Happy Leap Day!

Phew, almost missed it!

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Superhero TeeVee Forever!

So, after "Superhero TeeVee Three!!", I remembered a couple more, and then Hyla added one, and well...here we are..


Captain Power and 
the Soldiers of the Future

The show-

Okay, so, J. Michael Straczynski started out writing for "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe", then went to "The Real Ghostbusters", and then, this was his first thing that was his baby from the ground up  before breaking through finally with "Babylon 5".

So, the gimmick to this was, there was a toy spaceship that was also a light gun, and there'd be strobing segments of characters in the show that could be read by a sensor on this thing, and as a result, you could zap characters with the light gun, and get points.

So....it was supposed to be  an interactive show...yeah...interactive..*eye roll*

Didn't work, and when it did, it was still stupid.
The show got lost in the gimmick, and the (justified) wailing of all the parents that shelled out for the piece of shit toys.

So the show itself ...eh, not very memorable, Captain Power and his flunkies had regular identities, and then, metal thingies on their chests could replicate their super suits on..somehow.

The transformation had a seizure causing strobe to it too.

And...the villains were these primitive CGI robot bird men things that had a gun that would fold out of their arm, that could break you down into pixels, and suck you up.
This was called "digitizing", and was said rather ominously.

The acting on this was terrible, like..bad 30's serial corny.

Most cynical marketing thing ever, glad it flopped.

The history-

See above.


Out of this World

The show-

A girl's mom had a fling with a deadbeat-dad alien, and now the girl can stop time by doing the thing with her fingers in the picture.
How this is a genetic gift, I have no idea but...meh.

Also, she had this thing that looked like two glass pyramids that opened up like a clam, and was her space communicator to talk to her dad, who'd dispense wisdom at the end of every episode.
Kinda like "Mork calling Orson".

Later episode writers would treat the thing like it was her dad.
No one involved with this piece of shit gave a damn.

"Swinging on the star", was the theme song.

The history-

It was just awful, I hated it.
But, literally, nothing else was on, and it was between two shows I liked, so I stoically suffered.

You whipper-snappers think "Two And A Half Men", is the worst show ever?
Fuck you, this was worse.
And "Who's The Boss?", is worse than even this.
You young-uns don't know what suffering truly is.


Hard Time On Planet Earth

The show-

So, essentially, what amounts to The Predator is sentenced by some invisible galactic tribunal for a crime we never really get the gist of, and his punishment is to be morphed into the evil coach from "The Karate Kid", and beamed to Earth to put up with the day-to-day crushing assholism of humanity.

He has an adorable sidekick in the form of a (again, primitive) CGI floaty thing that's a cross between the ship from "Flight of the Navigator", and a walnut, and was the size of a basketball.

Somehow, week to week, they end up getting caught up in bullshit that leads to them solving crimes.

The history-

Another one I dug as a kid, but Youtube clips make me beg for death.


The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles

The show-

So, Unca' Georgie was actually hands-on involved with this, even directing a bunch of 'em.

He's said in numerous interviews, that if he had his dream job, he never would have stopped making these.

Yeah, you're right, you should have done that, forever, and then you should have let Frank Darabont direct the prequels, and the Bantam Books novelists write 'em.

Then, we all would have been happy.

The history-

I knew it was on...but I was indifferent to it.
But then, I'm a person.


The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.

The show-

Bruce Campbell's first show as the lead.

It was a western, but it had some sci-fi bullshit in it.

There was this gold ball with bumps all over it, and the bumps could pull off as these glowing fuel-rod things, and the glowing rods could give those that touched them momentary telekinetic abilities.
Later episodes revealed this thing to be from the distant future.
The bad guys were always after it, and possession of it bounced back and forth.

The history-

I didn't keep up with this much.


Viper

The show-

Um...a long car commercial for the Dodge Viper, really.

So, this Viper was equipped with guns and stuff, but its trademark feature was Batmobile armor out of the '89 Batman flick, but here, it assembled out of hexagon tiles.

