Previously with 2016-
The big 2015-2017 movie recap.
Previously with these-
We're getting closer to the present, so the spoilers are getting more likely to spoil!
If you haven't caught up on 3 year old movies, better run away!
1. Rogue One
Everyone on the poster fucking dies!!!!
...except Vader.
But he dies 4 movies later.
But in the meantime, he kicks the most ass he's ever kicked in the final moments of this one.
Oh, and CGI Tarkin and Leia pop up.
And real Bail Organa.
And prequel Mon Mothma.
One of the best Star Wars movies, a shame they didn't finish the trilogy of these.
Well, again, never say never, they might still some day.
2. Deadpool
Deadpool wins.
Duh.
But, with comedies, it's not about who wins, but the jokes until we get to that point.
And I ain't spoiling those.
3. Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice
Batman and Superman stop fighting, and team up against Luthor.
Luthor turns Zod's corpse into Doomsday.
Wonder Woman saves Batman from Doomsday.
Superman dies killing Doomsday.
Batman and Wonder Woman vow to assemble the Justice League, even though they don't call it that.
Flash, Aquaman, and Cyborg cameo.
Superman isn't really dead, because DUH!
The extended cut is better.
4. Captain America: Civil War
Cap knows Bucky killed Tony's parents, and Tony finds out and loses his shit.
Zemo's plan to make the heroes fight makes more sense than Luthor's.
But, I'm not here to change the rankings, I'm here to talk spoilers.
5. Doctor Strange
"Dormammu, I've come to bargain!".
Strange brings in the win with the time stone, and again in "Infinity War", by setting up a 5 year long-game.
6. Ash vs Evil Dead (season 2)
As with season 1, I spoiled every little detail in the episode reviews.
But, as with season 1, I'll try to boil it down.
Ruby redeems herself.
Ash redeems himself.
Six Million Dollar Man is Ash's dad.
The gang time warps back to before Evil Dead 1, so we get the prequel.
Deadite Cheryl and Deadite Henriettta make comebacks.
Ash fights a poo spraying anus monster.
Best season of the three.
7. Ghostbusters: Answer The Call
I spoiled the whole plot in this post where I talk about the politics of the film in relation to the others.
That's got everything I would have ever said here.
8. Suicide Squad
It's an "Escape From New York", remake that ends as a "Ghostbusters", remake.
Except Gozer does the "Walk Like An Egyptian", dance.
Seriously.
It's a hot mess, but an entertaining one.
I'm sure James Gunn will do way better though.
9. X-Men: Apocalypse
An ancient Egyptian Mutant (the titular Apocalypse) comes out of hibernation, and raises a ruckus.
He Pokemon-evolves some Mutants into his henchmen, and seeks to reboot the world back into ancient Egypt with himself as God-King.
Magneto is the lead henchman, and he kills millions of people, destroys landmarks all over the world, and everyone shrugs this off easier and faster than Iron Man eventually forgives Captain America.
I mean, really, old-Magneto got arrested, and put in plastic-jail for WAY less than this!
Anyway, Jean Grey goes all Phoenix, and kills Apocalypse.
This sets up "Dark Phoenix".
Yeah, the comic was 4 years of issues, but this is all the setup you get in the movies.
Oh, and Wolverine shows up as Weapon-X to prove once and for all that "X-Men Origins: Wolverine", is also erased in this timeline.
Yet another X-Men where the finale is a mess.
But, it's really good until then.
Hopefully, "Dark Phoenix", avoids this pitfall.
My hopes aren't high.
Let's hope I'm wrong.
10. Star Trek Beyond
The Enterprise is destroyed for the third time on the big screen.
Scotty meets Jayla, and he and Jayla find a new ship, and get it running.
They beat the bad guy.
Despite it being Idris Elba, the bad guy is pretty forgettable.
Jayla steals the movie.
Sadly, we likely will never see this continuity again.
I might be wrong, but I'm not gonna bet money on it.
11. Batman: Return Of The Caped Crusaders
Catwoman turns Batman into a villain with a poison scratch, and Bad-Batman uses a duplication ray to turn himself into an army of Bad-Batmen that take over Gotham.
Robin and Alfred save the day with a ridiculously contrived plan just like the old show.
It's beautiful.
12. Sausage Party
Foods at a grocery store are brainwashed with the religious belief that the humans are taking them to Heaven, not that they're going to be eaten.
A hot dog finds out the truth, and makes it back home, and tries to expose the truth to everybody, and he gets the same reception that atheists get in our world.
Anyway, a bunch of stuff happens, then the foods finally rebel, kill the humans, seal the grocery store into a fort, and have an orgy.
At the very end, our main heroes find a portal into the world of the animators and voice actors, setting up a meta-sequel that could have gone literally anywhere.
We'll probably never see it. :-(
And, that was 2016.
Pretty damned good year.
Critics were saying it was a terrible year.
They were on crack.
Next time, 2017!
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