Adjacent to the "Barbarians", category I suppose..
Anyway, here's these...
About the newest movie here, but, the oldest story.
Eh, pretty good, best adaptation of the book I've seen so far.
Could be more faithful, sure.
Certainly better than the ones SyFy shat out, but who CAN'T do better than them?
*Checks* huh, Neil Gaiman did the script for this....
Had to read excerpts from the book in High School English class.
Always wished we'd done the whole book.
The Hobbit/ The Lord of the Rings/ Return of the King
Loved it, grew up with it.
Looking at it now, wow, did they ever puss out on the violence...WTF was up with the whole sword swing, and a trip-out swirl?
Something an 80's vidya game might do...
Anyway, like with their Christmas specials, I love and miss Rankin/Bass.
Their forays into fantasy stuff I especially miss.
No one else is doing that stuff anymore.
I mean, yeah, there's fantasy stuff done with CG...but...it ain't the same....
I mean, even the properties they're digging up aren't as good.
Golden Compass? Eragon? PPPT!
Yeah, guess there's no more Princess Brides coming up the pike...
Lord of the Rings-
Oh, man, did the Jackson version ever rip off bits of this, and not give credit.
The Frodo/Sam/Golem stuff is dead on.
Lotta trimming, lotta cheesey budget saver stuff like that cheap rotoscope process that looks like grainy Xerox prints colored in with 3 marker colors.
BUT, at least the battles aren't Wile E. Coyote dust clouds like in Hobbit.
You see kills.
Anyway, Bakshi tried to get his own "Return of the King", going, and couldn't scrape together the financing, and then Rankin/Bass already had their own ROTK planned when they did Hobbit, so...a lot of folks get confused, and think these were a direct trilogy, but...there's a few inconsistencies...but, they do sorta work together though...in fact, I've seen them released as a set before.
Return of the King-
Oooof....it...gets the story accomplished, and fairly well, but with all the flaws of Hobbit cranked up to full blast, and man, the music is often annoying as hell.
"Frodo of the nine fingers", in particular will haunt your fucking sleep.
The "Lemmiwinks", episodes of South Park clearly draw their inspiration from the Rankin/Bass rings movies.
You've got Harryhausen doing stop-motion affects, you've got a parade of old-time Hollyood in the cast, clearly, this was the oldsters showing that whippersnapper Lucas they could still get it done too.
Beloved.....beloved film....fuck the remake.
A remake misses the point of why this existed.
Fuckin' dumbass suits.
Another one you'll never see the like of again thanks to CG.
The dragon would be so easy to make now, they'd think the audience would be bored if they didn't cram more and more shit into the frame until you're carsick.
Be grateful we've got all this great old stuff on DVD.
I love how "real", this is.
The king is shitty, the townsfolk are stupid cowards, the clergy are weasels, it's all how it would really be...except with a wizard, and a dragon thrown in.
People hear "unicorn", and forget it, you're done, it's "a fag movie", or "for little girls", no sale.
They shut you right down.
But...they're missing out, it kicks ass.
Come on "Princess Bride", is a girly title, but that rocks the fucking house.
This is right up in the league of that one too.
Now, the book, and the film of this predate Princess Bride by a smidge, and PB does top it, but you see in this one the zeitgeist that was floating around people's typewriters.
It's in the same foodgroup.
My mother's friend (from the Transformers Optimus spoiler story) had satellite TV (the old fashioned costs-a-fortune giant dish), and this played all the time on one of the satellite stations, and she gifted a tape of this finally to me.
Well, that was cool, that totally made up for the Transformers incident, I loved this thing.
See? You gotta read all of these, there's continuity; redemption stories abound.
The definitive King Arthur movie.
No one can touch it.
Don't even try.
They do another shitty redo every 5-10 years, and they're all crap.
This one hit it out of the park.
HBO had two cuts of this, R rated for nighttime, and PG rated with all the nudity cut, and references to incest, and hypno-rape made obscure.
The blood stayed in though.
Sword of the Valiant
Hey, speaking of Arthurian stuff....this is adapted from "the legend of Sir Gawain", which is sort of a medieval-era fanfic spinoff/sequel to the Arthurian legend.
Hey, who knew fanfic spinoffs went back that far?
Well....The Apocrypha, for darned sure, and IMHO, the New Testament...but...let's not break into a theology fight...
So, you've got Sean Connery, Peter Cushing, John Rhys-Davies, and Miles (Ator) O' Keefe.
Filmed for a budget of what seems like thousands, and scored by...it feels like the guy who did the Filmation Tarzan, and Blackstar, that theme will not leave you for months.
