Slightly better lineup on this one...
The hits keep rolling in from Meathead.
Bell Biv DeVoe's "Poison"
Geez, I used to roll my eyes at these things, now I fucking got one.
Well, until I find a better utility belt substitute....
Maybe rock did need to die for awhile.
2 Live Crew
Couple of the cute girls in high school thought these guys were the shit.
I thought they were hacks.
I was into real comedians, man, I couldn't fucking pretend shitty raps were good just because they had swears.
Too nerdy for my own good.
Could never play along with the dumb shit everyone was into, even to get laid.
Couldn't physically do it.
Can't compromise my standards.
It fucks me over endlessly, but I still can't do it.
So I'll be a monk...*shrug*
Least I won't have to sit through Pretty Woman, and 2 Live Crew records.
Couple good ones, mostly shit.
Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract"
Oh, yeah, the hippies would pitch a fit for fucking dolphins, but when it came to preventing the horrors of mankind that were coming, they'd've rather listened to Hole and smoke bongs.
Fuck you, gen-x.
Piece of crap.
James "Buster" Douglas' defeat of Mike Tyson
Good for him.
Days of Thunder
*Bored middle finger*
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Dick Tracy and Madonna's "Vogue"
Two fevered bimbo egos fucking.
But howcome when two stars fuck, they always make a shitty movie?
Oh, and fuck vogue.
Fuck every dopey secretary named Debbie/Kathy/Vicky who bought the tape.
Moscow gets its first McDonald's
Oh, yay, after these poor economically ruined people fuck their own sisters and/or grannies in a porno for a check, they can have a fucking happy meal to catch their tears of shame.
Another viral mutation towards "Glee".
*Sad head shake*
Killed crank calling.
Except for Jerky Boys, Crank Yankers, etc, etc...
Arnold Schwarzenegger in Total Recall and Kindergarten Cop
Total Recall still holds up as some nice cyberpunk.
Also, I stand by that "Twins", is Arnold's one good comedy.
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Costner's Robin Hood...Richard Gere's Lancelot...make it stop...make the hurting stop..
So..it was like, The Hard Rock Cafe, but with movie shit, instead of rock shit?
Ate at Hard Rock Cafe, it sucked.
Therefore, by transitive property...
David Duke's political career
I shouldn't have been surprised by this.
Public Enemy and Anthrax's "Bring Tha Noize"
Doesn't ring a bell...
The Woodstock of alterna-crap, right?
Yeah, no thanks.
Spike Lee was/is a lucky hack who got good at his craft on the dime of the American public.
Soviet Union goes out of existence
The fear of them as a boogeyman never took for me.
Well, said it on my rant on GI Joe the whole jingo package never took for me period.
Anyway, I just hoped their people would be free and happy, and I thought even back then, the US should have had some kind of Marshall Plan to make sure they evolved the way we wanted...but...we just sorta left 'em to fester, then we have the nerve to act surprised about the mess they have now.
I'm never listened to.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
I was blown away by the effects then, but with enough years of hindsight, I think the first one is the superior film.
Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game"
Meh. Just this side of listenable.
The Atlanta Braves Tomahawk Chop controversy
Too stupid to care about.
Had no interest in either.
Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Give It Away"
Wilt Chamberlain's A View From Above
Oh, right, his fuck-confession book.
Stupid gossipy people I guess.
Extreme's "More Than Words"
My dad dug this for some reason.
Holy crap, did the voice actors for this ever have job security...
The Crying Game
Didn't see it.
So..the big shock was the chick had a dick, right?
And the rest of the movie was some boring shit about the IRA...
Yeah, what the hell is in that that I'd want to see?
Bill Hicks saw this as some big sign of the fall of civilization or something, but it came and went pretty quick.
They revived it for awhile, didn't seem to take.
Yeah, yeah, Suzanne Sommers flexed her snoosh on TV, get over it.