The guy who drove the thing, I don't even remember.
He was car-stuffing.
*Shrug*

The history-

I don't remember much else about it.
It was "meh".


Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters 
From Beverly Hills

The show-

Wow...um...wow...

All these years later, and...wow...

Okay, so...imagine a Power Rangers knockoff, imagine it having the production values of "Commander USA's Groovie Movies", and imagine it taking itself dead seriously.

The history-

..wow...


Legend

The show-

So, "MacGuyver", had finally ended, and this kooky "UPN", thingy was struggling to life, so they were pretty much giving anyone a free show, and Richard Dean Anderson got this, and was treated like royalty.

Like seriously, it wasn't far off from "starring Richard Dean Anderson!! The king of TV! We fucking got 'im!! Holy shit!".

It was a western, and the best thing about it was John Delancie as the sidekick.
Can't lose with Q.

Well, okay, UPN did, this didn't last long.

The history-

Meh.


Deadly Games

The show-

Same deal as "Legend", UPN was like, "hey, Christopher Lloyd! Want a free show?".

And he was probably like "yeah, okay, what the hell? I got my eye on a new boat...".

So, then, this happened.

All right, so, the gist is, a physicist moonlights as a crappy game designer, and his anti-matter experiment somehow lets all the villains out of his game into real life, and Christopher Lloyd is the lead baddie.

Every week, they re-capture a different mini-boss, and every week, we find out each villain is based on a real person who wronged the programmer.

Spoiler, Lloyd/Jackal is his dad.

The history-

Best part of the entire series...

VR. 5

The show-

So...Lori Singer accidentally cobbles together a VR rig that lets her phone-modem into people's subconscious minds, and mess with their heads.

A Vulcan mind-meld through the phone lines, essentially.
And the person on the other end doesn't have to have VR, or even a computer, just a phone.

The bullshit was really thick.

Oh, and the British guy from Buffy was in it, playing essentially the same drip.

The history-

On around the same time as X-Files, I was hoping they'd both be cancelled, I got half my wish.


Space Cases

The show-

Created by Peter David (who wrote for Hulk in the bad years) and Billy Mumy (who was Will Robinson on "Lost in Space").

See the girl with the rainbow hair?
She grew up into Kaylee from "Firefly".
Weird, huh?

So, this thing was, like, Star Trek for kids, and all the kid crew members had some kind of alien superpower, so...that basically made 'em a superhero team as well.

The history-

My young cousins were into it.


Justice League of America

The show-

A failed pilot.
Yes, there was a live-action JLA show.

It's on Youtube.
And it's just awful.

See the discussion thread on "DC TV", starting here.

The history-

N/A


Animorphs

The show-

Another Nickelodeon...gem...

Imagine "The Tomorrow People", but they've all got the powers of "Manimal", but instead of latex change-o heads, it's accomplished with a shitty morph of a still photograph of a person head to an animal head.

Sounds great, huh?
*Mean smirk*

The history-

N/A


G vs E

The show-

Um, Tarantino-esque blaxploitation-vibe...and they're cops working for heaven working to kill demon...things...

The history-

Made by USA Network,...they had a helluva time getting their shit together...


Jack Of All Trades

The show-

Bruce Campbell's other show.

Um, so, it was set in the 18th century after the American revolution, and Bruce was a secret agent operating at the behest of President Jefferson.

It was "Legend", levels of goofy.
...moreso...

Can you imagine the fucking pitch meetings for some of this shit?
I mean, seriously.
It defies parody.

The history-

Barely remember it, ain't about to dig it up on Youtube.


Cleopatra 2525

The show-

A stripper (the one on the left) gets frozen to the future, and gets caught up in the resistance movement led by the other two chicks.

That's about it.
Thin plots, Xena-karate, repeat.

The history-

The middle one is Gina Torres, she ended up on "Firefly".
That's all this was good for.

Hmm, what happened to the one on the right with the abs?
Mmmm...


Special Unit 2

The show-

They were like Ghostbusters, except, they were everything-else-but-ghosts-busters.

