Previously with 2018-
Big 2018 year end movie recap.
Previously with these-
- Spoiler Alert!: 2012
- Spoiler Alert!: 2013
- Spoiler Alert!: 2014
- Spoiler Alert!: 2015
- Spoiler Alert!: 2016
- Spoiler Alert!: 2017
Here we are!
Movies from just last year!
You'll definitely get spoiled, unless you got up off your ass, and saw everything important.
Or you rented it, cuz it should all be out by now.
Don't proceed unless you did.
You've had every chance.
1. Avengers: Infinity War
Thanos wins!!
He gets the stones, he snaps his glove hand, half of everyone turns to dust.
Only Cap, Hulk, Widow, War Machine, Thor, Iron Man, Hawkeye, Ant-Man, Rocket, and Nebula remain.
In the after credits, Nick Fury pages Captain Marvel.
Everyone had to ask their comic geek friends whose logo that was.
2. Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse
Peter Parker Spider-Man dies!
But, it's okay, there's another one.
Miles's uncle is the Prowler.
And he dies.
But we don't get a spare for him.
Anyway, Miles, Peter 2, Gwen, Peni, Spider-Ham, and Noir have to keep the multiverse from collapsing on itself.
They do.
In the after-credits, Spider-Man 2099 goes into the dimension of the 60's Spider-Man cartoon.
3. Black Panther
Black Panther's dad killed Killmonger's dad.
Killmonger is Black Panther's cousin.
Killmonger kills Klaw as part of his plan.
Killmonger almost kills Black Panther, and everyone thinks he's dead.
Killmonger becomes king of Wakanda.
Some Wakandans follow him, cuz even though he goes too far, he kind of has a point.
Black Panther comes back, and there's a mini civil war for the throne.
Black Panther's side wins, and Black Panther kills Killmonger.
In his death scene, Killmonger delivers one of the greatest lines in the MCU.
I won't spoil that.
Black Panther buys Killmonger's old neighborhood, and is going to turn it into a science academy.
After credits, Shuri fixed Bucky's brain.
4. Bumblebee
All the classic 80's (AKA Generation 1) Transformers (plus Arcee) are in the opening scene on Cybertron.
Bumblebee comes to Earth, his voice box is damaged, and he becomes the radio-talking Bumblebee from the Bay movies.
BUT, he also becomes the Volkswagen like his Gen-1 self.
He and the girl from "True Grit", have a little "E.T", adventure.
Then, Decepticons show up.
The military sides with Decepticons, cuz the military is retarded in movies, but especially so in 80's movies, and this is set in the 80's.
Bumblebee wins, and Optimus comes to drag him to the next mission.
He's in his Gen-1 form too.
This is the Transformers movie they should have made in the first place.
5. Aquaman
The current king of Atlantis (Ocean Master) is an asshole, so even though he doesn't want to be king, Aquaman has to step up.
Ocean Master kicks Aquaman's ass.
Aquaman goes on a quest that takes the rest of the movie.
Aquaman kicks Ocean Master's ass, becomes king.
I'm probably over-simplifying.
6. Deadpool 2
Deadpool wins again.
Duh!
Also, his girlfriend dies, but comes back.
Time travel, y'see.
In the end credits, he kills fake-Deadpool from "X-Men Origins: Wolverine".
And Ryan Reynolds before he can be in "Green Lantern".
In the Blu-Ray cut, he tries to kill baby Hitler.
It's an awesome scene, they were pussies to cut it out.
4. Ghostbusters: Crossing Over (Part 1, Part 2)
I spoiled it pretty well already in the reviews.
8. Creed II
Creed loses.
Creed wins in the rematch.
Drago Senior has to throw in the towel, cuz Drago Junior won't give up, and he's gonna get killed.
The Dragos are revealed to be tragic.
The past enmity from Rocky 4 is gone, and everyone respects each other.
9. Ash vs Evil Dead (Season 3)
Ash finds out he has a daughter.
A whole bunch of stuff happens, but where we end up is Ash kills Kandar, the God of the Necronomicon, and ends up cryo-frozen into the future.
His daughter and sidekicks think he's dead.
Unless they do another movie, we'll never find out their fate.
Well, maybe Dynamite could do a comic.
10. Ant-Man & The Wasp
A bunch of stuff happens, but what's important, is in the after credits, Ant-Man gets stuck in the quantum tunnel, which sets up the solution for "Endgame".
I said here..
We all know he's the savior in Endgame.
Mmmm...pretty much!
Everyone else added their contributions, but he was the secret ingredient.
11. Incredibles 2
The Incredibles universe pulls its own Superhero Registration Act, and naturally, a villain is behind it. The Incredibles save the world, and the act is repealed.
Also, everyone finds out Jack-Jack has every super power.
12. Venom
Pretty straight ahead superhero origin stuff.
Except with Venom, he eats people.
In the mid-credits, Woody Harrelson is the guy that becomes Carnage.
In the after credits, a clip of "Into The Spider-Verse".
13. Ready Player One
Billionaires are trying to ruin the internet with ads, and paywalls.
Just like now.
The world is a festering dystopia, and everyone escapes into fantasy.
Just like now.
But hey, look, a Madball!