House of Pain's "Jump Around"
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Another huckster getting rich off mind-blowingly stupid people.
Oprah paraded every last one of these guys through her fetid little show.
Then as a nation, we have to pretend she's some kind of hero for some reason.
No, Richard Pryor was some kind of hero.
Mr. Big's "To Be With You"
The nicotine patch
Hasn't saved anyone I know.
Bill Clinton says he "didn't inhale"
Body Count's "Cop Killer"
I agree with this product or service.
Mad About You
Didn't watch, didn't care.
More boomer shit.
George H.W. Bush vomits on Japan's prime minister
International politics was never this entertaining before or since.
Larry Bird retires
Had no effect on my life.
Sinéad O'Connor rips a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live
Good for her.
She was right.
I knew it then.
I'm not going to hold my breath on anyone breaking their back for an apology though.
A League of Their Own
Teen Talk Barbie
Oh, right, the one that said "math is hard"?
Well, it fucking is.
Seriously though, what did you expect Barbie to say?
It's the point of her.
Yeah, the Frenchies shit their pants over this, but The Beast won in the end, didn't it?
Pretentious limosuine liberal claptrap.
From boomer assholes.
With a touch of racism.
I mean, the only two Native American characters are essentially retarded.
Oh, how cute.
White Men Can't Jump
Didn't see it, ain't ever gonna.
Pretty good thriller.
Stallone could still deliver.
Stupid ad campaign, whaddya want?
The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)"
The Chicken Soup For The Soul series
The author of this shit looks like the guy from "Saw".
The U.S. military's "Don't ask, don't tell" policy
And after 12 years of Reagan/Bush, Democrats came back, and reminded me of their disgusting spinelessness.
So, they all make me sick.
Every gender-bender that isn't "Tootsie", has been asscrap.
Yeah, yeah, this was all right, but jump ahead to '97, Radiohead single-handedly saved music itself from the abyss with "Ok Computer".
Thank you, Radiohead.
Monica Seles gets stabbed
I'm actually surprised this doesn't happen MORE with how overblown sports events are.
A fun little film.
I always forget Michael Douglas made this.
Cypress Hill's "Insane in the Brain"
Kid on a playground could've thought of it.
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
Pretty damned good.
Never saw it, never will.
Good to see Warwick Davis get work, anyway.
Great Flood of 1993
Geez, there's so many fucking floods, I can't keep track...
Frank Sinatra's Duets
Cute little show.
Finally something that wasn't insulting to children.
Lotta my teenage friends were into it too.
For girls and gay guys.
Seen this just recently.
How in the hell did I miss this?
It would've changed everything.
People acted like this was going to bring about world peace or something.
It's just a tit-sling, folks.
Anna Nicole Smith marries J. Howard Marshall
A bimbo, and a rich carcass, a story as old as time.
Tales From The Crypt
I didn't have HBO anymore, so, missed out on a lot of these until FOX got the reruns.
Doesn't ring a bell, Wiki ain't helping me, so, fuck it.
Michael Fay's caning
Good on him.
Benedictine Monks' Chant
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Yeah, this is the one that had Zod as a tranny.
Oh yeah, and the guy from The Matrix.
The only way to shop.
Yep, had just graduated, and gone to work at Unum, so it's pretty much how I felt about my existence by then.
New York Rangers win the Stanley Cup
I liked this.
I don't like everything by Kevin smith, and as a person, he can rub me the wrong way sometimes, but..this was good.
Creepy guy...it's like he's half midget or something, what is up with this guy?
Look, the music scene was mediocre, okay?
'Nother stupid ad campagn, get over it.
Natural Born Killers
Ahhh, finally another good movie.
They were spaced so far apart.
The Usual Suspects
Ah, the models went the Hard Rock/Planet Hollywood rout, right?
Couldn't care less.
Cute ditty, nothing awesome.
Even the good stuff was mediocre.
Fun little show.
Alas, Phil Hartman.
