I really friggin love the 80's (part 3)

*Skims* Well, this one seemingly has a better selection than the last one..see how this one goes...

Part three!

1980

Fame

What? Fame? The LAST one had fucking Fame!
Oh...right...the movie, then the show...
They couldn't just lump 'em together?
Screw 'em both, wasn't into 'em.
Much like "Glee".
Not my vibe.

Paul McCartney gets busted for marijuana possession

Legalize it!

Ethnic Barbie Dolls

Yes, let's try to get black and Asian girls on the anorexia horse too...

Pepsi Challenge

(Mortal Kombat voice)
Pepsi wins! Finish him!

Richard Pryor burns himself

Jeez...I loved him as an artist...but...that's some high octane crazy there...
Well, the title of his third album was apt, wasn't it?
Well, everyone used that punchline then.
Still, yikes.

Fruit Roll-Ups

Yum.
Course, they don't put much actual fruit in 'em anymore by the looks of 'em.
But in my day, they were all fruit.
No garish clown colors.

Gary Numan's "Cars"

Good one.
All snyth-y.

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century

Said it in the bit on Battlestar Galactica.
Dug this one better.
Erin Grey was another sci-fi crush of mine.

Post-it notes

Heh, got a cyber version of 'em on this 'puter.
Handy little things in either form.

AC/DC's "Back in Black"

Danh!! Danh-nanh!! Dan-nanh!! Diddlah deeda deedow!!
Danh!! Danh-nanh!! Dan-nanh!! Diddlah deeda deedow!!

Intellivision

Didn't know anyone who had it.

My Bodyguard

Not to be confused with the Whitney Houston flick.
Didn't see it.
Or, if I did, didn't remember it.
I just read the Wiki review, doesn't ring a bell.

Christopher Cross' "Sailing"

Liked me some Christopher Cross to mellow out to every now and then.
Can't be wired on metal constantly, you'd go nuts.

The Jazz Singer

Didn't see it.

Fashion plates

Ohhh yeah...
The thing, where you did a crayon rubbing of these plates, and it made girls in various outfits to color in.
I had the boy's version called the "Mighty Men & Monster Maker", that made superheroes, and monsters, and you could mix up the heads, and bodies, and legs.
Hmm, looking at it again, a lot of the charactrers look reminiscent of later He-Man characters ,
wonder if there was influence, or if maybe the designers went to work for Mattel...
Oh, here's a nifty factoid, the guy who created The Rocketeer created the plates.

Sugar Ray Leonard

Same thing I said about Michael Jordon.

The Elephant Man

Good flick, Tony Hopkins rules.
He's even good in movies that otherwise suck.
And I've seen some.
This wasn't one of them.

Little Darlings

Didn't see it.
Woulda been good to get horny to as a teen.
Now, pedophelia, no thanks.

1981

History of the World, Part I

Mel Brooks was on a great streak.

Circus of the Stars

Didn't see it.
Or, it was on, and I didn't pay attention.
Doesn't seem like I missed much.

The first laptop

Seen it, it stretches the word "portable", to just short of meaningless.

Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend"

Everyone will forevermore think of the Chris Farley Chippendales dance.
Funny as a bastid.
Okay, I eye-rolled at the Chippendales dancers in the 70's one, but it led to this skit, so, okay.

Chariots of Fire

The song has had a far longer shelf life than the movie.
Never saw the movie.
Always dug the song.

You Can't Do That on Television

Aww, man, where to begin?
This was Garbage Pail Kids the show.
This is the world I wanted to be in.
This was Electric Company on food poisoning, acid, and coke.
I fuckin' loved it.
A Canadian import.
America didn't have the balls.
Its only sin was spawning Alanis Morrisette.
But...if not them, somebody, she was pretty dauntless.
Unfortunately...*sigh*
Anyway, great show.
Probably wouldn't hold up now, but man, did I look forward to this.
I think all the other kids on this became accountants, and teachers, n' stuff.
There should be a reuninion.

Mud wrestling

Dumb.

38 Special's "Hold On Loosely"

Eh, s'good one, but...y'know the 70's sound was kinda lingering.
But..in hindsight to how 80's metal was just spontaneously and rudely amputated, maybe that was a good thing.
Think of what we would have missed.
Shit, think of what we did miss in the latter case.
Fuckin' music industry.
Sons of bitches.
Sons of bitches all.

