Saturday, December 10, 2011

Superhero Flicks, Part 14: All The Rest (Part 3)


More of the stuff from last time.

Let's jump right in.


Spawn


The film-

From here...

Yeah...well..erm...
Well...I liked John Leguizamo as the clown.
Leguizamo is an underappreciated talent.
Other than that, I walked out of the theater disapointed.
And, y'know, I had the same gut feeling within that disapointment as when I saw "The Phantom Menace".
I should have payed attention to that.

But...y'know, schlocky as this flick was...it made good bank, and that's what matters to the bean counters, so this quite possibly led to the upsurge in comic based properties in the 00's.
So, there's that silver lining I guess.
And it's a pretty big one.

As for the Spawn phenomenon overall...eh....I just couldn't get with it...
Comics, like music, was another area that mostly left me cold in the 90's.
And like games, the speculator vampires latched on to the industry.
Unlike games though, they almost killed the industry.
So, yeah, between the crappy titles, and the collector's bubble, the artform I loved almost died.
You can't forgive people who almost kill what you love.
At least I can't.
Hence my contempt toward investor scum in the Tekken rant.
It's well earned by them.

The history-

The above covers it.


Mystery Men


The film-

Poopie.

The history-

I used to have a geek-crush on Janeane Garofalo.
Used to.


The Specials


The film-

This kinda touted itself as being the indie answer to "The Mystery Men", and predictably, the AICN putzes hyped it up.

Eh...hard nailing down which I like least....

Thomas Haden Church is good, he's always good...everything else, especially the end, kinda dumb.

One of those ones that's not bite-you-on-the-ass-level-bad, you even laugh in a couple spots, but overall, pppt!

The history-

Can't remember where I saw this.
Some channel.
Might've been Sci-Fi before they became SyFy.


Unbreakable


The film-

I liked it.
It's an origin story though, so, you're left hanging.
I lament we didn't get the sequels.

The history-

It bears striking resemblances to my own (plug! plug!) "Nobody Loves Harry Hembock", but, I think it's better, cuz, I actually completed the character's arc.
And, I swear to you, I wrote mine long before I ever saw this flick.


Hellboy


The film-

Ron Perlman is just fucking great, ain't he?
I'm willing to give "Bubba Nosferatu ", a chance cuz of him.

If you're a geek, you'll like this.
No reason not to.

The history-

N/A


Son of the Mask


The film-

*Sigh*...why did this have to exist?

So, Jamie Kennedy goes from "The Specials", to this, and Thomas Haden goes from "The Specials", to Spidey 3.

Huh...
I don't get how Hollywood ticks anymore.

The history-

So, yeah, they went for "family entertainment", with this one, which is fucking absurd if you've ever read the books this concept comes from.


The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl (In 3-D)


The film-

Ehh, I try to keep the child in me alive, but, I gotta bail when it gets this kiddie.

Rodriguez directed Sin City, so, I can forgive him this stuff.

Glimpsed the Wiki summary, eh...wouldn't like this one even if I liked this stuff, I mean...Shark Boy and Lava Girl are the kid's imaginary friends?
Nah, too "Neverending Story".

The history-

N/A


Sky High


The film-

'Nother one of these...

This one, it's a secret school for super-kids, like X-Men.
Whatever.

Hmm, Disney, Kurt Russell, both him and Disney are coming full circle here...

The history-

N/A


My Super Ex-Girlfriend


The film-

Well, it finally happened, the superhero rom-com.

Seen the flick, it's not that great, but, I am tickled pink by the cultural milestone this represents.

The superhero genre was such a juggernaut in the 00's, it got the rom-com treatment.
A generation of geeks got their date movie.

That's cute.
I like that.
Heheheh.

Best of all, it means hero stuff has really broken through if it's infesting other genres.

And hey, Uma breaks out the whole gamut of facial expressions, instead of just her Pulp Fiction sneer/smirk.
Another milestone!

Plus, you got Anna Faris, and she's a cutie.
Dug her since the Scary Movies.

If you're really, really, really bored, and this is on TBS, you could do a lot worse.
Like, Modern Marvels: Grease, or Mecum Auto Auctions.

The history-

Ah, dammit, the song from the end credits is an earworm now.

I pass it along.



Stan Lee's Lightspeed


The film-

Fucking horrible.

Worst superhero movie ever.
And I can speak with authority, I seen 'em all now.

Worse than 90's Captain America.

Worse than 90's Fantastic four.

Worse than 00's Dr. Strange.

Um..the story...does it matter?

Okay, moosh Captain America, and Flash together, and end up with a blue Flash that needs blue energy drinks from his fanny-pack to keep going.

Then, give him a snake man villain who's a visual ripoff of Killer Croc.

Then, execute the premise with acting and writing that'd make High School drama club blush in embarrassment, and glue it together with special effects that could have been done better by a kid on Youtube.

Well, this shlock was shat out by SyFy, so, are you surprised?
Course not.
The shameful bit is Stan's association with this.
Oh, Unca Stan, say it ain't so.

Even Stipperella was better than this.

The history-

N/A


Zoom


The film-

Another from the "Shark Boy", "Sky High", food group.

This time, the secret super-school is a secret government project, and Tim Allen is the mentor.

Skimmed the wiki plot, pretty paint-by-numbers predictable, no twists.

Why do kids movies have to be intelligence insulting pablum?

We had fucking "Goonies", and "Gremlins", and "Stand By Me".

The history-

N/A


Underdog


The film-

Gah, dammit, more assraping of my childhood in the vein of Smurfs, and Chipmunks.

See this rant.

The history-

N/A


Ugh, much juicier selection next time, promise.


13 comments:

Diacanu said...

Damn, no way, Ivan Reitman directed "my super ex-girlfriend"??

hyla2 said...

Y'know, I sorta wanted to see that thing . . . something about a shark and a helicopter (or am I crosswiring there?), and I'm an Uma fan . . . but I heard everything from 'myeehhh' to 'ack-ptui'.

So I let it die a quiet death and moved on. BUT. Perhaps I 'Flix it.

Diacanu said...

Whheeell....yeah, if you're an Uma junkie, go for it.

Even critics that hated it said she did a good job in it.

hyla2 said...

Hm. That's not precisely a recommendation, though. Meh. Probably give it a miss.

I do remember wincing pretty strongly at the whole super-rom-com notion.

hyla2 said...

Wow. I think I'd heard of everything on this list (heard, not seen, mind) except for 'Lightspeed'.

Stan, Stan, Stan . . . it's over . . . SSSSSSSSSsshh . . . shh-shhhh . . .it's okay, it's okay, you done good, GOOD . . .face cold, Stan? . . .wanna pillow?

But I kid. ;)

Diacanu said...

Rom-com, musical, kiddie stuff, a bunch have danced into the horror zone, what hasn't this genre cross-bred with?

hyla2 said...

Bollywood?

OPE. Nope. There's that 'Ra.one' thing, isn't there . . .

Diacanu said...

Snuff.
We gotta get someone to off themselves in a cape.

hyla2 said...

Maybe somebody can enact that mythical Batman costume sex fantasy urban legend where the guy gets decapitated by the ceiling fan bounding onto the bed . . .

hyla2 said...

Call it: "On Silenced Wings"

Diacanu said...

There you go, porn and snuff all in one go.
That'd complete the collection.

hyla2 said...

OOOOhh, according to what I've spotted in the article runner on ComicBookMovieNews, there's been a renaissance of super-themed porn lately, so no worries there.

Diacanu said...

Yeeaah, I didn't think I had to worry there...those porn producers are quick little hobgoblins.

Blog Archive

Labels