Uncle Robert saves the day!!

So, yeah, the Hollywood machine forgot how to do horror, and a decade later, it still hasn't really come back, (best they can manage, is to do witless remakes of what worked in the 80's)  but y'know, fuck 'em, because indie horror is where it's at.

If you loved the 80's stuff, in the indie scene, it's like it never ended.
Course, the good Hollywood shit was born out of indie in the first place.

Anyway, the elder statesman of this scene, our good ol' Uncle Robert.

Robert "Freddy", Englund.

He's our generation's Bela Lugosi, our Boris Karloff.
I don't want him to end up like Lugosi, even if it's an outside chance, so I buy all his latest flicks on DVD.
And, I'm passing the catalog of his filmic canon on to you good folks so you can do the same.

Plus, it's damned good entertainment.
He's on a golden streak so far picking these.

And, if you think I'm encyclopedic and jabber-jaws about these flicks, you should get an earful of Robert!

Which is why getting these films on DVD is a must, the commentaries are a fuckin' hoot.

Starting with yes, "Freddy vs Jason".

Anyhoo, here we go....now THIS is a Halloween bag of treats!

Okay, first, we have to jump back to the 80's for a bit for...


976-EVIL

The film-

Directed by, not starring Robert.

Yeah, it's a bit craptastic, and slow in spots, but...I just can't help but love it.

The 80's just oozes off it, and we're reunited with the kid who played "Evil", in "Fright Night", and the butchy kickboxer chick in "Freddy's Dead", and it's like a class reunion, I just smile.

Oh, and Bob Picardo is the devil.
How can you pass that up, huh?
Come on.

The history-

I saw this just recently finally, and...well, see above.


Still in the 80's, we jump to...

The Phantom Of The Opera

The film-

Eh, it's okay.
I hear it's one of the most faithful to the novel adaptations so far.

Even though they add the wrinkle of bookending it in modern times, and they gore up the murders for the Fango kiddies.

Speaking of the modern times bookend, guess who's a secretary in this?
Molly Shannon! (Superstar!)
Like, almost a decade before she got on SNL!
I almost shit!

This came out the exact same time as the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, and got crushed by it.

Some have complained the music in the Englund version is cheesey..but...that makes it more authentic to me.
Music of that real period would be cornball as shit. (it wouldn't sound like Webber, I can assure you of that).
And that makes me kinda dig it.
Although, there is actually a small cult following for the soundtrack to this.

How's Robert in it?
Fuckin' great.
It's the one film so far he got to do classy gothic horror, and truly be like a Lugosi, or a Chaney.
Although, the Chaney one is still a tough one to beat...


So, we leave the 80's, and jump up to the 90's with...

Tobe Hooper's Night Terrors.

The film-

Oh...this one...this one I won't lie, is just fucking horrible.

Still oddly entertaining, but I'll get to why...

Okay, this is the background story on this one (from Robert's autobiography) as best as I can recall on the spot.

Robert signed up for this, because some bigshot Italian director, who's work on something else he'd liked was doing this, and, there was no forewarning what a piece of shit it would be, but it was, and the writers quit, and the director quit, and a whole bunch of people quit, and Robert was friends with Toby Hooper from "Freddy's Nightmares", and he kinda pleaded with him on the phone to swoop in, and rescue this thing, and Toby finished it as best he could, and hammered it into a shape as best as he could, and slapped his name on it to try to sell it on his reputation...or maybe the film company did it, and Toby wanted to be "Alan Smithee", I can't remember.

Anyway, the result is a shlockfest.

There's a really good Youtube breakdown of it here (part 1, part 2)

BUT all of that said (by me, and her) Robert is still a hoot in it.
If you ever get your hands on it, fast forward to the Robert as DeSade parts.
That's all you need, the rest is snouts and assholes.

Best line, in this, or indeed any movie "acts of...FUCKERY..please all!".

I dunno, he says it just right, and it gives me a childish giggle.

Anyway, Robert is such a great guy, he refuses to badmouth this, or any movie he's ever been in, he accentuates the positive in all of 'em.

So, I'll do the trashing for him. ;)

After you see this, go back to 976-EVIL, it looks like Davinci in comparison.

The history-

Saw it on Showtime I think.
Pretty sure I did.
We had free Showtime once, and the cable company forgot to shut it off for like, a year, and then they remembered to start charging us, and we got used to it, and kept it for a couple more years.
Boring story, but, meh.


Okay, now we get to the 00's/10's and the Robert renaissance period.
His post FvsJ work.


2001 Maniacs.

The film-

If you're a gore-hound with an Evil Dead 2, Chainsaw 2 sense of humor, you should enjoy this splatstick fest.

It's a remake of the first true gore film from the 60's "2000 Maniacs".
Wow, a remake that doesn't suck!
Take notes, Hollywood hacks!

Lin Shaye is in it in an extended role, rather than her usual cameo, so that's a "Nightmare", family reunion.
Also, Kane Hodder cameos, so we get "Freddy", face to face with the "real", Jason for a sec.