Escape from New York

Didn't catch this 'til much later.
Great flick.
To you "millenial", kiddies,...I can only describe it as "Duke Nukem The Movie".
You don't need a "real", Duke Nukem Movie, this is it.
Duke stole his whole shtick from Snake.

Penny Racers

Didn't have any.
I was a Star Wars, Hulk, and dinosaurs geek.

The Mediterranean fruit fly infestation

Was oblivious to this.
The news was too horrifying for children.
I didn't watch it when I was really little.
Y'know, I gotta get back on that diet of no news.
It agrees with me better.

Barbara Mandrell and The Mandrell Sisters

Ehh...their songs ain't poppin' into my head at all...
Pass.

REO Speedwagon's "Keep on Loving You"

Ehh...

Body Heat

Didn't see it.

Erasermate

Erasable pens, right?
Yeah, I had me some of these.
The ink was really gummy and smudged to bejeezus.

Country stars performing pop songs

Wouldn't have noticed the difference.

Gimme a Break!

This was like "One Day At A Time", with a fat black chick who was more likable than the screeching menstrual white chicks.
Really intense arguments, gloomy drama episodes, y'know, that shit.
All In The Family did it better.
But, I dug Nell Carter, so...
'Nother good actor dead.

An American Werewolf in London

Didn't see this finally until MUCH much later, like, late 90's, the tail end of the VHS age.
It's fucking great.
I'm offended I was kept from this.
I got to see, and eventually own, Fright Night, and that had the exact same kind of stuff, gore effects wise.
Eh, whatever.
I kinda like Fright Night better...
Just by a smidge.

1982

Quest for Fire

Great flick.
Dubious historical accuracy, but take it for what it is.

Videocassette recorders

Said it before, VHS, cable, and Atari (then NES) kept me sane.

The Human League's "Don't You Want Me"

Listenable.

Cats

A punishment of every sense, including taste, and eurethra-push.

Tron

Loved it.
I was part of a small cult, I guess.
Well, big enough of a cult to get a sequel almost 30 years later...
Fired up the old VHS tape a few weeks ago in anticipation of the new flick, and man, was it prescient.
I totally get it.

Freezy Freakies

Had a pair of these, loved them.
Sadly outgrew them.
Physically.

Toto's "Rosanna"

Catchy.

BMX

Lusted after one, but, I was an uncoordinated gawm-ass, no way I'd be able to do the stunts on the TeeVee.
I was better off with my Huffy Space Invader bike.
Now, that thing took me on some adventures.

Shopping malls

Mixed bag.
Check these rants
Location blogging #4.

Location blogging #5.

Bow Wow Wow's "I Want Candy"

Listenable.

Only just.

Headbands and mesh tops

*Vomits*

The $25,000 Pyramid

Didn't care.

EPCOT Center

Wasn't built the first time I went to Disney.
Got the "help me smee!", moment though.

Second time, I did get to go, pretty cool, but already showing some age.
Saw Greg Evigan there.
Mentioned that last time...

Yeah, I'm torn on old Unca' Walt.
Anti-semitic fascist politically, but...had an optimistic futurist side...
Well, kinda like Howard Hughes...
Ya take the bad with the good, I guess.

Victor Victoria

Didn't see it, or care to.

1982 Chicago Tylenol murders

People are such selfish assholes.
Yeah, and we've had to pull foil off everything ever since.
The foil people made out like raped-apes.

Ripley's Believe It or Not!

I liked the Jack Palance version.
Somehow, he projected more gravitas and authority than Dean Cain.

First Blood

Pretty good thriller.
Gave my assessment of the sequel in the last one.
Saw the newest fourth installment on Spike TV a couple days ago, wow.
They couldn't have censored much...lotta head splats, and blown off limbs.
But yeah, politically, I was impressed.
Long gone was Reaganomics/jingo-boy Rambo, he was more jaded and grizzled about war than I am.
Nice.
It's how the character should be, and started out.
You could make a duology of First Blood, and Rambo "AKA John Rambo", and not miss much, if anything.
Same with Rockys 1, 2, and 6.
Thank you, Stallone, for revisiting these franchises.

