Shmegalamonga: August 2020

I saw all the 30's & 40's Disney movies with characters that died, Looney Tunes were violent as fuck, my picture books of dinosaurs had the T-Rex devouring brontos alive.

And as for "taking away the innocence of things", as soon as I discovered that doing bloody parodies of cute things was a thing that you could do, I did it myself immediately.

As soon as my puberty budded, and I learned that having childhood characters FUCKING was a thing you could do, I did that right away too.

Biggest trouble I ever got in at school was being caught with my drawing of Mickey eating Minnie while she was on her period.

I think I was 12.

Yeah, so, not something I understand.

I'm left out of that, I think.

And the update...

July 5, 2019

I keep forgetting sometimes.

I'm not a normie.

I'm immune to the destroying, because I'm a destroyer.

Like Pippi Longstocking innocently tossing her playmates around, but psychologically.

No wonder Ma had me read that book.

I didn't get the symbolism until just now.

Hmmm...

Flo porn.

July 5, 2015.

You know what's odd?

There's no porn parody of the Progressive Insurance ads with Flo.

You'd think that would be a natural.

There's porn of everything.

But no Flo.

All I can think, is they're scared of Progressive's lawyers.

Parody is fair use, and they've done ones of Family Guy, American Dad, Superman, Spiderman, Avengers, Flintsones, Wayne's World, Beetlejuice...

BUT, Nintendo did shut down a Mario porn.

I have no special need of Flo porn, I just think it's odd that that of all things is missing from the picture.

The culture feels like it has a missing puzzle piece.

It's the incompleteness that bothers me.

Rule 34 is a law of physics to me, and it feels violated.

They weren't ready.

July 6, 2017

Whenever I do a ramble (or whatever you wanna call it) that lands with a fart, I always remember something Carlin said in his biography.

His point of view on it was "your crowd just isn't ready for it yet".

He gave the example of that his abortion chunk in one of his shows was actually grosser and darker than what ended up in the HBO recorded version, but he tried it in clubs first, and people weren't digging it, so he edited it down.

But he wouldn't throw that stuff away.

He'd save it for 2-5 years later, and try it again, and see if people were ready.

So, that means, a lot of his stuff from the darker period of the 90's until his death was stuff people weren't ready for in years prior.

That cheers me up.

Keeps me from beating myself up.

I just remind myself "ope, they weren't ready for that one, file it away".

And the update...

July 6, 2018

This is coming true.

People didn't want to hear my anti-capitalist stuff until after the Trump election.

And I knew the " nice", religionists were ticking bombs, waiting to turn nasty on a dime.

But some of you thought I was being a big old grumpy-face.

How you feeling now that you can't trust your neighbors and relatives anymore?

You're coming around.

Fake smart people.

July 13, 2016

Don't you hate it when someone has just enough of a vocabulary that you think they're a proper human being, then when you get two more exchanges into the conversation, you realize they have the intellectual capacity of a toddler, and they tricked you?

It's like one of those bugs that looks like a leaf.

I blame word-of-the-day calendars.

Dr. Seuss motto.

July 14, 2012

(Reacting to this...)

Yep, this one's got me through a lot of fucking rough times.

Lily Cade.

July 16, 2020

A line I heard spoken in a lesbian porn last night.

"There's no Hell but here, no Heaven but desire, this is all there is, this is the universe, and it's beautiful!".

Spoken by Lily Cade just before she stuck her strap-on into a shy nervous cheerleader type.

I Googled to see if that's from something, but couldn't find anything.

As far as I know, it's a Lily Cade original.

Why can't straight porn have cool lines like that, dammit?

Anyway, I'm a Lily Cade fan now.

Accidental friendings.

July 18, 2017

Ever accidentally friend someone, and have to race to unfriend them, and get paranoid that they saw you, then remember Facebook tattles on you, then feel guilty as shit?

Happened to me.

Fucking drop-down menu vanished on me, and my desired click area got replaced with his friend button against my will.

Dude from high school.

Haven't heard dick from him in 24 years.

I liked the guy all right, but...I don't think he'd like my new radically progressive (for an American) aggressively atheist self.

*Sigh* I'm socially awkward enough without your help, Facebook.

VHS/Shady Daves/Weathervane.

July 22, 2016

Sad postscript to my VHS/VCR story.

As a teenager, every other week or so, I and my parents and grandmother would go to this giant indoor flea market called Shady Dave's.

