Wednesday, October 5, 2016

The Update Warriors (Part 5, Pumpkin Potpurri).

Previous chapters.
"Three?", you say?
Yeah, obviously, I retroactively count "Odds N' Ends", as 1.

Last time, I said I was gonna swap this back around to four, but...nah, I'm keeping it in order of the Halloweens themselves.

So, again, if you weren't here last time, this is for the stuff that wouldn't neatly fit into the other categories.
Here we go...

Another Predator sequel is coming up the pike.
The script has been written.
Called "The Predator", and directed by Shane Black.
Slated for 2018.

"Resident Evil: The Final Chapter", comes out in 2017.
Look, Jason had two final chapters, so never believe that subtitle.
Even if Milla truly retires, they'll soft reboot it with a new character or something.
Then, somewhere along the way in that series, Milla will come back as an old lady.
Hollywood won't let cash cows die.

And, as the perpetual Pepsi to Milla's Coke, "Underworld: Blood Wars", comes out January.
Hmm, they're both wielding double handguns too...

The horror-comedy "Freaks Of Nature", came out on the tail end of 2015.
Formerly titled "Kitchen Sink".
It's an alternate near future where humans, vampires, and zombies share an uneasy truce, and then aliens invade, and fuck up the truce, and everyone fights everybody, then finally they unite against the aliens.
Surprisingly really good!
Had an unexpected bunch of cool celebrities in it too!
Key from Key & Peele, Dennis Leary, Bob Odenkirk, & Joan Kusak to name a few.
Good effects, this wasn't a b-movie! Indie, but not cheap indie!
Really cute! Might even be worth buying!

"Deathgasm Part 2: Goremageddon", is going to be a thing.
(Deathgasm 1)

They're doing a "Rocky Horror Picture Show", remake.
Made for TV, and titled "The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let's Do the Time Warp Again".
Comes out October 20th.
Tim Curry is going to be in it as the criminologist.
Laverne Cox will be Frank N Furter.
...wonder if they'll follow it up with "Shock Treatment".

M. Night Shyamalan is rebooting "Tales From The Crypt".
That's perfect for him!
He's so obsessed with twists, and that's Crypt's whole thing!
Yes, M. Night, do that.
Do that forever.
You're home!

The Purge 3 changed its title to "The Purge: Election Year", and it came out, and apparently, it was a disappointment.
Meh, I'll check it out anyway.

Also, there's going to be a Purge TV series.
I'd check it out.

Been hearing really good things about "The Greasy Strangler".

The trailers are hilarious.
Trailer 1.
Red band trailer.

Billdude made me aware of "She Kills"!
About a chick out for revenge who kills bad guys with her snoosh.
It's "I Spit On Your Grave", meets "Father's Day".

Again, trailer is awesome.

The Grudge vs The Ring is going to be a thing.

All the drugs in meee!! All the bugs in meee!!

Everyone's jizzing all over "Lights Out", and "Don't Breathe", so I guess I should give them a shout out.

"Blair Witch", the third Blair Witch movie, was also a thing, and most people thought it sucked, but just not as hard as 2.
I have no interest.

Turbo Kid 2 is happening!!!!
Now THAT I'm excited about!!
(Turbo Kid 1)

Now, for text updates of stuff from last year, or just quickie updates I don't give a shit about.
  • There's going to be an Exorcist TV series, and I have no enthusiasm whatsoever.
  • "Crimson Peak", did okay, but was critically "meh".
  • No word yet on "The Colour Out of Space", triple remake.
  • X-files came back, and they want to do another season.
  • "The Last Witch Hunter", was a rectal prolapse.
  • "Scout's Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse", landed with a thud.
  • "Green Inferno", came and went like a fart in a wind tunnel.
  • "Pride and Prejudice And Zombies", was another "Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter".
  • "The Forest", was another critical "meh".
  • No word on the "Cabin Fever", remake.
  • Ditto "Five Nights At Freddy's".
  • Ditto "Night On Bald Mountain".

And that's...


Tomorrow, Weee've got cauldron con-coct-tiooooon! Don't wanna dream no moooore!!


B. D. said...

Yeah lemme know about "She Kills." I mean, I don't always trust that Moria guy (5 stars for the original "Saw"!) but sometimes he gets my attention. See, the movie kind of LOOKS really crappy, so you let me know.

"X-Files": I keep forgetting to watch that new miniseries thingy. It was mostly well received because they got that Darin Morgan guy (who only wrote four episodes of the original show, but they're among the four most *acclaimed* episodes) to write for it. I dunno, I think I'd rather have old-man Duchovny doing that, than some lame new Charlie Manson show that tanks immediately (and it did.)

"Don't Breathe" I'm sort of interested in. That's Stephen Lang as the old blind guy, you know him.

I'm about to watch "Crimson Peak" and just watched "The Babadook." I found "The Babadook" pretty damn annoying--a film that tortures its main character so much, that it makes "Drag Me To Hell" look like a sunrise-themed screensaver or something. Really annoying kid performance too. Bleh. Not sure what the critical raves were about.

I wonder if kids today know that the "Resident Evil" games even predate the movies. Are there more movies than games?

The "Cabin Fever" remake was laughed away so quickly that it might as well not have existed. The "Blair Witch" new movie mostly made me laugh because of how many people have forgotten "Book Of Shadows," one of the most worthless movies ever. It was also hilarious how it was announced as a new "Blair Witch" movie, like two weeks before it came out, and that backfired on it too--meanwhile, "10 Cloverfield Lane" totally got away with pulling the same trick!!!

Was never impressed with "The Ring" at all and am not eager to see it come back.

"Exorcist" TV series: I wish there were no exorcism movies at all aside from "Exorcist" 1 and 3. Aside from that, the whole genre comes back over and over and over and never produces anything good.

TIM CURRY is in this new RHPS thing? I thought the poor dude was sickly and wheelchair bound as hell. Well that's nice, hope it doesn't backfire on him the way Christopher Reeve doing that "Rear Window" remake, or anything Michael J. Fox has tried to do in the last decade, does (mean thing to say, but it's true.)

Diacanu said...

Don't worry, I'll totally review "She Kills", when I see it.

I wanna see "Don't Breathe", too, and I've had it spoiled.

I'm pretty sure there are more games than movies for Resident Evil.
The new one is six, and the seventh game came out some years ago, so there must be even more by now.

Wasn't impressed by "The Ring", or "The Grudge", but I'm hearing people who've seen clips of the Japanese crossover sequel say it almost looks like a comedy, so that could be so-bad-it's-good.

Re: Tim Curry- I thought the same thing.

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