And a holy hand grenade!
The good guys win...but it's kinda bittersweet.
Anyway, it's a better Tron 2 than "Tron Legacy".
14. Solo: A Star Wars Story
"You just like anything with 'Star Wars', stamped on it!!".
Oh, yeah?
Then why do I have "Solo", so low?
Hmm?
Fuck you, trolls.
Anyway, everything referenced in ANH and ESB happens.
Some fan-canon becomes canon, some doesn't, or the film does it with a twist.
Biggest spoiler, Darth Maul shows up on hologram phone.
Han Solo doesn't see it, so he still hasn't seen the force, so his un-belief in ANH is preserved.
15. Elseworlds
A minor villain gets ahold of a book that rewrites reality, and Flash and Green Arrow swap lives like Quantum Leap, and Superman becomes bad Black-Suit-Superman.
Arrow-Flash, Flash-Arrow, Supergirl, and Batwoman have to fix reality.
They eventually do.
Also, 90's-Flash shows up.
So, the 90's Flash show is canon with the Arrow-verse.
But, it's really a 3 hour sneak preview to next year's crossover that's gonna have everybody.
And it's a backdoor pilot to this fall's Batwoman series.
That misogynists are already bitching about.
16. The Girl In The Spider's Web
Lisbeth suddenly has an evil sister we never heard about.
She's suddenly gone totally romantically cold on Blomkvist.
Blomkvist is reduced to a useless damsel who doesn't do hardly anything.
The guy who plays Blomkvist is a pretty-boy.
The plot revolves around protecting an autistic little by who has the password in his head to a doomsday program that'll launch all the nukes in the world.
Lisbeth beats her evil sister by them having a tearful chat that leads to her sister just jumping off a cliff, which renders all the chasing, and fighting, and hacking, and shooting meaningless.
Lisbeth erases the doomsday program, resetting everything back to zero.
Performances and action are good, Claire Foy is a good Lisbeth, but when you really stop and look at the story...yeah, it's pretty cynical.
If they continue this franchise anytime soon, I'll be shocked.
Critics were brutal, and box-office was mediocre.
17. Halloween
Laurie Strode kills Michael Myers.
...or DOES she?!?!?!?
...same ending as all the others.
But, the road to that ending was done with style.
More style than parts 4-10, anyway.
18. Ghostbusters: Answer The Call:What Dreams May Come
Covered it last time.
19. Death House
Ahh...I dunno.
*Shrug*
Seriously, I don't know.
Something about the worst maniacs on Earth are kept in this top secret super prison, and the maniacs are kept in holodecks where they get to live out their kill fantasies, except the people that run the jail kidnap real victims for the maniacs to kill, because holograms don't give off the right hormonal stink to give them a boner, or....some shit.
How that's even a prison if they still get to kill makes no fucking sense....
Oh, and the prison is secretly run by literal demons.
It's a fucking mess.
And that was 2018.
And that wraps all of this up until 2019 finishes off in December.
So, up next, the compilation of these!
3 comments:
I love that Linda Hamilton in the new "Terminator" pics/trailers looks exactly like Jamie Lee Curtis does on that poster, and that this new Terminator is doing the same thing as the new Halloween.
"Mid90s" written and directed by Jonah Hill isn't terribly good. Not even that much 90s nostalgia in it, either, which feeds into my pet theory that the 90s decade was so ironic and self-referential towards its own trends that there isn't that much need to nostalgically re-visit it because it was practically cataloguing itself while it happened.
The movie is just about some poor near-silent waif of a kid who begins hanging out with a bunch of skaters. Not much to write home about.
Terminator vs Halloween-
Hmmm, yeah, kinda...but I find that don't mind.
Mid 90's-
Cheerfully avoided.
You're right on the pop-culture self referencing.
The movies that came out at the time look like 90's nostalgia.
Kevin Smith in a good way, "Reality Bites", "Hackers", and "Empire Records", in a bad way.
"Good Time", added to my list.
Fair enough on Sin City, and agreed on the Gordon-Levitt bit.
"Mid90s" has been said to resemble a Larry Clark movie, like "Kids," which I've still only seen parts of, and never felt like watching the rest. I remember "Kids" being hugely, ridiculously controversial back in 1995 but this movie doesn't even have anything to write home about like that.
Oh also the bullied hero of the movie gets to kick the crap out of two other bullies, and gets to go into a room and I think finger a hot girl who looks six years older than he does. Crowd pleaser alert!! (Even "Freaks & Geeks" couldn't avoid this!) Sheez, and I had to watch it right after an actual mid-90s indie about a 13 year old kid getting bullied, "Welcome To The Dollhouse" and that hadn't aged too well. Looks like "Eighth Grade" is the winner so far, then.
I never understood "Empire Records" to save my life. I think that was just a self made hipster movie full of attractive actors. It would be hilarious to me to think of today's kids getting worked up over a movie set in a record store, though.
I don't see kids today looking up junk from the mid 90s like the Macarena and Spice Girls or anything like that, though I do hope that pre-loaded SNES thingy sold well. I guess some of the grunge has survived but the 90s song I run into the most is f***ing "Closing Time" by Semisonic, eugghh.
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