I'd buy a stack of comic books, and a stack of VHS movies, then, we'd go to a seafood restaurant called Weathervane.

That was our thing.

Well, Shady Dave's is gone, VHS is gone, my grandmother is dead, and now I just found out Weathervane is gone.

There's one left in Kittery, but all the others are in New Hampshire.

Now, all that's left of that time is memory.

WTF? The Weathervane by the mall was always packed, what happened?

Dammit.

Time marches on, I suppose. It'll happen to you, kiddies.

And it comes faster than you think.

Don't cry because it's over.

Smile because it happened.

Depression flareup.

July 22, 2014

Gone years without a depression flareup.

Just had a flicker of it.

Lasted about 45 minutes.

Typical "nobody loves me, woe is me", shit.

Beat it back by saying to myself "yeah, and you've no one to blame but yourself. You've still got a roof over your head, electricity, and internet, and *mental gesture to wall of Jade-Shade/Harry art* you made all that happen with your fucking mind. Stop it with the first world problems, and get out of bed, you sonovabitch. Up! Up!! UUUP!!".

Still lingering after-effects, but getting better.

Pulled myself loose of it before it became a full on vortex.

Yeah, I think I had one of those yesterday.

I tried and failed miserably to "save the day", and it bruised my ego, and nothing I like to do cheered me up, or pulled me out of it.

Like I said in the intro to part 9, I should have just minded my own damned business.

Gotta keep my mind on the right goals.

Comicon cumming.

July 22, 2017

Excuse the metaphor, but you know how after you've cum, you need to leave your dick alone, cuz the nerves get all sensitive, and it feels like you're being electrocuted?

Comic-Con this year is like that.

No more, Comic-Con. I'm all cummed out.

Leave my dick alone.

I can't take anymore.

You pump or suck it anymore, I'll have a seizure.

Just stop now, Comic-Con. I can't even right now.

And the update...

July 22, 2020

Man, were these ever the good old days...

Obviously I mean how it was all digital this year, and so much was up in the air cuz of the fucking plague fucking up productions and releases.

Don't cry because it's over.

Smile because it happened.

Martyrs dissection.

July 22, 2013.

"Martyrs", (2008 film) sucks.

Especially if you're a critical thinker.

It offends your sense of reason.

Avoid.

Eh, the violence was done well, but...my analytical side kept asking things like "how does this conspiracy have so many members? How do you let that sort of thing out of the bag to potential recruits? It's not like you can advertise on Craigslist. Where did they get the workforce to build this underground torture chamber? Where did they get the raw materials without raising questions? Where did they get this custom dungeon equipment? All of this requires more and more people you have to let in on the conspiracy, and more potential people to blab. Wouldn't they have to kill all those people to shut them up? Wouldn't all those disappearing people raise suspicion? And...do none of these morons read science articles? This whole near-death load of bullshit can be replicated with brain stimulation. They've known about it since...well, when their dumb conspiracy would have started, around the 90's. No one brought this up? They're aping science, why turn around and reject it? Okay, religious morons, I know, but still...", and so forth.

And, if the only way down was that retracting ladder, how did they get that dinner cart thing down there?

How did they drag unconscious people down there?

You need your hands for the fucking ladder.

My cousin recommended this to me, and he believes in conspiracy theories, so no wonder it scared the shit out of him.

After 12 years, I gotta finally link this to my old review of Martyrs.

Memories in mice.

July 26, 2013

So, they've implanted false memories into a mouse.

They've done it.

If life wasn't meaningless before (it is, btw) it certainly is now.

This technology WILL become available to humans, for humans, and when it does, real life will become like those fucking people that buy accomplishments on Farmville.

People will buy happy memories, will buy instantly downloaded skills, everything will have a price tag, reality will have paywalls, and pirates, and real experience will become extinct.

People who really accomplished things will become obsolete, and laughed at.

Whole identities will be up for grabs like a free app.

And if your mind violates copyright?

They'll take it back, and you'll be a vegetable.

It's going to be loads of laughs for a sickie like me.

(Sings to the tune of "strangers in the night")

Memories in the miiice!

What were the chances?

Memories in the miiiice!

No second glances!

Memories in the miiiice!

Before the night is throooouugh!

Perdue pharma cartoon.

July 28, 2019

(Reacting to this...)

Something I just doodled on a message board.

I'm a bit rusty, but it gets the thought across.