1983

Jaws 3-D

Jeez, Speilberg's masterpiece gets degraded down to this schlock?
Well, wouldn't be the last time...

Star Search

Only cared about the comedians.
Say, whatever happened to all those fuckin' child dancers?
Remember that?
Remember that miserable child dance troup category they made you cuss and dry heave through?
Where are those little douchebags now?
Why aren't they in show business?
I want something to SHOW for that pain, dammit.
Child dancers, tch.
Shyeeet.

Monchhichis

*Clenches fists, grits teeth, crinkles nose, raises a punch to the screen, and thinks better of it*
*Exhales deeply through teeth...composes self*

Herbie Hancock's "Rockit"

Catchy.

St. Elsewhere

Wouldn't watch it on a dare.

Had a lot of schadenfreude when the ending was it was all a fantasy in a retarded kid's head.

Hahaa! *points*

Well, the title shoulda clued you in it was some kind of warp zone.

Truly Tasteless Jokes

Missed out.
Heard better ones on the playground though.

Mr. Mom

Overrated.
Got rehashed as "mister nanny", and "kindergarten cop", and "the pacifier", just off the top of my head.
Liked "night shift", and "gung ho", better as Michael Keaton comedies.
I miss Michael Keaton.
Where did he go?
And why?
Come back to us, Michael, we need you!
Now more than ever!

The jheri curl

Bleh.
Robert Townsend sent this silly hairdo shit up pretty well in "Hollywood shuffle".

Jesse Jackson runs for president

Doomed.

Press Your Luck

If it was a goofy gameshow, I wasn't fucking watching it.
Only "remote control", was worthy of my time.

ZZ Top

Hell yeah!
"Legs"! "sharp dressed man"! "TV Dinners"! "double back"!
Kick ass!

D.C. Cab

Never saw it.

Reading Rainbow

Dug it.
Miss it.
Levar's a cool dude.

Mr. Wizard

REALLY dug it.
This and "you can't do that...", were the best things on Nickelodean.
Where the hell are the science shows like this for kids now?
No, let's teach 'em to chase fucking ghosts in abandoned prisons instead.
*Eye roll*

Strategic Defense Initiative

The corbomite maneaver.
And the Russians actually blinked.
MAN, the cold war was stupid.
I mentioned that, right?

Quiet Riot

Hell, yeah!

But...I was starting to notice, you couldn't be a geek like I was, and like metal groups, and publicly say so, or the shitty little bully kids had the attitude of "you can't like my band!! You're not cool! You can't be in our club! Only our cool club can like this band! Stop listening to 'em, you're ruining 'em! I'll kick your ass!".
Y'know, that stupid frigging bullshit.
Fuck off.
Rotten shitheads.
Where are they now, eh?
Yeah, the other side of the coin of that whole Prince deal I ran into.
I'll listen to anything I like, cockmongers, try and stop me!
Oh! Oh, look what III'm doing!

Clicky!!

Terms of Endearment

Wouldn't watch it.
Boomer shit.

1984

Red Dawn

See capsule review here.

Dr. Ruth Westheimer

Why, you naughty little elf!
I miss that naughty little elf.

Murray Head's "One Night in Bangkok"

Auuaarrgh!
Man, my folks dragged me around to every fucking furniture store in the state one day, and I swear, every furniture store had this on their fucking radio.
It would go away on one store, the next store, it'd be starting right back up.
So, it was literally played to death along the whole band.
Son of a bitch...

Band-Aid

Naw, that can't be.
I got a '78 Wacky Package of "band ache", so they gotta go back to the 70's at least.
Yeah, I went through a lot of these.

Ohhh...the charity concert...

Meh.

Children of the Corn

Saw it later on HBO.
Wasn't a fan.
Didn't scare me.
Annoyed me that the kids were being so shitty.
Reminded me of the playground.

New Edition

Um...know the name...ain't ringing any bells otherwise...

Hair mousse

*Eye roll*

Amadeus

Ah, the movie.
Didn't see it finally until fairly recently on Ovation.
Loved it.
Probably historically inaccurate as hell, but, eh...

