Monday, June 20, 2011

There's nothing to know #11.

Being properly sociable.

The basics?
Don't chew with your mouth open, or hold food with your toes, or whip out your junk, or shit on the table.
Y'know, stuff our hairy cousins in the zoo might do.
There's no objective reason for why these things are "bad", except for it being frowned upon by uptight people.

The Stooges, and the Marx Brothers could upturn these rules, but they got paid.

But, the trial and error of living will tell you that shit.

You probably already know it.

If not, how did you fucking turn on your computer?
Got one of those helper dogs?

Anyway, there isn't much else to know past that.

Don't murder the party guests, guess that one bears mentioning.

Don't noisily fuck your buddy's wife in the very next room, then come out, and brag about it.

Only Caligula got away with that one, and not for too long.

Generally, just be nice, and oh yeah, cultivate a good sense of humor, and some charm years beforehand.

Buuutt....that one kinda comes down to genetic luck, really....

Most people tend to be fucking boring, and compensate by being merely loud, and dominating the discussion by being loud.
These people are assholes.
There is no fancier word.

Sometimes, this works for them, and they manage to charm stupid people.

A little bit of wit knocks them down though.

Course, then they'll probably get vindictive, and steal your credit information, and slash your tires or something.

They're assholes, after all.

Then, you got some fucking drama on your hands.

Well, fuck it, they set the tone, start a fucking pie fight.

Anyhoo, all of this bullshit before you even throw drugs and alcohol on the fire.

Yep, this is the culmination, this is the "adult", model of that prototype, that first moment you were chucked into the corner with the little goblins.

Now you gotta deal with the big goblins.
And it hasn't gotten any better.
Or, really more sophisticated, despite superficial appearances, and pretenses.

Dinner parties, forced employee gatherings at work, bars, clubs.
The long death march.

A thin sprinkle of tolerable, to actually good people, buried in a sea of boring assholes, zombies, fevered egos, drama queens, and the occasional full-blown-wackaloon.

Why do people suffer through this miserable bullshit?

A roughly 1 in 100 chance of getting laid.

Well, the odds go up if you're pretty, but that's genetic luck, and you ain't gotta have much of a personality, if any, and only enough mindpower to move your body around, and keep it from rotting.
Like a chicken.

If you're Brad Pitt, you could probably eat with your feet, and still get some trim.

Yeah, so that about wraps it up for "properly socialized".

Oh, yeah, and murderers get love letters, and marriage proposals.
You think they had to squint and grit their teeth through strobe lights, and shitty house music?
I wager not.

So, that does it in for all the dumb little fake games.

Well, okay, some people actually ENJOY all that horseshit.

If you're one of those people, the world is your oyster, you don't need my advice.

But, if you're a young curmudgeon like me, maybe the whole deal has left you scratching your head.

Wonder no longer, because as the title says, there's nothing to know.

Be yourself, find or construct situations where you can be your whole uncensored self without someone's uptight lack of humor getting you down, and have fun within those situations.

But, every geek knows that.

And, try very damned hard to find hidden fun in the horrible awkward imposed situations.

But, every class clown knows that.

Failing any of that, for whatever extenuating circumstance, keep insouciance, an escape rout, and an excuse in your tool kit.

Life is a long haul, but it's longer with ulcers.

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