The midget was some kind of elf, or troll, or something.
He was surly, and foulmouthed.
Upon reflection, every show needs this character, or his equivalent.

The history-

UPN was a silly place, wasn't it?


Supernatural

The show-

Imagine "Route 66", if the guys ran into monsters that they had to kill every week.

The history-

This is kinda what I hoped "X-Files", would be when I first heard of it.
Y'know, none of this "Aaaa! A monster! Oh, it got away,..phew", bullshit.
Roll up your sleeves, and kill the fuckin' thing, ya pussies!

Anyway...by the time they got around to this version of the concept, I didn't care anymore.


And...I'm not gonna say "done", or variations of anymore, there'll probably be more...dammit.

Up next: The Silver Age!


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Superhero Flicks, Part 16.6: The Leftovers (Part 2, Furriners)

Or, "superheroes from aroooouund the wooooorld!!!".

I haven't seen any of these...indeed, they're fairly recent discoveries, so the "history", bits can take a hike....

Hmnh, expected there to be a lot more...kinda relieved there aren't though...gettin' tired...


Santo vs The Vampire Women

From Mexico..

Santo was Mexico's Superman and Hulk Hogan all rolled up into one package.
There are probably a jillion Santo flicks, as well as others by pretenders, but...this one was on MST3K, so....


Fist of Legend

From Hong Kong...
A remake of "Enter The Dragon"


Legend of the Fist: 
The Return of Chen Zhen

The sequel to "Fist of Legend", so, one presumes, also a retro-sequel to "Enter The Dragon".
Note the character wearing a mask like Kato in "Green Hornet".

Speaking of Kato....


Black Mask

...I thought this character was Kato.
Coulda sworn....
The look and m.o. is so damned close...

Anyway, this is also from Kong Kong, and got a stateside release, and even commercials...the sequel...not so much...that I can recall...


Black Mask 2

See above...


The Heroic Trio

From China...
Featuring Michelle Yeoh, who broke through over here in Jackie Chan's "Supercop", and of course, you all know her from "Tomorrow Never Dies", and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon".

An invisible being (who turns out to be Yeoh) is kidnapping babies, and two vigilante karate chicks have to save the babies, and defeat the Evil Master.

Yeoh turns good, or...where else does the "trio", come in?


Executioners

Part 2 of "The Heroic Trio".


Silver Hawk

From Hong Kong...
Michelle Yeoh is back again as a chick in a silver outfit, riding a motorcycle, and rescuing kidnapped pandas.
...holy shit, sign me up for some of that!


Cool Dimension: Innocent Assassin

From Japan...

A chick is raised from babyhood to be a programmed assassin, but one day, her memories come back, and her programming goes kerflooey, and she starts killing her handlers.
Sounds fun!


Robo-Geisha

From Japan...(well, it had damned well better be..)

Taste the madness.....

Astro Boy

Japan's Mickey Mouse.
An android kid with Superman-ish powers, and who I'm dead certain that  Megaman is a lock, stock, and barrel rip of.


The Red Eagle

From Thailand.

Man, with all the kiddie-banging going on over there, they need a superhero...
Indeed, he does kill a child pornographer, so...hey, going in the right direction there.


Mercury Man

Another one from Thailand.

Okay, so, unlike Red Eagle, this dude actually has powers.
Granted to him by being stabbed with a magic amulet, his powers seem akin to Human Torch's, with extra strength and agility, and regeneration tossed in.


Cicak Man

From Malaysia!

So, a goofy guy gets powers, kinda like "Greatest American Hero".

Here, in a parody of "Spider-Man", he drinks coffee contaminated by a virus infected gecko, and gets gecko powers...that being sticking to walls, and eating flies.

And, there's a bad guy to fight, natch.


Cicak Man 2: Black Planet

Bad guy from part 1 comes back, everything is ratcheted up, plots come to a head, yadda yadda..

Except, it's neat to see it all happening again for the first time in these other countries...


Drona

From India!

