My mighty steed.
I never bonded with a mode of transportation the way I did that bike.
I gotta find me a car someday I love as much as that bike.
Or, maybe I need a Vespa, or a "Rice Rocket", or something...I dunno...
I mean, yeah, I believe in taking showers, and washing your hands, calm the fuck down.
I mean like in "clean", language, "clean", comedy, etc.
To believe in that, I'd have to believe in dirty, and I don't.
And I don't really believe in making things "clean", for children.
In fact, the older I get, the less I believe it, and the less patience I have for the concept.
Yeah, I make a lame effort to warn when one of my posts will be explicit, but...why do I have to police my own fucking thoughts in an allegedly free country?
I mean, really?
I ain't gonna try too super hard, cuz I don't believe in it.
So, yeah, I'm that dangerous.
Okay, now that the pussies are gone, let's continue.
The way I see it, humans are just smart animals, and animals are evolutionary survival mechanisms, so, a child is just a small survival organism.
What about that state of being, aside from soppy superstition, makes it so they have to be kept in this secluded censored state of "innocence"?
Kids from medieval times had hunted, and slaughtered, and cleaned animals by the time they were five or six.
Shit, Romeo and Juliet were 13.
Hell, there's kids in this world that live like that or tougher now.
This is some homogenized, puritan, privileged, upper-middle-class, white, christian thing, that inexplicably infested over into the secular mind, and the lower classes somehow.
I blame 50's television.
Poisoned one generation, and it trickled down.
It has no basis in reality.
Worthless intellectual garbage that's wasted a lot of money and time in the world.
I'm tired of it, and will only play along with a gun against my head.
My cousins grew up on a steady diet of R rated movies, South Park, you name it.
Pretty sure they played gory video games too.
They're all grown men now, they didn't go Columbine, they didn't pillage a village, so, fuck off with that noise.
Frank Zappa's kids turned out okay too.
And that's the whole "children", thing, I have even less respect for wimpy adults that want things "clean".
Eat my ass, you stunted snapperheads.
Go take a shower in a wet-suit while you want it all "clean", you risible assclowns.
I don't even get how "clean", got all mixed up in religion in the first place.
The logic train must have been absolutely fucking moronic.
I mean, if there were a God, don't you think he'd be like Doctor Manhattan?
He'd see "dirt", and "filth", as just a different pattern of atoms.
There'd be no weird emotional baggage to it, no "eew, that's icky!", he wouldn't fucking care.
So...why would he have emotional baggage attached to the CONCEPTS of things that are "dirty"??
And why would he attach that "dirty", FEELING to things that aren't EVEN fucking dirty??
And if all of the above, why would he pass it on to human beings to think of things as "unclean"?
And while he was tossing around pronouncements of "unclean", why didn't he make up better food safety restrictions than just avoid pork?
Why not explain germs?
"Oh, primitive people wouldn't have understood".
Every school child is essentially a "primitive person", and they can learn about germs in half a fucking hour of a school day.
I fucking did.
Nope, it's all stupid fairy tales, and gut reactions, and cultural programming.
And you pull it apart, it's crap.
Everyone just dumbly goes along with it.
Have fun with that, I ain't doing it.
My blog is "dirty", and I ain't gonna protect you from it.
It's for people with a brain.
Adults, and advanced kids.
No babies of any age.
That's my philosophical position on the matter, you're free to disagree, but don't burden me with your opposition unless you can frame it as an argument, and not a bunch of knee jerk "you're going to hell", bullshit.
And if you throw out "you're going to heck", forget it, you're fucking banned.
I can't remember how old I was when I first heard this story from the old man...
...I remember it was in the car on the way to somewhere....
I think I may have been anywhere from 8 to 10, but I heard it again every couple years or so, til I was fourteen.
Basically, it goes like this, there was a popular kid at Dad's high school, named Ross, but he was a total fuckin' dickhead, and he would give Dad shit, one day he even walks by him, curls his nose and goes "you're a fuckin' snake!".
Y'know, cutting high school hallway shit like that.
Anyway, later on, Ross starts a fight with him, and all Ross's toadies and fanclub are like "Yay, Ross!! Yay, Ross!!".
My Dad cleans his fucking clock with 3 punches.
Do the zombies go "Yay (Mike's Dad)!!".
Nooope. They go "awww, poor Ross!".
Now...I wasn't openly told what the moral of this story was supposed to be, I always assumed it was generically "don't fight to be cool".
That seemed to be the vibe that was projected from it.
But...I dissected the shit out of the events in the story in my head, and Dad didn't fight him to be cool, he fought him cuz Ross seemingly needed his beating.
Sometimes, you just need to beat up a Ross.
My high school experience was boring, annoying, and miserable, but I never had a Ross on my case.
I'm mixed on this one, it's not for kids, but it's a kid memory...eh..parental discretion.
Okay, so, I'm 12-13, and at Sweetser, and Bernie, the fat kid, takes me aside on the pathway back from the building where the cafeteria is, to the building where our class is, and tells me the secret to women.
"First, you wanna cum in their mouth, they love it! They LOVE it! Then, cum on their face, their eyes, their belly, their tits, their hair, their arms, their hands, their feet, everywhere, cum all over 'em. They love it, They LOVE it!!".
Skeptically, and humoring him, I said "all over 'em eh? Okay, I'll remember that".
