Superheroes Three: Part 3, Marvel Cinematic Universe

• Hulk (2011)
• Hulk (2012)
• The Bigass Incredible Hulk Review.
• Avengers (2011)
• Avengers (2012)

So, here we go, Avengers Phase 2 is into full swing...


Iron Man 3 (2013)

See here, and here.


Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Meh, I'll wait for DVD.

Hyla saw it though.


So, that leaves...

...Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Guardians Of The Galaxy, and Avengers: Age Of Ultron left to go.

Then, as a little spinoff thing...

Iron Man/Hulk: Heroes United (2013)

See here.

Marvel animation still has to iron out their kinks.
Animation is good, story/dialogue are still weak.
Getting better though...
An Iron Man/Captain America sequel is up next for that.
I'll give it a miss, unless I hear raves.
Probably won't.

Then, up next, for Phase three...

Ant Man, and Dr. Strange for sure.

Stan Lee has blabbed Black Panther, but Marvel Studios has gone into Yoga contortions to deny it, but we know after "The Dark Knight Rises", and "Star Trek Into Darkness", how the big-wigs will bald-faced lie right to our faces to keep a secret that doesn't need to be secret.
Frankly, I'm gonna trust Stan.

Also rumored is Inhumans.
Alongside that, a live-action "Planet Hulk", was rumored, and totally debunked, but the Inhumans thing stands unscathed.

Add on Avengers 3, and that fills all 5 slots.

Marvel has answered the criticisms that they don't have any standalone female superhero flicks, and remember, I bitched about that last year, and they just lamely said they can't squeeze it in to phase 2 or 3, that tells me the slots are filled.

So, fuck it, it's Ant Man, Dr. Strange, Black Panther, Inhumans, and Avengers 3.

But as for female characters, Avengers 2 has Black Widow, and Scarlet Witch, and there's token chicks in Guardians Of The Galaxy, and Inhumans.
And, hopefully, Ant Man will have Wasp.
I'll say it outright, it'll suck without Wasp.
She'd better be there.

But, for Phase 4, I'd love a Spider-Woman, or She-Hulk, or Ms. Marvel.
Hey, give Black Widow a spinoff movie, and it can be all chicks.
They wouldn't do that though, Hollywood is sexist, despite the face they try to show to the world.
And they think you and I are even worse.
Hollywood projects in more ways than one.

Aaaanyhooo...

On to TV...


Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (2013-???)

Um, I'll come right out with it without pussyfooting....boring.
I give a show 5 episodes to hook me, and I actually fell asleep at number four, and never went back.
I wanted to like it too.

And I'm not alone, it's not doing well.
Despite this, ABC has stubbornly ordered another season.

Well, let's hope some radical re-tooling, and/or snowglobe shaking happens next year.


Marvel also has lined up Netflix shows based on Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, and Luke Cage, and then they're all going to join forces, and merge into The Defenders.

This will of course, unfold over several years.

So, hey, a Jessica Jones show, that's something.
It's no movie, but hey.


Aaand, that's all of it.


Tomorrow, the rest of Marvel.

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Snow!

There! The collection of seasons is done!

Fall, (snowless) winter, spring, summer, fall (again).

Boy, that took awhile...

Oh, okay, winter "officially", starts next Saturday, but come on...


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Superheroes Three: Part 2, DC.

All right, like last time, here's the prequels...

• DC part 1 (2011)
• DC part 2 (2011)
• DC (2012)

And, here we go...


Arrow (2012-present)

I haven't seen any of this.
It's "Smallville", all over again.

Although, it's not the "Smallville", Green Arrow, it's a reboot.

They're going to introduce Barry Allen in this, then give him a Flash spinoff.
The Barry Allen episodes are like, days away.

No word on how this effects the casting of The Flash in the presumably upcoming Justice League movie after "Superman/Batman", or if the show version will crossover, or what.

Anyway, here's DC's other TV plans.