Perdue has had to pay out billions to victims, so that's something.

I wish the Sacklers were made destitute though.

They need to miss some meals, and maybe eat garbage for what they've done to humanity.

Too hot for porn.

July 28, 2016

Blah, too hot and humid even for porn.

How depressing.

Going to bed.

2016 was a year that just kept delivering punishment.

But it was only warm-up for 2020.

Vampire theology.

July 28, 2014

Vampire theology time:

If you have to have faith in the cross for a cross to repel/burn a vampire, but sunlight can also burn a vampire...does that mean that the sun is a big ball of faith?

And if so, why doesn't Yahweh just feed off the sun, instead of scrounging for the thin little trickle he gets from tiny monkeys on the little blue dust speck?

Because religion is fake, and vampires can do whatever they want.

Just like lesbians (see Lily Cade).

My hackiest standup comedian style joke ever.

July 28, 2014

If you can't say "bomb", on a plane, how can you possibly describe the in-flight movies?

Guess you're just supposed to sit back, and take it.

Pussy horror fans.

July 28, 2013

It's a helluva thing, when I go to a board with what are ostensibly supposed to be HORROR fans, and even THEY don't appreciate my particular form of dark humor.

My instincts tell me these people are constipated hypocrites...but maybe it IS me...I dunno.

No, they were lame.

It was the Freddy Krueger board I tried to be a part of.

The subject was a series of R rated movies, but they wanted you to be G rated.

Fuck people like that.

Damn, has it been that long ago already?

Interquels.

July 28, 2012

So, factoid of the day.

Gap-filler stories are now officially known as "interquels".

I've been calling them "in-between-quels", all this time.

Well...all right then. "Interquel", is better.

Thanks for taking 40 years to get on that, Hollywood/TV/novelists.

And the update...

July 28, 2017

It annoys me slightly that "Rogue One", wasn't pitched as an interquel.

That's exactly the type of film where the term would've come in handy.

And the other update...

July 28, 2019

Nope, "interquel", didn't stick.

What they seem to have decided on is to say long-form what films a new movie fits between (for example, the Black Widow standalone is going to be between "Civil War", and "Infinity War").

Then the author of the particular article will decide on their own whether to call it "an 'Infinity War', prequel", or "a 'Civil War', sequel", or the more vague but technically correct "Black Widow prequel". There's got to be a better universal system.

L.L. Bean & Stephen King Land!!

July 28, 2020

I just killed an L.L. Bean ad in my feed.

If you're a Mainer, everyone assumes you worship at L.L. Bean like it's a church.

Nope, I'm a nerd.

I don't need a pair of their magical indestructible boots to go shlorping through a swamp to kill moose with.

Maine really shoves L.L. Bean down your throat, especially if you're a tourist, cuz our tourism board wants to get that "rugged outdoorsman", dollar.

Hey, we've got Stephen King.

You can be an outdoorsy guy, or a nerd hermit, and like Stephen King equally.

That should be Maine's tourism identity, not this duck & deer hunting shit.

Get King to endorse the bloodiest Halloween hayride ever, and make that our Disneyworld.

There you go, that advice is free, Maine.

Run with it.

I won't sue.

And the addendum...

Now my mental gears are spinning away.

Screw hayride, do a whole Stephen King Land!

Have the actual Overlook Hotel reproduced that you can stay in!

Have a miniature Castle Rock and Derry!

Have performers running around being the human characters from Misery, and Stand By Me, and Delores Claiborn, etc, etc.

Have all the monster characters be in the haunted house ride.

Oh my god!

And the other addendum...

Have a jail for Shawshank & Green Mile!

"I try so hard to be good 😢".

July 29, 2018

When my depressions would beat up on me, one of the tricks it would play, is to get me to blame myself for everything under the sun, and chant "I try so hard to be good, I try so hard to be good 🙁", in my head.

Every now and then, it still tries to come back.

I finally fucking realized, there's two different versions of "good", my head was mashing together into one.

One, what my heart and conscience told me was good.

The other, what would get people to stop nitpicking, and sneering, and yelling, and looking down their nose.

You can never reconcile those two.

Especially if you're surrounded by assholes.

And the way you can tell you're surrounded by assholes, is if you're curled up in the fetal position in bed repeating "I try so hard to be good 🙁", in your fucking head.

Something has gone wrong when that happens.

Again, it's two things, not one, and you can't reconcile them.

