I "meh", the 00's!! (Part 1)

Or, as I pronounce 'em "oughties".

I kinda did a summarized bit on this decade before.

But here, I'll flesh it out.

Well, so, as I figured out in the last one, the 90's actually weren't so bad.

I didn't seem to know that at the time, so, I was glad to see that decade go when it did.
Teen/20's angst, lack of a girl, I dunno what I was so busted up about.
Looking back, it all seems so silly now.
Seemed fucking serious then, whatever the fuck it was.
Ah, well.

So, yeah, I was all signed up for it turning 2000.

Surely, this time around, we'd explode forth into the land of flying cars, and rocket packs.

Well...yes, and no....

Anyway, here's the decade that got me from 25 to 34.


2000

Budweiser's Whassup? ad campaign.

Dumb.

Dude, Where's My Car?

Haven't seen it.

Jackass

Regret having seen it.

2000 Florida presidential election

Ditto the above.

Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football

Glad I didn't see it.

Razor Scooter

Didn't have one.

Survivor

Saw the one where Sue whatsername goes on a rant against whatsername, and the gay guy.
Slightly amusing.
The other 11 years, not so much...

Baha Men's "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

Dumb.

Gladiator

Overrated.

TiVo

Don't have it.
Heard good things.

Big Mouth Billy Bass

Ugh.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Eh, pretty good.
Not worth going out my way to find.

Erin Brockovich

Julia Roberts.
Didn't see it.

Napster

Wrong date, VH1, already talked about it.

David Crosby fathers Melissa Etheridge & Julie Cypher's kids

Um, they did this one already.

MTV Cribs

Trash.
See my rant on "house of style".

Cast Away

Pretty good, best in the theater though, and especially at the plane crash.
Guess I'm supposed to exclaim "Wiiilsoooon!!", well, I'm not going to do it.

2001

Zoolander

Eh...funny I guess...I mean, if Ron white, or Lewis Black were on, I'd watch those instead but...eh..

Live with Regis and Kelly

Didn't watch it with Kathy Lee, don't watch it without her.

Enrique Iglesias's "Hero"

White noise.

Low-rise jeans

The kind that show the tramp stamp, right?
Nice.

Fear Factor

Ugh...
I predicted something like this too...not in a good way...

Sharon Stone's husband, Phil Bronstein, bitten by Komodo dragon

Good for the dragon.

Pearl Harbor

Haven't heard of anyone who liked it.

iPods

...and all the players, and swiss-army-gizmos that exploded afterward.
The birth of the new age!

The Weakest Link

Goodbye!
*Waves*

Moulin Rouge!

Asscrap.

Mýa, Pink, Lil' Kim, & Christina Aguilera's "Lady Marmalade"

*Shrug* eh...

Winona Ryder shoplifts

Pitiful humanity.

Shaggy & RikRok's "It Wasn't Me"

Doesn't ring a bell..

Segway

Don't care.

Memento

Didn't see it.

XFL

Failure turd.

America comes together following 9/11

And how long did that last?
Couple weeks?
Depends on where you put the goalpost.
Whites coming together?
Whites and blacks coming together against Muslims?
Or, if you count specific innocent Muslim-Americans that got attacked, that shit failed instantly.

Yeah, but I've ranted against the lame shit that came from 9/11 before....


2002

Spider-Man

This, and the first X-Men were the start of the lucky streak of GOOD Marvel movies.
Only took 40 years to get that off the ground...sheesh..

Color Alert System

Miserable garbage.

Yao Ming

The big Chinese dude?
Don't watch basketball.

Robert Blake is accused of murder

Barretta did that shit.
His wife was irredeemable scum though..so, we didn't lose a Mozart or nothin.

The Ring

Eh, pretty scary, some of the performances were weak though, enough to annoy me, I hear the Japanese one's better.

Liza Minnelli marries David Gest

Don't care.

Andrew W.K.'s Party Hard

Well, on the one hand, he's kind of a vapid twit, on the other hand, it had a rockin' beat to it, and man, did I miss rock.
Paved the way for better bands, put it that way.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Bleh...

Botox Parties

More pathetic humanity.

Ted Williams being cryogenically frozen

Even more pathetic humanity.

Signs

Shyamalan starts to jump the shark right off.
Christianity vs. aliens, WTF is that shit?
Oh, and Mel the crazy drunk Nazi was still fooling people.