Doug Flutie's hail mary pass

Don't care.

Rodney Dangerfield's "Rappin' Rodney"

Rap jumped the shark right here, and yet still it would not die.
No one's had the resolve to do what must be done.
And no, killers of Tupac, and Biggie, that wasn't it, you're fuckin' stupid.
You made martyrs, now matters are worse.

Voltron

Ouch...has not held up.
Caught reruns and...painful...

Calculator watch

Didn't have one.
Had a Transformer watch though.
Great way to smuggle a toy into school.

Romancing the Stone

Meh, pretty good.

Designer shoelaces

Not my bag.

Snorks

Lock, stock, and barrel Smurfs ripoff.
They had more girls though, so you didn't get the creepy vibe they were gang-banging one chick, like with Smurfette.

Anti-fur movement

*Nose crinkle*
We've got HUMANS to save, you goofy pseudo-hippie douchebags.
I love animals, but, fuck, prioritize.
Throwing paint on a rich old twat's coat does absolutely NOTHING to make the world a better place.

TV's Bloopers & Practical Jokes

Lotta lameness on this show.

Sergio Aragones from Mad and Groo did the little cartoon janitor, so...that's something.

Police Academy

Fucking Guuutenbeeerrg!!

1985

Bob Ross' The Joy of Painting

Does NO ONE remember the guy who preceeded him, Bill Alexander?
Liked him better.
Bob Ross creeped me out.
Gave me the vibe of a guy with a windowless van down by a park.

Monster trucks

Sunday!! Sunday! Sundaayyy!!!
Heh heh heh..

Mick Jagger and David Bowie's version of "Dancing in the Street"

They fucked.

Calvin Klein's Obsession

Obnoxious ad campaign.
SNL gave it a decent assassination.

The Legend of Billie Jean

Very vaguely remember it.
I know a young Yeardly Smith was in it.

Phil Collins' No Jacket Required

Was "land of confusion", on this?

Joe Theismann breaks a leg

Ohhh, that was that really gross break where it flops all around, ain't it?
*Shiver*
Everyone on Earth has seen that.

My Buddy

Prelude to Chucky.

"Weird Al" Yankovic

My friggin' idol.
Okay, I revise the list, cable, VHS, Atari, and my first tape deck with his first 4 albums kept me sane.
I think those Weird Al tapes were the audio version of what the Freddy VHS-es were to me later, cinematically.
Mine.
For me.
Wasn't some nasty jerky playground "club", poisoning it, like Springsteen, Quiet Riot, and Prince.
Y'know?
Anyway, ditto what I said about "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure".

Just One of the Guys

Oh, this is the one where a chick disguises herself as a dude...for some reason..
Yeah, I didn't watch shit like this.
They still churn out turkeys like this, too.

The Subway Vigilante

You mean Bernard Goetz?
Really? VH1 went with the press's lame moniker for him like it's a title?
Um...it's too sad a story to get all "rah-rah", about.
The guys who messed with him were trash, but, he's fucked up.
It's just a bunch of ugly stuff that happened.
Reality is like that.
Not like a fuckin' movie.

Sour Patch Kids

They're still around.
They never stopped, I like that some things are consistent like that.
Cool that a permanent candy staple was born in my lifetime.
Everything else was from the time of my parents, or grandparents.
Anyway, yep, I like 'em.
A friend of mine, in Mrs. Tinkham's class, would try to impress us by snorting the powder that came off of them.
Sss...oww.
*Rubs sinuses imagining it*
Still my reaction to that after all these years.

Brewster's Millions

'Nother Pryor one.
His flicks were okay, but his standup was where it was really at.
Anyone could tell you that.

Sally Field's Academy Awards speech

*Eyeroll*
'Nother goddamned meme.

DeBarge's "Rhythm of the Night"

Debarge was pretty good.

Spies Like Us

*Groan*
Threw plenty of reference to this into "Torrent of obscenity".

Rocky IV

The series had fully gone to Toontown by this one.
But, y'know, I dig the hell out of the soundtrack.
Lot of us X-ers do.
Check Youtube.
Lotta y-ers and z-ers have discovered its charms as well.
It was the MTV Rocky.
Y'know, back when MTV was innovative, and hip, and fun.

