Friday, June 8, 2012

Some shows I hated that everyone else liked (past tense!).

Yes, the phenomenon of me being out of sync with the mainstream's drumbeat is not new.
It's been going on awhile now...

So, here's some more stuff I suffered as annoyance ranging to torture, that everyone around me seemed absolutely dippy about.

The Dukes Of Hazzard.

Well, I'll just restate, rather than dig up an old quote.
Comedy that wasn't funny, and action that had no tension, because the bad guys were cartoon-indestructible, and the good guys were luck-indestructible.
Boring as fuck.
Chinese water torture.

Kids Incorperated.

The theme song explains all.

If Youtube didn't have it, I could have just squinted hard at the screen, and projected it out of my mind.
That goddamned thing burnt into my neurons like a cow brand, and 28 years later, has never left me.

Anyway, they plonked this day-glo coated turd into the middle of my Saturday morning cartoons, was like an ice cream cone once it got sand on it, you'd try to eat around it, and tell yourself it was still good, but no...your weekend was spoiled.


And not fun "Addams Family", creepy, but windowless van creepy.


"Kids Incorporated", with pubes.
A nightmare with no end.
It's back, you know.
Ovation has the reruns.


See here.

The days and nights of Molly Dodd.

Pretty much anything Lifetime shits out.
Pretty much anything with a saxophone or clarinet in the theme song, while I'm at it.

Caroline In The City.

Imagine this, the chick from "Howard The Duck", draws a crummy unfunny "Cathy", style comic strip, in the style of the commercials for Quilted Northern toilet paper where the elf (?) chicks manually stitch the designs onto the asswipes.

Imagine it in the style of "Frasier", but with a chick.
Imagine also, she's in a "will they, won't they?", relationship with a gay guy, like "Will and Grace", but, the writers were in total denial that the guy was gay.

Sound appealing?
Yeah, that's my take, but....people loved it.
*Shakes head*

Ally McBeal.

So, this skeleton with some meat still on sleeps around, and has cartoony daydream sequences, and the fuckin' Dancing Baby meme came out of this, and I want to kill everyone.

Sex In The City.

So, imagine "The Avengers", but instead of guys with powers, it's Molly Dodd, and Ally McBeal, and Caroline In The City, but their names and faces are changed, and, instead of being awesome, it sucks, and instead of being in bliss that you saw something so fucking awesome, you totally want to fucking die at the hands of Jack Kevorkian, except Jack is fucking dead, and you're absolutely helpless now.

Yeah, that.
Imagine that.

Who's The Boss?

Fuck you, America, this is leagues worse than "Two And A half Men".
You don't know what bad is.
Tony Danza should be in the hague.

The Facts Of Life.

You take the bad, you take the bad, you take the bad, you take the bad, you take the bad.
You keep on taking the fucking bad.
Then, they all get fat, and go away, and cry in the last episode.
Somewhere along the way, you could swear you saw George Clooney in a mullet.
And you dust yourself off, and go "what the fuck just happened"?

Then, one of them becomes a Jesus freak, and another one becomes Velma  from Scooby.

And almost 30 years later, you're still like "seriously, what the fuck WAS that?".

One Day At A Time.

Okay, so, a cute little redhead and a bitchy brunette scream at each other like real dysfunctional families until their faces are red, and for the occasional "very special episode", a punch is thrown.

Schneider will then show up to save the day with a burlap sack full of hotdogs and donuts, and everyone's happy again.

That's the gist as I faintly recall.

Anyway, in real life, the brunette was being banged by her dad, and she put it in a book.
Humanity is a horrible thing.
It should be put a stop to.
Someone should just cancel it.

Walker, Texas Ranger.

Jayzus Keerist....
What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Touched By An Angel.

I mean, really, what the fuck is WRONG with you people?
Son of a bitch.

Doogie Howser.

Okay, Neil Patrick Harris grew up into a pretty cool guy.
But...come on with this shit...really?

The Wonder Years.

Winnie's a stuck up bitch.
And boring.
Move along, kid.
Snap out of it.

Full House.

It's all been said at the Bob Saget roast.

Family Matters.

*....speechless...angry squint*

Fresh Prince.

Man....really, who thought the guy would become "Will Smith", and be one of our goddamned movie stars?

Well...Tom Hanks crawled up from "Bosom Buddies"...

Still....awful show...awful...


It's all been said at the Hasselhoff roast.

And, I reiterate what I said about porn, and getting titillated off TV.

Absolutely Fabulous.

Okay, between this, and Teletubbies, I really thought the Brits were trying to incite a war with us for some reason.

I mean...what did we do to you guys?

Mr. Bean.

Oh, Rowan Atkinson, why? WHY???
Blackadder, then THIS??


See here.


See Buffy.

30 something.

See here.

My So Called Life.

So wretched, I needed to scream out the poison years later.

See here.


MAD-TV did something right in mercilessly mocking how critics went WAY overboard in praising this thing.
I miss that show.
It wasn't the greatest thing, but compared to SNL lately....

Will & Grace.

If it were black people acting out their cultural stereotypes, Spike Lee would be right in calling it "coonery buffoonery", but let it be GAY stereotypes..critics trip over themselves to ass-kiss.


Hated with a boiling passion.

I learned the hard way, this does no good.

You can't defeat the collective will of millions.
Not without lots and lots of explosives.
And, the government has all the really good ones.
And, a whole system set up to keep nuts like me from getting ahold of them.
Just as well, I suppose.

Melrose Place.

Well, after I sorted out the above for myself, I was better able to let this one slide by.

Dawson's Creek.

....and given the above, I wasn't surprised when this thing came along.
Something always fills the slot of "awful prime-time teen soap".
Always will.

Eh...there was another, but it eludes me now...

There'll be more....

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