Meanwhile, back at chapter 23....
Mike Meggison laid back in bed looking at his wall posters.
With the dimensions of the multiverse at his disposal, and with his posters as a map, he said "now...where do I want to go first?".
Lentilville Mall Area.
Mike went back to Bul-Wark during one of his past self's days off, used creative time freezing, and teleports, and set it up so everyone was poisoned with laxatives, the toilets would back up with timed explosives, and the external doors and janitor's closets would be welded shut.
He set time in motion, admired his handiwork with a grin, and moved on.
He swiped that coconut cake with the cherry on top he always wanted.
The universe didn't seem to want him to have it.
This would prove to be right.
Hammond N' Yeggz Insurance.
Mike used the gene re-sequencing sub-system of the telport to turn the managers black in their sleep.
They came to work coated in white concealer, and their horrible jokes suddenly vanished.
Funny thing that.
Haitlin N' Sons.
He turned that manager into a woman.
She was still a loud moron, but now the other loud morons didn't like her for some reason.
And they felt uncomfortable telling certain jokes.
Again with that.
University Of Lentilville.
He gave the maintenance kids IQ boosts, and free scholarships (with some hacking help from Planet Eidolon).
He gave an equal number of the most spoiled brats there IQ drops, and maintenance jobs.
He felt good about it for a little while, until he realized it all looked the same.
He decided to move on, let history sort it out.
Things like this are why the universe begrudged the coconut cake.
Trinkets "R" We.
He turned that creepy dude with the rape fantasies into a dwarf with a pig-tail dick.
Turns out, it didn't slow him down as much as you'd think.
He found dimensions where each of the managers were homeless, and swapped them with their doubles.
It wasn't like the movies, the homeless doubles ended homeless again pretty quick.
He gave the little retarded dude who pushed the carts an IQ boost, and he ended up manager.
And a good one for a change.
Until he donated to the Broompt campaign years later.
Didn't bump the IQ enough, I guess.
Human brains are trickier than they look.
Trinkets "R" We (again).
He confirmed who the culprit was who busted up his car, and beamed his pickup truck into the sun.
Then fixed his own car with its teleport pattern from a couple hours ago.
Then made the culprit wake up black and gay the next day.
It only made him more popular.
Not with his old friends, of course, but after the move to LA...
He turned all the shitty parents of the kids into kids themselves, and beamed them there.
Then, he turned the kids into their adult selves from the future, and set them loose.
They proceeded to commit a crime wave.
You broke 'em, you bought 'em.
Shady Dave's Flea Market.
Mike beamed out all the tapes, and all the comics.
Then, he sent them back to himself from a second ago, so they'd become time copies, and therefore not stealing.
Then, he sent them to his past self in this time with a note saying simply "you win".
(Same time as Punnum Insurance)
"Zap Pow Crash", class.
He turned the teacher into a humanoid rat in his sleep.
For some reason, he didn't use this to fight crime.
How utterly disappointing.
And now Mike was saddled with hundreds of them.
He turned the teacher into a cyborg.
Again, no crime fighting.
Damn it all.
He used a boot disk to reformat him.
His new self was now happily married to a soda machine.
"Finally, one of these worked out", he thought.
He made a visiting comic creator wake up as a humanoid Tortoise.
Only after he turned his nose up at "Goony Lookin' Street Fight Pumpkin".
Again, no crime fighting.
And yet, the reality show of Tortoise-guy actually had better ratings than the cartoon of the dude's comic.
"Another win!", Mike thought.
He undid all the previous changes by stopping himself, and giving himself the memories of it.
Because dimension cops calling themselves "Multiversers", made him do so.
Turns out, the memories were good enough.
Revenge was fun to think about, but the real thing had rippling consequences.
Who would have thought?
Mike rescued his childhood homemade wooden dummy made of lumber, Wood-Ro, from the dump, and gene re-sequenced him into a real boy.
He then copied his memories and intelligence into him.
Well, the DNA scans said it was a real boy, but he still looked like a dummy made of rectangular hunks of lumber.
And the downloader app said he had human intelligence, but he moved all twitchily like a confused insect, and didn't speak.
"Meh, close enough".
He then sent him ahead to a future chapter.
He beamed to the Dublin meeting, and didn't miss it this time.
That had always really bugged him.
Now, other things could bother him.
There was always something.
He paid individual visits to all his board, blog, and Facebook friends.
Some of them were even genuinely happy to see him.
Mike materialized on the quantum dissolver platform of the U.S.S. Concordance.
He was greeted by a human male, a female android with a chrome skullcap, and a three eyed dude from Epsilon Iotia Gamma.
He recognized them immediately.
Mike sent a signal to Planet Eidolon, and smiled about what the next phase was going to be.
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