Isolation marathon (Part 5).

Meedyah Morsels #241.
-and-
Post 9 away from 3000 posts!

This was/is the rainy day I was collecting all this stuff for, so here we go, let's spin those discs....


Little Shop Of Horrors (1986)
Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)
Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Old reviews-

Little Shop- here and here.
Killer Klowns- here.
Sleepaway- here and here.

These just felt right to go together.
Can't explain why.

Little Shop gets better every single time I see it.
Ditto Sleepaway.
Sleepaway might even be my new favorite horror movie.
It's definitely climbing the charts.
Klowns is just goofy fun.


Creepshow (1982)
Return Of The Living Dead (1985)

Old reviews-

Creepshow- here. 
ROTLD- here.

Now, I think ROTLD makes a better pairing with "Class Of Nuke 'Em High", cuz of the punk-rocker kids in both, but damned if this combo didn't work too.

Oh! I did the commentary track on "Sleepaway", and the actors mentioned the same crew from "Creepshow", went right to work on "Sleepaway".
That was a neat little bit of trivia.


Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon (2006)
The Final Girls (2015)

Old reviews-

Leslie Vernon- here.
Final Girls- here, and here. 

Glorious.
Both the films, and the combo.
Most perfect pairing of all of these.

Now, I just need "AHS: 1984", on disc to go with them.


The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)
30 Years Of Garbage: The Garbage Pail Kids Story (2018)

TGPKM- here, and here.
30 Years- here.

Yeah, you really have to watch the movie first, then use the documentary as the antidote.

I said it in the second review, TGPKM has aged into a cult classic.
Even as a movie intending to be weird, it's weird.
It's Troma for kids.
If you want to mutate your kid into a Troma freak, start him/her out with GPK.

Even with all that said, the documentary is the better of the two things.
Hands down.


The Serpent And The Rainbow (1988)
Shocker (1989)
The People Under The Stairs (1991)

Old reviews of all three here.

Serpent and Shocker are okay, but Stairs is the whole reason to watch this collection.

Total brutal satire of Reagan.
It only even works seen through that lens.
And it gets better the more it ages.
You can transplant so much of it right over to Trump.
Trump is Reagan 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Conservatism is racist, dead stop.
Even in its purest most innocent form, it's classist, but the classes were arranged by race by our racist ancestors centuries ago, and the only way to wash the racism off conservatism now is to reboot it, but they'll never reboot it.
They'll literally shoot at you to keep from rebooting it.
So, conservatives can go ahead and whine and cry forever about being called racist, but tough shit.
Cry harder.

I'm sure Stairs more than anything set Craven's career trajectory back because of the blatant and brutal satire against "the American way".
It sure as Hell got Lloyd Kaufman punished.


So, anyway, that was my 80's mix.

Next time, superhero trilogies.


Previously with isolation marathon-

• Isolation marathon (Part 1).
• Isolation marathon (Part 2).
• Isolation marathon (Part 3).
• Isolation marathon (Part 4).

Previously with MM-

1 year since Endgame, 2 years since Infinity War! (MM #240)


Read More......

1 year since Endgame, 2 years since Infinity War!

Meedyah Morsels #240.
-and-
Post 10 away from 3000 posts!

Boy, that went by fast, huh?

• Infinity War
• Endgame

Where does the MCU saga go now?

Even bigger question now that all of Phase 4 has been pushed down 8 months to a year like dominoes cuz of the plague, and movie theaters teeter on bankruptcy.

We'll see.
If I'm alive next year, I'll revisit this.

This anniversary would have been worth reflecting on regardless, but moreso knowing that this will be the first spring/summer in 10 years with no Marvel movie.

Wow....let THAT sink in!
Damn!

Well, if I'm gonna revisit this, I'll log where the existing slate stands....

Black Widow was ready to fly out the door, and would have hit this coming Friday.
And without 'Rona hanging over our heads, that time would have passed way faster.

Eternals is ready, and would have dropped this November, now it's next February.

Shang Chi got shut down mid-filming.

Doctor Strange had to swap directors.
It would have had to anyway, and it's nothing to do with the virus, it's just to note it hasn't gotten off the ground.

Wandavision needed some post-production.

Falcon And The Winter Soldier was in mid-shooting.

Spidey 3 is written, but stuck.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage is in the same spot as Black Widow.

Poor New Mutants can't catch a fucking break.


Well, hopefully happier news next year, huh?


Previously with MM-

Star Wars: Cassian Andor (update!) (MM #239)


Read More......

Star Wars: Cassian Andor (update!)

Meedyah Morsels #239.
-and-
Post 11 away from 3000 posts!

Finally, an update on this!
Haven't heard anything since 2018.

We've got the timeline reveal!

5 years before Rogue One/A New Hope.

So, y'know what that means!
Time to re-jigger the timeline from last time.

High Republic turned out to be a book thing.
And aside from Clone Wars, which was all ready to go out the door, nothing is happening in 2020 cuz of the plague.
So, I'll bump all those dates up to 2021.

And, Cassian now goes just before Rebels.

