Imagine a whole movie of wacky shit like that.
It's gorgeous.
I don't want to spoil anything, so, let's move on.
Just watch it.
The Last Stand (2013)
Briefly mentioned this one here.
(Underneath the Conans)
So, this is Arnold's big comeback picture.
Ehh...it's actually pretty good.
Action movie stereotypes, and cliches, and cookie cutter plot-Legos, but once it got to a full boil with the action, it was pretty fun.
Kind of reminded me of a John Wayne flick he would have done in the latter part of his career.
Except where it's Arnold, you've got Gatling guns, and bazookas.
Not a new Arnold classic, but worth a spin.
Bullet To The Head (2013)
I liked this, but not in the way I thought I would.
From the ads, I thought it looked like in the same tone as "Punisher", but with more humor.
I'm always on the lookout for a revenge picture that gives me that same Punisher buzz.
But, the humor was more like the first "Die Hard", but cranked up to almost parody.
Yet the violence was full on, and dead serious.
It was a weird tone.
It was like....Assey McGee, with Stallone as human Assey.
Overall, the storyline was clunky, and nothing great, but the characters were likable enough, and the action was good.
This butted heads with the Arnold picture in the theaters, and I have a hard time deciding which is better.
So, I won't.
Apples & oranges.
All right, so this is directed by the dude who did "Audition".
It's better than that one, I'll give it that much.
It's chock full of gore, it (whether this is intended, I don't quite know) plays around with the archetypes of Batman and Joker, it's intense as all get out, it's got balls to spare, but ...ehh...I didn't dig it.
Way too long, unlikable unsympathetic characters, bleak as shit, visually pretentious, overall, kind of a letdown.
The remake focuses on the madness plague, and is the spookum horror stuff you'd expect.
The original, being a George Romero pic, has social commentary, so focuses more on the miserable failure of the military authorities at every turn to rein the plague in, and run an efficient operation, and...given all that's gone on with 9/11, and Katrina, its message holds up, and is more relevant than ever.
Message being, shit hits the fan, we're jolly well fucked.
The ending song is stuck in my head, and I shouldn't be the only one, so here...
Survival Of The Dead (2009)
And while we're on Romero...
Um..hmm...
Yeah, this is the least good of the Dead sextilogy.
I mean, it's okay, it's better than an episode of "The Walking Dead", George is the zombie master, so he stays ahead of the curve, but man..."Dawn", and "Day", set the bar so fucking high, y'know?
Well..."Day", was sneezed at in its day as not living up to "Dawn", but, it just might be my favorite.
It arm wrestles with "Dawn", for sure.
Anyway, point being, a lot of people have come around to liking "Day", more, if not best.
So...maybe time will age this second trilogy like a fine wine too.
I'm going to go ahead and buy "Land", "Diary", and "Survival", for the commentaries, if for nothing else.
There's a narrative flow to the ones for "Night", "Dawn", and "Day", and I'd like to see that play out.
Once I get them, I'll go more in depth with the dead series in its own post.
Stay tuned for that.
And this one is easily the better film.
Sweatlessly.
Now, see, I'm conflicted, homage to the point of ripoff pisses me off....BUUUT, if Wes Craven didn't launch his career with "Last House", there'd be no Freddy.
If Siegel and Schuster didn't rip off "Gladiator", there'd be no Superman, and probably no other superheroes.
Comic books as a medium might even have died off.
No Hulk, possibly no Avengers.
Definitely wouldn't have been as good.
And, if it weren't for all of that, I may have never even heard of "Gladiator", or indeed, "The Virgin Spring".
I'm in inner conflict about that.
I see stuff in my own work that's similar to stuff without meaning to be, it's subliminal absorption, and it could be taken for a ripoff, and I didn't mean it, but people won't care, they'll attack anyway, but....ripoff artists helped build our fucking culture.
So, what does that say?
I just don't know...
It doesn't FEEL right, but my feelings could be wrong.
There's enough historical evidence to suggest that they could be.
Maybe my outlook on this whole enterprise of my life has been screwed on backwards.
Terrifying thought.
Ted (2012)
Not so great.
It really is just an extended Family Guy episode.
Ted talks like Peter Griffin, and they even fucking make a joke about it.