So,  a dude gets superpowers to save the whole freakin' universe via some loopholes in Hindu mythology.


Krrish

'Nother one from India.

So..Drona is Superman-ish, so I guess this guy is their Batman.
This was the highest grossing movie in India ever...for 6 months..but, Krrish 2 is a-comin' so...


Black Lightning

From Russia...

An arrogant punk kid is gifted a flying super car that he doesn't know is super at first, then he does, and uses it for selfish frivolous bullshit, until, in a turn very similar to "Spiderman", he neglects saving his own father, and then turns his worldview around, and uses the car to fight crime.


Yeah, some of these actually look pretty fuckin' decent.

Got some new stuff to check out, that's always good...


Up next: Yep...you knew it was comin'....TeeVee Four!

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Superhero Flicks, Part 16.5: The Leftovers

So, here's some I kept expecting to slip into other categories down the line, and they just didn't fit in, and kept getting pushed down.
Or...I just plain forgot 'em, or didn't know about 'em.
But, mostly that first one.


The Matrix Series

The films-

*Grits teeth* oh, ALL RIGHT!!

Neo can dodge bullets, and fly, and all that shit, so, I gotta count him in....

The history-

*Shrug* didn't like 'em.
They didn't do a damned thing for me.
Like X-Files, it's one of those cultural phenomena that just passed me by.

Latest one is "Dancing With The Stars", you can explain to me all day why that's supposed to interest me, and I still wouldn't get it.

WHY did I loathe the Matrix?
...it would take up this whole post to really pick it apart properly...but the biggest ingredient...the pose.
The preening Gen-X pose.
Everything that made me want to vomit about the 90's came to a head, and sprayed its puss with these flicks.
And then, it made me extra sick to see geek culture go down that path of wanting to BE these posers.
It's like my Tick story (see here) first they become another exclusionary clique, then they turn around, and envy "the cool kids".
Fuck off.
Real losers are those that loathe their own individuality.
The fandom of this mess did so with abandon.

Animatrix, however, I really dug.

Here's my review of that again (from here).

The Animatrix

Okay, THIS is Heavy Metal 2!

This is fucking great, and I fucking HATE "The Matrix".
See? Decent writers and artists can make anything good.

So, yeah, if you're one of the rare people like myself who despised "The Matrix", but loves quality adult animated anthologies, check this out.
The prequel/flashback at the beginning gives you the whole lowdown on "The Matrix", so you don't even have to see the original film.
And then the main characters pop up, and several new characters go through similar story motions as Neo.
So...it's Matrix remade good.
Ignore fuckin' Keanu, and just get this.
And again, pretend it's Heavy Metal 2.

That should be "remade well".
Ah, well...

Yeah, Animatrix just shut up, and told me a story without the "hip", bullshit.


Hanna

The film-

Fuck! Forgot to add this to "The Estrogen Brigade".

Ah, well, that one was getting up into the 70's as it was.
Biggest entry ever, I think....

The history-

Haven't seen it, but it comes highly recommended by misanthropes, and misfits, so...it's on my "to watch", list.


Chronicle

The film-

Written by Max Landis, son of John Landis (he of "American Werewolf In London", and "Schlock").

From the ads...I gather some teens get superpowers, and do what teenagers would really do with them.
Interesting...

The history-

Haven't seen it, will have to.


Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

The film-

Yep, this is out now.
Craig Ferguson is all rarin' to go.

The history-

See my old Ghost Rider review here.


Three Musketeers (2011)

The film-

Goofed on this already here.

The history-

Yeah, see, this is the other thing I hate that The Matrix did.
All this bullet-time, style-over-substance glossy bullshit.

Your fault, Matrix fans, you told Hollywood it could get away with it.
This is what you get.
Reap your reward.
Take your medicine.


Okay, that's the new Hollywood stuff, now onto some leftover b-movies...


Six-String Samurai

The film-

Eh, it's fun....
Has a lot in common with "Bubba Ho-Tep", including the same composer.