Theeere we go!
*Ding!*


1. Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999)
2. Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones (2002)
_. Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008-2014, 2020)
3. Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith (2005)
_. Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)
_. Star Wars: Obi-Wan (2021?)
_. Star Wars: Cassian Andor (2021?)
_. Star Wars: Rebels (2014-2018)
_. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
4. Star Wars: A New Hope (1977)
5. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
6. Star Wars: Return Of The Jedi (1983)
_. The Mandalorian (2019)
_. Star Wars: Resistance (2018-2019)
7. Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)
8. Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)
9. Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (2019)

Yellow = Saga
Brown = Anthology
Orange = TV


Previously with MM-

Isolation marathon (Part 4). (MM #238)



Read More......

So, how 'bout that revolution, huh?

Revisits #53.
-and-
Post 12 away from 3000 posts!

This is an update to "Start the revolution without me, fellas".


Good thing about doing this so long, is I've ranted about every subject, so when I wanna do a revisit, bam, there it is!
There's the topic to pick right up again!

The old version is ramble-y, and pretentious, I'm not a fan of it.
But good points are buried in there.
*Reads it again*
No, fuck it, I was dead on.

Anyway, y'see, the origin story of this blog is, I got sick of my old haunts, and moved on to the the Richard Dawkins forums, and then Shmegalamonga soon followed.

The inciting incident was, I said the militia fantasy assholes would buckle under when the shit really hit the fan, and they'd sit on their asses eating Doritos, and drinking Mountain Dew.

That, or side with the fascists.

I got dogpiled by the "libertarians", even ones I thought (stupidly as fuck in hindsight) were friends.
It was the last straw of a Mt. Everest of straws, so I left.
For awhile.

I can't find that old post, it's lost to digital oblivion it seems.
I dearly wanted to quote it.

But, I did rant about unstable redneck morons here, so I'll just use that.

And the update is, they've done both, and worse.
They've sided with the fascists, they sat on their asses chugging soda while babies needed to be liberated from internment camps, and NOW, these fucking people who stockpiled beans & rice, and said they could hold out for 10 months to 2 years couldn't manage three fucking weeks, and are out protesting because they want a haircut and a cheesecake.

And they're spreading the plague.
So not only are they not heroes saving people, they're killing innocents.
And sneering at health care workers trying to save people by blocking them.
Y'know, our actually useful citizens.

They're the perfect opposite of everything they ever believed about themselves.
In the name of corporate fascists who don't give a fuck about them.

So, I called it 13 fucking years ago.

These people are a sick, sad, unfunny joke.
Always were.
A bunch of little boys with Cowboy & Indians fantasies.
A bunch of fucking patriotism LARPers.

And I get the last laugh.

And this blog comes full fucking circle.

*Double middle fingers in case libertarians are lurking*


Previously with revisits-

Hamburger!!! (R #52)

Read More......

Isolation marathon (Part 4).

Meedyah Morsels #238.
-and-
Post 13 away from 3000 posts!

A big stack of Troma...

Toxic Avenger quadrilogy-
The Toxic Avenger (1984)
The Toxic Avenger Part II (1989)
The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation Of Toxie (1989)
Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger Part IV (2000)

Old reviews here, here, here, here, and here.

Man, swap nuclear waste for covid19, and the 80's become today.
I dunno if these are good or bad movies to watch while we're locked up inside being pissed at Republicans.

I found them cathartic.
YMMV.

I used to think the villains in these, and in Captain Planet, were over the top.
No, there literally isn't anything big business and their Washington lackeys won't stoop to.
It's hard to even satirize the bastards.

Y'know, all doubt is removed for me that it's the left-wing messaging in these films that have caused Troma so much censorship and blacklisting headaches.

Violence wise, there's nothing in these that you can't see in "Deadpool", or "Brightburn", or an average episode of "The Walking Dead".

Sex wise, there's nothing you haven't seen in South Park.

It's just "Deadpool", and "Bightburn", stay politically neutral, and South Park is right-wing.

Fuck. This. Country!
Politically.
I stick around for the movies.
Obviously.


Toxie adjacent movies-
The Class Of Nuke 'Em High (1986)
Return To Nuke 'Em High: Volume 1 (2013)
Street Trash (1987)
Redneck Zombies  (1987)
Troma's War (1988)
Father's Day (2011)

Old reviews-

Class Of Nuke 'Em High (here)
Return to Nuke 'Em High: Vol 1 (here)
Street Trash (here, here, and here)
Redneck Zombies (here and here)
Troma's War (here and here)
Father's Day (here and here)

Adjacent to Toxie cuz....

Nuke 'Em, cuz it's in Tromaville, thus making it part of the Troma Cinematic Universe.
Plus actors from Toxie carry over in other roles.

Return To Nuke 'Em, cuz it's a sequel/remake to Nuke 'Em 1.
And Cigarface from Toxie pops up.

Street Trash, cuz Jennifer Aspinal does the effects, and the fat dude who's in Toxie 1, and Nuke 'Em 1 is in it. Not an actual Troma movie, but it should be.

