Cereals!

Munchies & Crunchies #17

So, this one started with one cereal, and grew.
Kinda like the sauces one.


Sour Patch Kids cereal.

Remember my revulsion at the SPK blizzard?
Well, ta-fucking-daa!

I saw this at the store, and filed it away to be a post all on its own, but my "to do list", is long, and the longer it sat on the list, the more stuff I thought to add.

It can't possibly taste like real SPKs, can it?
It must just taste like Trix/Fruit Loops with a tiny extra dash of sour.
I mean, come on, you're mixing this shit with milk!

OTOH, they had a cereal when I was a kid called OJ's that had fucking orange juice in it.
You'd pour on the milk, and the oj would come out into the milk, and curdle it.
Horrifying.

Kids, especially little boys, like being grossed out, so I guess I can see the market for weird shit like this.
As far as trying it, I'm curious, but not that curious.
Guess I'm getting old.


80's cereals.

So, SPKs are a thing from the 80's, so here's cereals based on other 80's things.

ET cereal was the best.
The absolute champ.
They basically tasted like Reese's puffs.
Except they were so coated, they were shiny.
I couldn't keep my hands off it, it was crack.

Then there was Gremlins.
Gremlins was ass.
They were trying to taste like Kix, and Kix are already pretty fucking bland, but Gremlins had cardboard fiber mixed in, or something, cuz they were even blander than Kix.
Total ripoff.
I only put it next to ET because they were both movie creatures and relatively close to each other on the movie chronology.
'82, and '84.

Pac-Man was pretty much Lucky Charms.
If you like Lucky Charms, you would have liked Pac-Man.
I'd eat my Pac-Man cereal while watching the Pac-Man cartoon on Saturday morning, and be a good little corporate slave.
We have Reagan to thank for cartoons being toy/game ads, btw.
I could go down a whole rabbit hole on the impact that's had on our culture, both good as well as bad, but I'll save it for another time.

C-3POs.
I remember these as also being pretty bland, but they were better than Gremlins.
Gremlins takes the prize as worst.
They were okay.
A little bit weaker than Cheerios.
Not as weak as Kix.
Somewhere in between.

Ghostbusters.
Basically Fruit Loops with marshmallows.
Yeah, these were good, I'd put this at second place after ET.

Nintendo Cereal System.
These came right on the tail end of the 80's, and I'd pretty much outgrown sugar cereals, but I had a couple boxes for old time's sake, Nintendo loyalism, and to try to collect the boxes.
I failed at that last part.
It's hard to hold on to things like that around here.
Climate/humidity, and such.
Anyway, they were delicious.
Mario was a citrus fruit combo, and Zelda was a berry concoction.
You could barely tell the difference.
Somehow, the cereal companies were allowed to crank up the sugar, so from this time on, the candy cereals pretty much just have enough grain in them to  make the blobs hold their shape when cooking.
I mean, a fucking Nestle's Crunch bar could pretty much qualify as a cereal.

In hindsight, if I went back with a time machine, and tasted them all now, the sweet ones would probably be disgusting, and the healthier ones probably tasted okay.
Just my kid taste-buds wanted more sugar.


Other foods cereals.

SPKs as well as being 80's, are also a cereal based on another food.
There's hundreds of those, but I'll just do a handful that I remember.

Apple Jacks.
A classic.
Still delicious.
Fuck the commercial campaigns that said they don't taste like apples.
It's synthetic, but it's in there.
Stop letting people with weak taste-buds do your ads.
I crave them sometimes, but like I said with Nintendo cereal, I gotta knock it off with the candy.

Waffleos.
Yep, tasted like waffles.
Corn, maple syrup, boom, waffle.
They came in plain and blueberry.
There's a Kellogg's Eggo cereal out now.
It only comes in plain.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
This is my second favorite sweetened cereal next to ET/Reese's.
I can just eat this out of the box with my hands like chips.
Fuck the milk, gimme!!
Nom!!!

French Toast Crunch
I haven't had these.
But if they're as good as I'm imagining, I need to avoid them, or I'll eat them until I explode like Mister Creosote.
(BTW, RIP Terry Jones)

Reese's Puffs.
See ET.


Old-timey basic classics.

1. Planet Earth only has so many cereal grains to play around with.
2. They're never gonna use rye, because bleh!
3. That leaves, corn, rice, wheat, and oats.
4. Given 1-3, even the sugar candy cereals start with those as a base.
5. Given 1-4, here's the "grownup", cereals that are still yummy even when you wash all the candy off of them.