IMHO, "Bubba...", is the superior film, hands down.

The history-

Oh, man, did Ain't It Cool News ever go apeshit over this one.

This was the first and last good flick they steered me towards.
I later abandoned it (AICN) for being a shitty personality cult full of tedious morons, and even more tedious board nannies.

Baby-shit brown, it all went to hell when they turned the background baby-shit brown....
I warned 'em, they didn't listen.

Dark Horizons, people, Dark Horizons.


Matthew Blackheart: 
Monster Smasher

The film-

So...I guess it's trying to be Captain America meets Evil Dead,...I guess...

They rebuild a dead soldier into a Frankenstein-Monster, except he looks like himself, then he's frozen, and un-frozen in the 21st century, and fights monster/demon things.

It was all right.
It gets its history terribly wrong... anachronisms out the assholio, but, hey, this kind of movie is what it is, whaddya want?

The history-

Well....I probably would have really dug it when I was fourteen....*shrug*


Super Capers

The film-

Ehhh, looks a bit on the schlocky side, but it's got some nifty cameos.

Clint Howard, Adam West, and Michael Rooker from "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer", is the judge/villain.

See the trailer below.

The history-

Somebody's Hero

The film-

As far as I can tell, a lock, stock, and barrel redo of "Hero At Large", except the guy dates a single mom, so there's a kid involved.

Cuz, you can't do a "family", pic with a single guy, without him stumbling into a ready-made family, they think people are that dumb.
Whatever.

Also, starring a guy from some show I don't watch.

The history-

N/A


Big Bug Man

The film-

Doesn't even exist.

But, it was supposed to have Brendon Frasier, and Marlon Brando, but Brando died, and this thing has been in development-hell ever since.

The history-

N/A


Behind The Mask

The film-

From 1992, a modern day 30's style serial done in color, and in 3-D.

The history-

Haven't seen, but I like the idea of it.


Cornman: 
American Vegetable Hero

The film-

Someone's clearly trying to be Troma.
I can dig it.

See the trailer...

The history-

Up next: Leftovers, The Furriners.

Read More......

Superhero TeeVee Three!!

So, after "Superhero TeeVee Too!!", Hyla reminded me of a couple I forgot, and that made me remember a couple more, then he remembered some more, and we bounced back and forth, next thing I know, I had another big list on my hands, and couldn't believe I forgot that fuggin' many.

So, here we go, starting all over again from the 70's...


The Sixth Sense

The show-

Um...interesting as hell, I dug it when I saw it, it's hard to nail down....

Okay, imagine X-Files, but it's just one guy, and he's mildly psychic, like, Oija board psychic.
Then, the cases he goes on are out of Scooby-Doo, but the ghosts are real.

All right? NOW, imagine, his powers gradually getting stronger, and then the show essentially mutates into Doctor Strange.
The Disco Doctor Strange.

Yeah! Now you're interested!

Yep, this is actually the show we might have gotten if the Dr. Strange pilot had taken off.

And now, on top of all of that, you've got Gary Collins from "The Home Show", and more recently, night time infomercials, as the main character, Dr. Michael Rhodes.

Sound good? Damned right it does.
Or, at the least, you're curious.
Good, get hunting.

The history-

Okay, now this is weird, and I've never heard of this being done before, or since...

"Sixth Sense", and "Night Gallery", were on the same network, and...I don't know the fine details of the business deals that went behind this, but to fluff up their episode counts for syndication, "Night Gallery", and "Sixth Sense", were smooshed together.

SO, if you got ahold of "Night Gallery", and started watching, and then got to the last couple seasons, and you started wondering "hey...what happened to the anthology format? Where's Rod Serling? And why is Gary Collins the guest star every single time?".

Well, now you know.

And that's what made/makes this show a bit tricky to find.

Aaanyhoo, I caught it as pseudo "Night Galley", episodes on Sci-Fi Channel.


The Tomorrow People

The show-

A BBC import.

Um...well....it's Dr. Who meets X-Men, with kids, essentially.