Either you'll do everything to please the mouth breathers, and violate your conscience, or follow your conscience, and piss off the mouth breathers.

You're going to hate yourself either fucking way.

So you have to tear up and throw away pleasing the mouth breathers.

Free yourself from it.

Chuck it.

Burn it.

Burn it the fuck out.

You'll die if you don't.

Hope this is helpful to someone somewhere someday.

Yeah, I totally fell into one of those yesterday.

Fuck people-pleasing.

I have to just keep myself sane.

Survivor.

August 2, 2013

"Survivor", has been on for 13 fucking years, and no one has died.

Kinda makes the title meaningless, doesn't it?

Next season, I say, lose a challenge, get murdered.

Better yet, drop MOABs on the island.

Anyone crawls out of that is a real fucking survivor.

Now we're up to 20 years of that empty hollow bullshit.

Cuz that's how Americans like their bullshit.

Empty and hollow.

Like the hollow heads that rest under the shade of a MAGA hat.

And...I'M DONE!!

Hooray!!

Done with this sub-category.

I've got one more to go....

I'll do it tomorrow.

Weird/humor/musing stuff, Part 9.

Shit, I slacked off yesterday, and got involved with crap I shouldn't have, and regretted it.

Pissed my stupid day away, and felt rotten ever since.

That'll teach me to walk away from my computer ever.

Life is garbage.

Anyhoo! Back to these!!

"Sucked".

June 20, 2014

Isn't it odd that we say a bad movie or show "sucked"?

I know if a movie suddenly came to life, and started to fellate me, it would suddenly be my favorite film. Even if it starred J-Lo.

Eye contact.

June 20, 2015

I got a lot of shit as a kid from counselors for not holding eye contact with people.

Now, I think everyone's just given up.

Good.

What an annoyance that shit was.

Okay, here's why I'm not a big eye contact person.

It's not dishonesty, or disinterest.

It's creepy.

It's like the other person is trying to probe into my mind.

Mind your own damned business.

Bad enough I can probe into you against my will for all your dumb biases and superstitions.

Also, faces are creepy when you think about it.

You've got two direct protuberances of the central nervous system sticking right out there, you've got a pipe to the shit factory surrounded by food crushing bony protuberances, and then there's two booger holes.

All hanging right out there for everyone to browse.

Like I need to aim my cameras at that for a whole half hour.

I missed my calling in marketing.

June 22, 2016

To all the British dudes out there, vote "remain", and you'll get trembling pulsing blue steel erections like you had in high school.

That's a thing that will happen.

Seriously.

And the update...

June 22, 2017

See? I should have been running the real campaign.

Sneeze noises.

June 23, 2013

Have you ever known anyone who actually makes the "achoo!", sound when they sneeze?

I go "unng-tzu!!", and the cats go "sneh!".

Gardening tip.

June 26, 2017

Gardening tip, don't roast gypsy moth caterpillar nests with a grill lighter.

I know you're tempted, but don't.

It smells like burnt hair, and toasted marshmallows, and even after the smell finally leaves your yard and nostrils, you'll remember it forever.

BBC.

June 26, 2018

So, the Brits don't know what "BBC", means on urban dictionary, do they?

Let's not tell them.

Let's never tell them.

We'll just giggle into our hands like schoolgirls.

If they ask what we're laughing about, we'll just say it's because their accents are so adorable.

Jareth figure.

June 27, 2019

(Reacting to this...)

A shame all my cousins have outgrown toy play.

I'd get this, and have it at the ready, and whatever story they're acting out with their figures, I plunk Jereth down in there, and make him softly sing "as the world falls down", and just fuck up the whole rhythm of whatever it was they were doing.

Oh, they would have hated my guts.

It would've been hilarious though, and therefore totally worth it.

Indestructible eyes.

June 27, 2019

(Reacting to this...)

Shoot for the eyes.

Even if it turns out their eyes are also indestructible, ever get a gnat in your eye?

You ain't gonna be seeing for awhile.

Even if bullets equal gnats to an indestructible monster/villain, you're buying yourself some time for the kryptonite to show up.

Slimer comes from coke.

June 27, 2018

The guy who sculpted Slimer says he was on a coke binge to make him able to work long hours, and he saw the ghost of John Belushi who gave him pointers as he worked.

So just say no, kids.

Or else you'll meet John Belushi, and create a cultural icon that becomes a children's cartoon, and is remembered 35 years later, and still has toys made of it.

