Saturday, October 1, 2016

The Update Warriors (Part 1, 80's slashers).

Or, 80's horror period, really.

Previous chapters.

Ahh, this is the one I wait for every year.
Here we go!

"Scream, Queen", hit its Kickstarter goal, and is still in editing.
It took 2 years to edit "I am Nancy".
Who the hell knows if or when we'll see this thing?
Anyhoo, this is the only Freddy related thing we've got in the immediate pipeline.

"The Funhouse Massacre", has Robert Englund and Clint Howard.
Oh, yeah, and Kirk the jerk from "Dear John".
Also, it's written by the guy who co-hosts Popcorn Talk's Guilty Movie Pleasures.
Meh, worth one watch.
Only worth it for the d-list celebs.

The "Friday The 13th", re-reboot has been bumped to October 13th 2017.
It's going to be a prequel about young Jason, and Pamela and Elias Voorhees.
The idea of adding Elias to the mythology has been floating around since at least Friday 7, if not 6.
He pops up in a flashback in the "Jason vs Leatherface", comics, where Pamela machetes him for abusing Jason.
That's de-canonized glorified fanfic now, so we'll see where the movie takes it.

Y'know, it's getting so just waiting for the regular-ass sequels to these franchises is as much a development roller-coaster as "Freddy vs Jason", was.
That's how I know I'm getting old, I guess.

Oh, and the Friday The 13th TV series is dead.
Meh, don't care.
Maybe if it had been Netflix, or Starz, but it was CW.

A new Hellraiser titled "Hellraiser: Judgment", is on the way.
No word if it's a sequel or reboot.
With the recasting of Pinhead, I'm assuming the latter.
Heather Langenkamp plays a role.
After marathonning the shit-bombs that were 5-8, I'm not too enthused.
Y'know, short of this being the miracle revival of the series that dwarfs the first two, I'm fucking done covering Hellraiser.
I don't care if I ever hear Hellraiser or indeed Clive Barker ever again.

Dimension lost the rights to Halloween, and "Halloween Returns", quietly died, but now the rights are shared by Blumhouse and Miramax, and they're going to do an untitled reboot with John Carpenter producing.
Meh, I'm not a Halloween guy.
The first one's a classic, the second one not so much, but still okay, 3 is nifty and under-appreciated, and then 4 onward are garbage.
The fans clamored for Michael Myers back, and all the ones since he was brought back blew.
Way to go, fans. *sarcastic clapping*

"Ash vs Evil Dead", season two!!!!

Season 1.
Season 1 blu-ray.

Yeeeaaah, now THIS is what I'm talkin' about!!

It's going to have Lee Majors as Ash's dad, and Ted Raimi as Ash's childhood friend.

Some cast photos.

Trailer 1.

Trailer 2.

Like last time, I'll throw up a retro link...


The upcoming "Re-Animator: Evolution", is a reboot based more on the original short stories.
Wonder how they're going to handle the racism....

Phantasm Ravager is finally coming out October 7th.
Here's the trailer.
Looks fun!

"House", (not the medical drama) is getting a female reboot.
Shit, don't tell all the chinless wannabe-hipster vagina resenting douchbags out there, they'll pitch a poo flinging fit.

Oh, and then this business happened.

Welcome to the monster cluuub! (Part 3!)


And then that prompted me to rent and buy "Trick R Treat".
See here.

All right, I've put it off long enough.
No one can talk about 80's horror this year without mentioning "Stranger Things".
Everyone loves it, the internet has lost its goddamned mind over it, memes are everywhere, everyone's doing a "Stranger Things", font logo on their site and/or Facebook wall, Bullmoose has it on business cards, lives up to the hype.
It's really good.
I fucking loved it.
But, it's one of those ones, there's nothing left I can say about it, because everyone's said it.
"'Goonies', meets 'IT', meets 'E.T.'", check.
"Speilberg meets King", check.
"Dark Scooby-Doo", check.
"Nailed the 80's look and feel like nothing else ever has", check.
"It's what 'Super 8', tried and failed to be", check.
I've been beaten to all of it.
See it if you haven't.
It's fucking wonderful.
Its been renewed for season 2, hope they don't jump the shark, perfection is hard to maintain.

Yep, last couple years, was waiting for that big 80's horror franchise revival...thing, and this looks like it.
It came.
Hallow-Christmas finally came.

Speaking of, anytime anything's a hit, networks and studios are always like "what can we get that's like that!?".
So, Universal has acquired the rights to Joe Hill's "Snapshot 1988", before the books have even come out.

From The Hollywood Reporter...

"The story, set in 1988, centers on a 13-year old boy who ends up taking care of his elderly former housekeeper whom he thinks is succumbing to dementia. What he doesn’t know is that her memories are not being lost but stolen by an evil man named The Phoenician who uses a camera that steals memories. The story will be published in a four novella collection from William Morrow in the Spring of 2018".

Looks to be another "Stranger Things", flavored dealie.
Hey, bring it on!

Now, back to slashers...

"Death House", billed as "The Expendables Of Horror", is still happening.

Robert Englund unceremoniously and silently dropped out of it though. :-(
Hence why it wasn't up top with the Freddy stuff.

But, it's still chock full of juicy casting, check this out, the updated cast list....