Like in X-Men, kids start manifesting powers when they hit puberty.
And like with X-Men, some of these kids have gathered together, and have a base, and have equipment that can scan for new "Tomorrow People", and help them with their development.

They also work with the government, and protect the world from bad aliens, like Dr. Who does.
And, they're members of a "Galactic Confederation", so there's some Trek in there.

Meh, *wavey hand*

There was a remake in the 90's, that's the second image in the graphic...

The history-

Saw reruns as a kid on early Nickelodeon.
Nickelodeon got ahold of the new one too.
Didn't watch that one.


The Man From Atlantis

The show-

Starring Patrick Duffy as a total ripoff of Aquaman.

And, he's got amnesia like 60's Sub-Mariner.

The history-

My mother swore up and down I liked this as a kid, and that it was Aquaman.
Well, no, it's not Aquaman, and....for the life of me, I can't remember it.


Dr. Who

The show-

Okay, he started in the 60's, but we got him in the states in the 70's/80's.
Hence, me picking Baker.

Covered it okay here..

The history-

See above.


Street Hawk

The show-

A cop, and part time dirt bike rider, joins a secret government project to test a super-duper motorcycle that can go 300 miles an hour, and has computer junk, and weapons.

"Knight Rider", on 2 wheels, and no wisecracking AI, basically.

The history-

...barely remember it.


Starman

The show-

Yes, that's right, that Starman.

So, here, he comes back for his son, and it's nowhere near as messy, and traumatic, and stupid, as XTRO.

Also, for some reason, Karen Allen's character has run out, and disappeared, so, they spend the show looking for her, and never find her, cuz they got cancelled.

Oh, and government goons are always on their tail.

...again with 80's movies and TV hating the government...

...not that you shouldn't, but...are they really twirling their mustaches, and getting boners imagining slaughtering peaceful aliens just to put their fluids in jars?
And if so, why are our taxes going towards this?
What's the pay out?
I don't get it.

The history-

Meh, nothing else was on.


Once A Hero

The show-

Oh! Yes! Remember that one I couldn't remember last time?

Oh, and round about this time, or earlier, there was this one, also a failed pilot, where a superhero inside a comic strip, that knows he's a comic strip, finds a way to fly fast enough to break the reality barrier, and come into our world, then from there, it becomes a sitcom.
I can't find any information on that at all, I can't even remember the title.
If someone remembers, help me out.

Well, this is it!
Man, that was driving me crazy...

And Hyla did sorta help out, he reminded me of another show, that when I Youtubed, had this on the sidebar.
So, hey, cool, thanks, Hyla's luck-powers!

The history-

Pretty much as I described, and critics dug it, the rubes, not so much.
These cool critics must have all retired and died by the time shit like "My So Called Life", and "Gilmore Girls", shat forth...


Sable

The show-

A school teacher is a crime fighter by night.
...and paints his face.

The history-

This is the one that Hyla reminded me of that connected to "Once A Hero".

...don't remember it...remember the comic that went with it, though...


Werewolf

The show-

Oh, man, I'm so sick of mopey fucking vampires, why can't we hit the werewolf part of the cultural cycle again?
And make it soon, please!

Anyway, Werewolf was...a werewolf...I won't bother looking up the character's human name, you won't remember it, and neither will I.

So...he wasn't exactly a help-little-old-ladies-across-the-street superhero, but...he was trying to rid the world of Chuck Connors, even if selfishly to lift his own curse.

And, he was pretty fucking badass looking for 80's TV, as you can see there.

The history-

One of Fox's earliest shows.

This Mike And The Mechanics song was the de-facto theme, and...the radio played it to death, even long after the show ended, but I always thought of it as "The Werewolf Song".

Quantum Leap

The show-

Well, Sam Beckett didn't have powers, a costume, and was a gun-wuss...but...he was a Boy Scout do-gooder, and patched up people's lives, and he was a Don Bellisario creation, so...yeah, let's throw him in.

Plus, he traveled time, so...there's your sci-fi angle.

