Monday, March 19, 2012

Even More Crossovers (Part 1 of 5)

Okay, its bugged me at the back of my mind for awhile to really finish these up properly, so, here goes.
Picking up from where I left off....

The original batch, I just wanted enough crossovers to tie in the classic movie/comic/literature characters, and call it a day, so I could move on to the hero reviews.

But, as I did research for this new batch...holy shit, I can't believe I thought I was anywhere near "done".
Tch, well, fixing that now...

Here we go....

JLA meets Witchblade.

One thing I learned preparing for this batch of posts, Witchblade is the crossover-iest character I think I've ever seen.
She's the Kevin Bacon of the comic book universe.
I think she was even designed/created to be such.

Well....I dunno, Superman had a pretty good head start on her....

But, once I figured this out, I started with Witchblade, and my instinct was right, this particular batch for this post Kevin-Bacons pretty smoothly.

Vampirella meets Witchblade.

...on multiple occasions.

Hmm, tough call who's the more shameless crossover queen, Vampy, or Witchy....

I gotta go with my gut, and say Witchy edges out Vampy by an eyelash...

I'm probably wrong though...

Tomb Raider meets Witchblade.

...again, on multiple occasions.

Dark Crossings, featuring Tomb Raider, Witchblade, and The Darkness.

You know, Darkness, he has a vidya game, and met Batman and Hulk in prior entries.
Mighta seen his TV ad....
That guy.

You're gonna see a lot of him too.
Darkness and Witchblade are in a race I think.

Witchblade, Magdalena, and Vampirella.

Three great tastes that go great together.

...what the hell is a Magdalena?

Apparently, she's descended from Jesus and Mary Magdalene, and wields The Spear Of Destiny as her weapon.
She's the Ultimate Nun!
Well! No holding back there!
You're gonna go Catholic, go for broke!

An extra-crispy-bucket-of-Catholic teaming up with a vampire, and a witch?
Hmm...I'd almost pay to see that just for the petty bickering...

And...a "defender of the Catholic Church",... immediately begs the question, Magdalena, what are you doing to save molested children?

You've got a fuggin' Spear Of Destiny, skewer some fuggin' dirty bishops!

Fer Chrissakes!

Witchblade, Vampirella, Magdalena, Tomb Raider.

Holy shit...cram 'em in there...

Witchblade meets Wolverine.

Well, natch...

Witchblade meets The Punisher.

(Heath Ledger Joker voice)
Now you're talkin!

Witchblade meets Red Sonja.

What, Witchy can hob-knob with Red-fucking-Sonja, and that weak-ass series pilot was what we got?
Here's your fucking movie, you clueless dolts!
*Rubs eyes, and grumbles*

Witchblade vs Aliens vs The Darkness vs Predator.

Yes, everyone in comics does have to fight Aliens and Predator, and yes, it is a law.

I think that wacky Bush-era Congress passed that one.

Predator vs Magnus Robot Fighter.

Yeah, it interrupts the nice flow of Witchblades I had going, but I couldn't stick it anywhere else....

But have no fear....

Witchy and Darkness fought AVP again, and we're back into the Baconing.

Witchblade meets Tomoe.

All right, Google time again....

Ah, a spinoff chick from Shi.
We'll get to her....

Witchblade meets...Weasel Guy?

So, basically, 50 bucks, and a handshake with Marc Silvestri will get you a Witchblade crossover, huh?

Witchblade meets Devi.

A couple times...

*Googles* Devi is a...Hindu? Sikh? One of those Indian ones...death goddess.

From Virgin comics.
...I didn't know they were in the, I learned something there...

Witchblade Darkminds.

So....Darkminds is some anime/manga future dystopia that looks like Ghost In The Shell meets the Borg.

Here, the Witchblade is host to a Japanese cyborg detective chick, since Sara Pazzini would be dead by then.

Oh, forgot to mention earlier, apparently, the Witchblade has played host to all the great women in history, including Cleopatra, and Joan Of Arc.

So, Witchy isn't just a superwoman, she's THE superwoman!

Tch, Wonder Woman just wasn't good enough, eh?
La de freakin' da!

Witchblade: Shades of Gray.

Dorian Gray that is.

*Blank stares, dry coughs*

...oh, you illiterate little shits....

Read up.

Witchblade meets Lady Death.

Multiple occasions, multiple generations.

Lady Death started as a hallucination of Evil Ernie's troubled psyche, but, apparently, fanboys dug her so much, she was made real.

They just retconned that she was real, and in psychic communication with Evil Ernie.

