The talk I wish someone had given me as a kid.

Look kid...

....there's going to be a lot of bullshit coming your way, and you're going to have to put up with a lot of assholes.

And a lot of bullshit will be coming your way from the assholes.

And they'll do everything they can to cram their bullshit into your head, and turn you into them.
They'll do their damnedest to turn you into them.

Why?
They hate themselves.
Tearing you down validates their empty lives of retreat, and defeat, and compromise.
Fuck them.
They made their choices.

Tune their bullshit out.
It's an illusion.
All of it.
Don't sweat it.

Don't ever be afraid.
And don't ever let anyone try to make you afraid.
It's all smoke and mirrors.

Trust in yourself.
If some idea or bit of media strikes you as bullshit, and the rest of the culture, especially the people around you won't confirm it, and you start to think maybe you're crazy, fuck that doubt.
Fuck it.
That's the bullshit coming at you.
Don't fucking fall for it.
You're right.
That movie IS a piece of shit.
That show IS a piece of shit.
That talk radio asshole IS stupid, and wrong about everything.
YOU'RE right.
Don't let anyone make you doubt yourself.

And don't get into a big thing with the assholes about it, just tune out their stupid shit, and fucking avoid them.
Assholes itch for a fight.
Don't give it to them.

If the stupid bullshit is on your TV or radio, don't lazily sit there getting poisoned, change the channel, and if it's on every channel, turn it the fuck off.
Life is too short to subject yourself to stupid fucking bullshit in your own home or car.

Some of the assholes will pretend to be nice.
Don't distrust all nice people, but see if their niceness is conditional on a weird little list of absolute rules, and see how nice they are when you challenge those rules.
If they get upset, or even just get a little weird, turn and walk the other way.
That weirdness is your bullshit sense, listen to it.

Finally, some really clever assholes will try to use similar points to what I've just told you to sell you on their bullshit.
To make you doubt everything, even reality itself, so they can shove their bullshit in in its place.
It'll get really hard then to tell right from wrong.
But check your gut for anger and fear.
If those have been put into you, you're likely the victim of bullshit.
Retrace your steps, and see where the fear crept in.
You'll find the bullshit.
Like I said, don't let them make you afraid.
There's nothing on this fucking earth to fear except fear itself.

There's a lot of bullshit out there, kid.

Protect your fucking brain.

Its your greatest gift, and lots of people want to steal it.

But, if you can keep it, and keep the company of people who also have, life can be an awesome adventure.

And yeah, uncle Mikey swears a lot, so what?
It's just words.
Don't be afraid of words.
That's more bullshit.
...course, don't repeat this shit to your folks, especially the swears...
...you'll get a lot of bullshit, and so will I.

(continue to sequel)