I "meh", the Jasons.

All right, it's creeping up on Halloween, and I'm in a horror kinda mood, so, as companion to my thingy on the Freddys, let's see how many of these slasher series I can remember my way through...

...starting with Jason.

Friday the 13th

The film-

Talked about it some here.
Original for its time, and compared to most of its sequels, still delivers the goods in the scare department IMHO.

The history-

I remember my schoolyard chums being all into this series, but as I stated in the Freddy one, my folks were sticklers on that whole age limit on R movies, so I was left out.

Before Redbox, the local grocery stores had spinner racks of rental tapes, and they had the Jasons up to...I think 7 at one point.

I would read those video boxes over, and over, trying to imagine what happened in the film.
Each successive sequel gave away the ending of the last one, and when I finally saw the films, the plots were so thin, I'd actually gotten a pretty damned good sneak preview off of those.
Heheh.

Course, I would finally collect them all off of Movies Unlimited in anticipation of Freddy vs. Jason.
Who knew I'd be waiting another fuggin' decade?
Sheeit.


Friday the 13th Part 2

The film-

A rehash of the first one with Jason as the killer.
That's it.

The history-

Ditto part 1


Friday the 13th Part 3

The film-

A rehash of 2, but here, Jason gets his trademark mask.
Also, some crappy 3-D jabs at the camera straight out of an SCTV sketch.

The history-

Double ditto part 1.


Friday the 13th The Final chapter

The film-

Y'know, this one's actually pretty good.
Possibly the best of the series.
I'm serious!
They took all the little scraps of what was good about the first 3, and mooshed it into a ball, and came out with this one.
Well, hell, they really thought this was the last one, so they tried harder, and it's all on the screen.

The characters are actually kinda likable, the plot gives lots of little nods to the first 3, you've got lots of boobies, you've got a victorious Corey Feldman, and a doomed Crispin Glover, what's not to like?

Also, it recaps the plots to the first 3, and like I said, the plots to those are so thin, there's not much to tell, so you can actually skip all of those, and go right to this one.

The history-

Triple ditto part 1.

Also, my uncle was watching this on HBO/Cinemax one time when I visited when I was about, oh, I dunno 7 or 8, and I caught the scene where the fat girl with the banana gets the hunting knife in the neck, and man, that really bothered the shit out of me, and I had a hard time sleeping that night.
Yeah, there was some eye leakage, I won't front.

So, there you go, Steve, Freddy got to you as a kid, but before that, Jason got to me.
We're even, okay?


Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning.

The film-

"The one with fake Jason".

Well, in retrospect, it's a continuity cul-de-sac, and you'd do just as well to skip to 6, but....it's worth at least one view for perspective.

And, I guess it has its charms, there are some memorable kills, memorable characters, Tommy is the most interesting in this one as a guy with obvious residual mental problems after part 4.

Also, I'm decently sure this one has the highest titty count of the whole series.

The history-

Quadruple ditto part 1

Also, as implied above, my school pals called this one "the one with fake Jason".

And it is.
In all the ways that matter, it is.

I mean, there are some hints that maybe Jason possessed the ambulance driver, and Jason's mythos and powers weren't as well nailed down then, and...it would have been interesting to see the torch passed from killer to killer the way it was from the first film to the second.

The kids at school were dead certain that Tommy was going to be the next Jason, all that was left to sort out, it seemed, was if he was going to let himself be a copycat "Jason", or if he was going to be Tommy, with his own style.

And, the possession idea is still firmly entrenched in some camps of fandom.
Guy I went to A+ Certification class with called it "the one where Jason possessed the ambulance driver".
Wasn't til after I'd tested, and left the class, that it snapped together in my mind what the hell he was talking about, because I was so firmly in the opposite camp, it flew right past me.

But, come on, the body swap shit wasn't satisfying in part 9, it doesn't work here either.
Again I say, even taking on that concept, in all the ways that matter, it still comes out as "the one with fake Jason".

Yeah, this one's still a debate bringer for people who give the slightest damn about these flicks.
Fuck, skip to 6.


Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

The film-

Eh, not bad.
Little watered down in the gore department, but I'd put it next to 4.

Anyway, after pissing off and/or confusing almost everyone with 5, they got back on track, and just brought fuckin' Jason back.
Give 'em what they want.