And her retcon origin is, she's the ghost of a burned witch who...get this...beat up the fucking DEVIL, and took over Hell.

So, wow, yeah, no fuckin' around there!

What I wouldn't give for a Lady Death vs. Magdalena fight...

Created by Brian Pullido, who, if your memory is as superhuman as mine, you'll recall as the writer of the Avatar era Freddy Krueger comics.

Witchblade meets Darkchylde

...Google time...

Wow, super-abuse-victim.
Discovers her powers when her dad tries to rape her, and roasts him to death with fire breath.
The comics ain't for little kiddies anymore....

So, she can shape-shift into a sorta dragon, and some other stuff, but...the other stuff seems dragon-y enough that it doesn't make a difference.

And, she can change a piece at a time just to have the claws, or the wings, as seen in the pic above.

So...let's just go with "Dragon Lady", and be done with it.

Monster War.
Witchy and pals vs. The Classic Monsters.

Magdalena vs Dracula, Tomb Raider vs. Wolf Men, Witchblade vs Frankenstein, and Darkness vs Mr. Hyde.


Hmm...okay, this will take some Baconing....Witchblade, JLA, Batman, Danger Girl, Ash, Classic Monsters again.

And since Classic Monsters Bacon over to Ash all in the same world, then, it's the same Classic Monsters, and "Frankenstein", is really "Michael".
Just had to re-inject that factoid.

Devil's Reign.
..holy shit...okay, it's Top Cow meets Marvel in a big fuckin' saga.

Silver Surfer meets Witchblade, Weapon Zero meets Silver Surfer, Cyblade meets Ghost Rider, Ghost Rider meets Ballistic, Ballistic meets Wolverine, Wolverine meets Witchblade (again!), Witchblade meets Elektra, Elektra meets Cyblade, and Silver Surfer meets Weapon Zero again (for a bookend, I presume).

...what's a Cyblade? A Ballistic? A Weapon Zero?

*Sigh* Google time...

Okay, Cyblade is a member of Cyber Force (we're gonna see them later) and can channel electromagnetic energy, and make pink lightsabers (and other shapes).

So....white girl Ryoko.

Ballistic, also from Cyber Force, a chick with a bionic arm and eye that make her a super marksman.
...okay, bionic Annie Oakley.

Weapon Zero...*skimming*...think X-Men meet cybernetic version of Witchblade, and they get their powers by being alien abductees who are experimented on.
They all can grow armor, but each one has a different X-power.
I'm sure it's called something else though...
And they've been in stasis, and come from different eras. got the whole Captain America thing going on.
So...alien-empowered X-Men.
Yeah, that covers it.

Unholy Union.

Witchblade and Darkness meet Hulk, Ghost Rider, and Doctor Strange.

Yeah, each time a character shows up for the first time, I'm dropping in a link to their movie.
Probably noticed by now.

Course, again, Darkness and Hulk have bumped into each other before.

Darkness meets Superman.

Well, bam, the big man.
There we go, no more Baconing back to Witchblade/JLA to get him in now.
That's handy.

Darkness meets Wolverine.

Well, who doesn't?

Darkness meets Pitt.

Pitt, of course, you may remember as having also run into Hulk.

So, he's like, a Hulk ripoff with claws, and is the solidified imaginary friend of some little kid, or something,.

Darkness meets Darkchylde.

Y'know, Dragon Lady.

Hmph, she's from "Darkchylde Entertaiment", she has her own comic company just for her, neat.

How ya liking these factoids, eh keeds?

Darkness meets Vampirella.

Well, of course he does.

Darkness and Tomb Raider.

A prequel to "Dark Crossings", I presume?

Painkiller Jane vs Darkness

Why? Why didn't I turn Harry into a female short haired redhead?
I'd'a been rolling in it now.

Maybe I'm not cut out for this business....

Painkiller Jane meets Darkchylde.

Man, that sounds like all kinds of fucked up.

Shyeet, given their fucked up powers and backgrounds, that had better be all kinds of fucked up, and not just a fanboyish tussle.

Punisher meets Painkiller Jane.

Well....that's just fucking perfect.
Match made in Heaven.

Painkiller Jane vs Terminator.

Indestructible chick vs nigh-indestructible robot.

...I'm betting on the chick.

Painkiller Jane meets Hellboy.

Okay, didn't see that coming.

Vampirella meets Painkiller Jane.

Of course she does.

And...we leave off there, and pick up with some more Vampirellas.

Yes, the Baconing is unbroken.

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