Cheerios.
You can absolutely never go wrong with Cheerios.
They're good as-is, but if you can upgrade with anything.
Honey, sugar, fruit, chocolate sauce, the possibilities are infinite.
It's the vanilla ice cream of cereals.

Honey Nut Cheerios.
For when you're too lazy to honey it yourself, and want every "o", covered evenly.
Y'know, I think I'd put this as my third favorite sweetened cereal after ET/Reese's, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Honey Nut Cheerios is really as sweet as you need for a breakfast.
The other shit?
Eat it for Halloween as candy.

Life/Cinnamon Life.
I dunno what it is, but everything about these is just right.
The grain mixture, the flavor profile, the texture, the milk absorption factor, everything about these just hits me just right.
It's the Goldilocks cereal.
Hits my brain right on the fucking bullseye.
Yeah, I'll take these even over Cheerios.

Corn Pops.
Eh, they're all right.
They're basically all mouth feel.
Mouth feel is good.
The flavor is wanting.
Not as bland as C-3POs, or Kix, but they could still be better.

Corn Flakes.
Like Cheerios, you can never go wrong with 'em.
The original cereal.
Created by religious pseudo-science lunatics.
There's a  whole movie about it called "The Road To Wellville".
Or, you can listen to this Dollop episode.
It has Patton Oswalt.
Enjoy either or both.

Rice Krispies.
Face it, they're another one that's all mouth feel.
And the novelty of the sound effect.
They soggy up too fast.
You gotta bolt 'em down if you want any crunch left.
They're really for making into the marshmallow bars, and Nestle Crunch's, and Whatchamacallits.

Raisin Bran.
Good ol' Raisin Bran.
Right next to Corn Flakes.
Face it, the raisins are the stars.
The bran flakes are there for contrast and crunch.
And...they're another one that soggys up fast.
Gotta get munching.

Cracklin' Oat Bran.
I dunno what's in 'em beside oats n bran, but goddamn these are delicious.
The one adult cereal you can eat with your hands like snack crackers.
Yum!

Chex.
I couldn't settle on a grain, so I found a multi-pack!
My favorite is rice, then corn, then...I could take or leave wheat.
Counter-intuitively, wheat doesn't make a great cereal.
IMHO.
I think corn and oats stand victorious.
Hell, oats take the 1st place golden trophy.
Cheerios are oats.
Overall, I'd put Chex in between Life and Cheerios.

Now, for reruns....

Chex Mix.

Here.


Twinkies Cereal.

Here.


Monster Cereals.

Here.


Funko/Ghostbusters cereals.

Here.

I've seen Youtubers try these, and describe the taste.
It ain't like the old Ghostbusters cereal.
It's a weak synthetic fruit taste that doesn't really taste like anything.
And there's no marshmallows.
Which is really weird for the Stay Puft one.


Pumpkin Spice Cereals.

Here.


Pumpkin Spice Rice Krispies Treats.

Here.


Fruity Pebbles Treats.

Here.

They don't make 'em anymore.
:(
But you can make 'em.
Just make Rice Krispies treats with Pebbles instead.
*Shrug*


Ma's no-bake cereal truffles.

From here...

Ingredients:
1c. smooth peanut butter
1/2c. dark corn syrup
1c. crisped-rice cereal
8oz. milk chocolate,broken in pices
1/4c. finely chopped peanuts


Directions:
1. Beat peanut butter and corn syrup in medium-size bowl until well blended.Stir in cereal until well mixed.

2. Line a large baking sheet with wax paper.Using a  teaspoon, shape mixture into balls. Place on baking sheets.refrigerate several hours or until firm.

3.In a medium-size bowl, melt chocolate in microwave on 50-percent power,stirring occasionally until smooth.

4. dip a peanut-butter ball in chocolate, using fork to coat evenly;remove excess chocolate.Roll truffle in chopped peanuts.Replace finished truffles on baking sheet. Refrigerate 1 hour or until firm. Try other coatings like coconut, colored sugars, nonpareils sprinkles on dark or white chocolate too.


Okay, she's got rice crispies there, but I distinctly remember her using Cheerio's when I was a kid. 
Try it both ways..


And, that's those!
There's no shortage of cereals out there, I'll probably do a sequel someday.


Previously with MC-

X-Mas candy haul 2019. (MC #16)