Avril Lavigne's "Sk8er Boi" & "Complicated"

Blah.
Throw MTV in a shredder.

Mojito, Cosmo, & Martini

Oh, this is where the girly drinks started?
I blame 9/11.

Unfaithful

Richard Gere is still a trout.
Glad I missed this one.

David Blaine

Liked his card magic.
Hanging upside down, and farting about for weeks in boxes, not so much.

American Idol

*Sneer*


2003

The O.C.

Deftly avoided.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

First one was good...

Trucker hats

...um, they've been around...non stop.
There was an upsurge?
Didn't get a memo.

Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes the governor of California

Not from California.
How'd he do?

Chappelle's Show

A fucking masterpiece.
We miss you, Dave.
Come back, and do something.
Anything.
Eh, I could quote lines, but, it's been done to death.
I've already referenced several skits in these other lists.

50 Cent's "In da Club"

Doesn't ring a bell.
All I know, is when a black comedian starts a bit with "so, you're in/at the club..", it's gonna stink.
9 times out of 10.
Sometimes, I'm surprised.
Not often.

Michael Jackson is accused of child molestation

Yeah, this is when having a Michael Jackson on the planet started to jump the shark.
Wasn't a fan of any of this business.
Y'know, maybe he did it, maybe he didn't,...but man, he did everything to make it look like he was weird enough to do something..especially snuggling that weird kid in that Bashir documentary...
Dude, lay off the kids while the molester stuff whizzes around, wouldja?
Apparently, the second dose of this shit helped rush him to his death.
Poor bastid.
He needed a headshrinking so bad.
Well, full circle to the 70's it wasn't worth it.

Joe Millionaire

Yhep, "Real World", opened the gates, then shit like this came spilling out.

Metrosexuals

Crab people!

Clay Aiken

Clay Aiken or glory?

Finding Nemo

Eh, cute.
It wasn't no Toy Story though.

Paris Hilton sex tape

Can't sing, act, fuck, why do we keep this waste around, much less in front of cameras?

Ah, yes, this was the age of "the new celebrity".
Yeah, another bad side effect of our technological future.
Wish there was another dot-com bubble, or something like it, to cleanse this shit away.
It ain't coming though.
We're stuck.

Siegfried & Roy's tiger incident

You don't see Roy around anymore.
I guess he's Christopher Reeve level fucked up, or worse.
*Looks it up* no, he's walking and talking again, and they did a goodbye show.
Well, okay then, I thought he might be dead...

McGriddles

Missed out, I guess.

Saddam Hussein captured

And killed.
Yeah, all my tweenage/teenage era villains are dying.
Looks like Wacky Kadaffy might get it next.
Maybe there's something to that G.I. Joe hoohah.
Or, maybe not.
See how it goes.
Well, the big villains are snuffing it, but howcome no one wipes out my direct antagonists?
What, I gotta do it?
Where's kharma? Where's cancer? Where's AIDS?
Oh, right, they're wiping out GOOD people.
Bad people hang on like Mister Burns.
Unless Army bombs, or Twitter get involved...

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Yep, this trilogy whupped the SW Prequels.
A lot of stuff would go on to do so.


2004

Punk'd

Meh, all right.
"Candid Camera", reborn.
Everyone used to say "am I on Candid Camera?", when something weird happened.
Now they go "am I being Punk'd?"
So, Ashton Kutcher is immortal.
Until the next whipper-snapper with a hidden camera show comes along.

Ken Jennings dominates Jeopardy!

That blew over quick.
Now it's all about Watson.

Kabbalah

A sick fucking joke, played both by, and on Hollywood.
This, and Richard Gere's ass tongue-ing of the Dali Llama have spread nothing but awkward inconvenienced annoyance.

William Hung

Leave this poor man alone, society.

Jim McGreevey resigns from office

Haahaaa!!

The Da Vinci Code

Didn't read it.
Got dragged to the flick though.
Meh, okay...
It pissed on organized religion, so there's that...

Super Size Me

Yep, I dug this one.
It's in my recommended reading/viewing list.

Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County

I think MTV was good and well deleted from my channel changer by then.
Haven't missed a damned thing.

Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction"

Yeah, right.
Look, get over shit like this, Puritan America, and it won't be a big fucking deal anymore, and it won't work as a publicity stunt.

And stop hiding behind your children, you cowards.

