Saturday, October 22, 2011

In one....

...can hear you scream.

Or, the abandoned alternate tagline "attack of the wacky hotdog heads!".

So, anyhoo, now we jump categories from Mad Scientists, to extraterrestrials.


The film-

This is one of those classics that's had everything said about it, so it's hard to say much more....

Well, fuck it, I won't.

The history-

Re-pasted from here...

Oh, holy crap, my grandparents were the first to get cable in our family, and they and my folks watched Alien on HBO, and it was too traumatic for my little eyes, so I was sent into the bedroom, where I watched...Blue Lagoon!!

Yep, that happened. *Grin*

I also remember seeing the (now rare as hell) original Alien action figure, and staring at it in horrified fascination.
The guy at the counter said "y'like that? That's a statue of my mother in law!".

It always pleased me to know the Aliens had acid blood.

Got 1 & 2 in a stack of tapes at Shady Daves.
Hey, I told ya, I got a lotta fuckin' tapes out of there.
I weren't kiddin.


The film-

Ditto the first one.

Oh, okay...

"Get away from BITCH!!".


The history-

My late-grandfather really dug this one.

That was one of the cool things about him.
Wish we'd been closer.

Pretty sure I genetically inherited his cantankerousness, and gloomy alienation.
I gotta watch that...he took it to a bad place...

Alien 3

The film-

I like what it attempts, it looks good, but I like it the least.

Sorry, Fincher fans.

The history-

Left a bad taste in my mouth from the first reel of the first viewing on.
The death of Hicks and Newt has always stuck in my craw.

I count 3 and 4 as Ripley's hyper-sleep dreams.

Alien Resurrection

The film-

Better than 3, but that's not saying too much.

It has it's moments, and Ron Perlman, and Brad Douriff are great, as is Sigourney, she's fascinating to watch.

But no, the magic of 2 never re-materialized.

Oh, it doesn't exactly suck, doesn't make me happy either.

The history-

I was so happy to have Ripley back, and to have the Fincher-ness washed away, I kinda made myself like this one for awhile.

Deepest apologies to Dick for saying this was "almost as good as the second one", at Wal-Mart.
Truly sorry for that.
Please don't hate me.

I'll always remember seeing this in the theater, and some whiny uptight bitch two rows behind me and to my right going "tch...disgusting..tch.. disgusting..tch...disgusting", non-stop through the whole fucking thing.

Have some consideration, whore, I payed to get in too.
(Cantankerousness flares up).

Boyfriend dragged her I guess.
Dude, dump the bitch.
Can't watch Alien flicks? Gotta be dragged to Jennifer Aniston comedies the rest of your life?
No one can live like that.
It ends in suicide.
I wonder how it all turned out.
Y'know, in Maine, every winter, you see these spousal murders spike up a bit.
Wonder if they were one of those.
I think of that shit....

Um..what else?
Y'know, I like Sigourney Weaver's new pointy bony old face.
It has more personality to it.
I find that a turn on.
Now, this is one of those weird comments that would normally earn me that "lobsters coming out my nose", look, except...
You know who agrees with me?
Sigourney Weaver.
Yeah, soon as I thought it back then, I read about her describing her new mug in Entertainment Weekly in very similar terms.
See, I coulda walked up, and said that shit, and she woulda taken it as a compliment.
So, who's wacky now, eh?
You're all embarrassed for yourselves now, and I understand.

Alien vs. Predator

The film-

Alternate title "Hotdog Heads vs Pussyface". ;)

I waited for this forever.

Then it arrived, and...meh.


But...dammit, what the FUCK was up in the 00's with PG-13 horror?

Marketing logic.
Fucking swine.
Bill Hicks nailed it, people in marketing and advertising are the ruiners of all things good.

The history-

I was...essentially done at this point.

AVP: Requiem

The film-

A bit better than AVP, but uh...yeah.

The history-

Ditto AVP.


The upcoming prequel to the first Alien that will give the backstory on the Space Jockey.

I don't know how to take it, in any other universe, a return of Ridley Scott to this universe would be exciting, but...he's made a bunch of stinkers in his old age.

I mean, remember how excited we were about George Lucas's return to Star Wars, and how that turned out?
And have we seen a prequel YET that's been worth a shit?
I'm not gonna let myself get worked up.

Update: See my Prometheus review here.

So, that's the Aliens.

Next up, to make a matching set, the Predators.

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