The history-

Tch...that stupid oblique ending...only "The Sopranos", was worse...christ, I don't even wanna talk about it.


Super Force

The show-

A guy gets an exo-suit like Iron Man, but not as good as Iron Man, like, really on the cheap.

And a super bike, but not as fast as Street Hawk.

And, a billy club that doubles as some kind of raygun.

Aaand....Patrick MacNee's mind is in a computer, and his face is pixelated...yeah, that's a good idea, pixelate your biggest star, Max Headroom didn't need to be pixelated, they just made it far enough into the future where the graphics would be good...meh...

Anyway, this was like, the companion show to Superboy...somehow...guess cuz it had "super", in the title.
Well...so long as they put thought into it....

The history-

Meh...


Time Trax

The show-

Well, it's time travel...but the rules were really stupid.....

Okay, you could travel time, but only backward, and only to the 20th century from the 22nd, and you did it by being baked in this giant microwave, and your molecules had to be perfectly lined up, so you had to take this funky drug that froze your molecules, and because of the side-effects of the drug, you could only go back in time, and come back, a third trip would make you sick, and/or crazy, and a fourth would make you get lost in the time-stream.

So, the plot is, a crooked scientist got paid a bunch of money to send a bunch of criminals back to our time to escape justice, so the dad from "Pet Sematary", gets sent back to give them a second dose of drug to download them back to the future to get sent to jail.

He wields as his main weapon, a car-alarm keychain fob that can shoot blue knockout glowey things, and red glowey things that have the "beam 'em up Scotty", drugs.

There's green glowey things, but I forgot what they do.

Also, he has a credit card that's really an AI computer that projects as a hologram of a chick, but she's plain, and dressed up like a school marm.

The history-

I liked it back then, but just describing it, man, it was stupid...


M.A.N.T.I.S.

The show-

Produced by Sam Raimi.
Before the "Hercules/Xena", days.

So, a black dude (don't get many of those) who's paralyzed,  is also an electronics genius, and builds an exo-skeleton that can make him walk, and then he's like "hey, it just so happens this thing also makes me strong enough to turn people to paste with my bare hands, and the fabric is bullet proof, why not fight crime?".

So, he does.

The history-

Eh, s'alright.
Better than "Super Force".


Dead At 21

The show-

From here.

It was a show on MTV.

Here.

About a guy with a chip in his head that'll kill him when he turns 21, and he's trying to prevent his death, while outrunning government goons.

Whelp, been 16 years with no resolution.
Guess he died.

Government won, and we got Bush and Obama, and there's no more Gulf of Mexico, or New Orleans, or World Trade Center.

All your fault for losing, Ed Bellamy.

Worst superhero ever.

Whelp, at least the end credits of the last episode introduced me to that Alice In Chains song I like.
So, there's that.

Oh, and fuck MTV.

There, that's vented, now we can finally move on....

The history-

Seriously though, this was just awful.
No wonder MTV just gave up, and shat out reality shows....


The Secret World of Alex Mack

The show-

A Nickelodeon thing.
Okay, so this girl gets splashed with chemical waste off of a truck, and gets telekinesis, finger-lightning, and the power to morph into a silver liquid ripped off from T2.

Not only does she keep her powers a secret, she puts up with miserable bullshit from the morons around her.
And, no one in her life isn't an obnoxious twat on some level that could use a zap.
Frustrating show.

Anyway, Jessica Alba, who'll pop up again later, was in it.

The history-

My younger cousins watched it as kids.
Only saw about 3 episodes over their house.
Didn't care for it a bit.
No one makes a good kid show anymore, it's really insulting to our youth.
We should be ashamed.


The Sentinel

The show-

A guy trains his senses to the point he's like a human crime lab.

Sounds better than it was.

The history-

Pppt!


The Pretender

The show-

The Evil Government genetically engineered some genius kids, then, terminated the project, and one of 'em (as an adult) got away, and now he uses his genius to be able to do any job a human being can possibly do, plus disguises, to pose as anybody, to do missions...and stuff.