Far as fun little shows go, we didn't get a lot of these in the 90's.
Seinfeld was good.
I'm told Larry Sanders was great, but it was on fuckin' HBO.
There was MST3K, but I missed the entire original Joel run, cuz our shitty cable service stubbornly refused to let us have Comedy Central all through the 90's for some inexplicable reason.
Caught up on syndicated reruns, and tapes though.
...y'know, I'd forgotten what a dick move that was by our cable company...I hate their rotten stinking guts all over again.
It wasn't like they couldn't afford new channels either, they gave us new ones, they were just utter shit, like the religion channels.
"Yeah, you yokels can't handle funny, here's some Jesus shit instead".
Alien is a million times better.
Psychic Friends Network
Hideous huckster bullshit.
There'll always be one of these abominations running in our stupid culture.
They're finally getting slaughtered by Dunkin though.
Who the hell ever imagined I'd be rooting for the big chain.
Seen bits of it, wasn't impressed.
One of the Kevin smith's I didn't care for.
Meh, second-string to stuff like "silence of the lambs".
Newt Gingrich vs. women in the military
Newt was just dumb, wasn't worth getting into a tizzy over.
The hemp debate
What debate? Pot still ain't legal.
Montell Jordan's "This Is How We Do It"
More mediocre crap.
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar
The other drag movie.
Never used it.
Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon
Three degrees of Robert Englund goes quicker.
O.J. Simpson murder trial
Said it before, fuck O.J.
The new Mary Lou Retton, I guess.
Too young for me.
The Crocodile Hunter
Kinda knew he was gonna bite the big one someday.
Romeo + Juliet
Oh, yeah, the Claire Danes one.
Hey, who knew T3 was gonna end up being a Claire Danes showcase?
Her whole career is kinda fucked up, when ya think about it.
The Caesar haircut
Jeff Foxworthy's redneck routine
Ron White gatling guns those other "blue collar", guys off the stage.
Busta Rhymes' "Woo Hah!! Got You All in Check"
Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee's sex tape
Haven't seen it.
Deion "Primetime" Sanders
The deaths of Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G.
Yeah...it is kinda fucked up how the cops haven't hardly looked into this...
If things had been a little bit different, she could have been the new Lucille Ball.
Now, she's the anti-vax show pony.
David Crosby fathers Melissa Etheridge's kid
Good for them, get over it.
R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly"
Go out on the far-right blogosphere, and this guy is pretty garden variety.
The very idea of it....
The girlfriend of a fascist dictator from a country that proudly hid Nazis?
You suck, Argentina.
In my world, you don't get a musical.
Kiss my ass.
Oh, and then stack Madonna onto the whole sad sorry mess...blaugh.
Air Force One
Saw it, didn't retain it...
Kenny G breaks the world record for longest note held
Fuck anything Kenny G does.
Meredith Brooks' "Bitch"
Played to death.
"Death" of Joe Camel
Ronald McDonald should have been strangled to death in front of children as well.
Barely remember it.
There's two plane movies I didn't give a shit about.
The beginning of ratings for TV shows (e.g. "TV-MA", "TV-14", "TV-PG")
Oh man....I think they're an obtrusive waste.
Far from giving people the freedom to make more "MA", shows I think we have as much, if not MORE watered down pablum, and the handful of edgy shows, are on networks that would've taken those risks anyway.
So, we've just got more electronic garbage cluttering our screens.
Really, it's digital litter.
And people that NEED that shit for reassurance...are fucking pussies.
No fucking grown-ass adult needs a TV-G show.
And no kid above 7 worth anything doesn't want a TV-MA show.
Marcy Playground's "Sex and Candy"
Latrell Sprewell chokes his coach and Marv Albert bites his girlfriend
You make a society where grown men become millionaires for playing children's games, this is what you get.
The death of Chris Farley
I saw it coming.