1986

Back to School

One of Rodney Dangerfield's better flicks.
This, and "easy money".
Although, they never made the definitive Dangerfield movie that captured his standup.
But, the same could be said for Pryor.
And man, they never even tried for Carlin.
Anyway, this is a good one.
A very young Robert Downy Jr. is in it.
And Oingo Boingo performs their other hit single besides "Weird Science", that being "Dead man's party".
Ah, 80's...

Love Connection

Dopey gameshow, you know the drill.

Madballs

Geez, I collected these dumb things.
They really didn't have much point, except to be 3-dimensional Garbage Pail kids.
They weren't very good balls.
And if you flung 'em around real good, you could possibly lose the things, so you were out a collectable.
And Heaven forbid a dog ever got ahold of the things.
Yeah, fun character sculptures, but useless toys.
I guess you could leave them places to be found by squeamish wussies as a prank.
Pretty short lived amusement there.
Ah, well.
Still got 'em in a closet or attic somewhere.

Jermaine Stewart's "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off"

He died of the AIDS.
I repeat what I said about the "you spin me round..", guy.

Murder, She Wrote

Didn't watch it.
Well, not regularly, I saw a couple episodes to get a gist.
Mysteries are pretty formulaiac and repetitive.
Well, everything is, but you notice it faster with mysteries.
Anyway, it was supposed to be a pretty small town she was in, and she was at the scene of every murder, wouldn't they start to suspect HER?
And after like, 12 years of people being bumped off, wouldn't they start to run out of people?
Everyone's either dead, or in jail.
See, at least House treats people from all over the country, and sometimes, world.
You can suspend things a little better.

Muammar al-Gaddafi

Wacky Kadaffy.
A little tinpot twit nipping at America's heels like an angry poodle.
He sure wasn't fucking Cobra Commander.

There was enough "yip-yip!", like he was.

The Color of Money

Billiards flick, right?
Yeah, it ain't no Rocky, is it?
Didn't watch it.

Short Circuit

It had a fuckin' robot, so I loved this stupid thing.
And it had fuckin' Gutenberg...*eyeroll*
And whatsisname, as an insulting fake East Indian.
Schlock.

Snuggle

Who knew detergent could give you cavities and diabetes?

Not Necessarily the News

Loved it as a kid.
Looking back, only good part was Sniglets.

Memorex tapes

They actually were good quality.
For tapes.
Now, give me burner CDs any day.

Lucas

His name is Lucas, he lives on the second floor!
He came up with Jar-Jar Binks.
Now his dad don't love him no more.
*Sounds of furniture breaking, glass shattering, sobbing*
That'll teach ya, Lucas!
Myah!
Myah!
Myah, see!

Myah!

Head of the Class

Oh, boy..
Okay, listen up, millenials, and whatever gen-Z is, history time.
First, there was WKRP In Cincinati.
Then, the dude who played "Johnny Fever", on that, played the teacher in "head of the class".
Then, the fat guy and the nerd from this, went on to create "all that".
Then, "all that", spawned "Kenan & Kell", and "the Amanda Show", and "the Nick Cannon show".
And then all these characters became relative celebrities thanks to your allowance money.
So, there you go, once again, your stuff traces back to the 70's, you didn't invent it.
Neener.
Anyway, meanwhile, "head of the class", unleashed Robin Givens on the world.
She'd go on to become Mike Tyson's heavy bag.
And Johnny Fever got replaced with Billy Connoly.
Quite a family tree, that show.
Anyway, you wanna see real talent, kids, Youtube Billy Connoly.
That's a fuckin' star.
Amanda Bynes, are you shittin' me?

Heart

Listenable chick rockers.
We didn't get a lot of these.
Hey, don't get on me, feminists, history doesn't fuckin' lie.

Halley's Comet

A pitiful smudge.
I didn't even bother.
I'll be fuckin' dead when it comes back.

¡Three Amigos!

Foolish, bomb, but strangley, it's become retroactively beloved via cult nostalgia.

Here's my take on it.

1987

Predator

WTF?
Predator was in the last one.
It's good all right?
Watch it.
Geez, it wasn't high art, or nothin.

