Couldn't go with "Heroes vs. Heroes", cuz a bunch of these aren't necessarily heroes....
Anyway, that last trilogy ( 1, 2, 3) got us past the Marvel/DCs, here's the leftovers.
Or, as many as I felt like digging up....
Hulk/Pitt
Hulk versus a Hulk ripoff, ripped off by the guy who drew Hulk at the time.
Peachy.
First of all, I have to go on record as saying I totally fucking hate Professor Hulk.
Hate his fruity-ass Marty Stu guts.
Second of all, this is written by the very guy who shat him into existence, and ass-wiped him onto my childhood....and he's out of character!!
The guy who made him, and he's got him thinking and doing shit he doesn't do!
Thinking of letting a fucking child die just to annoy Pitt?
Hating himself for not being "tough", enough to go through with it, and saving the child???
WTF is this shit??
That's a mess in and of itself, but....why does he hate Pitt so much??
He just met the asshole!!
And who the fuck is Pitt??
As a new reader, it should not only damned well tell me, it should damned well make me fucking care.
The story flopped in that regard.
As asshole-ified as Hulk was in this, I ended up liking Pitt better than Hulk, but...but would I read his books?
Tch, NO.
Fuckin' mess.
I pity the trees that died for this.
Well, maybe the burgeoning of digital comics will halt the senseless death someday.
The Darkness/Hulk
A brooding emo hitman who can summon...pretty much The Isz...has a brief encounter with Banner/Hulk.
Chechnyan terrorists get smacked around, barely fullfilling the "hero", quotient.
Well...emo though he was, I liked Darkness better'n Pitt, liked the writing in this better too.
Oh...I liked it BETTER, I still wouldn't recommend it.
Still on the fanboy side.
I'd probably dig it if I were 17 again, but, okay....
Forgettable.
Prime versus Hulk
Weeelll....cornball as shit, but, at least the heroes were hero-ey.
Good one for kids, I guess...
I actually kinda found myself liking Prime.
He was a good egg.
Despite his character premise being a variation on Billy Batson/Captain Marvel, therefore treading into knockoff territory...
Except, for some unexplained (in this book) reason, instead of transforming with a lightning bolt, he transforms....with puke.
He pukes out of his chest, and the puke turns into Prime...then, when he runs out of power, Prime falls back apart into puke, and the kid inside sloughs him off.
Hope he keeps wet naps and Febreeze handy.
Shows what a marketing genius I am, I woulda named a character like that Cap'n Blowchunks, or Heave-Ho, or The Spew.
See, this is why I'm not in the big leagues.
But then,...neither is Prime, his universe is effectively dead, and essentially, him with it.
The death of a company is about all that truly can kill a comic character.
I was all set to piss on his grave at the outset of the preparation for this entry, but like I said, they made me like the kid.
Dammit.
Also, again, just for the hell of it, I hate Professor Hulk's guts.
Joker/Mask
Beautiful.
The perfect book.
You love Joker? You love Harley Quinn?
You REALLY love Harley Quinn?
This is your book, right here.
This is them as a pair, at their boingy, sproingy best, with Mask as a plot gimmick, the way Shaper's genie powers were in "Hulk/Batman".
Can't praise it enough.
Not without spoiling too much.
Buy it.
Lobo/Mask
Eh, I was never a big Lobo nut back in the day, but, this is pretty good.
Art by the fella that did the first couple Mask books.
Fun stuff, a few gags come off as painful groaners, but it doesn't matter, because it just keeps coming at you, and coming at you, like a Terry Gilliam cartoon.
The level of violence, and the detail of it, overwhelmed my eyeballs.
At the end of it all, you're like "what the fuck did I just read?".
But...in a good way, I think...I hope...
Infestation 2
Yeah, this is coming.
This'll be the placeholder.
Reviewed part 1 here.
Mentioned it in the comments thread of that post here.
Wacky discussion ensued.
So, yeah, Lovecraft Demons versus Transformers, G.I. Joe, Ninja Turtles, 30 Days Of night, and Danger Girl.
Hope it sucks less.
I really only care about the crossovers to add to "six degrees of everything".
So, this row of books was relatively painless, the next batch, maybe not so much, we'll see...
“Dune: Part Two” Score Seeks An Oscar
4 hours ago
23 comments:
Yeah, who the eff was Pitt, anyhoo? Hulk-LoboBikerGuy-lookin . . . WHY AIN'T HE GOTTA NOSE!?
And he had a little kid buddy . . . or master . . . or some shit. Y'got whupped on a lot back in school, huh, Dale? This yer buddy? Yer lil wish fulfillment buddy to beat up the bad mans?
HULK SMASH YOUR CANDY ASS!
Ooh, forgot all about the Ultraverse! That was Plasm and all that stuff, right?
Capn' Blowchunks is a WAY better name, anyway. 'Heave-HO!' could've been his 'Up, up, and away'!
Bwaaahahahahaa!
See? Malibu might still be chuggin' along with executive thinking like that.
Right? And he could've had supermoves with names that he'd holler out before busting them loose, all DBZ and shit:
TECHNICOLOR . . . YAAAAAWWWNNN!!!
(blaawwrrk-spptptpt!)
. . . And so on.
Heheheheh!!
*Tries to come up with one*
III got nothin.
Any . . . ahhh . . . anybody still holding the rights to ol' Prime anymore?
Just curious. No reason.
At all.
(bluwarkrkspslsttt--urp!)
(Catastropuke move)
Yeah, that was actually a stretch, coming up with 'catastropuke'.
Hm.
C'mon, we can do this! RESURRECT YOUR INNER TWELVE YEAR OLD AND BELIEVE!
Um, last anyone knew, Marvel bought 'em out.
Quesada said there was gonna be a glorious relaunch of the characters....6 years ago, and nothin' happened.
Then...Disney happened, so...yeah, dead in the water.
But Disney would sue ya if you tried to do anything cuz they're cocks.
Oh, and...
PINK SPAGHETTI LASSO!!
MEATBALL CANNON!!!
(cover yer ears, ladies)
GODDAMNRUNNYSAGGINSHITCLOTTEDDISNEYCUNTS!!!
*sseeeeettthhhhe*
. . . Sorry. Those fucking mouse-fuckers. We hates them . . .
'Pink Spaghetti Lasso'?
There's always spaghetti.
Seems to be the most heaved food.
Long anecdote about my uncle as a kid heaving strawberry milk and spaghetti as a combo all over the family station wagon that goes with that.
Well, not that long after all, I just old it.
All right, what would you color the spaghetti, green?
Hwow . . . There's some imagery.
Strawberry milk spaghetti . . . that's . . . wow
(blhuauawwwwrahhhaauuurk-kkkh!)
And then, the ultimate last resort weapon.
The Lard-ass Hogan blueberry barfarama apocalypse.
Okay. Yer gonna have to explain the 'Hogan blueberry' to me too.
Umph! Pfft!
Stand By Me!
Lardass! Pie eatin' contest!
Lardas Hogan.
Blueberries.
Not..
Lardass.
Hogan blueberries.
No such thing.
AAAAAAHH! Shit. Right. Sorry.
Mah nurd shame knowz no boundz :(
I was gonna Youtube that bastid if I hadda...
Ah, what the hell? It'll be Christmas soon...
http://youtu.be/9S7kg1IhZ7M
I am the ninja warrior of killing threads.
Ptthh!
Yeah, yeah . . . I was gonna one up you, but apparently nobody's made a YouTube compliation of all the orange-juice barf moments from Creepshow 2 . . .
Post a Comment