Today's two parter, and the last of the whole thing for awhile.
Since I've gone around the whole year and all.
Owning libs.
June 21, 2018
So, to all you conservatives that want to do awful things for the sake of "sticking it to the liberals", I've got some ideas for you.
I'm against coprophagia.
Well, human coprophagia.
I don't care what dogs do.
Of course, I don't accept dog kisses either.
Anyway, eating some poop would really stick it to me.
Necrophilia also gives me the willies.
If you engaged in some necrophilia, that would really show me.
Especially if you taped it, and put it on Youtube.
I promise I won't e-mail it to the cops.
Also, if you self-castrated with a circular saw, that would really give me the blues.
So get right on that.
Oh, and forsaking Jesus as your lord and savior in favor of Satan, and taping that, and e-mailing it to your family, that would totally ruin my day.
Really it would.
I swear on a stack of Korans.
And the update...
June 21, 2020
Yep.
Get on that, MAGAs.
Especially corona-MAGAs.
Racism dream.
June 21, 2015
Had a dream about black people being killed by cops, then the cops taking their bodies to this factory with a big grinder that was turning them into goo, and the goo was going into little jars, and then the jars were going to grocery stores to be fed to babies, and the babies all had diamond collars.
All of this was set to a little boy choir singing "what a wonderful world".
I woke up, and the little boy choir shit was real, something on PBS that got left on out in the living room by somebody.
I can never tell what torments me more, living in America, or my own brain, or my brain as a result of living in America.
And the update...
June 21, 2016
Oh, yeah, I remember this now.
Had totally forgotten.
This needs to be made into a skit.
Too dark for SNL, maybe Key & Peele woulda done it, but they're over.
Chappelle probably would have done it in that weird third season.
And the other update...
June 21, 2020
Keeps being timely.
Plague Karens.
June 21, 2020
I had to go to the grocery store for something for father's day, and the state has lifted the customer limit on the fucking stores, so the place was mobbed.
I still kept away from people best I could.
My old Pac-Man skills came in handy.
The people were ghosts, I was Pac-Man, and empty aisles were the shortcuts/wormholes.
The shortcuts may have taken me away from my goal 5 fucking times, but it got me away from the fucking ghosts.
All I wanted was a chocolate pie, and a can of spray whipped cream.
I got what looked like a chocolate pie home, and it's a chocolate tart, and needs to be baked.
Fuckin-a.
I did my best, it was the only thing in the whole store that looked like a fucking chocolate pie.
Plus I was Pac-Man-ing away from plague-Karens.
*Exhausted sigh*
Same Karens I mentioned in my birthday post, so this is the prequel.
Fuck manners during plague time.
June 24, 2020
Ignore Trump, ignore Boris Johnson, keep sheltering, keep wearing your masks, avoid people like Pac-Man ghosts.
If they try to get in your face, be fucking rude.
Tell 'em "get the fuck away from me, you fuckin'plague rat".
Crisis time, time to throw away the old manners manual.
It ain't working.
Civil rights.
June 26, 2015
So, there.
All right then.
I've said it for awhile now, America isn't really America until it 100% lives up to "all men are created equal", and gives equality to everyone.
Gay marriage is de-facto gay rights, and gay rights is that last little bit of the civil rights project that didn't get done.
It's done, America starts now.
Next up, ending the drug war, and cleaning up the racist cops.
And the update...
June 26, 2020
The supreme court just kicked the Christians in the dick again, and protests are showing some promise towards the racist cops.
There were some discouraging setbacks, but...we'll see how it goes!
Yeah, but at the same time they said businesses can't discriminate, they also said "religion is gools!".
Like they always fucking do.
And by "they", I mean Kavanaugh.
Anti-maskers.
June 26, 2020
If anti-maskers are so scared of suffocation, how did they keep their little pointy hoods on all this time?
Do they have hidden snorkels in the back?
Right-wing patriotism is dead forever. They're traitors.
June 26, 2020
(In response to the story of Putin paying Afghan terrorists to kill American troops)
There.
Every last quark of refuge to "patriotism", for the right is dead.
Forever.
Not for this news cycle.
Forever.
Keep the receipts.
Resident Evil.
June 27, 2020
One of the Resident Evil movies was on yesterday.
I think the 5th one.
Those movies seem slightly less bonkers now.
I mean, yes, there are the obvious flaws in writing and acting, but the overall idea of a fascist uber-corporation wanting to kill everyone with a virus, that's actually going to age well.
I predict an uptick in sales of that sextilogy.
Think I'll grab a copy...
Fox News are murderers.
June 27, 2020
(In reply to a post about Hannity cheering on "the re-opening")
In a sane sober society, every Fox News "reporter", would be locked up for mass murder, the channel shut down, and the building turned into a homeless shelter and/or children's park.
But, we live in an insane asylum, so they'll go on forever in the name of "free speech".
Food Network of all companies is in on this "let's get back to work!", bandwagon.
Robert Irvine being the biggest blabbermouth.
Fuck you, Irvine, you're another fucking war criminal.
And, there's that batch!
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