Oral Roberts asks for $8,000,000

And he fucking got it.
Fucking religion.
Go back to my Pope rant.

Max Headroom

Way ahead of it's time, and the full extent of the joke was way over my head the first time around.
Let's just say Max would love the internet, and readily recognize the state of cable news, and feel right at home sparring with Glenn Beck without even meaning to.

Billy Idol's version of "Mony Mony"

Ain't nothin' bad about being Billy Idol.

The Legend of Zelda

WOW did that game ever dominate a chunk of my life.
Epic.
What Sgt. Pepper was to records, and Empire Strikes Back was to movies, this was to games up to that point.
Quite an event.

Moonstruck

Didn't see it.
Chick flick.

Baby Jessica falls down a well

Did the real national news really have to hover over this?
Shouldn't they, I dunno, have been keeping tabs on Osama Bin Laden?
Asking uncomfortable questions at Goldmann Sachs?
Somethin' like that?
I dunno.
Guess I expect too much, huh?
Silly me.

Lee Press-On nails

*Eye roll*

Throw Momma from the Train

After all that...the ending, it comes from nowhere...it's like the editing machine puked...WTF?

Anyway "momma", was the gang leader in Goonies.

Disturbing woman.

I miss her.

Microwave oven

We've got to install microwave ovens!
Custom kitchen, deliveray-ay-ay-ayyy!!
We've got to move these! Refrigerators!
We've got to move these color teeveeeeees!!!

Yep, these made life vastly easier.
That, n' remote controls.

Ozone depletion

Did this ever seal up?
The news doesn't tell us this shit y'know.
When Paul Mccartney dies, we'll hear all the fuck about it for a month though.

Spenser: For Hire

Alas, poor Urich.
He was in Ice Pirates y'know.
Another good one that didn't make VH1's lists.
Slobs.

Black Monday

Didn't hear about it, wouldn't have cared.
If I'd known what I was looking at, I'd've known, it was the first peek behind the curtain, the first glitch in the system, the first leak in the dam, the first objective sign, that no one in charge really knew what the fuck they were doing.
But, MAD Magazine was already telling me that, so it wouldn't have been a stunner.

Mannequin

My friend Steve went from showing me flicks like Back To The Future...to stuff like this.
Yeeaahh...
Well, he got better, he recommended Toxic Avenger in high school.
Forgiven.

The bolo tie

Tch...*head shake*

Cutting Crew's "(I Just) Died in Your Arms"

Must've been something I aaate!

Kelly LeBrock Pantene advertisements

Handy factoid-
Steven Seagal beat and raped her.
Our sick society doesn't count rapes when you're married to the person, but still.
Anyway, another reason to hate his rotton stinking guts.
Or, a fresh one, if you didn't have one before.
If you watched one single episode of his reality show, even for the train wreck factor, I don't want to fucking know you.
Get out of here.
I can't even look at you.
Just get out.
I'm serious.

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Yayyy!!!
...ouch, hasn't stood up to time.
"Best of both worlds", "all good things..", "times arrow", stuff like that, great.
But a loooot of miserable filler episodes.
Anything centered around Troi gets a channel clicking.

Lethal Weapon

Mel the crazy drunk Nazi again.
Don't look at him.
Keep walking.

1988

Twins

Arnold's one good comedy.

The party line

Stupid.
Technology finally fixed this.
Mostly.

Cher and Rob Camiletti

Rob who?
Oh, her first "cradle robbing".
Get over it.
Fuckin' lame country.
Can't we open up a wormhole, and send all these fucking constipated fundamentalists back to the 17th century where they so desperately want to be?
Let's just do that.
Hurry up, science.

Buster Poindexter's version of "Hot Hot Hot"

Fun one.
He was the Taxi ghost in "scrooged", y'know.
Yep...

Cocktail and The Beach Boys "Kokomo"

Cocktail, tripe.

Kokomo, listenable sing along in the car ditty.

Micro Machines

Had me some of these.
Just to have.
Like Madballs.

Lita Ford's "Kiss Me Deadly"

'Nother good chick rocker.
Would later team up with Ozzy.

