A.K.A fuck insecurity.
(Makes a good companion to fuck angst)
Y'know, the shit a writer normally crumples and flings.
Well, what better way to symbolically crumple and fling the crumple-shit, then to walk back through it, like a hurricane devastated old childhood home full of memory-ghosts?
So, here we go, my reviewing of the crumple-shit.
1 was good, it's in greatest hits, 2, ditto, people loved that one, it got people pumped, I was on a good roll, 3, one of my best,...shoulda quit while I was ahead...
Between 1& 2, there was 1.5,...and here's where the Godzilla/King-Kong metaphor starts to creep up...
Ehh, not too bad, it really encapsulated everything that followed, I sorta beat it to death after this.
I put it to good use in part 2, but again, shoulda bailed on it after 3....
Innerspace 4- The Politics Of Godzilla...eh, it starts to turn, I liked it, didn't get a big reception, little too blatant in knocking the neo-cons...but..y'know, fuck 'em.
They are lizards.
Innerspace 5- Godzilla & King Kong Across History, hokay, this is where it started going to hell.
This is where I lost a lot of RD.net people.
Crickets & tumbleweeds on virtually everything from here on out.
I dunno, I was still enjoying myself, thought it was a great metaphorical device, I could see it so clearly, I could see all of human history as one big solid ugly/silly picture, and I was trying to cut it up into MRI slices for everyone, to like, mind-meld it in, y'know?
Didn't work...didn't work...only got worse...
Head full of pretense...didn't pay off...
Okay, this is really where it trainwrecks.
It it irritates me, because I worked so FUCKING hard on it.
A whole afternoon, non stop, collecting the pictures, getting them into the right sequence, fixing all the little code glitches the builder page kept puking up a zillion times, just utter agony to build this fucking thing.
Now, okay, look, Godzilla is primal animal shit, King-Kong is monkey shit in-between animal shit, and enlightenment, Jet Jaguar is enlightenment, right?
So, as the sequence evolves, I'm saying Godzilla is the undesirable primitive shit to get away from, Jet Jaguar is where we should go, and King-Kong is like, the middle ground that's acceptable for awhile, but when we get up to modern civilization, less so, so, it becomes just a pure struggle of enlightenment vs, lizard shit, with enlightenment hopefully winning.
And, enlightenment being represented by all the cool subversive people, and inventors, and progress makers.
Pretty easy, right?
But, I threw a couple monkey wrenches in there, it's not a straight back and forth, you really gotta pay close attention, there are reversals where the bad guys won, and the good guys had to regain ground.
And every now and then, King-Kong was the good guys.
But see....if I gotta explain it, it doesn't work.
But...I see it being clicked on my Feedjit map...someone out there gets it, and likes it, they just don't speak up...
Or, maybe some Google spider or something keeps tapping it, dunno....
But, from here on out...talking to a brick wall...empty house...or, it felt like it...
Okay, I was hoping to find "answers", at this point...and they weren't forthcoming.
I was just hoping they'd emerge from the fabric of this thing, the way rant 2, and 3 just organically grew.
The King-Kong/Godzilla shit is really being abused at this point.
I had it at the first three all along, and didn't know it.
Wanted another 3 to appear, I was gobsmacked at the cold reception of 5.5.
In hindsight, I was thrown off my stride by that.
The roll I was on, gone.
Yeah, insecurity, I've learned to not give a shit, and do it for me now.
If people like it, cool.
It it gets crickets, fuck it.
Man, I really shouldn't have done these.
See, it was a combination of wanting to go back to old rants that had worked, and insecurity in trying to remake them, to wash what I saw as the Carlin-ness off them...but...fuck that, I injected my own voice, my own life experience into them, they are mine, fuck it if they seem similar, everything looks like something, it wasn't worth these watered down rehashes.
Yeah, I got possessed by George Lucas here.
The originals of all of 'em were better, Han Shot first, fuck special editions, and remakes.
Ditto.
Ditto.
Ditto.
Ditto.
And...it becomes clear to me, I was trying to pre-empt my imaginary critics by having all this shit nailed down to the atom.
Not just head them off, but placate them.
Fuck that.
Fuck them.
Fuck it, I stand by the original slogan series, the whole damned thing.
Eat shit, motherfuckers.
Ugh, look at me try to soften and mitigate that one...*facepalm*
Fuck you, FPS games ARE from the fucking military industrial complex.
Summary? Fuck everyone.
Didn't need to make that into a whole dragged out deal.
Crumple-shit indeed.
7 to 13 , *crumple* *fling*
Okay, so, here I try to give the audience some hope.
Fuck that, get your own fuggin' hope, I'm here to be funny.
And it contradicts what was good about rant 3.
It ain't my job to fix the cancer, a comic/humorist/satirist/whatevethefuckIam is just the x-ray technician.
See? There's the dark spot.
Get an appointment with the surgeon.
Now, time for my coffee break.
Mmm, fruit pies...
Another funny rant hadn't emerged, so I kept trainwrecking...
Still trying to sort out solutions, and "meaning".
Dammit, Mike, snap out of it.
Ditto.
Di-fucking-tto.
Trying to almost half-heartedly apologize for that whole indulgence.
Self-awareness at long last that part 3 had it all tied up and locked down.
A month or so goes by,
I go on the location blogs, and I realize my happy place was in being a snarky critical bastard.
No, duh, idjit.
Get back to Hembock, you fool!
Ugh!
Yep, that's what went wrong, retreated up my navel, thinking the cosmic answers were there.
Had to learn it the hard way.
Shouldn't have done it on the blog though.
Should've been crumple-shit.
*Crumple, fling*
Okay, so here, it merges with the location ones, and the ghost of MAD magazines past snaps me out of it once and for all.
People start liking my shit again.
Merged it with the politics ramblings, tried to be "hopeful", again.
Argh, dammit.
So close, then a reversal.
Sap.
The positive series.
No hippy-dippy self-esteemer horseshit, just the good things in life.
Just the fun shit that makes life worth living.
That's all it needed to be, that's all it ever needed to fucking be.
Could have done it right after rant 3 or 4.
And here it transitions into Podsville.
Not bad, back to my old form, back to being confident.
Yep, that's what it was, trying to please.
Trying to get pretentious, trying to be all motivational speaker, trying to silence critics.
Comedy death.
Fuck that.
Learn from me, children.
Keep your crumple-shit on paper, and kill it with fire.
Or, failing that, wait awhile, and mock it mercilessly.
No comments:
Post a Comment