Franken-fest (Part 4)

Once again, as with Dracula, we've gotten through the novel, Universal, and Hammer.
Those are the famous ones.

Now, all the rest...
Hoo boy....

Let's split this up. First...

Adaptations.


Frankenstein (1910)

The film-

By Thomas Edison.
One of the first movies, period.

Not a lot of people know, not only was Edison the first movie mogul, in typical Edison fashion, he wanted to be THE movie mogul.

Hollywood would have been in his lab complex.

People didn't cotton to that, so, they imported cameras from Europe, ran away to California, and invented Hollywood instead.

Yeah, Edison was a bit of a cock.

The history-

To go with "Nosferatu",...here!




Then, Universal, and Hammer pretty much fill the gap up to the 70's, then...


Frankenstein: The True Story (1973)

The film-

The title is a lie!

Interesting though.

Here, Frankenstein actually creates a normal looking guy with full intelligence, but then, he begins to rot, and mutate into The Monster, and the rot effects his brain, and makes him homicidal.

It was originally a miniseries, and, it's pretty friggin' grim for TV.

The history-

Wow, this is actually older than me?
It must have been rerun on cable, cuz, I saw it.
And dug it.
And, as a kid, I was suckered in, I thought it was the real story.


Andy Warhol's Frankenstein (1973)

The film-

A.K.A "Flesh For Frankenstein".
The companion to "Blood For Dracula", A.K.A. "Andy Warhol's Dracula".

All the same things I said there.
Except no video this time, you can tell from the box art how kinky and goofy it is.

The history-

N/A

Then, a bunch of schlock through the 70's, and then came the 80's....


The Bride (1985)

The film-

With Sting, and Jennifer Beals.

Also, David Rappaport, from "Time Bandits", and "The Wizard".
I miss David Rappaport...

Equally as much, I miss Sting in movies.

"Dune", this, and...a couple SNL episodes....
Wish he had been Hellblazer.
Tch...

First, this is nothing like the novel.
Here, The Monster gets run off, Sting as Frankenstein makes The Bride for himself to poke, she resists his advances, cuz she sees him as her dad, meanwhile, The Monster has misadventures out in the world, and The Monster and The Bride are psychically linked.

Will they get together?
Rent the flick!

The history-

Anyway, this bombed, and critics weren't kind, but, such was the case with "Time Bandits", so, fuck y'all.
I liked it.


Gothic (1986)

The film-

A fictionalized account of Mary Shelly's experiences leading up to writing the novel.

They dramatize some weird dreams she had to add oogedy-boogedy bullshit to keep dumb audiences awake.

Fun bit of trivia.
Mary Shelly, Percy Shelly, and Lord Byron were wrapped up in literary matters, because they were stuck indoors, because that year, it was winter all year long.

The year without a summer at Wikipedia.

Which, is believed to have been caused by this...

Eruption of Mount Tambora at Wikipedia.

So, no volcano, no "Frankenstein".

Weird, huh?

The history-

I've...seen it...but it doesn't stick to my memory...


Frankenstein Unbound (1990)

The film-

A bit of a post-modern take on the legend.

Here, John Hurt is a scientist from the future who accidentally creates a time portal back to the 1800's, and meets both Mary Shelly, and Dr. Frankenstein (played by Raul Julia) and his monster.

Directed by Roger Corman, after an absence of 20 years, and, I'll be damned, it's pretty good!
I dig it.
I think you might dig it.

The history-

Scrambled Cinemax.


Frankenstein (1992)

The film-

With Randy Quaid as The Monster.

This, after a long damned time, was the closest a movie had gotten to the novel up to this point.

The one big divergence, Frankenstein creates The Monster, not with corpses (and in the novel, also some butcher-meat), but from scratch from chemicals.

Sort of like the Thomas Edison version, now that I think of it.

Aside from that one little kink, everything else matches up pretty well.
Worth checking out.

The history-

Was a TNT production, and...TNT doesn't make many movies anymore.
For awhile, they were churning 'em out.


Mary Shelly's Frankenstein (1994)

The film-

The Kenneth Branagh one referred to in part 1.

Does a fairly decent job of sticking to the novel, the sets and costumes are great, the acting top notch, The Monster's makeup leaves something to be desired IMHO, but I can get past it,...and then, there are those divergences.

Yeah, I'll spoil it, I don't like that Elizabeth and Justine become The Bride.
That's ham-handed drama.

They were so close, why did they have to fuck with things?

Ugh, Hollywood.
Maybe Tom Edison should have been in charge...
Nah...

The history-

Cable.
Eh, liked it better as an effort than "Bram Stoker's Dracula".


Mr. Stitch (1995)

The film-

Updates the story to a weird un-established possible future, and stars Wil Wheaton as The Monster.

The Monster, here referred to as Lazarus, is made up of multiple races, and sexes, and is intended to be a patchwork of all humanity to...what?
To be a walking UN?
A Beneton ad, phase two?
Some hippie claptrap...it never makes sense.

No, Rutger Hauer isn't the star, ignore that dumb DVD box.
He's the villain of the piece, and he's slumming.

This is pretentious schlock.

The history-

One of Sci-Fi/SyFy's very first movies.
Junky, but, man, they were trying at the start.
I get on them for not even trying anymore, but, dammit, they were.
Points for that, anyway.