Look, under 2, kids see tits as lunch, so they don't care.
From about 4 onward, they think they're gross, and don't look.
And at about 10-14, seeing some titties is a good start.
So, what's the harm of a titty?
Where is it?
Well, okay, Janet's 50 year old crinkly nippled titty with a ninja star on it...

But, come on, grow up, America.
..what am I saying?
This is the country that still believes in ghosts, and Angels, and doubts evolution.
Large swaths of it, anyway.
Yeah, we're fucked.

UGG boots

Don't care.

He's Just Not That Into You

Haven't read it, looks like tripe.

I've seen enough reviews to know the movie was a steaming pile of giraffe shit.

The Darkness's "I Believe in a Thing Called Love"

Yeah! Finally some fuckin' rock n' roll!
And a funny video to boot!

Liked this, and "one way ticket..".
You don't see these guys anymore.
I'm sure if I dug around, they still tour or something.
It's just that MTV up and decides "we're done with you".
Well, fuck them.
Power to the people.

Burger King's The Burger King

Creepiest ad campaign ever.
That is all.

Dance Dance Revolution

Never played it.
Not very nimble.

2004 World Series

Don't care.

2005

Pope John Paul II dies/Benedict XVI becomes the new pope

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

To Catch a Predator

Amusing seeing these swine get caught for an episode or two...but then it just gets really depressing, seeing there's no shortage of these fucking guys.
Just sucks the life out of you, how there's these heaping oppressive hordes of horrific fucking people.

Grizzly Man

(Ron White)
The fucking bear ate him!!!
*Wipes away tears of laughter*

The Runaway Bride

Didn't care.

José Canseco's Juiced

Wasn't surprised.

Sudoku

Never done one.
Guess they're a hit, eh?

Pat O'Brien's voicemail scandal

Douche.
Wasn't surprised though.
Always creeped me out in his very manner of existing.
So, I avoided his evil show.
I cared for 5 seconds when I heard he was actual pond-scum.
I just like being right.

Martha Stewart released from prison

They all do what she did.
Shoulda locked up all of Wall-Street.
In hindsight, it might've saved the country.

Fauxhawks

Awful.

Hurricane Katrina and Michael D. Brown scandal

Mind-shattering horrible-ness.
Can't wrap words around it.

YouTube

Ahhh, YES!
Like Napster, another piece of the puzzle.
As you can see from my links in the last one, you can find everything on here now.
Every memory you ever had, and are starting to forget, you can have back now.
It's all back.
The bastards took it, but they lose, it's back.
You can have it all back.
This is the miracle of the 00's.
Fuck the bloviating politicians, and their terrorism shit, this was the real deal.
The evolution of the internet was our real culture.

That's our real legacy.

Now, it's helping in revolutions.

My predictions in "let's fast-forward", are starting to kick in.

OK Go's "Here It Goes Again"

And these guys became a hit on Youtube.
Bye, MTV.

Fat Actress

Didn't see it.
I remember Kirstie Alley in "The Wrath Of Khan".
Ayep.
Gonna keep remembering that.

Bill O'Reilly's sexual harassment lawsuit

Tch, he did it.
Puke.

March of the Penguins

(Morgan Freeman voice)
Ain't nothin' easy 'bout being a goddamned penguin...nosiree...


2006

Borat

Didn't see it.
Can't work up the will to do so.

Mel Gibson DUI incident

Ahh, Mel The Crazy Drunk Nazi finally stops fooling everyone.
You'd think the South Park episode would've cut through, but no, they needed him to become the epsiode for it to click.
And that he did.
Well, I hope it registers now.

MySpace

Never used it.

Crocs

Ugh.

Dreamgirls

Didn't see it.

Fergie's "London Bridge"

Doesn't ring a bell.

I think pretty much by '05 onward, I was totally tuned out of 90% of the mainstream music scene, and I haven't looked back.
And I haven't ached for new good stuff like in the 90's, there's plenty on Youtube to keep me happy.
Been easier to sever my ties to that old crappy world I was forced to injest as a kid/teenager.
It feels great.
This is how human beings are supposed to live.

Neil Patrick Harris and Lance Bass coming out of the closet

*Feigns shock*

Casino Royale

Seen the beginning, and some other bits, gotta see it all the way through.

Dick Cheney's hunting incident

Yep, don't rub your eyes, that whole thing actually happened.