But, as cheesey as this is budget wise, it still beats the shit out of another Connery Arthur movie, "First Knight".
Yes, I hate that one that much.
Richard Gere makes Miles O'Keefe look like Anthony Hopkins.
I...I don't get it...
I was always allowed as a kid to see Beastmaster, and that's got some intense shit in it, this one has some gore, but it's also got titties, so...this was forbidden, like Conan to me.
But....there was a bigger fucking deal made about this one.
Like, my (then younger than me now) parents acted naughty about it, like they'd seen a porno or something, and kids at school who had hipster parents that let 'em see everything acted like they were the baddest asses in the world.
As if it were the Human Centipede or something.
I've finally fucking seen it now...and it's...okay...but intensity wise, it's fucking nothing.
I saw way worse even back in those days!
What was the big fucking deal?
What was it??
I'll never know, I brought it up to Ma once, she gives me a blank stare, and can't even remember the fucking thing.
Acts like I've hallucinated the existence of this movie.
I mean, she believes it exists, I watched the fucking thing, but...as far as inserting it back into 80's history, our 80's history....wall of incredulity there.
Ferris Bueller, Catwoman, and Roy Batty play D&D with the director of Superman as the DM.
Way better than it sounds, because that's an awful description.
Man, HBO had everything, why did we get rid of the damned thing?
Oh, right, movies got shitty, and rental was cheaper.
80's were the golden age, though.
Or, maybe it's nostalgia that makes me think so....
The Dark Crystal
So, Jim Henson's shop makes Yoda for Empire, and he just had to be like..."fuck, Yoda was the star of that baby, and this Lucas is actually a hack now that I've met him...why don't I just make a whole movie like that with these advanced puppets, and kick his overrated ass?".
And...it is pretty good.
The humanoid Gelflings weren't quite there yet, a bit stiff in the face, but all the monster-y things were nailed down.
An under-appreciated little gem.
Shit, it's better story-wise than Avatar.
Loved the shit out of it, had the read-along-cassette storybook.
As much as I loved Dark Crystal, this blows it out of the water.
The more time goes by, I'm more and more of the opinion that this was Henson's masterpiece.
Best thing he ever did.
And Bowie is the prototype for a zillion anime/Squaresoft villains.
Got this kicking around somewhere...
Ridley Scott, Tim Curry, Tangerine Dream, bam, put it in the blender, you got gold.
This....fell short...BUT, it's still a nifty little film.
Notable for having a prototype morph.
Not the actual morph Willow had, but hand-animated.
A guy turns back and forth to a goose.
Impressive, but I do not envy the carpal joints of that animator.
Yeah, before CG, they really were bumping up to the very limits of what could be done.
More fuggin' HBO, man.
Great fuckin' flick.
Pure fan adoration makes this a classic by act of willpower, every stuffy textbook on filmmaking probably says this is shit, but....somehow, it WORKS.
It's like peanut butter, bananas, and bacon, those ingredients are wrong, but the result is RIGHT.
Sprinkle Queen all over it, you've got fireworks.
Sequels? What sequels?
Show? What show?
No, those never happened. You've been bamboozled.
I noted the Terminator similarities, right?
Hm...nope, that's it, I guess.
The best goddamned movie that nobody fucking seems to know about.
Buy this, dammit.
Don't rent, buy.
David Warner as The Secular Devil, a pack of thieving dwarves as the heroes, Monty Python alums, and Sean Connery, it's the best thing you'll see in your life.
Like Heavy Metal, I'll have this until I'm dead on whatever medium.
The Princess Bride
The only reason "Time Bandits", isn't the perfect movie, is because this is.
You can't have two perfect movies, it would break the universe.
Oh, yeah, Munchausen was previously adapted as this.
As mentioned, this has the first real morph.
I dunno, I like the flick, lotta people turn their nose up at it.
Not a lotta people know, the NES game of this kicked ass.
It was actually better than Zelda.
See, most people assume all movie property games sucked eggs, but this had the one good one, and no one knew, cuz they hated the movie.
Tch, oh well.
Now...those Chris Claremont novels spun off of this, they sucked eggs.
Ruined everything within the first chapter.
Sucked. Had good parts, villain was good, not enough of her. Bad films with good parts are more frustrating than flat out shitty ones. Flat out shitty ones you can laugh at, like "Showgirls". Anyhoo... Arnold's film career kinda sputtered out on this one just before he became the Governator.
