Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Superhero Flicks, Part 23: Video Games To Movies

Books, cartoons, strips, toys, and then, this new thing, called a video game comes along, and adds to our cultural mythological zeitgeist....

Here's how that experiment has gone so far....

...frankly, I don't think the culture has adapted quickly enough.

The Last Starfighter

The film-

Star Wars...ish, but set in our contemporary (then) world.
First film to really contend with gaming, and boasting CG to make Tron blush.

The history-

'Nother HBO classic.

Speaking of Tron...

(and Tron Legacy)

The film/history-

See here.

Tron/Starfighter, both decent films, both paving the way for a much greater legacy...

Then....nothing game related in the sci-fi/superhero vein for a long fucking time, until....

Super Mario Brothers

The film-, not as horrible an adaptation as Garbage Pail Kids...but..not by much....

Did anyone involved with this actually play...and LIKE the games?

What the fuck happened here?

The history- this entry, lotta gushing over gaming in there, and for sure Mario must be in there...

Ain't telling all that from scratch, call me lazy if you want...but if ya do, look how much of this I've done, and then fuck off.

Any positive memories of this flick?
Um...Dennis Hopper was decent.
Leguizamo is always all right, even if comically miscast here.
No, this film is not a positive experience, and you should avoid it.

Double Dragon

The film-

A better adaptation than SMBTM, WAY worse movie.
Holy shit.

The history-


Street Fighter

The film-

Raul liked to slum.
(Still miss him)

Van Damme had a lot of cocaine guilt.

Watch the result of that if ya, I'm done with that irony hipster masochism shit, I'll find something GOOD.

The history-

Saw it at the theater.
Couldn't have been on my own conscious free will, think I took Matthew to it.

Street fighter II: The Animated Movie

The film-

Well....least it was faithful to the game.

And, you got blood, death, and cursing.
And, an anime titty shot of Chun-Li, if you're into that kinda thing. ;)

So...anime knew how to get it right, even though Hollywood was still clueless.

The history-

Eh, nothing ramble worthy.

Mortal Kombat

The film-

Well, as someone once pointed out to me, these are probably the most successful game-to-movie adaptations of all time, in that...they ARE the fucking game.

It's just a shallow goofy fucking game, is all.

The history-

This one comedian, some nobody, but you know, in the 90's there were a million of these guys with one good joke, had a bit on doing an impression of the first MK movie that was like (does the techno theme) "woh, woh, woh, woh, woh, woh, woh, woh, woh, woh, woh!", *dramatic pause, karate pose* "you will die!", *repeat theme* "No! You will die!" *repeat theme* "No! I may get a little bit hurt...but YOU will die!".

I thought it was amusing, I repeated it to the guys at Toys R US (second shitty stint) then, one of 'em brings in the MK soundtrack CD, turns out he loves the fucking thing.

Probably contributed to why I was loathed enough to vandalize my car.
...tch, over that?

Fuck 'em, they're trash.
Hope their lives were unfulfilled, and dreamless.
Hope they caught an angry sentient strain of clap that left them with Toxie's looks.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation 

The film/history-

Ah, ditto, it's all the fuckin' same....

The fucking potential of this technology, and this is what they were doing...tch....

It's like inventing cold fusion, and using it as a butt-plug.

Wing Commander

The film-

Have heard it's legendarily awful.

So...Freddie Prinz Jr had a career because people loved his dad.
Well, I've seen clips of Freddy Senior...and he was a goofy fucking hack too.
There, someone had to have the fucking balls.
You PC pussies.
Come on, Prinze came up in the same age as Red fucking Foxx, and Richard motherucking Pryor.
It's not like the bar was low back then.
Not by a longshot.
Stop exalting mediocrity, you sheep.

In a proper society, the Kardashians would be eating Whopper onions out of a fuckin' dumpster.
Wake up, zombies.
Maybe then, shit like Wing Commander wouldn't happen.
Wing Commander happens, because you all let it.

The history-

Go play the one with Mark Hamill, and Ginger Lynn.

Fatal Fury: The Motion Picture

The film-

Whelp, again, the anime people at least got the game.

Is what it is; good at what it is; and no Hollywood dumb-shit "compromises", like necro-nepotism, and fevered cocaine egos using the script as a cum-rag to "leave their mark", on "the property".

I love you, Japan.
You've got your shit together as a culture.

And hell yeah, Terry Bogard is a superhero.

The history-

Looped on Sci-Fi's "saturday anime", along with "Tenchi Muyo In Love".
Good times, good times.


Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

The film-

Breathtaking graphics/animation that took an evolutionary leap.
Fuckin' b-grade SyFy Channel level schlock for a story.
Well, like Avatar.

The history-


Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

The film-

See history...

The history-

From here...

Never played this, knew it was a tremendous hit though, and caught slivers of storyline here and there from friends, sites, and magazines.

And of course, there's this famous moment everyone knows...

One Winged Angel!

Apparently, it was all downhill from here for this series though...

But, it was PS1's biggest hit.
The "Vice City", of PS1 if you will.

And it would go on to spawn the CG animated film "Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children", which I've never seen, because apparently, you have to have played the game to understand it.

Resident Evil Quadrilogy

The film/history-

See here.

Up next, more of these...

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