Revisits #32.

• Parts 1-30.
• Part 31. (Tribalism)

A sequel to "Corrections/updates Part 7".

In "Racism is bullshit", I said...

Racism is bullshit.
Actual bullshit.

Set aside the immorality, and the history, and all that, and at its essence, it's a pseudo-science.

Like flat Earth, crystal healing, anti-vax, chem-trails, shit like that.

That rolled around in my head, and made me want to take a chainsaw to all the greatest hits of conspiracy theories.

So, here we go...



Moon landing-

The landers, rovers, and flag are up there, you can see them with a powerful telescope.
Bam.
Done.


JFK-

Walter Cronkite investigated it trying to find a conspiracy.
He couldn't find it.
The Warren Report is true.
Oswald did it.
A lone nut can indeed kill the president.
Just like Lincoln.
Just like Garfield.
Just like McKinley.
Just like almost Reagan.


UFOs-

First, the alleged captured saucers at Roswell.
We didn't get anything out of it if we reverse engineered their tech.
Everything we allegedly got, transistors, integrated circuits, lasers, we were already working on.
A civilization that can cross light years only catapulted us ahead 3 years, tops?
What are they, space hillbillies in space jalopies?
Doesn't sound right.

Second, abductions.
Everything in the abduction narrative can be simulated by stimulating the brain and simulating sleep paralysis.
Ditto near death experiences.
It's hallucinations.
And/or flat out lies.

Why don't the abductees ever steal a watch, or a remote, or a phone?
They never get evidence.
The aliens have strong enough paralysis rays to prevent theft, but their memory erase tech sucks so badly that hundreds of idiots blab their stories?
You'd think at least ONCE, the paralysis ray would be the one to go on the fritz.

Aliens powerful enough to make faster-than-light drive will also have phasers and shields, and would have no problem landing right on the White House lawn.
They wouldn't be sneaky.
There'd be no point to it.

It's bullshit, folks.


Illuminati-

First, see again my rant here.

Second, if there were an Illuminati pulling the strings, they're doing a horrible job letting Trump in the White House.
He doesn't even have competent handlers, he's surrounded himself with people as dumb as, or dumber than he is.
Where are the evil geniuses?
In Russia!
Oh, wait, they didn't have to be geniuses to play Trump.
If they had gotten to Obama, then I'd be impressed.
Shit, Reagan had dementia, and they didn't play him.
That's how retarded Trump is.
Some Illuminati.
Next!


Chemtrails-

Just do the math of how many TONS of chemicals you would have to dump to get in anything resembling an effective concentration down on the ground from that altitude, and then how LITTLE is in the vapor trail of an airliner.
Spoiler, the numbers don't add up.

Also, if the CIA has mind control chemicals, let's steamroller over all our enemies.
What's stopping us?

Why not get us all to vote for the same candidate?
Why not get us to accept a dictator?
Or a computer God?

Shit, they can't even get us all drinking the same fucking soda, or eating the same fucking hamburger.

You're damned near a vegetable if you buy this shit.
Be ashamed of yourself.


Anti-vax-

If you find it easier to believe that millions of scientists are deliberately covering up a cause of autism, rather than one asshole scientist faked one study to line his pockets, and got caught, punished, and discredited, then I want to see how your brain processes information under an MRI.

And, I don't know what shit's in the anti-vax brochure, but it seems to make every last believer in this shit hate the idea of having autistic kids more than the idea of their kid being fucking DEAD.
That's pretty fucking evil, but it's implicit with the basic premise of this shit.
They've been told these kids are "worthless", and "ruined", and they buy right in.
You don't see the Special Olympics parents act like that.
Anti-vaxxers will though.
In a fucking heartbeat.
With no shame.

It's another license to hate.
This shit is only >< this much less evil than crisis actor theory.
(See below)


Climate denial-

Same as anti-vax.
You have to believe millions of scientists are evil, corrupt, or weak and afraid in the face of corruption, and only plucky oil companies are the good guys.

Oh, and that the evil plot of the bad scientists is to make us all live in tee-pees and eat granola.
Because they hate profit.
....except for the bribery they take.
From.....???
Seriously, if the liberal side has a billionaire powerful enough to fake all this climate research, why didn't he just find a way to bankrupt Trump in a bidding war for his shitty casinos and hotels?
Why didn't he get Hillary elected?
Why hasn't he pushed single payer healthcare through?
Or gun control?
Or helped Elon Musk go to Mars?
Or a million other better things he could have been doing?
Nope, a 100+ year plan to prove the greenhouse effect, THAT seemed like the way to go.
Cuz that's where all the rockstar fame is.
That's how you get the good groupie pussy.
*Eyeroll*
*Head shake*


Flat Earth-

NASA photos, Lindberg, lunar eclipses, satellites, and commercial jets every fucking day.
Go fuck yourselves, idiots.


Hollow Earth-

See Flat Earth.


Crisis Actors-

How would you audition for this position?
Surely not in the Hollywood acting trades?
Dark web acting trades?
Who would turn you on to this?
How would they feel you out to tell you about this?
Surely they would have told a struggling actor about this by now who would find it disgusting, and blab, and blow the whole lid off the thing.
How would you get your next regular acting gig after being a crisis actor?
Wouldn't it ruin your reputation, like porn?
Wouldn't it be a WORSE hit to your rep than porn?
You wouldn't be able to put this shit on your resume.
And this shit is supposed to be so dark and hidden we can't find the classified ads for it, but faces are supposed to show up again and again for Youtube conspiracy assholes to spot?

This shit is evil.
This is an excuse to be cruel to crying victims of tragedy.
Why?
For losers to feel like their cock is bigger than it is.
Same as all cruelty.
It's an elaborate form of trolling where the trolls believe their own bullshit.

Fuck anyone who buys into this.
I don't want to fucking know you.
Get out.


9/11-

Is Dick Cheny evil enough to let 9/11 happen so he could pull Bush's puppet strings, and get two wars for profit started?
Fuck yeah, he is.

But DID he?
My neighbor is evil enough to hit his wife, kids, and dog, doesn't mean he happened to this week.

There's too much of the Bush administration being bumbling clowns after 9/11 to countenance the belief that they were capable of the greatest conspiracy and cover up ever.

Also, Trump would have blabbed it all by now, because he's fucking stupid.
Retroactively apply this to Illuminati, chemtrails, crisis actors, UFOs, JFK, and moon landing.
Hell, crisis actors would have to be an anti-NRA thing, so Trump would LOVE to expose that one!
He hasn't.
He can't.
There's nothing there.


All of this shit is to make stupid people feel smart and special.
It doesn't.
They just get stupider.
And meaner.
Hey! Like religion!
That's what this shit is.
Urban Legends evolved into a mean bigoted religion of proud ignorance.
And Americans have proven they'll always swig that elixir.
By the tanker truck.