Big Summer Movies Part 2. (Part 1.5)

• Part 0 (Transcendence).
• Part 1 (Winter Soldier).
• Part 2 (Days Of Future Past).
• Part 3 (Edge Of Tomorrow).
• Part 4 (Godzilla).
• Part 5 (Lucy).
• Part 6 (Guardians Of The Galaxy).
• Part 6.5 (Guardians Of The Galaxy).

Another retroactive one on home video...

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Meh.

See here for my review of the first one.
About the same.

Kids would like it.
I also agree with a friend who said the Raimi ones are silver age, and the Webb ones feel more like 80's Spiderman.

Still....nothing really special here, it's pretty effects layered over one of the old cartoons.

After the greatness of Spider-Man 2, their part 2 had to at least TRY to hit it out of the park.
They just crammed it full of shit like Spider-Man 3.

It's not as horrible as the bashers say though.
It's just...meh.
I wouldn't recommend it, and I'm glad I didn't waste theater money.

Anyhoo, that fills in the lost puzzle piece of the summer preview.

Up next "A Dame To Kill For", for really, really sure.


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QD:Season 2, Chapter 2. (Zone Dweebies Addendum: Revenge of the Cyber-Vixens)

Chokecherry knocked on Karen Stevens's front door.

Karen answered, and recoiled in shock.

Chokecherry smiled, and said "it's me, I kicked your stepfather's ass with a field-hockey stick seven years ago. Remember, sweetie?".

Karen was still staring, transfixed.

Chokecherry looked worried.
"Fuck, you didn't repress the whole thing, did you?".

Karen's eyes welled up, and she lunged forward, and hugged Chokie.

After a minute, Chokie finally said "well, are you going to let me in, or what?".

Karen let her in, and they talked over tea.


Karen mentioned she saw Chokie on Krazyfool show.

Chokie replied with a bored mumble "yeah, I thought it really sucked".

Karen said "maybe it'll be better next time".

"Next time? Fuck that", Chokie said with a derisive snort.


Chokie gave Karen a present she had brought in a shopping bag.
It was an outfit, with some accessories.

Karen let out a happy gasp when she saw it.


Forty minutes later, Karen had it on.

Thigh high black latex boots.
Green nylons.
Black bikini bottoms.
A thigh slung gun holster with gun.
A green tube top.
Elbow length black latex gloves.
Black lipstick.
A metallic green pair of visor sunglasses.
Hair colored green with a spray-on coloring.

The outfit of Zoria Bacillus.

Completing the ensemble, was a metal rod as long as a basball bat topped off with a blue orb made of a hard plastic imitating glass, and lit from within by a small diode light.

A replica version of Zoria's time wand made into a practical melee weapon by Dr. H.


"So, who's my character exactly?", Karen/Zoria asked, lazily twirling the wand/club like a baton.

Chokie thought for a bit, reassembling it on the fly from faded memory.
"Leseee...time traveler from the year 4000, Harry Hembock stole her time-car, she modified her time wand to go after Harry, hunted him down, and became his fuck-buddy. Yeah, that's about it".

Karen/Zoria grimaced, thought a bit, and said...
"That sucks. She's some loser's sex slave? Okay, I decree she snapped out of it, told him to fuck off, and left, and became her own crimefighter. In fact, she went back in time, and undid that whole stupid relationship. Now, she's me. There!".

Chokie chuckled "guess we're both fictional exes of the little gnome, eh?".

Zoria changed the subject.
"What do we do know? Go hurt some rapists, or what?", she said, brandishing her new wand/club for emphasis.

Chokie smirked.
"I was thinking we could pay a surprise visit to your real ex for a start".

Zoria grinned wickedly, holding the time-stick like a samurai sword.
"We don't have to go to him, he'll come to us. He's got the kids, and he's an hour late".

Chokie smiled, sipped her tea, and wondered if Jadie's membership drive was going as smoothly.


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Flicks I've watched (Part 40.5)

Part 40.
Then this one goes in-between, then...
The End.


So, here's the real end of this series...


Batman: Assault On Arkham (2014)

I said here it would be a fitting capper, and it is.
Batman was my first comic, Batman was my first VHS, it/he should be my last "flicks I've watched", review.

So, let's recap the other DC animateds for the 2013-2014 period.

• Superman Unbound.
• Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox.
• Justice League: War.
• Son Of Batman.

This one?
Excellent.
Best yet.
I'd even put it better than "Dark Knight Returns", or "Under The Red Hood".
Yep, that good.

I'd seriously put it up there with good animes like "Ghost In The Shell", or "Vampire hunter D: Bloodlust".

It's an interquel (in-between-quel) to the games "Arkham Origins", and "Arkham Asylum".

And it is nooooot for little kids.
Nyeeooo-ho-ho-hooo!
Nooo!
Violence, death, blood, decapitation by explosion, profanity, obscene gestures, sexual references, heavily implied bedroom scenes, references back to the bedroom scenes that remove all doubt, all that's missing is actual nudity.
Personally, I'd give it an R.