Redneck Zombies, cuz Pericles Lewnes directs, stars, and does the effects, and then he went on to do the effects for Toxie 2 & 3, and play a villain in 3.
And 3 references Redneck Zombies.
So, "Street Trash", you've got the effects person from the first spinning off, and "Redneck", you've got the resume for the future effects guy of 2 & 3.

Troma's War, cuz it connects to Tromaville, has the guy who plays Cigarface in Toxie 1, and Joe Fleishaker who'd go on to be in Toxie 2, 3, & 4.
And Pericles Lewnes did effects on this just before the Toxie sequels.
AND, Toxie 1, Nuke 'Em 1, and this form "The Reagan trilogy".
Each one ripping on an aspect of Reagan's America.
Nuclear waste, nuclear plants, and the military industrial complex respectively.
Oh, and it predicted Republicans being in league with the Russians before anyone else.
That had to add to Lloyd's blacklisting.
"How DARE you?!!?! How DARE you?!!?!?", they would have said back then for suggesting it.
Now?
They're open about it, and don't care anymore if you know.
Too late now, they've got us by the balls.

Father's Day, cuz...Lloyd Kaufman is in it.*Shrug*
Really, I just felt like watching it, and I wanted to get the number to an even 10.
Another 80's throwback like "Kung Fury", or "Turbo Kid".
No real deep political message.
Except maybe that religion and homophobia are bullshit.
But don't we know that by now?
That's another one covid19 is getting fence sitters off the fence with.
Sane people look at the "open the economy!", protesters and think "hey...shouldn't we be TAXING you shitty motherfuckers!?!?".

Best one of these?
"Street Trash".
Better writing and acting than all the others.
Hands down.
Boom.

Lloyd Kaufman is a clunky writer; there, I said it.
But his weaknesses are covered up in the Toxie movies, cuz where he's clunky, comic books are clunky, so you can blame it on being a comic book parody.

Not so much the others.
Although..."War", is totally a 2 hour political cartoon, so that covers his ass too.

Anyway, I enjoyed them all, but "Street Trash", takes the prize.

So, that was all those.

Next, a bunch of non-Troma 80's horror comedies.


Previously with isolation marathon-

• Isolation marathon (Part 1).
• Isolation marathon (Part 2).
• Isolation marathon (Part 3).

Previously with MM-

Venom 2 title. (MM #237) 


Read More......

Venom 2 title.

Meedyah Morsels #237.
-and-
Spidey-verse 12.
-and-
Post 14 away from 3000 posts!

Quickie update...

Venom 2 is now called "Venom: Let There Be Carnage!".

Its release date has been bumped up to June 25th, 2021.

UPDATE:

Sony revealed the logo.

Previously with Spidey-verse-

Sam Raimi for Dr Strange 2! (confirmed!) (MM #236) (SV #11)

Previously with MM-

Ditto.



Read More......

Sam Raimi for Dr Strange 2! (confirmed!)

Meedyah Morsels #236.
-and-
Spidey-verse 11.
-and-
Post 15 away from 3000 posts!

A few days late because of my binge-watch stuff, but here we go....

Yep, Sam Raimi finally admitted it.

Not much more to add.

I pretty much said it all last time.
Read that post again to refresh your memory.

I'm just making this a post for scrapbook posterity.



Previously with Spidey-verse-

Venom-verse timeline. (MM #211) (SV #10)

Previously with MM-

Isolation marathon (Part 3). (MM #235)


Read More......

Hamburger!!!

Revisits #52.
-and-
Post 16 away from 3000 posts!

27 years later, I finally know what this cartoon means!

From here.

Note there's no implement of capture that got that guy into the grinder.
No snares, tethers, nets, handcuffs, no gun, no rag soaked in chloroform, no nothing.
Just the two guys, and the grinder, and the plate to catch the meat.

The guy got in the grinder willingly.
Oh, he regrets it NOW, but he got in there on his own power.

And now I know why.

The guy pushing the button represents the corporations and the (mostly Republican) politicians.

The grinder is the system, the plate is their stock portfolio, their bottom line, and the guy being turned to burger is us.

Coronavirus has put it all in stark relief.

The rich are coming right out and saying it now "here, piggy, piggy, get in the grinder! Aw, come on, please!?".

And the Christian conservative zombies have Stockholm syndrome, and are like "yes sireee!! I sure will! Wheee!!! *crunch, crackle, crunch!!*".

Only difference, my guy regrets the choice, and in his last moment, is calling out to his mommy.

Conserva-zombies grin like a dead Joker-venom victim right up until the last crunch.

Teenage me wasn't a psycho, he was a prophet.
Good on ya, teenage me.



Previously with revisits-

More for the pile!! (R #51)


Read More......

Isolation marathon (Part 3).

Meedyah Morsels #235.
-and-
Post 17 away from 3000 posts!

This time, instead of my media file cabinets, we're doing Spectrum streaming!



Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)

See here.

Yep, they had it for free.
Not Nemesis though.
They wanted 4 bucks for Nemesis.
Nope!