Oh, you know what I liked best? The continuity nods that ended up in "deleted scenes", where they show the human the T-800 was based on, and he's Arnold with a dubbed southern accent, and someone watching the tape says "I don't like the voice though..", and a skinny guy with Arnold's voice goes "I'll fix it". Best scene, and they cut it. Pppt. Just goes to show.
Anyway, why include this stinker? Eh, completeness. I guess...
Geez, where's the famous scene that Christian Bale had a meltdown on because he needed so much mental focus?..I didn't fucking see it.
Eh, Terminator peaked at 2.
4's still 10 times better than 3 though.
Okay, Arnold ain't IN Salvation....except facial scanned in, and age regressed to his 1984 self as the first T-800.
HBO, I was allowed to see it, Linda Hamilton tits and all, for some reason.
Worshipped it for awhile, especially the endoskeleton walking out of the flames scene.
Theater, flipped my fucking LID over this.
My uncle gave me a homemade bootleg of the first 2 flicks, it was one of my favorite present ever.
Sadly, it didn't survive degradation.
Well, I got my viewings out of it.
....think I saw it at the theater....funny...doesn't stick with me, this one...
Pretty good thriller. Gave my assessment of the sequel in the last one. Saw the newest fourth installment on Spike TV a couple days ago, wow. They couldn't have censored much...lotta head splats, and blown off limbs. But yeah, politically, I was impressed. Long gone was Reaganomics/jingo-boy Rambo, he was more jaded and grizzled about war than I am. Nice. It's how the character should be, and started out. You could make a duology of First Blood, and Rambo "AKA John Rambo", and not miss much, if anything. Same with Rockys 1, 2, and 6. Thank you, Stallone, for revisiting these franchises.
Lump this in with my rant on G.I. Joe. And I liked First Blood, too. This one got all Reaganomics on me.
So, the GI Joe rant also from here. (and also posted here)
Wasn't into it. Figured out pretty quick, even without the vocabulary to frame it, that there was something spooky and ominous about the Military Industrial Complex, and that this whole thing was a commerical for war. A big thing that clicked for me, against that whole "rah-rah!", deal, was noticing the playground bullies had that whole drill sergeant demeanor going on. Wasn't my vibe. I don't mind it now as a relic of the past, I can enjoy it as fiction, but at the time, lines were being drawn. I was very aware that various ideologies were competing for my heart and soul like divorcing parents. It was a queasy thing.
Same reasons, plus it just wasn't made as well.
Plus, history wise, Mujahadeen as good guys, whoops...
Loved it, see the First Blood rant above.
One of my childhood buddy's psycho abusive dad was WAY too into this, and it ruined it for me for the longest time.
Damn, howcome so many people I put up with growing up were so fuckin' stupid?
Anyway, seen it again recently, like it again.
Oh, and also, before even that, Mr. Walker got into a shrill liberal rant/argument with a kid in my class who loved it, and got him bawling.
That was shitty.
I didn't even care for the film, and I could see that.
Fuckin' college boy going after a little kid who can't mount a sophisticated philosophical defense.
Yeah, real big man.
That's how nerds are bullies.
Well, his ass got canned down the line for other shit, so, haha, fuckin' prick.
Swelled the cockles of my heart when that shit happened.
Same as above, Spike, awesomeness.
Rocky a superhero?
Well...he certainly is in part 4.
The surrounding films are the rise and fall.
Stallone at his best. A true American classic.
Easily as good as 1.
Starting to get a bit silly, but...it's got great parts.
The Survivor song, Mickey's death scene, the argument with Adrian on the beach, good stuff.
Not up there with the first 2, but, I loved it on HBO.
Yeah, full on comic book cheese at this point...but, it's delicious cheese!
Come on, like this doesn't get you totally pumped for exercise, or household chores, or scary tests.
Best. Training. Montage. EVER.
Behind the scenes, eeeeverything went wrong. Ed Wood wrong.
Would love to hear a commentary track of Sly slagging on this.
Think I mentioned before in the Rambo rant (First Blood here) that I'm glad Stallone revisited these franchises. Well, I reiterate that. This one totally made up for Rocky 5. You can make a decent trilogy out of 1, 2, and 6 now, ignoring the rest. I saw this in the theater, and was pretty jazzed. Not as much as "FvJ", and "Punisher", but, still...
Cable, rentals, R6 seen in the theater, great experience.
Sly's Total Recall type picture, but way better, a cult classic.
The social satire gets more dead-on the older it gets, much like Robocop.
Rental, owned on VHS, gotta DVD upgrade this sucker, it's fuckin' great.
Yeah...somewhere around the Rambos, the critics turned on him, and not long after this, came Judge Dredd, and then they really pounced.