Alex Borstein and Mila Kunis are in it, Patrick Stewart narrates it, it's chalk full of flashbacks and cut-aways, yeah, it's just Family Guy.
And not great Family Guy.
Like how "The Simpsons Movie", wasn't great Simpsons.
Just more of the same.
Meh.
Martyrs (2008)
Yeah, this and "Ichi The Killer", could be "Worst Of The Worst", part 3.5.
I hated this one.
I don't want to go into the spoiler detail that I went into on Facebook, but...suffice it to say, it's torture porn, but with a pretentious philosophy that doesn't add up in the logic department.
None of what the bad guys do makes logical sense, even accounting for that they're maniacs.
Pissed me off.
Give it a miss.
"But Mike, they skinned a girl alive!".
Don't care.
So did "Hellraiser 2".
Next.
The Thin Red Line (1999)
I think I may have found my new most hated movie of all time.
Holy fuckballs do I hate this.
I mean, I fucking detested "Gummo", but at least it engendered the kind of boredom that made me angry at how bored I was.
This thing is just soul-sucking.
And at least "Gummo", was cheap, this cost a motherfucking fortune, was full of over-fed movie stars, and was nominated for motherfucking Oscars.
Fuck you, Hollywood.
Fuck you, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.
Read all the negative Amazon and IMDB reviews.
I pretty much second all of them.
See here.
Update!! I cracked the problem!
If you have a microwave with a turntable, just go ahead, and add the two cooking times together, and cook it for 7-8 minutes non-stop, and the brownie comes out like it's supposed to.
Eh, fuck it, throw caution to the wind, and try it without the turntable if you want.
Ahhh, lovely, that time of year again...
That was quick.
So, welcome back to this spot on the Earth's revolution.
One of my favorite cosmic hangout spots.
Thanks for joining me.
It's Halloween again, and the first anniversary of last year's shindig.
That pic?
"Monsters Who's Who".
I own that book. Handed down to me from my uncles.
A treasured childhood possession indeed.
It had all the classic monsters, monsters of ancient myth, some other movie monsters, dinosaurs, some comic book villains, and some Marvel superheroes that were the counter to those villains.
So....it's kinda like my En-Mike-lopedia. (And, throwing in that link absorbs that in. Full circle)
Anyhoo, this thing was up to date to about...1970...roundabouts.
The original giant monster, in the original giant monster movie! King-Kong!
Aaand...instead of my usual formula of original, remake, next film a year after the original, remake, and so on....I'll just go straight by year this time.
King Kong (1933)
The film-
A pretty gargantuan hit in its day.
Made 2 million dollars, back when movies cost like, a nickel, so...lotta repeat viewing there.
And during a fuckin' depression.
Suck on that, "Titanic".
The history-
Another one of those flicks woven into the DNA of this country.
The Son Of Kong (1933)
The film-
Picks up where the last one left off, the gang that brought Kong to America struggles financially, and goes back to Kong's island for rumored treasure, and finds an albino ape slightly bigger than a man, and assume he's Kong's kid.
The history-
I'm sure I've seen it, but, must be weak-sauce, doesn't stick to my memory.
Anyhoo, a 3-D remake of this is coming next year.
I'm betting on it being shitty.
Mighty Joe Young (1946)
The film-
Is always lumped in with Kong, and, it's made by RKO, who made Kong, so...
Anyway, the effects are far more refined than King-Kong, and, (as far as I know) this is the first big-deal picture Ray Harryhousen worked on.
More or less the same story as Kong, except with a gorilla of slightly more manageable size.
And, a happier ending.
The history-
Ditto "King Kong".
These 2 flicks always seem to travel together, and "Son of Kong", is mostly forgotten.
It's almost as if this is the preferred sequel.
Course, if it were Godzilla vs the 1933 Kong, Godzilla could just pick him up like a ragdoll, and munch his head off like a gingerbread man.
The filmmakers take this into account, and have it be some other gorilla, in proportionate size to Godzilla, that they name after the original movie Kong.
A sequel to "King Kong vs Godzilla", with the same Kong from that one.
Here, he fights Mechani-Kong.
Well...shit, now I wanna see Mechani-Kong vs Mechagodzilla!
Don't you?!?!
The history-
I vaguely remember this, but, what I remember more clearly, is the head of that Mechani-Kong was used as a prop in a Bunsen Honeydew skit...why, HERE IT IS!!