I wanted to complete the set, but I missed it by one.

Anyway, I spotted Ensign/Lieutenant Jae!
Worth the whole movie.
IMHO.

It's still a hot mess, but if you can turn your brain off, and just enjoy the tension and action, it's all right.


Fast Color (2018)

Talked about this one three years ago.
Finally seen it.

Take Dark Phoenix, do it 90's indie style on a school lunch money budget, and with a female director, and guess what?
It's better!

Watch this instead of Dark Phoenix, is what I'm saying.
You'll thank me.

I think this is tied for best one of these I saw.
I'll mention when I get to the other good one.


Overlord (2018)

American soldiers fight Nazi zombies in WWII.

It's the dark opposite of Captain America, like "Brightburn", is the evil opposite of Superman.

Sadly, like "Brightburn", it plays out exactly like you think it will.
No surprises.

It shares a sub-genre of WWII based supernatural stuff, along with "Raiders Of The Lost Ark", "The Keep", and the "B-17", chunk of "Heavy Metal".


The Spy Who Dumped Me (2018)

Meg from "Family Guy", and Holtzmann from Ghostbusters are regular chicks who accidentally become spies.

Sounds way better on paper than the actual execution.

I watched it solely because of my Kate McKinnon crush.

Only every third joke lands, and it goes on for way too long.
Someone couldn't bring themselves to "kill their darlings", and thought it was all good, and refused to edit.

Yeah, now that I hear it out loud, that's what haters of "Ghostbusters: Answer The Call", said.
Well, fuck it, that one worked for me, this one didn't.
I didn't hate it though.
Kate still does her best with this hot mess, and she's fun to watch even on her B and C game.
It's watchable, but I wouldn't watch it again.
Nor would I recommend it.
Big "meh".


Child's Play (2019)

Watch Star Trek: TNG's "Descent".
It's the same thing, except with Data instead of Chucky.

In act three, it turns into "Maximum Overdrive".
Watch that instead too.

The only thing special you get here is Mark Hamill doing a pretty good Chucky voice.
It's not worth sitting through this bland retread though.
Watch him in something good.

Oh, and Aubrey Plaza is in this, but she doesn't do much.
Watch her in "Legion", instead.
She's glorious in that.
Especially season 1.


Downsizing (2017)

Terrible.
Worst one of these by far.

The idea from the trailer actually could have been a way better movie.

What we get is a pretentious mess.
It tried to say things about class, and environmentalism, and in-group mentality, and cults, but it never really gets there.
It never really hammers any of those things all the way home.
It pretends it said those things, and pats itself on the back for it, but it didn't earn it.

Nah, it's crap, avoid it like...well, like a coughing Christian.


The Falcon And The Snowman (1985)

I'd seen this before, but I wanted to see it again, and justify the review.

A true story about a guy (The Falcon) who saw the CIA doing crooked shady shit that had nothing to do with security, and screwed them over by selling secrets to the Russkies, and dragged his childhood buddy (The Snowman) into the scheme.
Eventually, they got caught.
I think they're free now.

In theory, treason against fascists is no bad thing.
It's just that the countries that hate our guts are as violent and awful as we are.

So, y'know, don't do it.

America sucks, but Russia sucks harder.

I don't shed any tears for the CIA though.
Fuck them.
Infiltrating unions?
Fuck you.
Nazis.

The Dollop did an episode on The Falcon that goes into more detail than the movie.
A lot of wild crazy stuff got left out that would have been great for the movie, but then it would have been 12 hours long.
Check that out here.

Anyway, this, and "Fast Color", were my favorites.


Swingers (1996)

The moral is, you can get over any breakup if your rebound girl is Heather Graham.
Sorry, spoiler.

Introduced the world to Jon Favreau.
No Jon Favreau, no MCU, and no Mandalorian.
He turned out to be really damned important.
From such humble beginnings...

So, yeah, consider this a Happy Hogan prequel.


Rabid (2019)

From the Soska Sisters, who brought us "American Mary", and then a bunch of disappointing crap.

This is better than the crap, but still not up to the heady heights of "American Mary".

A remake of the Cronenberg flick of the same name.

Watch the Cronenberg one, it has a darker and better ending.
The Soska's ending is something out of a bad video game.

Not recommended.


Indecent Proposal (1993)

Hoo boy....I dunno which I hated more, this, or "Downsizing".
It's really fucking close.

You all know the plot by now, Robert Redford wants Demi Moore's pussy for one night for a million dollars.

Look, set aside all the jealousy shit, and hangup shit, and all that crap.

You tell the dude to go fuck himself, not because of some "sanctity of marriage", bullshit, you tell him to go fuck himself because he's a creep, and you don't need creeps in your life.

A guy creepy enough to want your wife to be a prostitute is creepy enough to do anything, and it won't be one night, he'll keep right on creeping and skeeving around.

There's no such thing as golden treasure from the sky, or genie wishes.
There's always a dark price.
There's always fine print.
There's always tricks.