Boraxo!

June 27, 2018

Tip for germ-aphobes, and just plain clean freaks.

There's nothing in the human body that'll stick to you as hard as motor oil or pine pitch, and Boraxo soap gets both of those off.

So if you're paranoid you've got somethin' nasty on ya, rather than washing yourself raw with the sissy bar soap, just bump up to the Boraxo.

You can go further than that to the Tough Nut shit they use to get roofing tar off yah, but that's just crazy.

Grey hairs.

June 27, 2014

Tch, white hair in my left sideburn.

Well, y'know, I watched the baby-boomers age un-gracefully with their hair dyes, and face lifts, and botox, and lipo, and bullshit herbal creams, and I really don't want to end up like those sad fucking people.

So, fuck it.

I'm getting old.

Oh, well.

Assholes and bitches.

June 28, 2015

I'm currently operating under the theory that most if not all assholes and bitches are just suffering from serotonin deficiency.

I'm trying to devise a super-villainous way to dispense a street dose of ketamine to the whole population to test this theory.

Oh, yeah, I gotta get back to that scheme.

Although, the MAGA crowd seems to get their happy chemicals being cruel bigots.

So, maybe I gotta find a way to make them so depressed, they stay in bed all day.

Fish crotch.

June 28, 2013

Well, the ad wizards have invented another bit of inspired madness.

From the minds that brought you blue liquid representing both urine, and period...

Now, somehow, a woman wearing Groucho nose glasses represent fish crotch.

Thank you, advertising, I'll be playing with that metaphor in my mind all day now.

And the update...

June 28, 2019

This had potential, a shame it didn't take off.

I'm still waiting for them to use blueberry yogurt for shit.

And, there's that batch.

Next time, the last batch of these.

Well, not EVER,...until it fills up again, but you know....

Saturday, August 1, 2020

Weird/humor/musing stuff, Part 8.

Big fat three-parter today!

Part 1!

Fight!

Cyndi Crawford.

December 31, 2017

Man, that "Meaningful Beauty", commercial is really fucking long.

It feels like an infomercial.

And all I can think of while I stare at it waiting for Star trek to come back, is "Jesus, I'm gonna have to watch Cindy Crawford morph into Joan Crawford over the next decade, aren't I?".

The decay of the flesh betrays us all.

Some handle it better than others.

Cindy is not going to be one of those.

Nope.

And now the update...

December 31, 2018

So, here's my unpleasant memory connected to Cyndi Crawford.

In my teen years, somehow, my mother got it into her head I was gaga for Cyndi Crawford, and kept getting me Cyndi Crawford calendars and posters.

I ended up staring at that vapid dingbat for 5 years.

My kink was goth girls, but "Suicide Girls", wouldn't be invented until the early 00's.

I suppose I could have communicated this.

My mother and I never had that l kind of relationship where we talked about that shit.

She tried to make that happen out of the blue.

It's weirder when you spring it out of the blue.

Naturally, I was resistant.

Anyway, I don't know if Cyndi is a good or bad person underneath, but frankly, I could do without her.

Nah, she's all right.

Course, if she were pale, and ate spiders, she'd really get my motor going.

24 reunion.

May 10, 2013

So, I hear that they're considering bringing "24", back as a miniseries.

Here's my little writer's pitch.

Jack Bauer is a man destroyed.

His experiences have poisoned his soul, and there's just no way back.

He can't get hard anymore unless torture is involved, his wife tried to accommodate this, but almost died of asphyxia, and left him once and for all, his daughter has washed her hands and feet of him, and he vomits every morning when he looks himself in the mirror.

He snorts coke with a grown out pinky nail he puts red polish on, and he dreams of taking a new "terrorist", down to his sex dungeon to give meaning back to the empty husk that's laughingly called his "life".

Then, when he's in the back alley of a skid row abortion clinic to fulfill his new dietary requirements, the Boston bombings happen.

We zoom in on the throbbing tent in his pants, and the counter starts beeping.

It's too much like the real show.

No one knew it was a joke.

Telemarketer auto dialers.

June 5, 2019

Don't you love it when the telemarketer's auto-dialer takes just long enough to pick up on their end that it jumps over your answering machine, and they don't know they're on the machine?

Oh, it's a blast.

*Eye roll*

And they always act demanding and frustrated, like YOU called them.