When everyone saw the trailer, and/or the poster, most fans I knew were like "fiiinally! What did they fool around for?".

Also, this one has the fondly remembered Alice Cooper song "he's back, the man behind the mask", in the end credits.

Buncha fancy stunts in this one.
Kane Hodder starts his run as the longest lasting, and most beloved Jason with this one too.

Yeah, this was the "the spy who loved me", of Jason flicks.
Well, shit, yeah, it's even got that James bond parody opening.
It was pretty much downhill from here on out.

The history-

Saw this one at a birthday party.
I...think...it was my first all the way through viewing of a Jason flick.
Why, I think it was!
Hey, good one to start with!
Jason Lives, Dream Warriors, I had a knack for getting in on these series at high points.


Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood

The film-

"Jason vs. Carrie".

Ehhhh....frankly, I think it's overrated as shit.

A lot of people laud Hodder's makeup in this one, and it is kinda neat how he looks like an EC horror zombie, and that they went to pains to show every injury he's every received in the first 6 on his weathered carcass.

But, y'know, the whole "they could grind him into chuck, and put him in cans at the grocery store, and he'd still come back", factor that my elementary school teachers, and the critics, had always grumbled about was really starting to show by now as well.

And a lot of people laud the storyline of the ancillary characters...but they just annoy me.
The evil shrink just needs to hurry up and die, and the girl with the powers never really grows a spine, even empowered by..well, her powers.
She's a whiny scream queen all the way through.

No wonder people were rooting for Jason in these.
With rare exception, everyone was some kind of asshole in these.

The Nightmare series was SOO much better.

Oh, and friends I knew went on, and on, and ON about the weed whacker killing.
Tch, they cut away, you don't see nothing, what was the big deal?

I think hardcore fans just wanted to like this one.

The history-

Ditto part 1 yet again, didn't get or see this one 'til my catalog spree.


Friday The 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

The film-

An abortion.

By 7, it was staaarting to to wear thin, but by the very trailer of this one, they lost me.

The history-

I saw the trailer at the theater, and was like "awww come on...".

It was really a parody of itself by then, and when I finally actually saw the flick on tape...ho-ly shit, what a stinker.

Yeah, I was fairly well in the Freddy camp at this point.


Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday

The film-

A turd.

I mean, bless the actors, they perform their hearts out, actually some of the best performances you get out of this series compared to the wooden twerps there had been so far, but they've got nothing to work with here.

And the effects look great, on par with some of the best stuff in Nightmare, but...again, shit story.

Buut, what was the real deal to get excited about, was New Line owned Jason, this was their first "we've got him now!", flick, and it seemed Freddy vs. Jason was just a couple years away.
*Sigh*
Who knew?

The history-

I had no inkling to see this one, but Hyla and Spencer told me about the Freddy glove scene at the end, so, I had to see that, and I was just as jazzed as I thought I'd be.

Based my FvsJ fanart on this flick's poster.

And then...that insufferable wait...tch...


Jason X

The film-

Pretty much said it all here.

The history-

Ditto.


Freddy vs. Jason

The film-

Beaten to death throughout the site, compiled here.

As a Jason film though...easily the best.
Jason kicks some fuckin ayuss in this.
But, this one kicking ayuss on all the other Jasons is like Lance Armstrong in the Special Olympics.
It's too easy to win, and it's embarrassing.
Best to call it a Freddy movie to remove that blush factor.

The history-

Ditto.


Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash

The book/the history-

Nailed it pretty well here.


Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash: The Nightmare Warriors

The book/history-

Ditto the above.

Also, if you canonize these two books, that finally brings it up to 13.

Friday the 13th the 13th.
There, my inner child, they made it, it's done.

Steve always said 13 should be "Jason gets tired of it all, and becomes a goalie".

Ah, well...


Friday The 13th (2009)

The film/history-

Another shitty remake.

Haven't heard anything good about it.

Have no desire to see this, especially after having been punished by the shitty Freddy remake.

Fuck remakes, I'm done.
I'm getting off the ride.

There, so, that's the Jasons.
4 and 6 are good, but still outpaced by even a weak entry in Freddy.
 And 1 was a straight up good horror flick, but technically not a Jason.

Next up, Pinhead.