I don't care if you and your partner are swingers that wouldn't be bothered at all.
Go swing with nice people, not power-playing billionaire swine.
I can't believe there was a cultural debate over this.
It's really easy to solve.

Anyway, moral quandary aside, the movie is total shit.


Ferngully: The Last Rainforest (1992)

Yes, I had to see this again cuz of my memory of it in my food saga.

Does it hold up?
Fuck no.

Not nearly enough Tim Curry, too much Robin Williams being cringe-y by bringing his C-game.
And I couldn't give two shits about the stupid romantic protagonists.

Tim Curry's musical number is the only good part at all.
It doesn't last nearly long enough.

And yes, this is totally where "Avatar", ripped off absolutely everything.

I'll still take it over "Indecent Proposal", or "Downsizing".
In a fucking heartbeat.
Which isn't saying much.


Swimming With Sharks (1994)

Watch Frank Whaley in "Career Opportunities", instead.

Watch Kevin Spacey in nothing, because he's a pedophile.

Spacey is the Boss, Whaley is the underling, the boss verbally abuses the underling, the underling snaps and gets revenge, the tables turn again, and hi-jinks ensue.

Look, the Kevin Spacey character and the Frank Whaley character are BOTH assholes.
The movie tries to set up the false dichotomy of choosing the cynical rotten philosophy of Spacey, or the naivete of Whaley, then strong-arms you over to Spacey's side with elaborate contrivances.

If you get a Spacey boss, tough it out, or quit.
Preferably quit.
"Getting ahead", is just a shorter version of "keeping up with the Joneses", and that's a death trap.
It's like Redford and his pimp money.
It's booby-trapped.
Just avoid the whole mess.

If Whaley wanted to be involved with movies, he should have been a writer, director, or an actor.
Necktie executive shit is not how you get near that stuff.

This was clearly written by a liberal who got turned cynical, and didn't have the mind-power to climb out of the pit of despair.

That's what conservatism is.
Embracing wickedness and cruelty through despair.
It's the decay of virtue.
Ain't nothing "tough", about it.

Nope, I hate this movie.
Still not as much as "Indecent Proposal", or "Downsizing".
But it's on the list.


So..."Fast Color", and "Falcon And The Snowman", were my favorites.
"Downsizing", "Indecent Proposal", and "Swimming With Sharks", were my least favorite.
The rest floated in the middle "meh", area of the scale.


And, that's everything in Spectrum's database that I wanted to see at all.

Next up, back to the file cabinets, and I think probably Troma.
See you next time for those.


Previously with isolation marathon-

• Isolation marathon (Part 1).
• Isolation marathon (Part 2).

Previously with MM-

...but the plague had other plans, Part 9. (MM #234)



Read More......

Greedy swine, Part 3.

Stuff from Facebook #48.
-and-
Post 18 away from 3000 posts!

And finally, here's this one!


Look at me, I'm Nostra-fucking-damus!!

March 3rd, 2014

When I look at Russia, I see America's future. 
Failed in everything, economically imploded, lying in rubble, balkanized, everyone steaming drunk, and pining for "the good old days", run by a moron dictator waving his prick at the world trying to regain some relevance. 
I wonder who the last president will be.

And the update..

March 3rd, 2019

Some scary fucking predicting here.


Safety seals.

February 19th, 2018

At supper, I was ripping the annoying foil thing off the new salad dressing, and I got to thinking. 
One crazy evil bitch in the 80's killed her husband with poisoned headache pills for nothing more than a petty blue collar sum of insurance money; and to cover her tracks, she put poisoned pills on the grocery shelves to kill strangers, to make it look like a mad poisoner, so it would look like her husband was one of many intended random victims. 
Long forensic story of how they caught her, but they did. 
After that, they put the foil thingies on all pill bottles, then gradually, they put them on fucking everything.  
Even peanut butter. 
Which I just also peeled open minutes ago. 
One crazy evil selfish bitch 30+ years ago, and we have to peel foil thingies forever. 
Funny, huh? 
I wonder what recent thing I'm applying this logic to...I'll let you have fun guessing...

I can't remember what I was applying it to then.
Probably something to do with Trump.

But now, I'm grateful for the safety seals, or assholes would be giving us covid19 on purpose just cuz they thought it was funny.

This is why we can't have nice things.


"Get with the program!".

March 18th, 2013

Y'know what phrase makes my flesh crawl? 
"Get with the program". 
I heard it last night from the bad guys on "The Walking Dead". 
I've never heard it in reference to anything good. 
It's always either something evil, or at best, mind-numbing, and freedom crushing. 
More often than not, flat out fucking evil. 
Y'know why no one ever tells you to get with a GOOD program? 
Good programs don't need getting with. 
You're already instantly with them. 
They're not even programs. 
"Get with the program", is usually uttered by the same sort of soul-dead robot people that spew "team player". 
*Shiver* ooh there's another one. 
I knew Oprah was an enemy to humanity when she made "get with the program", a motto for a whole season, and had a shitty SONG about it, and made it the theme song to that season. 
I go from goosebumps to teeth grinding rage when "get with the program", is followed by snapping fingers, and I get on the verge of downright homicidal when I see it said to small children. 
I don't care if it's something as innocuous as getting them to eat their vegetables, or climbing down off of some implement of play because "it's not playtime now", find another fucking phrase, parents. Seriously, next one of you I run into snapping your fingers, and barking "get with the program", you're getting punched in the face. 
Man or woman. 
Full tilt, all my body weight thrown behind it.