My detractors are ableists.

June 5, 2015

I don't know if I'm on the autism spectrum, but part of me hopes so.

It would mean everyone who couldn't handle my personality is a filthy stinking ableist, and ought to be ashamed of themselves.

"That's so funny".

June 5, 2013

Whenever you hear a bimbo-y female voice half-whisper "that's so funny", you can damned well rest assured it wasn't.

And the update...

June 5, 2020

The male counterpart is the guy who loudly says "that's hilaaaaaarious!", but there's no laugh in their voice.

It's never funny.

Usually cruel.

Shitty neighbors.

June 6, 2016

The neighbors have finally quieted down.

That was quite an outdoor symposium on the future of cognitive neuroscience they had going there.

It was followed by a slideshow presentation on updated theories on quantum gravity.

No, that's just my sarcastic way of saying they're a bunch of beady-eyed trash hooting, hollering, revving a motorcycle, and making witch cackles.

How I loathe them.

And the update....

June 6, 2017

They're still awful.

And they've got a vehicle for every season.

Summer, the motorcycles come out.

Spring and fall, they sit in the yard revving hot rods.

Winter, out come the snowmobiles.

I hate them so much.

I hate them so damned much.

And they don't go away.

If I had a motorcycle, I'd take off to somewhere good.

Not them.

They stay on this shitty street going up and down.

Burning away gas like it was tea kettle water.

Loud, obnoxious, stupid, polluting morons.

I hate them so much.

Oogum boogum.

June 7, 2018

Ohhhh!

The song in that Macy's commercial has been saying "oogum boogum".

I thought it was saying "fuck 'em, fuck 'em".

I thought we'd made a jolt of progress against censorship on TV.

Should have known better.

Yeah, I need to get around to this.

June 7, 2017

I'm starting to think super villain gets a bad wrap as an occupation.

I'm putting serious thought into cooking up a candy bar sized lump of anti-proton, making me the sole anti-matter power on the Earth, and just taking over as invincible global emperor.

This democracy shit just isn't working out.

And the update...

June 7, 2020

I could hardly do worse than what we've got.

Richard Dawkins dream.

June 14, 2015

Had a weird dream last night, had you EC guys in it, plus Paula.

We were all together with Richard Dawkins, and he was taking us on a tour of this museum, and the guy who ran the place comes bursting out, and starts growling and hissing at Richard like "you son of a bitch, how DARE you show your face here!? I used to love you! Now I hate you! I will have QUIET in my institution! There's SERIOUS learning going on here! There's no place here for your quack popular tripe!!", and on and on like that, and he grabs his lapels, and pushes him back, back,back,until he's got him tipped over onto a wooden library table, and everyone's all shocked, and traumatized.

Except me. I think it's funny.

Cuz I've seen real crazy people, and real domestic abuse, so I know when someone's a genuine threat, and when someone's full of hot gas and noise, and putting on a show.

And this guy is the latter, so I'm just watching the show.

And the asshole runs out of steam, and lets Richard go, and flounces off, and says we need to clear out before he calls the cops, and I'm like "fuck this", and I wander off on my own, and go into every unguarded unauthorized area I can.

After literally stealing my own tour, everyone's in a white station wagon waiting for me all pissed.

I end up in the back sat right next to Richard, and he's got beer breath, and leans in and whispers to me that he did a pub crawl last night, and would I mind very much being the guide for the next museum, and I'm like "....yeah, all right".

Then I woke up.

Never had an EC (Evil Clique, that's my Dawkns board gang) dream before.

Wonder what triggered it.

And the update...

June 14, 2019

Damn, I forgot this again. I remember it when I read it though.

Wild.

Paula Kirby still thought I was funny back then too.

I dunno, I'm still the same guy.

I didn't take a dramatic turn like killing a baby seal or something.

Go figure.

Self-improvement was a waste of everyone's time.

June 14, 2014

*Facepalm* so, here's every article with "be a better person", in the title.

1. Be an extrovert, even if it goes against your nature.

2. Conform to society's shallow attractiveness standards.

3. Chase money.

4. If 1-3 make you miserable, fuck you, misery builds character.

That's the gist.

They're all the same.

Best scam on the net right after Nigerian princes, and cock pills.

And the update...

June 14, 2018

Well, our president has taught a generation you can be an absolute shit-pile, and make it to the White House.

The entire self-improvement industry was a waste of everyone's time.

