Spoiler Alert!: 2017

Previously with 2017-

The big 2015-2017 movie recap.

Previously with these-

• Spoiler Alert!: 2012
• Spoiler Alert!: 2013
• Spoiler Alert!: 2014
• Spoiler Alert!: 2015
• Spoiler Alert!: 2016

We're up to just 2 years ago!
We're getting REALLY spoiler-y now!
Bail out if you have a movie backlog, cuz I'm really getting to the nitty-gritty now!

1. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Luke is grizzled and grouchy (which actually fits with his young self being whiny).
Rey and Kylo force-skype.
Rey finds out Kylo is bad because Luke fucked up big time.
Rey gets tired of Luke's grumpy bullshit, and takes off.
Rey and Kylo team up against Snoke's royal guard in one of the best fight scenes of all 9 movies.
Laura Dern Kamikaze crashes a ship at light speed in one of the greatest shots of all 9 movies.
Chewie cooks a Porg.
Ghost-Yoda shows up and knocks some sense into Luke.
Luke fools Kylo with force-project.
Luke dies.
Admiral Ackbar dies.
Snoke dies.
Captain Phasma dies.
The Anakin saber gets broken.
Canto Bight was pointless.
D-J was pointless.
That was the point though, cuz the message was "failure is our greatest teacher", and all the good guys fail until the reversal of fortune at the very end.

And seemingly about half of all Star Wars fans are stupid, and didn't get it.
The upbeat fan service version they wanted isn't Star Wars.
So...I dunno what they're actually fans of, really.

2. Logan

Logan dies.
His daughter (X-23) lives.
The bad guys make an evil young Wolverine clone.
Xavier dies.
Before the movie, almost all Mutants died.
Xavier killed the X-Men with a telekinesis seizure.
X-23 escapes to Canada with some other X-Men babies.
Deadpool 2 spoils Logan's death.

3. Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman gets sucked up into World War I, cuz she thinks Ares is responsible.
In spite of much eye-rolling from Steve Trevor, she's actually right.
The village she saves in the BvS photo dies from mustard gas anyway.
WW's mother lied to her about her origins, she wasn't made of clay, she's a daughter of Zeus like Hercules.
Steve Trevor dies.
Doctor Poison gets away.
WW kills Ares, tying in to her "I've killed things from other worlds before", line in BvS.
In the wraparound flash-forward, Diana gets the physical copy of her WWI photo back from Bruce Wayne, and she accepts her role as Wonder Woman.

Somehow, Steve Trevor is coming back for "Wonder Woman 1984".
Time travel?
Re-incarnation?
Clone?
We'll have to see.

4. Thor Ragnarok

Despite Thor and Hulk putting up quite a valiant struggle, Asgard gets blowed up.
Actually, Thor blows it up.
Last resort.
Then, Thanos's ship shows up in the after credits leading right into "Infinity War".

Also, Odin dies.

And Mjolnir gets crushed.
But that one's in the trailer.

Actually, for such a funny movie, a lot of dark shit happens.

5. IT

The kids weaken Pennywise, but he just goes into hibernation.
The rematch with their adult selves is in the upcoming Chapter 2.

6. Spider-Man Homecoming

Vulture is his girlfriend's dad.
Vulture figures out Peter is Spidey, cuz he's not stupid like every other villain.
The scene where this happens is one of the best in the MCU.
Spidey wins, but he gets the shit beaten out of him, which is true to form for Spidey.

Iron Man/Tony is Peter's father substitute.
Tony almost gives Pete his "Infinity War", suit, and Avengers membership, but he turns it down.
Aunt May walks in on him putting on the suit.

7. The Lego Batman Movie

Batman is a dick.
Batman is a dick specifically to Alfred and Robin.
Alfred, Robin, and Batgirl make him realize he needs the Bat-Family, and that he needs to open up to people.
Batman is still kind of a dick at the end, but he's making progress.

Also, The Phantom Zone is opened by Joker, and the Wicked Witch from "Wizard Of Oz", Gremlins from "Gremlins", Kraken from "Clash Of The Titans", and King Kong all come pouring out.
On top of all the Batman villains who've broken out of Arkham.

So, Batman has to work through his emotional issues while saving existence.
Which....is just another day at the office for Batman.

8. Guardians Of The Galaxy: Vol. 2

Starlord's dad is Ego The Living Planet.
Ego killed Starlord's mom.
Starlord makes him pay.
Yondu dies heroically.
The family bond of the Guardians is even stronger, because James Gunn is a big ol' softie.
We get another great soundtrack.
Baby Groot becomes Teen Groot in time for "Infinity War".

9. Crisis On Earth X

The heroes save the multiverse from dimensional Nazis.
Professor Stein dies.
My eyes teared up more for that than Superman dying in BvS.
The actor came right back on "The Orville", though.

10. Justice League

Steppenwolf and his Para-Demons show up.
Batman and Wonder Woman assemble Flash, Aquaman, and Cyborg.
They resurrect Superman, cuz, DUH.
Superman needs some time to get his head together after the whole being dead thing.
Once he does, he solves everything, cuz Superman.

It's okay for Superman to actually solve everything, but if Captain Marvel helps out, and doesn't even solve everything, it's time to pitch a fit.
Toxic-fanboys aren't misogynist, though.
Don't ever say that.
They'll cwy theiw widdwe eyes out.

Anyway, mid-credits, Superman races Flash like in the comics.
After-credits, Luthor escapes Arkham, and starts the Legion Of Doom with Deathstroke.

11. Ghostbusters 101: Everyone Answers The Call.

I spoiled every detail in the issue reviews, but I'll try to boil it down...

Trainees tinkering with a dimension portal causes a merging of the Classic and "Answer The Call", universes.
The 8 boy and girl Busters have to find a way to separate the universes to save them both.
They do.

Like I said with "Deadpool", with comedies, it's not the goal, so much as the jokes until we get there.
This comic delivers the funny.
A worthy sequel to both franchises.

12. Ghostbusters: Answer The Call: What Dreams May Come

I spoiled it all with issue reviews, but again, I'll try to boil it down...

Um....they fight Freddy.
Yeah, they dress it up as something else, but they essentially fight Freddy.
They win, but again, it's about the journey.

13. Baby Driver

The villains die, but Baby goes to jail.
Cuz that's what would happen.

14. Justice League Dark

Imagine if all the Avengers were Doctor Strange.
Then throw in Batman.
Then make it R rated.
There you go.

15. Dark Tower

Mahinga-hey and Heimdall chase each other around, and then fight.
Heimdall wins.

Along the way, we get a bunch of Stephen King universe Easter eggs.
They're the best part.

16. Atomic Blonde

Furiosa is an 80's Black Widow and she receives almost as much punishment as she dishes out.
Which is what would happen.

She starts out working for the Brits, then flips, and turns out she's working or the Russians, then double-flips, and turns out she's working for the Americans.

17. Alien Covenant

David genocides the Engineers, kills Shaw offsceen, and creates the classic Xenomorph.
All the new characters die.
It's a bummer.
But, so's this franchise.
The only victorious moment was the end of "Aliens", and David Fincher ruined that immediately.

18. Inhumans

I spoiled everything wrong with this disaster in comments.
Thankfully, Anson Mount ended up as Captain Pike in "Star Trek: Discovery".
So, this failing miserably had an upside.


And, that was 2017.
Next time, 2018!