"Bingewatch too!!", being part 32.
"Oh-Em-Gee-Three!! (Addendum)", being part 33.
"One more quest. (Updated!!!)", being part 34.
"Acid! (Updated!!!)", being part 35.
"Flicks that really messed me up as a kid. (Part 2)", being part 36.
"Flicks that really messed me up as a kid. (Part 3)", being part 37.
And this one, also being sorta "Flicks that really messed me up as a kid. (Part 4)", but not really.
Because, these didn't mess me up as a kid, and they aren't lost films, they're fairly well known, BUT, I have been curious about them for a good goddamned long while, and seeing them completes a journey like the "messed me up", ones.
BUT, this does complete that series, because, well, there just aren't any more.
BUT, this does complete that series, because, well, there just aren't any more.
Toldja last time I'd explain it.
Willard & Ben (1971-1972)
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These pretty much hook together as one long movie, really.
Weird, all my life, and they've never played these on basic cable.
Always saw "Ben", at video stores, and I even had school fiends describe a much gorier movie than you actually see.
Didn't you always hate it when little bastids lied right to your face like that?
Man, that was fuckin' annoying.
Bet those little pricks all became car salesmen.
They're worse than the goddamned rats in the flick...mumble ...grumble...profanity.
ANYHOO!
So, in "Willard", an introvert trains some rats, and their herd..hive...hey what is a community of rats called?
Anyway, the rat hive grows to thousands, and Willard uses them against his tormentors, first for pranks, and escalating finally to murder.
He turns on them, they turn on him, he gets munched.
"Ben", picks up immediately after, and a sickly little boy befriends Ben, the hive leader.
It's where the Michael Jackson song "Ben", comes from, yes, it's in the film, and the film score, and yes, the cutesy contrasts with the horror, and it's as disturbing as it fucking sounds.
I loved it.
*Evil grin*
*Evil grin*
The ending is kind of up in the air though.
There should have been a third one.
The song got nominated for an Oscar, but got beaten by "there's got to be a morning after", from "The Poseidon Adventure".
Tch, fuck you, Academy.
Cat People (1982)
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Cat People (1982)
This one's fairly well known, its not lost at all, but I DID overhear it in the living room as a kid same as "48 Hours", and "Night Of The Juggler", and wanted to see it someday.
Finally did.
Um, yeah....un-scary pretentious artsy fartsy bullshit.
It's got Malcolm McDowell being almost as embarrassed as "Get Crazy".
Well, it's got titties.
*Shrug*
Plot?....um, incestuous were-leopards.
Almost the same thing as "Sleepwalkers".
Except with titties.
And everything else besides the titties being crappy.
Avoid.
Watch a porno instead.
Seriously.
B.C. Rock (1980)
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A.K.A "The Missing Link".
A French animated film with horrible English dubbing.
Man, this might just be the worst animated film I've ever seen.
It's a tight race between this, and "Light Years", but I think this takes the prize.
What is it, France, why can't your animation industry get its shit together?
Anyway, I heard about this as a kid, and saw the tape at the video store, but never had the guts to watch it.
Yet another one of those "I'll get in trouble", things you feel like an idiot about looking back.
So, the plo...no, I'm not gonna pretend this had a plot.
A baby caveman is born, his grandpa grabs his peepee, and says "mine's bigger", the tribe rejects him, he goes off on his own, like Simba in "The Lion King", befriends a talking brontosaurus, and a talking pterodactyl with a racist black stereotype voice, jumps ahead in time to a grownup, like "Lion King", and they have various pointless adventures for 50 hours.
Then, the whole thing just sorta ends.
What? The run-time is only 95 minutes?
You're shitting me!
It felt like 50 hours.
Two days, and some change.
No kidding.
Wow.
So, this is so bad, it bends the fabric of time.
Come on scientists, turn this thing into a warp core somehow.
Cleo/Leo (1989)
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These next two feature porn queens.
This one's got Ginger Lynn.
As the sidekick, not the star.
You know those flicks where a man and woman swap bodies, and the man-mind/woman-body always avoids getting fucked by a man?
Haha! Not THIS time!
Yep, this one gets fucked, and the reactions of the woman body turns him/her all woman.
You get a graphic blow-by-blow in her mental dialog.
You are not spared.
There's no time dissolve to rescue you.
How does the swap happen?
Well, it's not a swap, more an instant reincarnation/regeneration.
How does THAT happen?
No fucking idea.
The movie never bothers to say.
Guy gets shot, drowns, crawls out of the ocean a chick in his old clothes.
Hi-jinks ensue.
Anyway, I used to watch scrambled Cinemax skin-flicks in my teens, and they'd always throw this one into the mix.
It was a crapshoot.
While weird old flicks were popping into my head for this thing, this came back to me, and I wanted to see it unscrambled, and from a more mature perspective.
It sucks.
Terrible writing, z-list actors, Ginger Lynn is the most famous person in it, just weak.
Except for the climatic fuck scene, that was artistically original.
Extra half star for that.
Two stars overall.
Kamikaze Hearts (1986)
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And, the porn queen in this one is Sharon Mitchell.
So, Sharon Mitchell is in "Maniac", and "Night Of The Juggler", and I knew I had a theme going.
You know me by now, reader, I chase after these patterns, because, well, I always find treasure.
I did again.
This is a semi-autobiographical sorta-documentary about Mitchell, and her girlfriend at the time, and fellow porn actress, Tigr (pronounced Tigger).
This is the most "real movie", movie she did.
I loved it.