"Gotham", a Batman prequel series with no Batman.
So, it'll be a police drama with young James Gordon, and the Gotham PD.
Some iconic villains will appear in earlier forms, but no word on who.

"Constantine", and this time he'll be a blonde Brit like he's supposed to be.
No word on how this effects Guillermo Del Toro's proposed "Justice League: Dark", film.

"Hourman", about...well, in the comics, it's about a guy who takes a pill that can gives him near-Superman levels of power for an hour, but rumor is, this'll be a supernatural thriller about a guy who can see an hour into the future.

"iZombie", based on a fairly new comic, a crime thriller about a female mortician who's a closet zombie, who when she eats a brain, gains the memories of the person, so she uses it to solve crimes. Also, eating brains makes her pass for human for awhile.

"Preacher", all I know about this, is the creator infused the character with his own Bill Hicks fandom.
Something about he gets his powers from the Christian God, or a hippie-dippie variation thereof.

A live-action "Young Justice". Yep, rumors of this too.


And, for movies, there's talk of DC's B-string and C-string heroes getting two lower budget movies a year.
No word at all on the characters involved.
So, they're about where Marvel was in 1999-2008.

Everything's "going to", and "going to be".
All that exists right now, is "Man Of Steel", and "Arrow".


Tomorrow, Marvel Cinematic Universe.

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Superheroes Three: Part 1, Superman/Batman

Okay, so like I said in "Post-Halloween holidays announcement"....

Christmas, there'll be some superhero updates, but not as much.

Not nearly as much.

I'm really just going to rush through that.

Just so ya know.

So, it's the 10th, I could wait 'til the 15th to be halfway through the month, but let's just do this...

• Superman (2011)
• Superman (2012)
• Batman (2011)
• Batman (2012)
• Assessing my collection. (Superheroes) (Had everything But Adam West Batman)
• Adding to my collection (Part 11) (Got Adam West Batman)

Now, to the new stuff...

Batman vs. Superman (2015)

See here, here, here, and here.

So yeah, it's the sequel to "Man Of Steel", Henry Cavill is Superman, Ben Affleck is Batman *internet wails*, and this person.....

...is Wonder Woman.
*Pretends to think about it* I approve.


And, here's the year's recap...


Man Of Steel (2013)

Finally saw this.
See here, and here.


Superman Unbound (2013)

See here.


Justice League: 
The Flashpoint Paradox (2013)

See here.


Aaand, that's it.

Tomorrow, the rest of DC.

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Still more horror(ish) doc news.

"Rewind This!", the complete story of the rise and fall of the VHS format.

Featuring interviews with Lloyd Kaufman, and Charles Band among others.

Coming to DVD/Bu-ray January 14th.

So, that's "Unearthed And Untold", "There Is No Jesse", "Invaluable", and now "Rewind This!", to look forward to.

They're popping out of the fuggin' woodwork now!
I'm happy as a pig in shit. (:-D


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Flicks I've watched (Part 22)

Part 15.

"I "meh", the Jasons (addendum)", being part 16.
"I REDO the Jasons!", being part 17.
"I REDO the Freddys", being part 18.
"Post-Halloween update (Part 1)", being part 19.
"Post-Halloween update (Part 2)", being part 20.
"Post-Halloween update (Part 3)", being part 21.

Well, here we go.....


The Hangover (2009)

Piece of shit.
Top to bottom.

Didn't laugh once, even by accident from thinking of something else.
I was stony faced.
Only split second flicker of joy I had was when Mike Tyson punched Zach Galifianakis.
Wish it had been real.

Critics loved it, America loved it, Rotten Tomatoes loves it, fuck all of you.
With a broomstick.
A sharpened broomstick.
Dipped in salt.

Anyway, the story sucks, the "jokes", suck, the dialogue is shit, the sight gags are groaners, everything of any note was done in way better movies in the 80's, and the "shocking", "edgy", shit was...totally absent.
Where was it?
I made sure to see the unrated cut, so don't give me no MPAA line of jive.
America clearly hit a reset button on its memory, and regressed back to infantilist puritans.
Again.
Yet again.

