Thursday, June 7, 2012

"The Great American Novel".

It's a piece of shit.

Fuck the "Great American Novel".

You hear someone say they want to write "The Great American Novel", run in the other direction screaming.

"The Great American Novel", is this piece of shit that every bitter loser middle-aged high school English teacher is pecking away at, and none of them will ever finish, and they hate life because of this, and they take it out on their students, and leave them with simply charming childhood memories.

And, it's all the same fucking novel.
And no one fucking wants to publish it.
And no one wants to fucking read it.
Not even their fucking spouses and children.

It's about a guy, in his mid-life crisis, and he and his poker buddies have to go on a trip.

Usually, something illegal is involved, it can range from the simple acquisition of a bag of weed, to wanting to rob a casino.

Things will go amiss, and maybe some sex will be had.
Maybe at a brothel.
Maybe behind a gas station dumpster.
It will be sad, loveless sex, and someone will cry.

Basically, it's "Wild Hogs", meets "City Slickers", but less funny, and takes itself dead seriously.

Often, it will contain elements from such mawkish nightmares as "Bridges Of Madison County", or "The Horse Whisperer".

You know why "The Great American Novel", sucks out loud?
It's hollow pretense.
It's trying to impress.
It's not done for love, these bitter assholes are trying to "sit at the cool kid's table".
And, that's America all over, isn't it?

Thankfully, this book, and the term that describes it, seem to finally be dying off.
I think it was a Baby Boomer thing.

My generation is coming to cultural prominence, and everything seems to be about zombies now.

You don't hear about "The Great American Novel", so much anymore.
Thankfully.'s lingering around the fringes.

Ray Bradbury wrote a whole heaping stack of what could genuinely be considered "Great American Novels",. but...they weren't called that, especially by him.
Know why?
He wasn't a twat.

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