Adrienne Barbeau, Kane Hodder, Danny Trejo, Barbara Crampton (girl from Re-Animator!), Bill Moseley (Chop-Top from TCM2!), Dee Wallace (mother from ET & Cujo!!), Ken Foree (Dawn Of The Dead), Michael Berryman (Hills Have Eyes), Doug Bradley (Pinhead), Torsten Voges (anarchist in Big Lebowski), Camille Keaton (I Spit On Your Grave), Gunnar Hansen (Leatherface), Tony Todd (Candyman), Sid Haig (House Of 1000 Corpses), Vernan Wells (Road Warrior, Weird Science), Sean Whalen (Hatchet III), Richard Speight Jr. (Supernatural), Tony Moran (original Michael Myers!!), Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp!), Tiffany Shepis (Tromeo & Juliet, Terror Firmer, Citizen Toxie, Sharknado 2), Lloyd Kaufman (hooray!!), Lauren Compton (Clowntown), Cortney Palm (Zombeaver, Sushi Girl), Bill Oberets Jr (Criminal Minds), Debbie Rochon (Tromeo & Juliet, Terror Firmer, Citizen Toxie, Killjoy 2, and shitloads of other b-horror), Max Wasa (Scarface, My Stepmother Is An Alien, and assorted b-horror), Vincent M. Ward (The Walking Dead), Beverly Randolph (Tina from Retun Of The Living Dead), Brinke Stevens (Slumber Party Massacre, and a shitload of b-movies), Bernhard Forcher (Grimm, The Man In The High Castle, Fury), Elissa Dowling (Dahmer vs Gacy, Showgirls 2: Penny's from Heaven, Tales Of Halloween, Cheap Thrills), R.A. Mihailoff (Leatherface: TCM III, Hatchet 2), Genoveva Rossi (various b-horrors), Yan Birch (The People Under The Stairs), Jason Johnson (Cool Cat, yes, THAT Cool Cat), Sarah French (various b-horrors), Larry Zerner (Shelly from Jason 3!), Emily Dahm (Nightcrawler), Loren W. Lepre (ECW wrestler turned b-horror guy), Julia Hapney (famous makeup chick), Dominic Bagarozzi (Human Centipede 3, The Nice Guys), Marv Blauvelt (Ugly Sweater Party), Scott Engrotti (various bikers, vets, convicts, etc in stuff since 2012), and finally, Robert Lucas (crew guy on More Brains, and Crystal Lake Memories).

Ho-ly shit!!

Anyhoo, the death of Gunnar Hansen did indeed set them back.
BUT, he co-wrote the screenplay, so his presence will be felt.
AND, his last footage is in it, so he'll be there.

Updates and pics.

Red band trailer.

*Crosses fingers* please don't suck.

A lot of the same people in "Death House", are also in "Ugly Sweater Party".
Particularly, Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp).
Can't easily find info on when it's coming out.
Probably Christmas.

Yet another union of horror icons in the spoof "Smothered".
Written and directed by Bo Duke!
I was excited for this, but it ended up being "Brutal Massacre", levels of cheese.

That's why I'm worried for "Death House", it could be "Hatchet", or it could be "Brutal Massacre".
It's a 50/50 shot with slasher mashes.
Hell, if they can pull off a "2001 Maniacs", I'd be happy.

And then there was "Last Girl Standing".
Pee-fuckin' yoo!!
Pee!! Fuckin!! Yoo!!
Ripoff of "High Tension", and a bunch of other "victim is the real/new killer", films and shorts. Unoriginal as fuck. Boooo!!

And shame on you, Fangoria, for telling me it was good.

A new flick called "The Bye Bye Man", looks like it might be a stab at a new Freddy type.
About a spirit that if you even THINK about it, will possess you.
Could be good, could be ass.
Here's hoping for the former.

And, "The Final Girls", was awesome.
Totally own it now.

And, "Scream Queens", got a second season.
I tried to get into it, but couldn't.

And, finally...
  • No word at all on the Freddy reboot. That looks dead in the water.
  • No word on Chucky 7, and don't care.
  • No word on Leatherface prequel reboot, and don't care.

Despite that, with all the other good stuff, it's a great time to be alive!

Tomorrow, Weee're the claassic moonsteerrs! Don't wanna dream no moooore!!


B. D. said...

"It's what 'Super 8', tried and failed to be", check."

Is "Super 8" retroactively being regarded as crap, then? I thought it was regarded as generally being fairly good, even with all the Abrams antihype out there.

Of the people on that "Death House" cast list, the one that most surprises me is Danny Trej--just kidding. No, it's actually Camille Keaton. Huh. Then again, checking IMDb, she's appeared in some smaller stuff over the last few years.

Diacanu said...

I've never actually seen it.
All reviews I've head from friends have it at a 50/50 split.

Diacanu said...

"Super 8", that is.

As for Camille Keaton, yeah, she dropped out of acting for a long while, because people lost their moralistic shit over "I Spit On Your Grave", and she was either offered nothing but rehashes of that, or Bible-thumped at, but fan love at conventions the last decade or so has made her want to try stuff again.

Ebert dying couldn't have hurt either.
Remember he was drumming the loudest charge against "I Spit On Your Grave".

The whole second commentary on the DVD is Joe Bob Riggs refuting Ebert's review.

B. D. said...

I did listen to Briggs' commentary. I think Ebert overreacted somewhat, although I still don't think ISOYG is really a good movie. A lightning rod, I guess you could call it.

"Super 8" is good enough for what it is. Not really a classic. Good enough Spielberg porn. I'll get to Stranger Things later.

Diacanu said...

I'll have to check out "Super 8", now.

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