So, here's a list of super-chicks I couldn't manage to work in to the other ones for one reason or another...
Adventures In Babysitting
Yeah, what the hell?
*Shrug*
The history-
Cable.
The Legend of Billie Jean
The film-
Supergirl fights some bullies, the whole thing escalates out of control, the law gets involved, and teens embrace her as a folk hero.
Her sidekick is Lisa Simpson.
The moral: most adults are stupid corrupt pigs.
Yep.
The history-
Cable.
Angel/Avenging Angel
The films-
Terrible, just terrible.
The XTRO of chick revenge pictures.
The history-
So, I was over my same friend's house I saw Freddy 3 at, and, apparently, his big sister was into these, and we start watching, and there's a gratuitous shower nudity scene, and I go "woo woo!", or "hubba hubba!", or something, and she goes "you're so immature!".
Yeah...wouldn't wanna berate the dignity of the fuckin' schlock....*eye roll*
See?
See why I don't...be around people?
All the bad, none of the good, it gets old.
Cherry 2000
The film-
A dude's animated robot Real Doll shorts out, he digs out its personality disk, and hires Melanie Griffith to help him find a replacement body out in the wastelands.
Naturally, they fall in love.
It's Mad Max meets Bladerunner, meets a rom-com.
Melanie Griffith is ashamed of this, I think it's the best thing (comparatively speaking ) she ever did.
What was supposed to be better?
"Working girl"?
I hated that fuckin' thing.
The history-
USA Up All Night
Vibes
The film-
Cyndi Lauper has psychic powers.
The perfect movie.
See my Cyndi Lauper rant here.
Cutthroat Island
The film-
Geena Davis is a pirate.
...*cough*...
So yeah, this is pretty much where Geena's career hit a rock, and sunk.
Matthew Modine emerged relatively unscathed.
Well, it's cheesey, but...so were the Jack Sparrow sequels, and they made bank.
Even with people sneering at them, you people still fucking went didn't ya?
So, what's the difference?
Historically, there were no lady pirates?
Weren't no "Boss Nigger", either.
What else you got?
Oh...don't get me wrong, this stunk, it stunk...but Americans reward shittier movies all the time, I'm wondering what's up.
What I'm getting at is, I want Geena Davis back.
Natalie Portman hasn't delivered the goods like we thought she would.
The history-
Cable.
It aaalll comes to cable.
You just gotta wait....
I'm good at waiting...
La Femme Nikita/ Point Of No Return
The films-
Same movie, but one's in French, and one's got Bridget Fonda.
I think it got the ball rolling for stuff like Aeon Flux, myself.
So far, it's also directly spawned two awful television series.
That I know of.
The history-
Scrambled Cinemax, and basic cable respectively.
The Craft
The film-
Shit, 1996 this came out?
Gawddamn, but I'm feelin' old.
I had a major crush on Fairuza Balk at the time.
Those piercing eyes, those choppers that could snap off a hand...mm, that's a woman...
If I knew how old she was now, it'd depress me.
Anyway, the blonde is the good one.
The others are bitches.
The history-
Cable.
Almost rented it though.
Charlie's Angels
The films-
Seen bits of the first one...meh.
So, yeah, mentioned in the one for E.T. I kinda had a thing for Drew, right?
We're about the same age.
Anyway, yeah, I got over that by the time this rolled around.
The history-
Cable.
Kill Bill
The film-
Tch, sorry folks, these just didn't do it for me.
You're not gonna get a big rambling gushing review of 'em here.
Well, if you want that, there's...the whole rest of the internet.
But, I just can't leave this character out, can I?
It would render the whole thing moot.
The history-
TNT.
Underworld
The film-
The "Resident Evil", of vampire chick movies.
Well....at least it isn't "Twilight"....
And, Kate Beckinsale's ass does look fine wrapped up in rubber.
The history-
Seen the first one, and bits of the second one on TNT.
The Brave One
The film-
From here...
Okay, take the Punisher, make him a chick, turn down the violence knob so instead of his/her whole family dying, just her boyfriend dies, and instead of him/her wiping out a whole crime family, just a few street thugs.
And instead of an arsonal, one revolver.
Now, make the chick Jodie Foster, and in the soundtrack, replace the Evanescence, and Drowning Pool, with some sad quiet Sarah Mcachlan sounding shit, and whammo!!
Critics spoodge all over it, and there's fucking Oscar buzz.
Yeah....*grimace, head shake*
Eh, I don't take it out on the film, it's actually pretty okay, just saying...
The history-
Cable.
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
The film-
So...take "La Femme Nikita", "Angel", "The Brave One", a couple drops of "The Craft", and Abby from NCIS, run 'em through a blender on frappe, and...apparently, that hits the right cocktail mix to make everyone, especially critics, absolutely lose their fucking minds.
Who knew?
The history-
Haven't seen it.
I'll catch it on basic cable.
Update- My Millenium Trilogy review.
Rerun time....
Supergirl
See here.
Catwoman
See here.
V For Vendetta
See here.
Batgirl
See here.
Wonder Woman
See here.
And here.
Birds of Prey
See here.
Elektra
See here.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend
See here.
Barbarella
See here.
Black Scorpion
Firestarter
See here.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
See here.
The Alien Quadrilogy
See here.
Resident Evil Quadrilogy
See here.
A Nightmare on Elm Street Series
(Various heroines starting with Nancy)
See here.
Halloween series
(Laurie Strode)
See here.
The Incredibles
(Elastigirl, Violet)
See here.
Monsters vs. Aliens
(Ginormica)
See here.
The Powerpuff Girls Movie
See here.
Heavy Metal
(Taarna)
See here.
Heavy Metal 2000
(Julie)
See here.
Barb Wire
See here.
Red Sonja
See here.
Sheena
See here.
Painkiller Jane
See here.
Josie and The Pussycats
Sabrina The Teenage Witch
See here.
Wanted
See here.
Whiteout
See here.
Virus
See here.
Tank Girl
See here.
Witchblade
See here.
Vampirella
See here.
Weird Science
See here.
Aeon Flux
See here.
Ultraviolet
See here.
Addams Family
(Morticia)
See here.
Annie
See here.
He-Man/She-Ra: Secret of the Sword
(She-Ra)
See here.
Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure
(Raggedy Ann)
See here.
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (and sequel)
See here.
Bloodrayne
See here.
Tenchi Muyo
(Ryoko, Aeka, Sasami, Mihoshi, Washu, and Kiyone....but mostly, Ryoko)
See here.
Serenity
(River)
See here.
Hercules & Xena:
The Animated Movie:
The Battle For Mount Olympus
See here.
Dark Angel: The Ascent
See here.
The Messenger:
The Story of Joan of Arc
See here.
Dogma
(Girl-Jesus, and Girl-God)
See here.
Galaxina
See here.
The ladies of "Blaxploitation"
Angel's Brigade
See here.
Rock N' Rule
(Angel)
See here.
(See also, Dazzler, & Jem)
Wow.....that really is a fuckin' brigade...okay, more like a legion.
Can't say you haven't been represented, ladies.
Up next, Martial Arts Spoofs.
2 comments:
"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" is a damn good movie, and the Swedish original holds up very well against the American re-make. You must make amends and see one or the other!
And ditto on Fairuza Balk; I always found her wicked look to be both unsettling and sexy at the same time.
Finally saw "Angel", and "Avenging Angel", all the way through.
SCHLOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!!!!!
Part 2 had some entertainment value in an unintended MST3K way in spots, but....meh.
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