And I have.
So, there you go, all women, not just the ones in pornos, are bukkake cumsluts.
All of 'em. They love it. They LOVE it.
A little tip from Uncle Mike, handed down from Uncle Bernie.
Well, getting right to the point of the story, our campsite was on a hill, and it looked down on the lake, and also, upon a campsite below us at the shore of the lake, and on that site was a big-ass rock.
We had a perfect view of this rock, basically, and it even had a flat spot up top like a little stage.
And this little kid, oh...memory is fuzzy now, anywhere from 5 to 7, would climb on the rock, boogie around in a wobbling circle, and sing...terribly...
But the funny part was, he would sing...this made up mish-mash that was...an impersonation of the radio...but the words were all wrong, and medley-ed together.
It was like what an alien might reproduce describing listening to our FM emissions.
Now...what I think he was trying to sing...was "do what you do", by Jermaine Jackson, and...some other stuff...
But what it came out as was....
"Ghost-busters!!! And he didn't knooowww what he haaaaad!! And he haaaad what he waanteeedd!! And you know, what you know, what you know, what's in your heeeaaaddd!!!".
The "..know what you know..", part is what sounded like "do what you do".
I thought it was funny, but Steve hated his stinking guts, and wanted to push him off the rock, and acted out the kid being in pain with all his bones broken going *groaning scratchy death voice* "and he....didn't know....what he...haaadd....and he had...what..he wanted...".
So, that was good for a few laughs, but it later became a family meme.
Especially "know what you know what's in your heaaadd!".
The fun is in finding new ways to shoehorn it in.
Like, some shrink show, that can be about "knowing what you know what you know what's in...your heaaad!".
Or, some guy in some romantic comedy "didn't know what he haaaad, but he haad what he wanteed!!".
Y'know....that freaky little weirdo was actually pretty deep.
Hell, he's probably some accountant or doctor now, and doesn't even remember this shit.
Or, maybe he's out there, reading this, and blushing.
Maybe he frittered his life away chasing some impossible goal, an icy woman, a 401K that evaporated out from under him, maybe he had a shitty garage band that went nowhere...and all along, he didn't knoooow what he haaaaad, and he haaad what he wanteeedd!!!
Well, thanks for the memes, Weird Boulder Kid.
Gotta lotta amusement from 'em over the years.
Hopefully, I can pass 'em along for ya, and spread the joy you brought.
...and I see "written by David Angell", and I'm like "where do I remember that name from?", then, like a nanosecond later, it hits me "ohhhh, shiiit, that's the poor bastard from "Frasier", who died on 9/11".
Then, it was a really good episode, and I got thinking of him being on that fucking plane again, and was like "fuck".
So, I jotted that down on a notepad for today, knowing it would BE 9/11.
So, there you go, a writer who entertained me had to die, because a gaggle of superstitious lunatics thought corporeal obliteration sends them to a dimension where 75 slaves would want to suck them off.
Ain't humanity neat?
These are such GOOD ideas, let's respect them.
So, what else?
Well, The Onion kinda wrapped up what I was originally gonna ramble about all in one neat little package.
But yeah, here's that, it says it all...
Troop withdrawl for the two shitty wars are finally starting to happen.
We're mostly outta Iraq.
They'll leave some troops behind forever, cuz that's what the US does...
Maybe the run of bad shit from the last shitty decade is starting to turn around, eh?
Well, let's look back at previous 9/11s, boy, these fly by...
(Uneventful, except breaking ground on the Freedom Tower. They were saving it for this year, I guess)
(Tyler Perry, and Glenn Beck, it was exploitterrific. Truly disgusting. I was ashamed to be human that year)
(Said it all here. My all-purpose 9/11 rant to recycle forever. Well, me from '08, Binny's dead, other than that, the news media and US foreign policy is still fucking awful)
So, in a couple years, the new tower will be done, the fishes will have nibbled Binny's bones clean, "Rescue Me", will be in one big Blue Ray boxed set, and we may or may not have a new president, for better or worse.
That'll be interesting, to have the residue of 9/11 truly in the rearview mirror.
What it'll be like for it to really be over...
Stick around for that one.
And watch Cheers tonight.
Hallmark channel has 'em for sure, but your local cable company maybe has other outlets it plays on.
In between laughs, remember what mixing violent and stupid costs us as a culture.
Too bad no one is doing anything.
No TV specials, no special hardcover novels, or tech manuals, or encyclopedias, no games, the JJ Sequel is delayed, and shit, you would think the folks at Phase II/New Frontiers would have busted their asses to have a new episode out.
Shit, TrekMovie.com didn't even fuckin' say anything.
Well, I still love ya, Trek.
For what that's worth.
Okay, first, the quick history lesson; as Plop! was DC's MAD ripoff, Crazy was Marvel's.
And, they did a slightly better job.
But, Marvel always did it better in those days.
Aaanyhoo, I've done a damned bangup job of finding all these lost treasures, but there's one left that eludes me.
When I was 5, 6, or 7, I saw a Crazy in the grocery store magazine shelf, one time only, and in it, there was a Sesame Street parody where Ernie ripped Bert's arms off.
Burnt into my fucking mind, I need to see that issue again, somebody help me.
Either directly E-mail me a CBR/CBZ, or an Ebay link, or even someone just remember the damned issue, and I'll go hunting myself.