Updated to modern times, which then, were the cynical 70's.
This time, it's a man in a suit, done by Rick Baker.
He of course, started out doing the Gorilla suit in "Schlock!", just 3 years previously, but here, he had more experience, and money to play with.
The history-
Loved it as a kid.
But...seeing it again recently...
(Imitates the voice announcer from the "Schlock!", trailer)
Schlock!! SCHLOCK!!! SCHLOOOOOOCK!!!!
King Kong Lives (1986)
The film-
The decade later sequel to "King Kong ('76)".
Turns out, Kong didn't die, he went into a coma, and he's been on life support.
They give him a giant fucking mechanical heart, and he awakens.
Linda Hamilton is the new Fay Wray.
There's also a lady Kong they try to get Kong to fuck to bring back the species..
Both of them are people in suits like in '76.
Not as good as the description.
Boring and shitty.
The history-
Basic cable.
Mighty Joe Young (1998)
The film-
A remake of the '46 version, updated to modern times (like Kong '76) and once again, stop-motion is replaced by guy-in-suit.
Rick Baker is back, and he's massively improved the tech of the suit, and really nailed it this time.
His next (and final?) stab at gorilla suits was in the "Planet Of The Apes", remake.
So, like John Landis, he came a long way from "Schlock!".
Anyway, critics panned this for being too saccharine.
Well, it's Disney, waddaya expect?
The history-
It's circulated on cable, but I've never worked up the will to sit through it.
Maybe I'm wrong, and I'm being a poop.
*Shrug*
King Kong (2005)
The film-
Bloated, bombastic, sensory overload, doesn't give you time, or a reason, to give a shit.
And way too fuckin' long.
Makes the '76 one look like a trip to Disneyworld.
The history-
Rented, never touched again.
Okay, let's have some Kong songs...there were many to choose from, I narrowed it down to these three...
And yes, I'm familiar with Garrett Morris's King Kong dirge.
You think that wasn't the first one I tried to get???
Eh?
You can't get it, I tried, I really fuckin' tried.
These will have to do!
Saucer-men try to harness Godzilla's healing factor for themselves, and in the process, create an imperfect Godzilla clone, Orga, which Godzilla creams.
The history-
Haven't seen these, sadly, just gonna have to wing it.
The rest are gonna be dittoes, so, screw history.
Godzilla vs. Megaguirus (2000)
The film-
Godzilla fights an ugly Mothra ripoff, from an egg, from another thing, from a wormhole.
It bombed, even in Japan.
Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (2001)
The film-
That's a mouthful of a title, innit?
Title almost says it all, but here, Godzilla's origins have a mystical element, him being the embodiment of the betrayal/rage of ghosts from sunken WWII carriers, thus connecting the series back to its pacifist roots in the first 1954 one.
Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla (2002)
The film-
Yet another reboot only acknowledging Godzilla '54.
(So were "Megaguiraus", and "All-Out Attack".)
Here, Mechagodzilla is called "Kiryu", in the film to distinguish it from the 70's, and 90's versions.
Also, "Kiryu", is built around the skeleton of dead-Godzilla from Godzilla '54.
Also, also, it becomes possessed by dead-Godzilla's ghost, which is how it becomes sentient this time around.
Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S. (2003)
The film-
A direct sequel to "Against Mechagodzilla", here, Mothra joins the fray.
Godzilla: Final Wars (2004)
The film-
Another reboot after the duology of "Against Mechagodzilla", and "Tokyo S.O.S.".
It's "Destroy All Monsters", all over again, with upgraded versions of...everybody.
The Emmerich Godzilla shows up as "'Zilla", and finally gets punished.
Here's the clip.
Enjoy.
Told you the Japanese fixed it. ;)
Aaand, that's it, no more Godzillas since then.
Poopie!
Godzilla and Marvel. So, the Godzilla toy was somehow connected to the Shogun Warriors line, and he came with the package.
Godzilla toy (1977)
The toy-
1977? That can't be right, I got mine at 6 years old...
Well...I guess he hung around that long...
The history-
That spring loaded punch was pretty fuggin' powerful.
Had a whole dramatic incident where I fell into the open bulkhead of the cellar of the house from the top of the foundation (it was just being built).