I think they used all the stuff they gradually got away with in the last ones to build to this one.
And, I've got no problem with that.
Unlike "Superman Unbound", this wasn't confused as to its audience.
They're in full on adult audience mode for this one.

Anyway, Kevin Conroy is back as Batman, Princess Bubblegum is Harley Quinne, and some guy I've never heard of is Joker, but does a dead-on Mark Hamill.

Batman is in this, but almost as a guest in his own movie.
This really focuses on The Suicide Squad, which Harley is recruited into.

The Suicide Squad is gathered together, and tasked by Amanda Waller with breaking into Arkham Asylum, and retrieving a gizmo, and also stopping Joker's dirty-bomb plot.
Hi-jinks ensue.

It's kind of "Escape From New York", with Batman characters, and betterer.

Buy, don't rent.

And, that's the end.
Good one to go out on quality wise too.

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Halloween is canceled.

Oh, I'll acknowledge the holiday, and maybe cobble together some little thing for it, but the big marathons just take too fucking much out of me, and I just plain don't want to do it this year.

I become more and more cosmically aware of everything I do that isn't Jade-Shade being a time suck away from Jade-Shade.

Every single flick I watch, I can feel the time sucking away, and it hurts more every time.

I really felt it last Halloween.
That was so grueling, it...kinda wasn't even fun.
I was satisfied with the results, but man, what an endurance trial.
It cost too much.

While I'm at it, no more Bingewatches.
"The Shield", and "Battlestar Galactica", will just have to go wanting.

I said it in "Post-Halloween holidays announcement", I gotta shave this shit back, plus, it already served its purpose in helping me create Jade-Shade.

I only kept doing it past Halloween out of compulsion, but my subliminal mind eventually guided me to the resolution of all those movie/comics quests (that I compiled on my birthday), and it all feels complete now.

But, what really finished it off, was "Rewind This", and "Adjust Your Tracking".
Those two little movies accomplished what I thought the movie blogging was doing.

"Adjust Your Tracking", really clinched it though.
There's a guy in that who's turned his basement into a perfect replica of an old-timey rental store, and at first, I admired the guy, and had a dreamy fantasy of just doing that forever.
Literally living in a video store, and watching the tapes, and making snarky wisecracks about the flicks to anyone who comes over.
Then I realized, that's always been my dream.
Then I realized, shit, I've tried on some level to make my blog that....but it's a time suck.
I got shit to write.
It would be so much fun, but I got shit to write.
I can do one or the other, not both, sacrifices must be made.

Shit, writing this fucking post is a time suck.
Gotta wrap it the fuck up.

So, yeah, let the "Rewind This", and "Adjust Your Tracking", guys do that shit for me.
I can pop those in any time to remember that world.

As for the big MISSION of Halloween (see here, and here), look, James Randi has devoted his life to debunking, Penn & Teller are kind of taking up his torch, and if it's vengeance on bullshit I want, Jade-Shade is all about that, so why fuck around with extraneous side-versions of it?

As for movies, I got one more to cap off video reviews.
And it's appropriate for a capper too.
You'll see.

Exceptions will be, first, summer movies, I'll of course finish those off.
Only one more left on that anyway.
I wanna collect the documentaries on my list, and talk about those.
And, I still like bragging about my Christmas hauls.

I'll do another early En-Mike-lopedia of this summer's stuff in September, and that'll be it.

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The shit on my walls (Part 9).

Part 8.

Hokey-dokey, big overhaul this time.
Didn't really even see it coming, just got staring at the stuff, and gut-felt that some changes had to happen, and once they were made, it felt right.
It all came to me like, one or two things a time, across the last couple days.


As always, starting with the big grid...

Guardians.
Fuck yeah!
See here, and here.

Replaces Transformers The Movie.
And, makes a cleaner row with Toxic Avenger, Super, and Avengers.
You've got the whole Lloyd Kaufman/James Gunn/Stan Lee thing all going on there now.
Now, the Awesome Mix songs pop in my head every time I look at it. :-)

Next wall...

The forbidden comics!
Goddamned fucking right.
From Hell's heart, I stab at thee.

See here, here, and here.

Bookends the wall on the other end from Raunchy Hulk.
Appropriate.

Replaces the Star Wars book covers thingy.
Episode 7 is slaughtering the novel canon, so it depressed me to look at.
Also, it's above the Harry 25th anniversary.

Next wall, above the stereo...

Upgrade of grid #1...

...and grid #2.

See here, for the previous upgrade, and here for the original versions.

I've actually been upgrading these pretty steadily, but I didn't want to post an update until they'd transformed more noticeably.
#2 has the most.
That wall is the most changeable.
Everything from Burgertime to Swamp Thing, and Pacman/Space-Invaders to Ambush Bug, that can go.
Those two rows as a corner chunk can become Jade-Shade stuff.
(Hint, hint, Paladin/Hyla ;-))

And finally, last wall, where my door is....