Any documentary claiming to be, or reported by a stooge-critic to be "raw and candid", that doesn't go as far as this one, can kindly go fuck off and die.
Don't worry, wimps, the doc isn't porn, there's no penetration.
You see a lot of Mitchell in the altogether though.
It's dark, you see her use drugs.
She was in the full grip of addiction during this, and it ends on sort of dark hopeless note.
But, from the vantage point of...damn, 28 years into the future, you know she made it.
Anyway, I'm a Sharon Mitchell fan now.
She's a star.
I don't care what this phony hypocritical puritanical coward society says in the matter.
If we lived in a more enlightened future, Sharon Mitchell would be getting Oscars.
She is a star.
I could rant on and on (again!) about how porn is perceived by society, and how it treats people in that business, and the censors, and the hypocrites, but she says a lot of it in her own words right in the film.
And you can get an updated earful in this 2000 interview, and this longer more recent 2014 one.
Man, she's not A porn queen, she's THE porn queen.
She's seen it all, done it all, and has no shame about it.
Articulate, smart, you can see in the clips there everyone loves her.
Really, just a super person.
I lump her in with my favorite celebrities.
There's no bullshit compartmentalization.
Really glad I saw this.
Finally did.
Um, yeah....un-scary pretentious artsy fartsy bullshit.
It's got Malcolm McDowell being almost as embarrassed as "Get Crazy".
Well, it's got titties.
*Shrug*
Plot?....um, incestuous were-leopards.
Almost the same thing as "Sleepwalkers".
Except with titties.
And everything else besides the titties being crappy.
Avoid.
Watch a porno instead.
Seriously.
B.C. Rock (1980)
A.K.A "The Missing Link".
A French animated film with horrible English dubbing.
Man, this might just be the worst animated film I've ever seen.
It's a tight race between this, and "Light Years", but I think this takes the prize.
What is it, France, why can't your animation industry get its shit together?
Anyway, I heard about this as a kid, and saw the tape at the video store, but never had the guts to watch it.
Yet another one of those "I'll get in trouble", things you feel like an idiot about looking back.
So, the plo...no, I'm not gonna pretend this had a plot.
A baby caveman is born, his grandpa grabs his peepee, and says "mine's bigger", the tribe rejects him, he goes off on his own, like Simba in "The Lion King", befriends a talking brontosaurus, and a talking pterodactyl with a racist black stereotype voice, jumps ahead in time to a grownup, like "Lion King", and they have various pointless adventures for 50 hours.
Then, the whole thing just sorta ends.
What? The run-time is only 95 minutes?
You're shitting me!
It felt like 50 hours.
Two days, and some change.
No kidding.
Wow.
So, this is so bad, it bends the fabric of time.
Come on scientists, turn this thing into a warp core somehow.
Cleo/Leo (1989)
These next two feature porn queens.
This one's got Ginger Lynn.
As the sidekick, not the star.
You know those flicks where a man and woman swap bodies, and the man-mind/woman-body always avoids getting fucked by a man?
Haha! Not THIS time!
Yep, this one gets fucked, and the reactions of the woman body turns him/her all woman.
You get a graphic blow-by-blow in her mental dialog.
You are not spared.
There's no time dissolve to rescue you.
How does the swap happen?
Well, it's not a swap, more an instant reincarnation/regeneration.
How does THAT happen?
No fucking idea.
The movie never bothers to say.
Guy gets shot, drowns, crawls out of the ocean a chick in his old clothes.
Hi-jinks ensue.
Anyway, I used to watch scrambled Cinemax skin-flicks in my teens, and they'd always throw this one into the mix.
It was a crapshoot.
While weird old flicks were popping into my head for this thing, this came back to me, and I wanted to see it unscrambled, and from a more mature perspective.
It sucks.
Terrible writing, z-list actors, Ginger Lynn is the most famous person in it, just weak.
Except for the climatic fuck scene, that was artistically original.
Extra half star for that.
Two stars overall.
Kamikaze Hearts (1986)
And, the porn queen in this one is Sharon Mitchell.
So, Sharon Mitchell is in "Maniac", and "Night Of The Juggler", and I knew I had a theme going.
You know me by now, reader, I chase after these patterns, because, well, I always find treasure.
I did again.
This is a semi-autobiographical sorta-documentary about Mitchell, and her girlfriend at the time, and fellow porn actress, Tigr (pronounced Tigger).
This is the most "real movie", movie she did.
I loved it.
Any documentary claiming to be, or reported by a stooge-critic to be "raw and candid", that doesn't go as far as this one, can kindly go fuck off and die.
Don't worry, wimps, the doc isn't porn, there's no penetration.
You see a lot of Mitchell in the altogether though.
It's dark, you see her use drugs.
She was in the full grip of addiction during this, and it ends on sort of dark hopeless note.
But, from the vantage point of...damn, 28 years into the future, you know she made it.
Anyway, I'm a Sharon Mitchell fan now.
She's a star.
I don't care what this phony hypocritical puritanical coward society says in the matter.
If we lived in a more enlightened future, Sharon Mitchell would be getting Oscars.
She is a star.
I could rant on and on (again!) about how porn is perceived by society, and how it treats people in that business, and the censors, and the hypocrites, but she says a lot of it in her own words right in the film.
And you can get an updated earful in this 2000 interview, and this longer more recent 2014 one.
Man, she's not A porn queen, she's THE porn queen.
She's seen it all, done it all, and has no shame about it.
Articulate, smart, you can see in the clips there everyone loves her.
Really, just a super person.
I lump her in with my favorite celebrities.
There's no bullshit compartmentalization.
Really glad I saw this.
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