! We'll never go hungry again!
Plus the remake, that's 18 hours of Evil Dead mythology!
Speaking of, this tied to the mythology of all three original films even better than last year.
See the episode reviews for the spoiler-y cameos and Easter eggs we got.
Pablo and Kelly have blended in, I love them, and I can't imagine Evil Dead without them now.
Better villains, better gore, better expansion of the universe, better everything.
Particular scenes from this season *cough* episode 2 *cough* will go down in not just Evil Dead, but horror infamy.
Happier ending this season, but with a hint towards infinite possibilities.
Just plain fucking wonderful.
Can't wait for the Blu-Rays and season 3.

And, that's it.
If you're an Ash fan, but haven't gotten into this series yet, I just don't know what the fuck you're doing.

Now, to again retro-link this to last Halloween's "80's slashers".

Next, Rogue One (this time for sure!!).

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Monday, December 12, 2016

All-purpose superhero/sf thread part 3.

Part 1.
Part 2.
Part 2.5.

There, now it's synced up to horror thread part 3.

And now I've got a fresh clean page for next year.

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