The history-

Pppt!


NightMan

The show-

No, not the one from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia".
If only....

No, this one, a mulleted saxophone player dresses up as a ripoff of Batman.
Hijinks ensue.

The history-

PPPPPPPTTT!!!!!


Angel

The show-

Buffy's little spinoff about her little boyfriend.

In the last seasons, her other little boyfriend joined up.

Joss Whedon needs to be taken out back, and beaten with  a tenderizing mallet for this.

The history-

*Brooompt!!*


Heat Vision And Jack

The show-

A parody pilot by Ben Stiller, starring Jack Black, and Owen Wilson, and written by the guy what did "SCUD The Disposable Assasin".

Pretty much a note-perfect mockery of well...all the shit on this list.

So...Jack Black is an astronaut who gets exposed to "inappropriate amounts of solar radiation", and becomes the smartest man in the world, but only in daylight, and The Evil Government wants to remove his brain, so, he tries to escape, and calls his roommate, played by Owen Wilson, to come and get him, and the government stooges try to shoot him (Jack) with an experimental ray, but hit Owen Wilson, and he gets merged with, and becomes, his motorcycle.

"Heat Vision", is the bike, and "Jack", is Jack.

So, they're on the run from Ron Silver, and every town they go to, there's an unusual crime to solve.

The history-

Check it out.

And now, the opening to "Dead At 21".

See the similarities?
Man, you'll never look at TV the same way again....


Dark Angel

The show-

*Yawn* another genetically engineered child escapes from another Evil Government Project...in another future that never happened.

So, this was produced by Jim Cameron, and starred Jessica Alba, who later was in "Fantastic Four", and "Sin City".

And, in that latter one, the little bitch wouldn't flash her titties, even though she was playing a stripper that flashed her titties in the book, and it was an R rated fucking movie.

What did Nickelodeon even breed you for, dammit?
What a waste.
Throw yourself in the rubbish.

The history-

*Mumble grumble*


My Hero

The show-

A British sitcom? In the 00's?
Howcome I just a few days ago heard of this?

Well, it sounds goofy, but it was on for 6 seasons, so, it must've had something going for it....

Anyway, the premise seems to be, imagine if Superman came to Earth as an adult, and not a baby, so he had an extra Starman-ish fish-out-of-water thing going on.

Eh, sounds funny, would have to see it...

The history-

N/A


Black Scorpion (the series)

The show-

Spun off from the Black Scorpion movies.

Forgot to mention, they were Roger Corman jobbies.

Roger is the original Troma.

And...I think that pretty much tells you what you'd be in for with this....

The history-

See above, especially the links.


Jake 2.0

The show-

A guy gets infested with nanites, and gets way less impressive superpowers than you would expect him to get.

The history-

Pppt!


The 4400

The show-

"Close Encounters of the Third Kind", meets "Heroes".

Except, suck out all the joy, ala the new "Battlestar Galactica".

Man, I hated that strain in our culture....

The history-

*Finger*


Chuck

The show-

So, I guess Chuck kinda had, like, sorta-powers.
He had a bunch of programming downloaded into his head that helped him...

The history-

..I never watched this.
Never got into "My Name Is Earl", or "Scrubs", or 30 Rock", or...meh.


Dollhouse

The show-

Yeah, more Whedon crap.
He peaked at Firefly.
He's gotta go away now.

Okay, so...The Evil Government has a bunch of chicks they keep in little garages (I call 'em cubbies) like the Voltron Lions, and they program their brains with false identities, and skills for their missions.

...this is some spooky revolting shit that came out of 9/11 and Bush, this shit of The Evil Government doing worse evil shit than they EVER did in the old shows that HATED the government, but at the same time, seducing us that The Evil Government is working towards The Greater Good, therefore, are our pals.

Um...NO...fuck you.

Fuck. You.

Fuck.
You.

The history-

I hate the cubbies.


And...I think that's got it this time...

Up next...Leftover Movies.


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