The Christians who refuse to self isolate need to get with the program, but the scientists aren't using that phrase.
Y'know why?
They're the good guys.
Only bad guys tell people to get with the program with "get with the program".
Argument proven.

Y'know how Oprah is answering this challenge?
Having on Deepak fucking Chopra.
Fuck you, Oprah.


Problems with authority.

March 26th, 2014

I've always heard "problems with authority", like it's supposed to be a bad thing. 
How the fuck do you NOT have "problems with authority", unless you're a fucking sheep? 
How is the alternative a healthy thing? 
How is it? 
I just can't see it. 
You should always question authority, and when you find them doing wrong, expose and despise them. 
These are people you allow to be in charge of your fucking life, their decisions decide your future, and could even fucking KILL you! 
Is one supposed to "trust in those who know best"?? 
I don't see much of that going on lately. 
The whole "know best", deal. 
Washington is occupied by fuckups and dipshits. 
The military, state government, business, all fuckups, dipshits, scumbags, and dimwits. 
Demonstrably so. 
News story after news story proves it. 
Failure down to the quarks of reality. 
But "problems with authority", is still bad somehow. 
I think it's just common fucking sense. 
What, if I despise the whole idea of hierarchy, I break the clockworks of society, or something? Honestly, I really don't get this. 
It's like an alien planet to me.

And the update...

March 26th, 2020

People have a problem when you have a problem with authority that they like. 
Trump has destroyed the world, but the MAGA cultists hate you for pointing it out. 
I'm sure there's a liberal counter-example, but the end of the world has clogged my memory gears.

The liberals who got sucked into the anti-SJW alt-right scene.
Dusty Smith spoke up against their cult, and damned near got destroyed.


Gloomy motivation vs Madison Avenue.

March 28th, 2013

I may seem like a glum person to some of you, but, I actually consider myself to be a MOTIVATIONAL writer. 
I figure, if I can make you see that life in this country is an open sewer that isn't worth living, that the human race in its current state has nothing to hold its head up about, and needs to flinch with shame from human eye contact, and its own reflection, and if I can saturate your every cell with a despair as cold as liquid nitrogen....then MAYBE you'll metabolize that into anger, and channel that anger into rebuilding this dumbshit society into something worthwile, and then we can all really hold our heads up, instead of having this phony undeserved pride that Madison Avenue tries to inject us with. ""America is great...because we say so". 
"Americans are great...because we say so". 
"We're the best in the world...because we say so". 
Wrong, sorry. 
Telling yourself you're great when you're not is the opposite of motivating. 
It makes you sit on your ass harder. 
America, you're a load of spineless consumerist sellouts who fink on each other in a heartbeat for the price of some french fries, and 8 minutes of Youtube fame. 
Feel it. 
Feel it deep inside. 
Feel the sting. 
Let it burn in there. 
In your blood. 
There we go. 
Theeeere we go.

Apparently, it took a viral apocalypse to motivate the complacent idiots.
Who knew?


Missing normal commercials.

March 30th, 2020

You know what I never thought I'd miss? 
Normal commercials. 
When even the truck commercials and Burger King commercials say "in these difficult times", you know we're in a river of shit.


The history of Google Plus.

April 5th, 2014

So, here's the summary of my conversation with Google over the last couple years. 
"Do you want to join Google Plus?". 
No. 
"Do you want to join Google Plus?". 
No. 
"Do you want to join Google Plus?". 
No. 
"Fuck you, you're on Google Plus". 
"Do you want to merge your Google and Youtube accounts, and post under your real name?". 
No. 
"Do you want to merge your Google and Youtube accounts, and post under your real name?". 
No, stop asking. 
"Click here to merge your Google and Youtube accounts, and post under your real name!". 
No, cut it out. 
"Fuck you, we merged your accounts".

And the update..

April 5th, 2017

Next step is "do you want us to sell your browser history to the Russian mafia?". 
No. 
"Fuck you, we did it".

And the other update..

April 5th, 2020

And then, after all that, it ended with "Haha! Sorry! Google Plus sucked, it's gone! Bye!". 
If only getting rid of the GOP were that easy.


Our spam e-mail president!

April 8th, 2013

A HERPES cure in my spambox this fine afternoon. 
That's a new one! 
I was skeptical of the diabetes ones, but, wow, HERPES! 
Move over, cancer cure! 
What it must be like to be a spam writer. 
I mean, I know a bot shits them out, but a human somewhere has to create the original mail.  
I have my rotten days of genuinely thinking "fuck everyone, kill everyone, burn it all", but even in that depressive state, I wouldn't try to make people believe in a fake herpes cure. 
That's a level of depraved psychopathy I just can't get to.