Looking over his career for this, I'm pretty sure now, it was politics, and the Mr. Walker incident was a microcosm of that whole thing.
The Die Hard Quadrilogy
Liked it better than the Lethal Weapons for damned sure.
The Cleveland Show did a parody of this just last Sunday that was a fuckin' eye roller.
Die Harder: Die Hard 2-
Mmm....*refreshes memory with Wiki*..right, right....yeah, about on par with the first one.
This was Renny Harlin's first Hollywood big-shot movie after Freddy 4.
He was the only "one who made it", who bothered to show up for "Never Sleep Again".
That wins me over, he's a cool guy.
Die Hard With A Vengeance-
I seem to remember this one being darker feeling than the first 2...and being turned off at first, then liking it a lot.
Especially with Jeremy Irons for the villain.
Had a hard boiled Sin City kinda feel to it.
Which, is fitting, cuz Willis ended up in that, so...these were preparation....
Live Free, Or Die Hard
It's so different from the rest, I have a hard time holding it in my head as a Die Hard.
Eh....not the best, but it's a good little rainy day flick when it comes on cable.
Lotta spidery little message board scumbags fancy themselves to be the villain in this.
People are so fuckin' ridiculous, it beggars belief.
I gotta fuckin' see this.
Ashamed of myself that I haven't.
First thing after New Years, promise.
Mel Gibson? Nah....fuck that crazy drunk Nazi....well...the Mad Max's are good...okay, fine....
The Mad Max Trilogy
All great in their own way.
Thunderdome is my fave, cuz it's so over the top, and comic-booky.
HBO, VHS, TBS, Spike.
And...oddly enough, Film History class in High School....
Yeah, you can see seeds of the meltdown in this in hindsight, but...this is still one of the great costume epic films.
Up there with Conan.
Yeah, that's it...I hate the Lethal Weapons...hate em....
Mm, how about....
...so I can work in....
Yep, said it before, this, Robocop, and Tron predicted the future better than any other sci-fi.
A visual masterpiece.
Dictated how tons of anime, and anything "cyberpunk", would look for a couple damned decades, that's for sure.
Literally changed the shape of sci-fi over night.
You can definitely see its mark on 5th Element.
Not as good as Raiders. Has its memorable moments.
None of them involve the bimbo the director was poking.
Didja know that if you compare the dates, this is actually a prequel to Raiders?
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade-
Back up to par with Raiders.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull-
Eh.... definitely not as bad as South Park made out, but...a bit of a letdown.
Hmm...better than Temple, not as good as Raiders and Crusade, how about that?
Anything you could really nitpick you can go after the others for.
Really comes down to, we've all gotten older, and most people just can't hack that.
HBO, HBO, theater, theater.
Um...there, that's a shitload of movies, that's good enough for ya.
Okay, this actually started in 1992, but this is when the Tenchi movie, "Tenchi Muyo In Love", came out, then came to cable, on Sci-Fi Channel's "saturday anime", lineup, and thus, when my awareness of the series started. Then, via the internet, I found out more, and used Movies Unlimited, and websites to gradually aquire the whole series in VHS. I've since switched over to DVD, of course. DVD was easier, thank goodness for box sets.
Aaanyway, on to my experience with the movie, it had everything I liked run through a blender. Lightsabers, time travel, paradoxes, superheroes, punk rock girls, monster battles, explosions, humor, it's like the Japanese peered into my head. So, naturally, I was an instant fanboy, and needed more. Ayep, Tenchi fandom, expanding to an all purpose anime fandom, was another layer of alternative geek culture that got me through the 90's.
Tenchi Muyo Ryo-Ohki (season 3)
A.K.A "the 3rd OVA".
A bit of a letdown.
Especially after that long fucking wait...
So, Ryoko (teal tressed lass in the very first pic) was really the star of this series, especially in the spinoff stuff, but here, they take away her strength (not physically, but as a character) and make her a clown, and push her into the background.
Both her, and Ayeka, in favor of shoving Noike down our throats, who, we do get to like, but...dammit, it's got the the stink of 70's sitcom "retooling", all over it.
And....what a letdown all the "big secrets", setup in OVA 2 were.
More retooling, new characters are ret-conned in as the answer to everything, and then they take over.
So, it essentially turns into a whole other show.
It's like Masaki Kajishima wanted to assert himself as head-honcho by well...pulling a Lucas.
A retro-Lucas, but still....
And....it's really all a setup for Tenchi GXP....
In fact, it's one long infomercial for it, come to think of it...