Unsolved Mysteries

The spooky theme was cool, Robert Stack was cool, the mysteries were gloomy, the reenactments distrubing, fun show.
And, once in a blue moon, a mystery would be solved.

Midnight Run

Mmm..didn't watch it.
Hey, Charles Grodin!
He had a talk show in the 90's on CNBC.
He hated Geraldo as much as me.
I miss him, where is he now?

Jimmy the Greek's controversial statement

Yeah, someone in sports said something dumb, stop the presses.

Midnight Oil's "Beds Are Burning"

Eh...

The rattail

*Tries to vomit, emptied it all out at mesh shirts, dry heaves hard enough to make my asshole hurt, bursts blood vessels in eyeballs, collapses*

The Morton Downey, Jr. Show

Wow, do I ever miss THIS!
Do you ever wish the host of some vapid insipid talk show would just come out, and say the guest was a fucking idiot, and go all Sam Kinison on their ass?
Well, we actually had this show in the 80's.
What a miraculous time to be alive.
Anyway, another death of someone cool by cigarettes.
No, corporations would never sell us things that would hurt us.
Taco Bell's beef is fine.
Move along, nothing to see.

It's Garry Shandling's Show

...hard to describe...try to Youtube it.

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!

Great game, shitty guy.

Well, between this, n' Zelda, I guess they skipped the NES, and focused on particular games.
Sloppy, VH1.
And no Mario?
Really? WTF?
Saving that for an 80's-4 that they never made?
Anyway, Nintendo was a revelation in and of itself.
I first laid eyes on Super Mario Brothers, and that's how video games always should have looked, how they looked in my head.
Finally, gone at last, and forevermore, were blocky things you had to imagine what they were.
See my Pacman rant, things were finally pushing towards the television realism I was craving.
Although...I honestly believe Atari 400 could have handled SMB.
But, the Atari company imploded, so...
But yeah, my jaw was on the floor when I saw SMB.
It only got better from there.

Tanning beds

Stupid.
Cancer.

Rod Stewart's "Forever Young"

Bland.

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!

Damned good, but part 2 is up there with the funniest movies of all time.
Y'know, I go back, Naked Gun 2½ is funnier than Airplane.
Yes, I said it.

1989

Rescue 911

The Shatman actually does some good.

The Little Mermaid

Disney crawls out from under "the black hole", and "the black cauldron".

Fine Young Cannibals' "She Drives Me Crazy"

A little of this one went a long way.
Once a day, listenable, higher doses became painful.

The Exxon Valdez oil spill

Hazelwood, the most hated drunk driver ever.
The anti Sully Sullenberger.

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

Eh, cute flick, but, this was just before CG really hit, everything in this was conventional effects, and pushed the limit.
This was just about as far as you could go before you NEEDED computers.

Mr. Bean

Blackadder was a thousand times better.

Leona Helmsley charged with tax evasion

Fuck her.

Paula Abdul

Okay, I cop to it, the video for "cold hearted snake", was the one time she managed to give me an erection.
Since then, she's been a bucket of coked up crazy my dork wants nothing to do with.

Road House

*Kick*
Roadhouse!
*Kick*
Roadhouse!
*Kick*
Roadhouse!

Super Bowl XXIII

Don't care.

The Noid

Last gasp of intricate claymation before CG hit.
Otherwise, lame ad campaign.
Annoying character.
Adam West killing him on Family Guy was a joy.

The hi-top fade haircut

Goofy-ass on anyone but Wesley Snipes.

Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses

Probability that any protesting screaming homicidal barbarian moron actually read this, 0%.

Parenthood

Steve Martin loses his edge.

Kim Basinger buys a town

Vaguely remember this...y'think something like this woulda stuck with me more...
Oh, yeah, she was an abysmal bimbo in the Burton Batman, and worse still in "Cool World", so, I didn't want to hear from her.
That's what it was.

Ozzy Osbourne and Lita Ford's "Close My Eyes Forever"

See?
Toldja.

The B-2 bomber

Meh.

Steel Magnolias

Bite my ass.

Yeah, like I said at the outset, better lineup.
This one was funner.
Got to fill in all the holes I wanted, it covered a wide base.

Everything I said the last couple times for endings.

Well...no more 80's, on to the fuckin' 90's...