And the update...

April 8th, 2020

And now we have a president that spams the real news with a fake covid cure! 
How far we've come! 
Such progress!


And, that's all of those!
Now, to let the buckets refill again!
See you next time!


Previously with SFF-

Weird/humor/musing stuff, Part 6. (SFF #47)



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Weird/humor/musing stuff, Part 6.

Stuff from Facebook #47.
-and-
Post 19 away from 3000 posts!

Shit, two days late!
I took a couple hours break from the last one thinking I was gonna come right back, and I got caught up in binge-watch stuff instead, and by yesterday, I just flat-out forgot.

Anyway, here we go...


Brain anti-virus.

March 23rd, 2015

Just about all the geopolitical problems going on right now would go away at light switch speed if you could just anti-virus human brains. 
Just hit  a button, wait out a progress bar, and everyone goes "oh...there's no God, there's no Allah, we've been killing each over absolute bullcrap, what a waste of time this has all been, I'm so embarrassed", and everyone just fucks off, and goes either home, or to a bar. 
Done. 
Nope, brains hold onto their viruses like grim death, there's no removal tool short of a bullet, and these malfunctioning computers have a hold of bodies and they're coming at ya. 
Hey, transhumanists, get on that whole anti-virus thing first. 
Give us malware-free systems before hooking them up to fucking Hulkbuster bodies.


Jesus on Cosmos.

March 23rd, 2014

Creationists are sniveling for equal time on Cosmos. 
After much thought, I've decided I'm all for it. 
Get Jesus on Cosmos. 
In person. 
No middle-men. 
Talk about must-see television! 
Come on, why is the little fella so shy? 
He's got super powers. 
Chief among them, being death-proof. 
How is an indestructible man insecure about anything? 
Also, it's just an hour of his time. 
One stinking episode. 
Is he really THAT busy? 
Looking at the state of the world, I'm thinking not. 
Put up, or shut up, Jesus. 
Stop sending your goons to fight your battles.


Monster fangs.

March 24th, 2018

Y'know what always kinda bugged me with horror movies where a human turns to a monster?
Regular teeth turning into fangs. 
Bones don't liquefy and re-mold like that. 
At least not exposed bone protuberances the way teeth are. 
Your old teeth would have to pop out to make way for freshly grown fangs. 
Doesn't anyone remember baby teeth? 
That's how that works. 
Lamberto Bava's "Demons", is the only one to get this right.


Maine Job Service.

March 24th, 2017

Thanks, Maine Job Service, for never finding me a job, never e-mailing me, changing your name 5 times, merging with a nationwide conglomerate without informing me, keeping my social security number on file forever, and then getting hacked, and THEN e-mailing me. 
You're just aces. 
Exemplary service. 
Would recommend to friends.


Into the groove.

March 27th, 2018

Ever hear a song in your dream that's as real as if it were coming through your ears, and then when you wake up, its stuck in your head all day? 
Its never a song you like, is it? 
Mine right now is "into the groove", by fucking Madonna. 
I couldn't tell you the lyrics to save my life, but in my brain radio, apparently every phonon (sound particle) recorded back in 19-fucking-85. 
In crisp perfect fidelity, in perfect stereo balance. 
Fuck you, dream DJs. 
You're worse then Freddy.


The Harry Hembock check.

April 1, 2013

Amazon finally cut me my goddamned check! So, there, I'm a paid author now. Transaction complete. And, no, it's not a stupid April fools, it'll be just as true tomorrow.

The update...

April 1, 2020

A couple years ago, they finally changed their policies so they can't sit on your money until you clear certain hurdles anymore, they have to mail you whatever you've got. 
I got a check out of the blue for two fucking bucks. 
It must have been the residue of what didn't clear the last hurdle for the first check. 
I took forever to cash it, cuz I never go to the credit union, and because I took so long, it got cancelled. 
So I've got this worthless powerless Harry Hembock check for two bucks that it's too much of a pain in the ass to contact Amazon to send me another one. 
It's kind a of a sad relic of my failed comics/writing "career". 
BUT...y'know, this is the kind of shit that would happen to Harry. 
I'll count it as a piece of merchandise. 
Fuck action figures and lunch boxes. 
I've got the Amazon check that wouldn't clear. 
WTF can you get for 2 bucks, anyway? 
Can you even get a Dunkin Donut? 
I think you can get a cheeseburger and a chicken nugget. 
That would be the Harry Hembock Christmas special. 
Him trying to get maximum value out of his pathetic 2 dollar check, then him bawling to a cruel audience laugh track.

The addendum...

(A friend responded with a cry smiley)

Cry smiley? I wasn't whining, I genuinely find it darkly humorous.


Things that aren't critical thinking.

April 6, 2016

Here's some things that are aren't critical thinking. 
1. Paranoia. 
2. Anti-corporate bias. 
3. Pro-corporate bias. 
4. Xenophobia. 
5. Homophobia. 
6. Superstition. 
If you find yourself veering into any of those, you're doing critical thinking wrong. 
Start all over, and keep trying.