A mosaic of lost memory movies.
See here, here, here, and here.

A mosaic of interconnected favorite horror docs.
See here, here, here, and here.

A mosaic of film related documentaries.
See here, here, here, and here.

Underneath Ghostbusters.
Replaces the Heavy Metal covers mosaics.
Got plain sick of looking at those.
I realized, they didn't mean anything to me.
These do.

I unreservedly love the documentaries.
The lost films, well, of the crap I dug up for that series, those are ones that were nagging memories, hard quests, and somewhat enjoyable as films.
Others were harder quests, more satisfying finds, but...the films stunk.
Or, the quality films were easier to find.
Or, it was a great find, great flick, a rarity, but...it just didn't mean as much to me personally.
These had it all.

Like, "Demon Murder Case", could have gone instead of "Burnt Offerings", because it had a deeper meaning to me....but the film is just awful.
Or, "Twice Upon A time", could have gone instead of "Get Crazy", but, I didn't have a connection to it.
Even though I'd only seen both for brief instants, "Get Crazy", represents a time in my life more, whereas "Once..", is its own little esoteric world.
Eh, harder to explain than I thought...

Anyhoo, that's those.

Much better.
Muuuch better.


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Robin Williams (1951-2014)

Well, unless you were hiding in a bunker somewhere, you know what happened yesterday.
Like everyone else on the planet, I was knocked right out of my sneakers, and took the rest of yesterday to process it.

I looked over this blog, and felt like a louse for knocking three of his films, not because I'd take those opinions back, but I don't wanna look like one of the hipsters that knocked him to be cool.

So, let's remember, he starred in two of my all-time favorite films reviewed here before...


Popeye (1980)

See here, here, and here.


The Adventures of the Baron Munchausen (1988)

See here.

Robin as King Of The Moon was easily the funniest bit of the whole thing.


And also...

Death to Smoochy (2002)

From here...

You either love or hate this one.
I'm in the former camp.
Danny Devito is just great, I can't think of one he did as director that truly let me down.
Well, it's probably why I had him as an imaginary guest in "The Krazyfool Show".

The only movie with the balls to tear down the whole Barney deal.
Everyone talked about how much they hated Barney, but only Devito did something.
You should be kissing his little boots.

Anyhoo, Henry Rollins tells a great story of auditioning for this flick.
Youtube it sometime.

Tch, I was on a Devito kick, because of "It's Always Sunny...", but come on, past Me, he's Rainbow Fucking Randolph!!!

"It's a cock!! It's made of dil-dough!!".


Shakes The Clown (1991)

From here.

Robin plays the Mime Instructor.


Bicentennial Man (1999)

See here.

Others I'd recommend for your memorial marathon...

World's Greatest Dad (2009)

Man of the Year (2006)

One Hour Photo (2002)

What Dreams May Come (1998)

Good Will Hunting (1997)

Being Human (1994)

Aladdin (1992)

Hook (1991)

The Fisher King (1991)

Awakenings (1990)

The World According To Garp (1982)

And of course...

Mork & Mindy (1979-1982)

Hey, Paramount, release season 4 already.

Shit, I'd rather watch the weakest of these, or even fucking "Toys", over most of what passes for comedy lately.
You can damned well bet everyone will be seeing his last five he had in the can.
That feels so fucking weird...
Five Robin Williams films, and then no more, ever.

I still haven't processed it.
It's like when Phil Hartman died.
He was supposed to be around forever.

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Big Summer Movies Part 2. (Part 6.5)

• Part 0 (Transcendence).
• Part 1 (Winter Soldier).
• Part 2 (Days Of Future Past).
• Part 3 (Edge Of Tomorrow).
• Part 4 (Godzilla).
• Part 5 (Lucy).
• Part 6 (Guardians Of The Galaxy).

*Drumroll*


Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014)

Heehee, yep, I fuckin' saw it again. :-D
My first double dip since Iron Man.

So, entry wise, this is like when David Tennant Dr. Who cheated a regeneration. ;-)

What? You thought it was gonna be fuckin' Ninja Turtles? B-)

Re-rundown...

• Had to catch all the Easter eggs. *
• Had to have a pure experience without the assholes from last time.
• Ahhhhh sooooo much better! Good as it was last time, it was magnified tenfold.

* As to the Easter eggs, here's two I'll give away.

The pink chick in Quill's ship at the beginning is Bereet!
Longtime Hulk reader, so...yeah, geek-gasm! :-D

The slug things in Collector's collection are meant to be the worms in "Slither", so, that makes "Slither", part of Marvel-canon, and thus so too all of Gunn-canon, and Gunn-canon splinters off from Troma-canon, so....Toxic Avenger is actually an Avenger. ;-D

Ahh, I'm high now.
That's the stuff.

Up next "A Dame To Kill For", for sure.

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