Every time he did a routine on Conan or something, he looked like he was about to have a cardiac event.
Just Shoot Me
Mary Kay Letourneau
She married that kid she fucked.
There's been legions of these female pedophiles since this.
Society...hasn't learned much..
There was even a South Park making fun of how when it's woman-on-boy, the attitude is "niiice!".
So, people with vaginas will play a sport I found agonizingly dull in high school, and get big checks for it?
Sugar Ray's "Fly"
Played to death, but tolerable.
Paul Verhoven specialized in those for awhile.
Bite my ass.
Barbie and Paula Jones get makeovers
Ginger Spice leaves the Spice Girls
Aaaand they were over.
Alanis Morissette's "Thank U"
Worst thing she ever did.
Burn 'em all down.
First one wasn't bad.
This began the upward trend of Marvel properties at last.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
It got a bit better when they got out of high school.
I never liked the actual character of Buffy though, liked Willow better.
And again, only when they got out of high school.
That last couple of seasons.
Well, except for the very last season.
There's only a very little window of Buffy I can stand.
And again, not the character herself.
Lay's WOW chips
Mad cow disease
Well....it had Robert Englund...*shrug*
Gary Coleman punches a fan
Good for him.
MTV's guest VJ Jesse Camp
Pras' "Ghetto Supastar (That Is What You Are)"
Total ripoff of Dolly Parton's "islands in the stream".
So...kiss my ass.
Yeah...not one of Sandler's...better...flicks...*cough*...
Behind the Music
Geez, these got depressing.
Everyone was a loser junkie idiot with a crooked manager.
The Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up"
Was not aware of this at the time.
Don't think I would have cared.
Naomi Campbell throws a cell phone at an assistant
This stupid shit needs to be rememebered a decade later?
What am I supposed to say?
Run Lola Run
Didn't see it.
Freaks and Geeks
Never watched it.
Garth Brooks/Chris Gaines
...I thought the Chris Gaines songs weren't all that bad...*shrug*
The gaping mouth of the sewage river.
Jay-Z's "Hard Knock Life"
His orange shit is good on chicken.
*Shrug* they don't do anything to me.
Maybe I needed more of it cuz I'm big.
So...this guy rides bikes and lost a nut, so he's supposed to be my idol?
Gimme a real goddamned hero.
Fuckin' right I am.
This is what sickened me most about the 90's the mediocrity in everything.
It wasn't just shitty music, and shitty movies, hardly anyone tried hard in anything.
No one wanted to make the world better, no one wanted to be a hero, not for real.
No, everyone got all complacent, and despised excellence, that's why people suddenly hated rock stars, and that's why we got fucking grunge.
Everyone wanted the mediocre.
Cuz it was easy, and everyone wanted to take it easy.
Well, I fucking didn't.
I thought,...well, like I ranted before, that my generation would want to follow up the good things the boomers did, and be like, yippies, y'know?
Nope...pure self absorption.
Wallowing in mediocrity.
Especially in thought.
I thought some of the post-modern stuff my friends were into was maybe like...some kind of rebellious statement that was leading somewhere.
They stood for nothing.
It all stood for nothing.
And then I thought...maybe there was some sophisticated philosophy behind this bullshit I just wasn't getting...
It was just pure lazy apathy.
Then I really was lost.
I didn't know how to cope with a world like that.
I tried to do my stupid little jobs, but it was all so fucking pointless.
So...then a Lance Armstrong comes along, and I can see why people would want a hero of some kind...but..no, I ain't lowering my standards.
The guy rides bikes well, good for him, but he didn't save a busload of orphans, did he?
Matthew McConaughey's public nudity
Get over it.
No intentions of seeing it.
Cute, but it ain't no "Ren & Stimpy".
The Tom Green Show
Win Ben Stein's Money
Ben Stein is a horrid little man.
Being John Malkovich
Okay, this was adequately weird, and therefore good.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Slightly better lineup on this one...
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