Some additions to the list...

7. Misogyny.
8. Racism.
9. Classism.
10. A willingness to sacrifice innocents for your goals.

And 10 applies to the accelerationists who are allegedly leftist, but want Trump to win, so it'll piss people off enough to have a revolution.
You're rooting for innocent death just as much as the plague preachers, and the voting disenfranchisers hoping black people are too scared of covid19 to vote, and that crazy stupid old white people are willing to die in order to vote Trump.
You're just as fucking evil.
You're exactly the same.
Ain't no utopia coming from your fucking revolution, stink-pigs.


Goth porn.

April 7th, 2014

Look, Facebook, it's sweet of you to keep recommending "Gothic Beauty Magazine", on the sidebar there, it really is. 
BUT, I can't have goth porn in my feed. 
I just can't. 
I'd be jizzing in my pants constantly, and I wouldn't get anything done. 
I need to be functional. 
One has to be pragmatic about these things. 
Thanks anyway, Facebook.

Adblock solved all of this.


People conceived to songs.

April 7th, 2013

Grim thought of the day. 
Every song you ever hated, someone somewhere not only loves it, but used it for the soundtrack of the greatest moments of their life, including screwing. 
Which means, every song you loathed 20 years ago, someone somewhere of adult age now was conceived to it. 
"Rhythm is a dancer", is walking around out there. 
"Informer", probably gave you change for a fiver. 
There's no question that if you were vandalized or burgled, it was "Whoomp there it is!", and his buddies "Knockin da boots", and "Insane in the brain". 
Today's emo kids? 
"Come undone", the whole lot.

And the update...

April 7th, 2019

1999 "no scrubs", told me you can't get anything for under 4 bucks at the movie candy counter. 
But "all star", sold me a bag of Swedish Fish and a Halloween sized bag of Spearmint Leaves for $3.50 at the grocery store. 
Good old "all star".


Gay birthday cakes!

April 9th, 2015

Oh, shit, I just thought of something, Christian bakers!! 
Gay people were always gay, so that means...every children's birthday cake you make...is a potential GAY BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!!! 
OH SHIT!!! 
OH FUCK!!! 
AAAA!!!


Finding yourself.

April 9th, 2014

You always hear about these rich kids that go to Europe, or India, or wherever,  to "find themselves".
I never had to "find myself". 
Not from scratch, anyways. 
I lost track of myself during the 00's for a bit, but I was in the Harry books right where I'd left myself.
Didn't need a locator app or anything. 
Maybe society is fucking these kids up, maybe I'm a luckier sonovabitch than I ever knew, maybe a little of both. 
I don't know.

No, most people just need bullshit cliche phrases like that to justify travel to themselves.
"I'm bored of staring at my shitty fucking neighborhood", doesn't sound as romantic and adventurous as "I need to go find myself".


Kill the police, children!

April 9th, 2013

Small children need to learn how to kill the police as soon as biologically possible. 
Ideally, this should start at 3, definitely no later than 5.  
What do you folks think? 
Discuss.

The update...

April 9th, 2018

I still think this is rational and sensible.

And the other update...

April 9th, 2020

7 years ago me was the sanest me of all.


Cancer cure credits.

April 10th, 2018

I hope someday, a mad genius makes a sequel in a nerd franchise that pisses off "traditionalists", and then they hide the cure for cancer in the fucking credits.


And a bonus episode from a board!


Through a scanner really fucking darkly.

April 10th, 2020

I don't think I've seen anyone mention this before, and I may even be the first to even notice it.

Okay, in the original Tron, the way they describe how the scanner works, is it scans your molecular structure into the computer, then smashes apart your molecules, and "suspends them in the beam", IE sucks them up, then reverses the process by spitting out the stored molecules, and scanning your digitized pattern back onto the molecules, putting you back together, and 3-D printing you back into meat-space.

So, when you're in Tron-land, the beam emitter is acting like the pattern buffer on Star trek, holding your molecular toner for later.

SO, in Tron Legacy, Flynn Senior has scanned himself in, and gotten trapped by Clu, and Sam goes in to get him.

2 hours and 5 minutes of chases and Daft Punk music later, Sam and Quora come out into meat-space, and leave behind Flynn Senior.

Where did Quora get her molecule toner from?
She was never human before.

I'll tell you where.

Flynn Senior.

Sam took Quora home that very night, and essentially fucked his dad.

(Shocked surprise smiley)

That's how that movie ends.
That's what happens.
Enjoy.

(Eating popcorn smiley)

To which a friend replied...

But since Sam shares 50% of his father’s DNA, he was also technically masturbating at the same time.

To which another friend replied...

And when you consider that Quorra is an automaton, who, though sentient, may lack the ability to consent and is technically not human, Sam may be guilty of rape, incest, bestiality, and masturbation simultaneously.

One would be hard pressed to find that level of depravity even in a Tiger King episode.


And, boom, there's those.
Up next, another batch of greedy swine!!



Previously with SFF-

Liars and cowards, Part 6. (SFF #46)


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