And the commentary is gold.
The DVD is busting with extras.
This was made by people who gave a shit.

The history-

Amazon.
Buy it, bitches.


Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon

The film-

Genius.

This is the post-modern take "Scream", should have been.

Through the eyes of the killer, and in the style of stuff like "The Zombie Survival Guide".

First chunk, Leslie talks to the camera documentary style about all the horror movie conventions, and how he makes all his preparations, second chunk, we see it play out in conventional horror style...but with some twists.

Robert Englund plays the Doctor Loomis from "Halloween", archetype, Leslie's "Ahab".
He's not in it much, but he's good.

Watch it multiple times, and you get more of the in-jokes, and spot more of the Easter-eggs in the set design.

There's some blatant crossing over with the "Nightmare", "Friday", and "Halloween", universes, so you could canonize this one if you want.

Sadly, Robert's not in the commentary.

The only point I'd take off on this.

The history-

Ditto "2001 Maniacs".


Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer

The film-

A loving tribute to 80's horror, especially the Evil Deads.

All done with appliances, puppets, and Karo blood, and cornstarch slime.
The old ways.
There's one little gobbet of CG, and it was just a paintbox correction of a minor mistake.

Other than that, full-on 80's tech.

The monster at the end even sorta reminds me of the turd monster from "Weird Science".

Oh, it's goofy, don't expect cinema art, it is what it is, just playfulness.
Big kids playing with fancier toys.
Get in the proper spirit, and enjoy.

Again, sadly, no Robert in the commentary.
But, like "2001 Maniacs", made by people who gave a shit.
You'll actually like the fellas who made this when the bonuses are done.
You can't say that about some flicks.

The history-

Ditto the last two.


Zombie Strippers

The film-

Wow....between the title, and the trailer...I was really skeptical, I even said so here a few months ago...well, okay, a year ago, but I bought it just like, a month after that post.

Anyway, it was a surprise, it's really fucking good!!

It's really funny, FUNNY funny, not Ed Wood funny.

It's a really slick production in a good way.
I dunno what the budget is on this, but they made it look like a billion bucks.
And damn, Jenna Jameson can ACT!!

And yes, there is stripping, both regular, and zombie.
If you loved Linnea Quigley's nudie scenes in "Return Of The Living Dead", this is your fuckin' movie right here.
Linnea's boobie-boogie by a factor of ten!

This one, opposite philosophy to "Jack Brooks", the zombie head splats are all CG...and they look good!
 It looks to be the same software that the shitty SyFy Channel movies use...but in the hands of someone who knows what the fuck he was doing!

Once again, made by people who give a shit.

And hooray, finally, Robert is in the commentary again!
He's a fucking riot in the flick, too.

Another one busting with extras.

The history-

Ditto the last three.


Inkubus 

The film-

Haven't seen it yet, but based on the lucky streak so far, I'm lined right up for it.

A serious horror for a change.

About  a demon (Englund) who's been a serial killer in famous unsolved murders throughout history, including Jack The Ripper, and The Black Dalia.
He turns himself in to the police, confesses to all these crimes, and taunts the cops, and then..I dunno..gotta see it.

History-

It comes out...TOMORROW!
(October 28th, 2011 for you people from the future reading this)


The MoleMan Of Belmont Avenue

The film-

Come ON, fucking RELEASE it already!!

They keep taking it around to indie cinemas, and film festivals, and it's been like, a couple YEARS!

Put it out on DVD!!!
Aaaauugh!!

It's won awards, it's good already, show it to us!!
(Whines) eeehh-heh-heehh!!

Anyway, here, the trailer.

Poor Robert, he's slowing down.
In Jack Brooks, he said it was the last time he could probably do physical comedy before he was too frail, and you notice here, he's just sitting there sipping a martini.
*Sigh*
Oh, well, he's earned it.

Damn...you know, that he was one year younger than me when he was in the first "Nightmare"?

Man...now he's in his 60's...if that don't give ya a shot of psychic whiskey-face...

The history-

Said it all up there.


Call Of Duty: Black Ops: Call Of The Dead

The game-

Haven't played it, can't play it, ain't got the system, but I'd have it in a heartbeat if I did.

Robert Englund, Sarah Michelle Geller, Danny Trejo, George Romero, Michael Rooker, all in a zombie game?

How can you beat that?

Well, here, have an interview.

The history-

N/A


Strippers vs. Werewolves

The film-

AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!

Ahhh...heh heh..*wipes eyes*.

I'm there, you had me at "strippers".

And no, this doesn't look like it's a sequel to "Zombie Strippers", it's a whole entity unto itself.

But, I'm there.
You hooked me.

The history-

N/A


So, there, I think those will more than make up for the crap in the last two entries, and these in themselves would make for a blast of a Halloween marathon.

Geez, I gotta fire up a couple of 'em tonight.


Up next, honorable mentions.