James Blunt's "You're Beautiful"

*Bored middle finger*

Little Miss Sunshine

Meh.

Pink's "Stupid Girls"

Eh.

Kim Jong-Il tests missiles

Man, why can't this sabre-rattling cartoon character come up with a case of the Twitterers?

Rachael Ray

The first starlet of food-porn.
Oh, you naughty girl.

Daniel Powter's "Bad Day"

Eh, if it comes on the radio, I don't feel like killing anyone.

The song doesn't cause this absence, it just doesn't PUT a will to kill where there isn't one.
So...it's got that going for it.
Not much more though.

24

As bad as the parodies.
Just like 'em.
I couldn't believe it.
But, there it was.
Well, the ordeal is over.

2007

300

Um..yeah...I'm thinking lately that Frank Miller might be a closet Nazi.
He picks this of all possible stories in history,..Spartans, the originators of that eugenics shit, and it's referenced, and even plays out in the morality of the piece with the whole hunchback thing...
Then you got swastika throwing stars in "Sin City", and "The Dark Knight Strikes Again", you got swastikas on the tits of the evil chick in "Dark Knight Returns", and she comes back in "All-Star Batman", you got Sam Jackson in Nazi regalia in that shitty "Spirit", movie...
Again, and again, authoritarianism posing as macho, swastikas, why does this stuff keep repeating?
Geez...you can't even really call it closet...it's been out and proud since 9/11...
I dunno, maybe I'm reading something wrong...
But...no, watching this creeps me the hell out.
If it doesn't intend to be a fascist tract...it fucking is that.

GEICO Cavemen commercials

Rubbish.

Creepy, annoying, stupid, rubbish.

iPhone

The next evolutionary jolt.
Combine this with Youtube, and Tosh.0, and there goes the need for "America's Funniest Home Videos".
..but did we ever need that?
Did we?

Of course, as I speak, camera phones of all brands are helping in Libya right now.

So, again, what I said about Youtube.

Bob Barker retires from The Price Is Right and Drew Carey takes his place

I hear Carey's had sudden creepy amounts of weight loss.
Glad I don't rise in time to see that show.
..hmm..nah, I never watched it, what do I care?

Transformers

Eh...it just didn't do it for me.
It didn't "rape my childhood", or nothin.
Just, meh.
The Transformers of my youth weren't Hitchcock or nothin' but they had a richer mythology than this flick.
I s'pose you can't cram all that stuff into an origin movie but...eh...
Well, I still have the 80's movie, and I can Youtube up Beast Wars if I feel like...

Amy Winehouse's "Rehab"

Fuck Amy Winehouse.
We're so bad off, we have actual crackwhore singers now?
Man, hard to be satirical when real life beats you to it at every turn.

Don Imus controversy

Blown out of proportion.
I don't like Imus, but this was bullshit.

Astronaut Lisa Nowak's attempted kidnapping

What I said about Amy Winehouse.
Damn, things are getting nuts out there.

Rihanna's "Umbrella"

Wasn't she the one punched by that guy?
Tch...things took an ugly turn at the end of the list here...

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

*Groan*

Actually, y'know...5th grade is about as hard as public school actually gets.
After that, they just give you new facts to regurgitate.
High School, history can be R rated.
And you get sex ed.
Eh, math theoretically gets harder, but, you can pick all the dummy maths like I did, and coast by.
Yeah, it's just 5th grade with new cartridges.
S'all it is.
Public school is fucked.

Anyway, none of the above justifies the existence of the show.

David Beckham joins the L.A. Galaxy

Don't care.

Chris Daughtry

My mother likes him.
I can't remember him outright offending my ears..
*Shrug*

Guyliner

Damn you, Dave Navarro.
*Sneer*
*Shakes fist in the air*

Michael Vick arrested for dog fighting

Yeah, again with all this dark humanity.
WTF is up with our celebrities lately?

Plain White T's "Hey There Delilah"

What I said about "bad day".
Yeah, background noise like "hero", I guess.

The Bourne Ultimatum

The whole Bourne thing passed me by.
There's no pang of loss either.


Wow, this list was shittier than their 90's ones.
I know the 00's were cooler than this.
Gonna have to do my own again...

Eh, theirs cut out at '07 anyway, so the need for a supplimental was already there.

Theirs sucking only pushes the issue...

Up next, 00's part 2....