Thursday, January 19, 2012


Herc-uh-leez!! Herc-uh-leez!! Herc-uh-leez!!

Lol, oh, shit, yeah, that meme hadda go in there....

Anyhoo, I'd be remiss if I skipped over this fella.

He inspired Hugo Danner, and Superman, and he's even popped up in comics alongside the modern superheroes, so, might as well do his movies.

Hercules (1958)

The film-

Yup, good ol' Steve Reeves.

This one set off a series of like, 19 or so of these things.
All of 'em crammed into the 60's, so, yeah, wow, quite an output there...

The history-

I may or may not have seen this one, or its immediate sequels back in the day, if I did, they didn't stay with me...

Only one that really springs to mind is the one they goofed on in MST3K.
The one with "saaaandstoooorm!!".

Three Stooges Meet Hercules

The film-

Yep, this happened.

Hmm, what happened to this phase in the sequel cycle America?
You had Abbott & Costello meet all the Universal monsters, you had Stooges meet Hercules...

Howcome we haven't seen Jack Black meets Jason Voorhees?
Zach Galifianakis meets Iron Man?
Will Ferrell meets Chucky?
Steve Carell meets Wolverine?

Come on, these are naturals, let's see 'em, Hollywood!

Anyway, I've seen bits of this, and it's pretty fuckin' goofy, and not in a good way....
The real Curly probably coulda saved it.

The history-


Hercules In New York

The film-

So, we jump ahead right to the 70's with this one...

...yeah...this is pretty corny.

You gotta be able to switch off every last bit of your cynicism, or be 4 years old, to go anywhere near this one without face-palming.

No wonder Arnold (credited here as Arnold Strong) hates this one, and seeks to bury it.

It IS the only one where Hercules pulls a Beastmaster 2, and comes to our world though....

So, it's got that milestone going on....

The history-

Was always curious to see it, USA Network finally played it one time back in the 90's, ugh, curiosity more than satisfied.

Hercules (1983) 
The Adventures of Hercules (1985)

The films-

So, now we're in the 80's, and it's Lou (Hulk) Ferrigno in the role.

The effects are somewhat updated, but, they're still as corny as the Reeves ones. that some kind of one-headed Mecha-Ghidra he's fighting on the first poster there?

I can't remember if it was part 1 or 2, might be 2, but out of the blue, Zeus looks down on the proceedings, and goes "grow Hercules!! Groooow!!", which he proceeds to do, growing to the size of an apartment, then, off of the Earth, then he turns into a constellation, and the final fight happens in cheesey animation.

Yep, pretty goofy.

The history-


The Kevin Sorbo Years
Hercules and The Amazon Women
Hercules and The Lost Kingdom
Hercules and the Circle of Fire
Hercules in The Underworld
Hercules in The Maze Of The Minotaur

The films-

So, yeah, this is what Sam Raimi & Rob Tapert churned out in those post-Evil Dead pre-Spidey years.

And, of course, these lead into the regular series.

Remember when they were part of "The Action Pack"?

D'ya remember any of the other "Action Pack", movies?
Me neither.

Shit, I can barely remember these anymore.
They had all the plot development of a kid playing with figures.

The history-

A co-worker swore up and down these were "Conan", movies.
Couldn't convince him otherwise.
What a frustrating guy...
That's my clearest memory of this whole phenomenon...

Hercules (1997, Disney)

The film-

I always thought this was a deliberate classless thing to do on Disney's part to try to upstage the Sorbo show.
Like there weren't more Grimms they could've stuck to?
Yeah, shitty move.

The Eisner formula was starting to show some wear, this one "underperformed to expectations", if I recall correctly.
Good on 'em.

The history-

All I can remember, is the James Woods Hades.
Don't think I actually watched this, might've caught chunks at Wal-Mart in electronics or something..

Hercules & Xena: 
The Animated Movie: 
The Battle For Mount Olympus

The film-

Eh...I guess if you were a little kid, you woulda liked this.

This was clearly a response to the Disney salvo.

The early poster even said "The REAL Hercules! The ONLY Xena!".

Anyhoo, animation is cheap, storyline is painful.

Y'know what this is?
This is the new "He-Man/She-Ra Secret of the Sword".

The history-

Think Cartoon Network played it once.
Watched it, cuz I knew someday, I'd write this review.

Hercules (2005, NBC)

The film-

Best one so far, as it finally sticks to the actual myth, having him kill his family, and have to perform the 12 labors.

Can't help but veer off though, the definitive adaptation has yet to be done.

So, that was the 00's, the 10's have yet to do a Hercules, but they're young yet.

The history-

Cable rerun.

And, that's those.
Coulda done more, as there were a kajillion by Reeves, and his successors, and probably others from around the world,, didja really care about those?

Nah, better this just be a highlight reel of the overall evolution of the myth.

Speaking of myth...up next..GOD!


Caudimordax said...

Umm - wasn't it Samson who pulled down the temple (first picture)?

I think MST3K did more than one Hercules - I definitely remember Hercules Against the Moon Men and Hercules and the Captive Women.

A bunch of them were made in Italy.

Frankus said...

You missed the only Hercules for me:

Diacanu said...

RE: Samson ripoff.
Heh, and since the Italians made those, you'd think they know better, Hercules is their guy!

I remember that!

Diacanu said...

Oh, and Samson is in the next one!

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