Ebert had this to say...

Now this is what I'm talkin' about. "The Hangover" is a funny movie, flat out, all the way through. Its setup is funny. Every situation is funny. Most of the dialogue is funny almost line by line. At some point we actually find ourselves caring a little about what happened to the missing bridegroom -- and the fact that we almost care is funny, too.

Well, gotta break it down the way I did as I read along....

Now this is what I'm talkin' about.

Wrong.

"The Hangover" is a funny movie, flat out,

Nope.

 all the way through.

Wrong.

Its setup is funny.

You didn't think it was funny in "Very Bad Things".

Every situation is funny. 

Not a one.

Most of the dialogue is funny almost line by line. 

Every dumb word out of Galifianakis's dumb hipster face fell to the ground with a turd-like thud.

At some point we actually find ourselves caring a little about what happened to the missing bridegroom -- 

Nope.

and the fact that we almost care is funny, too.

Nope.

He continues, and after a lengthy plot dissection, we get...

Well, Zach Galifianakis' performance is the kind of breakout performance that made John Belushi a star after "Animal House."

Fuck you.
Belushi?
BELUSHI??
Fuck.
You.

Oh, yes, let's go back to "Very Bad Things", for a bit.

He says here...

Peter Berg's "Very Bad Things" isn't a bad movie, just a reprehensible one. It presents as comedy things that are not amusing. If you think this movie is funny, that tells me things about you I don't want to know.

What bothers me most, after two viewings, is its confidence that an audience would be entertained by its sad, sick vision, tainted by racism. 

Whoa, whoa, RACISM???

You mean...like Ken Jeong's unfunny hacky chingy-chong Asian stereotype bullshit?
Hmm?
Eh? Eh?
This is all we get...

"Mr. Chow (Ken Jeong), the vertically challenged naked man they find locked in the trunk of the police car, is strong, skilled in martial arts and really mean about Alan's obesity".

His stereotypical traits are mentioned, but not commented on as such.
Blinders much?
Hypocrisy much?
And the dumb voice is totally ignored.

So, yeah, fuck the whole cynical heartless hype machine that created and fluffed up this glistening piece of cat-scat.

Watch a fucking Troma movie.
Goddammit.
Hollywood hates you.
And Hollywood's goons hate you.
'Bout time you learned it.

Oh, and this almost goes without saying, I will not be watching the shitty sequels.


Silent Night Deadly Night (1984)

See here, and here.

Ahhhh, now THIS was fucking funny!!

And of course, as you can see in the links, this is the one Ebert tried to destroy in one of his phony-baloney moralistic crusades.

It's a stunning wonder I ever agreed with him on anything.

Anyway, the flick.
I dunno if I'd call it a classic, but it is a frigging hoot to see at least once.
It gives the finger to insincere holiday cheer, consumerist greed, and Catholics, all on top of being a fun little slasher.
Oh, and we get Linnea Quigley boobies.
I'd recognize those perfect orbs anywhere.
Ahh, happy.

But, see, this one was indie, and Hollywood has to crush the indies, and the critics are part of that.
The hypocrisy only makes logical sense in that context.

The bullshit backfired in this case, the negativity hyped it, and now Fangoria still talks about it 30 years later.
REVENGE!!


Iron Man/Hulk: Heroes United (2013)

So, mentioned this way back here.

They're going to try again in 2013 with another Iron Man, and an Iron Man/Hulk team-up movie.
Let's hope they've finally got their shit together.

If they haven't learned from the good live-action ones, they're blind, deaf, and dumb.

They're blind, deaf, and dumb.

Oh, all right, it's not horrible.
9 year old kids might like it.
Doesn't have anything for adult fans of the movies though.

A real "watch it, and forget it", flick.

I won't be seeing the Iron Man/Captain America followup.


And, that's those.
The end.


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Happy Cyber Monday again!

Last year.

Consume!

Obey!



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