So, I was all cut up and bloody from that, and all the crying and drama had just simmered down...and then my uncle punched me in the face with Godzilla.
Shit like that makes for a Youtube moment nowadays....
I can laugh at it now.
Anyway, I didn't hold a grudge, this was one of the best toys ever.
He could defeat any action figure ever, he was 2 feet tall, and he could really take a pounding.
Thick plastic, a baseball bat couldn't crack it.
They really don't make toys like this anymore.
Here's the commercial.
The Godzilla Power Hour (1978)
The show-
From Hanna Barbera.
The history-
Intro says it all.
So, with all those goodies, Godzilla stayed in the public consciousness up until the 80's reboot.
All right, back on schedule...right, right, Devil in animation.
Fantasia (1940)
The film-
Well...it's FANTASIA!
Anyway, the Devil bit, is of course, "Night on Bald Mountain".
Here, enjoy.
*Heart flutters with joy*
Man, 1940, and it still holds up.
Fantasia, in hindsight, is the first batch of music videos strung together, and as a music video, for my money "Night on Bald Mountain", is still one of the best, if not the best.
(Frankly, I think it dwarfs "Thriller").
Indeed, I flat out think it's one of the best things ever. :D
The history-
Disney used to rerun an annual Halloween special that had "Night...", as a closer.
Loved, loved, loved it.
Glad to see I haven't outgrown it.
It's still awesome.
Wish the Disney company of today would have the balls to make a whole movie that dark.
Or, had in the past.
Like, maybe they could have gotten in on Bakshi's "Lord Of The Rings", and with their money, and resources, it could have been done right, and we wouldn't have had to wait for Peter Jackson to exist.
Y'know? The mind boggles at the paths not taken.
Mazinger Z vs. Devilman (1973)
The film-
Mazinger Z will no doubt be familiar to my fellow X-ers, as "Tranzor Z".
And Devilman....well....is Devilman.
He can transform into a Devil-ish kinda thing, and has flame powers, and it turns out later in his series, the source of his powers is in fact, Satan.
So...Tranzor/Mazinger did indeed fight a by-proxy Satan.
Said it before, but...aren't you so fucking glad the Japanese exist?
The history-
Sad to say, I haven't seen this.
Hey, you wanna get really depressed?
Look up how Devilman's series ends.
Dark, dark, darketty...daaaark.
The Looney, Looney, Looney Bugs Bunny Movie(1981)
The film-
A clip show of a bunch of the very best Looney Tunes shorts.
Well, remember, before things like Boomerang, or the collector's DVD sets, flicks like this were the only way you could get the old Bugs.
So, don't exactly sneeze at these.
Anyway, act 1, "Satan's Waitin", has Yosemite Sam killed by a safe, and re-incarnating into various old Yosemete Sam shorts, going back to Hell in between. Sam even says "Hell", in it.
The history-
Okay, so, in that, Sam repeatedly goes down to Hell in a really long winding escalator.
Well, one time, in 3rd grade gym, they had us mindlessly walking around, and around, the line of the big square of the basketball court lines on the floor.
Not running, walking.
Walking laps.
*Eyeroll*
I pretended, the loop was going downward, like that escalator, and I blurted out "we're going down, down, down into Hell...", and I got in big fucking trouble.
...least I got out of that weird death-march.
Fuck you people.
Neverending chain of overreactions from squares my life has been.
Oooh, said a word, real fucking crime.
...I gotta own this flick now.
The Adventures Of Mark Twain (1985)
The film-
Best thing Will Vinton studios ever made.
It's their "Fantasia".
Anyway, the Devil in this is from "The Mysterious Stranger". ...another one of the best things ever.
..that look on his face when the Earth is swallowing everything up...I...often feel this way...
Guy after my own heart, Twain. ;-)
The history-
I didn't see this scene until much later.
They always cut it out of the kiddie versions on cable.
Shit, even HBO.
Wouldn't be surprised if it was cut from the VHS tapes.
They would never even be able to make this film for kids now, Satan scene, or no. Really glad it exists.
Yes, I liked the Powerpuff Girls. It was funny. You wanna fight about it? The episodes with "Him", in partular were actually pretty sick. Yeah, I dug that shit.If you could get past the outer candy shell, there was a lot of subversiveness going on.Delightfully messed up little show.