They dragged out the wait for this...fuck, almost as long as for Star Wars prequels.
I think the prequels were done when this sumbitch finally graced Amazon.
Anyway, gotta say....it's almost as bad a letdown as Prequels.
In terms of fuckup to the universe, yeah, but....it didn't suck.
What was there actually entertained.
Unlike Jar-Jar's "funny", antics.
Tenchi Muyo: GXP
The "sequel", to all 3 Tenchi OVAs.
Tells the story of Tenchi's Tenchi-looking neighbor who has almost the same shit happen to him, and ends up with an alien-girl harem that he never works up the nerve to fuck.
And, as mentioned, the baton pass started in Tenchi OVA 3, so, this thing totally takes over.
BUT, because it's SO much like first-generation Tenchi, it's still good.
So, ya can't really complain.
Except that you're financially roped into this if you want the questions of the 3rd OVA answered....
Took forever to reach the states, so I followed along with meticulous message board reviews as they were released in Japan, and leaked out to fan-subbers.
Had actually largely forgotten the review spoilers by the time it came out sate-side officially, that's how fucking long it took.
Isekai no Seikishi Monogatari
A.K.A "Saint Knight's Tale".
Stumbled onto the existence of this preparing for this review.
So...this is set 15 years after GXP, and the main character is the younger half-brother of Tenchi.
Um, well, here's the opening....
Ehh....I dunno, the style reminds me a lot of that "Bleach", type stuff that I'm not into....
And those bio-organic robot suits smack pretty damned hard of Evengelion.
Come on, you can't pull one over on this anime fanboy.
Well, there's fan-service titty....
A.K.A. "Tenchi Muyo TV".
So, this is a "reboot", we get a watered down rushed introduction of all the girls up to Washu, then, the addition of Kiyone (headband wearing dame next to Tenchi n the above pic) , then the whole thing veers off on a completely different tangent than the OVA.
This all came out in the giant gap between OVA 1-2, and 3.
And yes, this in my book was "The Ryoko show".
Ryoko's nothing to sneeze at as a superheroine, flight, super strength, phasing, teleportation to places she's been, energy blasts, spontaneous creation of lightsabers, regeneration, and all off of a dimensional magic power source.
So...yeah, she could totally kill Superman.
That's a Robot Chicken I'd like to see....
Anyway, the animation is weaker, and the storyline a little lighter than the OVA...but, there's more of it, so it equals out.
And, I always thought this had the best theme of the lot....
Tenchi The Movie: Tenchi Muyo In Love
My entry point into this series.
Set in Tenchi Universe continuity.
See the history chunk in the OVA review.
Tenchi The Movie 2: The Daughter Of Darkness
Set in a pocket universe that's an alternate continuation of the first 12 OVA episodes.
Got this via UPS right when we got hit with a stupid ice storm.
Watched it in two rounds keeping the gas generator going.
Set in Tenchi Universe continuity again, and the sequel to TMIL.
Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, fuck the 3rd OVA, this is how the series ends.
Ryoko finally reels in Tenchi, and we're done, happy music, credits, the end.
2 shows, 3 movies, and still no 3rd OVA.
I needn't have waited.
Wish I could go back and tell myself.
Tenchi In Tokyo
A.K.A "Shin Tenchi Muyo", A.K.A "Shit Tenchi", to disgruntled fans.
Set in its very own bubble continuity so it can't rape anything.
Yeah....collecting this was an ordeal...
Animation is jaw-droppingly sub-par.....the characters are portrayed all wrong, the humor is stupid, the music is some weird saxophone mess out of a goofy late-70's Godzilla, y'know, one of the comedy ones with "Minyah".
The crappy music just loops and loops, there's no variety in the composition, it's...just a fuckin' mess.
I had the last volume of this shit to watch after the art and beauty that was Tenchi Forever.
That was a glum moment.
Spaceship Agga Ruter
The Hentai (porno) series Masaki Kajishima did before Tenchi.
Very strong resemblance.
Actually, I think it's funnier than Tenchi now that I've seen the thing.
And, it's a creative porno, the fucking serves the plot.
I've been looking for something like this.
Bravo, well done, Mister Kajishima, well done.
Good show, old bean.
I'd always heard about it in whispers and giggles in Otaku circles.
Finally saw it last year.
There, seen that.
And...that's all of that....damned good little show....it was crazy popular in its day, up there with Evangelion, and Cowboy Bebop...now...it's a bitch to find, and costs a fortune...WTF??
In overall quality...it's no Bebop....but...it fucking destroys Inuyasha and Naruto.
Yeah, anime people will be able to conceptualize that....