Friday, September 24, 2010

Lost on the buffer.

(A guy operates a Star Trek transporter console, let's make it the TOS era, cuz I just prefer the old-school look of the tech)

Transporter chief- Ope, ope...we're losing him....losing him...come on...ope, getting him back....almost...shit...lost him...lost on the buffer.

(That's it, all I got. Fucking thing has sat inside my head doing nothing for 5 fucking years)


Paladin said...

Captain (on commlink): "Did you get him, lieutenant?"

Transporter Chief: "Negative, sir. His pattern is completely scrambled in the buffer. He's gone."

Captain: "Crap."


Captain: "The science officer will give you the coordinates of his next of kin. Have the remains beamed there."

Transporter Chief: "But, captain, his atoms have been completely randomized. Some of them have been Doppler-shifted to near absolute zero, others are plasma-hot. He, uh, won't stay in one piece if he's rematerialized."

Captain: "Ick. You got a box or something?"

Transporter Chief: "A box? No, sir, that won't do..."

Captain: "Well, we have to put him somewhere!"

Transporter Chief: "Yes, sir."

Captain: "Oh! I know! Engineering has these little magnetic bottles they keep anti-matter charges in. They should be tough enough. Go see about that!"

Transporter Chief: "But, captain...those bottles are kinda small..."

Captain: "Well...use as many as it takes. Do I have to think of everything? Beam 'em onto his kin's front step. Make sure you put a note from me on it. Something classy. You know, 'heroic loss during a critical mission'..."

Transporter Chief: "He was bringing back some Saurian Brandy for the officer's mess."

Captain: "That's what I mean. 'Deepest Condolences, Ensign Rogers was a good man, yada-yada-yada. Best regards, Captain, etc., etc.'"

Transporter Chief: "It was Ensign Roberts..."

Captain: "Damned good man. Hate to lose him. Take care of it, chief!"

Transporter Chief: "Aye, sir."

Diacanu said...

Well, that's a damned sight better than the Ren & Stimpy-ish continuations I tried to stick on it.

Diacanu said...
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