Gods And Monsters (1998)

The film-

The story of the guy who directed Universal's "Frankenstein", and "Bride Of Frankenstein".

Gandalf/Magneto is him.

Course, you find out in the credits, Brenden Frasier's character never existed, so the framework of the whole story is bullshit, and that pops your balloon.

Anyway, this had every trophy anyone with authority could muster thrown at it.

The history-

Rental, I think...


Frankenstein (2004)

The film-

Written by Dean Koontz.
Fuck Dean Koontz.

The history-

N/A


Subject Two (2006)

The history-

A man in modern times volunteers for nanotechnology experiments that make him invulnerable, and immortal, but rob him of his emotions, and sense of self, which starts to make him go loopy, and then, violent.

Kind of a variation on "Frankenstein: The True Story", when you think of it.

The history-

N/A

..okay, now category two...

Spinoffs.


I Was A Teenage Frankenstein (1957)

The film-

The companion to "I Was A Teenage Werewolf".

Yet another modern age Dr. Frankenstein; this time, he stitches his creature together from dead teenagers killed in car wrecks.

Ah, 50's, you didn't just talk a big game about killing teenagers, you did it.
Hence all those gory love songs about car accidents.
Gorgeous.

The history-

N/A.


Frankenstein 1970 (1958)

The film-

Starring Boris Karloff as Baron Frankenstein.

The Baron allows a film crew to film a monster movie in his castle, and he uses the money to build a real monster, and when he runs out of parts, he starts killing the film crew for their bits n' pieces.

Another post-modern take.
I'd like to see it.

The history-

I've seen clips, and the monster looks just terrible, he stays wrapped in mummy bandages from the shoulders up, and on top of it, it looks like he has a bucket on his head, like he's some kind of robot.

But, I'd like to see it for the humorous idea, and Karloff.


Frankenstein's Daughter (1958)

The film-

Schlock!

The history-

N/A


Frankenstein Conquers The World (1965)

The film-

From Toho, creators of Godzilla, so yes, for some contrived reason, Frankenstein's Monster becomes a giant, and fights a lizard.

You should have automatically guessed that the femptosecond I said Toho.
Didn't even need the picture.

The history-

Seen it.
Schlock!


War Of The Gargantuas (1966)

The film-

Actually a sequel to "Frankenstein Conquers The world".

Pieces of the monster clone themselvess into two hairy monsters that go on to fight each other.

The English language version omits Frankenstein from the dialog, and title.

The history-

Seen it as a kid.
Schlock!


Jesse James Meets 
Frankenstein's Daughter (1966)

The film-

The companion to "Billy The Kid Meets Dracula".

So, from what I remember, Frankenstein's Daughter removes Jesse James' sidekick's brain, and replaces it with a synthetic brain she grows in a Tupperware vat full of Mr. Bubble, and Fizzies tablets.

This makes him into a retarded zombie with trademark Frankenstein Monster scars on his head, and, even without his original brain, somehow, he remembers his Mexican girlfriend "Juan-ni-ta...Juan-ni-ta...Juan-ni-ta...*a single tear*...*attacks the Lady Dr. Frankenstein*".

Man....these schlock movies never seem to quite understand the role the brain plays.
It's not like your fucking kidneys y'know, you just can't walk that shit off.

Anyway, I'm sure Jesse James wins.
Otherwise, history would be broken, and Mr. Peabody would have to show up.

The history-

Cable.
Schlock!


Lady Frankenstein (1971)

The film/history-

Schlock!!!


Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)

The film-

Aside from "Monster Squad", the only time these two tussled.

You woulda thought Hammer woulda had these guys fight.

Anyway, this is z-grade ultra-schlock.

Features Lon Chaney Jr. in his last role just before he died of throat cancer.
Man, it would be sad seeing him like this, but it actually looks like he's having a ball.

Also, Forrest J. Ackerman makes a cameo.

Dracula is played by a guy with 70's porno hair, and The Monster looks like a rotten potato.

Dracula's voice echoes, and he has a death-ray ring.
For some reason, he doesn't use this in the end fight.

At the end, they fight in badly lit woods at sunset, and it's all in unintentional silhouette, and Dracula simply rips the monster to pieces.

Terrible.

The history-

N/A, seen clips, only.
Schlooooock!!!


Blackenstein (1973)

 The film-

A.K.A "Black Frankenstein".

"Blacula", was good.
This isn't.

See my entry on Blaxploitation horror.

The history-

SCHLOCK!!!!


Frankenstein's Castle Of Freaks (1974)

The film/history-

SCHLOCK!!!!!!!


Van Helsing (2004)

The film/history-

See here, and here.

The Frankenstein Monster is actually the core of the plot of this one.

Dracula's Bride's bat-babies are born stillborn, so, they (Drac and Bride) need to drain The Monster's unique Franken-energy, or, whatever the fuck it is, out of his Tesla-coil heart to animate them.

If this is pulled off, the world will be infested with baby vampires, and one presumes, fucking doomed.

And, that's the movie.

...wait for it....SCHLOCK!!!

Aaand, I did it, I'm done!

Damn, poor Monster fared worse than Dracula on that one....some gems there, but overall, ouch...


Up next, Frankenstein's Monster in comics!