Hooray!!

It's over!!

It'll never be over.

Especially high-fashion, and quack diets.

Being right fucking matters.

June 14, 2014

Here's another phrase I've always found stupid since the moment I heard it.

It's relatively new, too, it seemed to jump onto the scene in the mid to late 90's or so, but reached critical mass in the 00's.

"It's not about being right".

There are variations.

"Life's about more than being right all the time", and "it's not about WHO'S right", but it's the same sentiment.

Fuck you.

Being right is everything.

And I'm not talking about picking a random dipshit belief, and fighting for it until you win by browbeating.

I mean being objectively right.

Like evolution is right, and Einstein's equations are right.

That fucking matters.

It really fucking does.

It's the ONLY thing.

I mean, yeah, I get the underlying thing, that if you fight too hard, you alienate, so you're better off in a social context if you massage everyone's widdle feelings...

But once you start on that treadmill, you can never fucking stop.

You spend the rest of your life politicking everyone, and then you become this fake fucking hand puppet that isn't the real you anymore.

Fuck that, I'd rather piss people off, and not have to lie.

"It's not about being right", is the battle cry of fluff-headed relativists who think everyone should live in their own little mini-Matrix, and that nothing is real.

Talk to these same assholes when a school gets blown up, or a tornado tears through.

Suddenly, things are fucking real.

Suddenly, it matters if say, the weatherman was right.

Being right is the ONLY thing.

If you don't think so, you're wrong.

And the update...

June 14, 2020

Ask the bleach drinkers, and the anti-vaxxers on ventilators how they feel about being allowed to be wrong cuz of their feefees now.

Yeah, objective reality is a thing now, ain't it, muthafuckas?

Yeah, Herman Cain.

I've got an even faster takedown of this bullshit.

"It's not about who's right", is itself an assertion of rightness.

Boom.

Done.

Fuck the Dalai Llama.

June 14, 2013

Here's yet another thing I'm out of step with a lot of liberals on.

I'm not interested in anything the Dalai Lama says or does.

I don't believe in magic, so there's no real life Yoda, and if there were, the Dalai Lama wouldn't fucking qualify anyway.

Absent magic, there's nothing that makes his fortune cookie wisdom more significant than...well, a fortune cookie's.

And absent his fortune cookie wisdom being magic, I fail to see what makes him a superstar.

I'm baffled by the Yoda status our culture has given Maya Angelou too, frankly.

The last genuine sage we had was George Carlin, and he's fucking dead.

All we've got now is this vapid clique of high school blowhards jockeying for position.

And the update...

June 14, 2018

The Dalai Lama is a pampered dictator who's chums with worse dictators.

I can't think of a more anti-liberal hero for a liberal to have.

The left-coast's embrace of this charlatan has always deeply troubled me.

Superheroes? Lay low.

June 16, 2018

So, here's my advice for any super-powered superheroes that may emerge onto the world stage someday.

Don't do it like the fucking comic books show it.

Don't don a pretty costume, and don't announce yourself to the world.

Save lives, take out bad guys, but do it on the down-low nice and sneaky.

Like how when Superman doesn't have access to his costume, and has to do it as Clark Kent, but in a sneaky way so Lois doesn't see?

Always do it like that.

Always.

Cuz here's why.

Your main super villain will be your own government.

Why?

Because politicians despise heroes.

Why?

Because a hero is someone loved by the people, and that's what the politicians are supposed to be.

If the public lifts up a hero, then that hero might get aspirations towards politics, and being a hero, he might give the people what they actually want, and in doing so, dismantle all the extortion and laundering rackets the crooks have grown fat off for decades.

And even if the hero hand waves away politics, the people might demand it, and guilt-trip him into it.

So, that's a threat, and that's got to go.

So, you'd very quickly see the entire military budget go into finding your kryptonite, weaponizing it, then the CIA/NSA will frame you for kiddie porn to turn the public against you, and THEN they kill you with the kryptonite.

Nope, fuck that noise.

Help out, but don't be showey about it.

Unless you're packing enough power to bring the government to their knees.

In which case, you're probably gonna go down in history as the villain.

Nope, if you wanna remain good, sneak.

Line-work burn.

June 17, 2019

Anyone else have the thing happen where if you read a shitload of comics, or one really long graphic novel non-stop, and then pull your head out, you see line-work on reality for a couple hours?

There, there's that batch.

Up next, more of these.

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