Sunday, December 23, 2012

Superheroes Two: Part 11.5, All The Rest (Part 3.5)

Phew, all right, here's all the rest of the goddamned cartoons....

...or, as many as I feel like doing this year.

Superheroes Two: Part 10, All The Rest (Part 2)

Tron Uprising (2012)

A cel-shaded CGI deal, like "Iron Man: Armored Adventures", "Spider-Man: The New Animated Series", and "Transformers: Energon", but, in the Tron-verse.

Fits in between the two films.
I've heard good things, but, I've missed it somehow.
*Youtubes some clips*

Superheroes Two: Part 11, All The Rest (Part 3)

Metal Hurlant Chronicles (2012)

"Heavy Metal", the show, basically.

"Metal Hurlant", is the European title for "Heavy Metal".

Yeah, it's live-action, but, hey, my loophole is, all these other cartoons are off of live-action properties, so, it's fitting that Heavy Metal does it in reverse.

....also, I flat out forgot to throw it in the "Heavy Metal", update.

Anyhoo, this is French/Belgian, and hasn't come to US shores yet.
I expect HBO or Showtime will grab it, before it goes to DVD.

It's an anthology of 3 rotating stories taken from the magazine.
Future seasons will do more.

It's your one way ticket to midnight!!!
Call it!! Metal Hurlant!!
Higher than high, feelin' just right!!
Call it!! Metal Hurlant!!
Desperation on a red liiine!!
Call it!! Metal Hurlant!! Noooiisse!!!

Men In Black: The Animated Series (1997)

Yeah...MIB is kinda like alien Ghostbusters, when you think about it, and this competed with "Extreme Ghostbusters", at the time.

Okay, MIB curb-stomped poor "Extreme Ghostbusters", because MIB was the recent box-office hit, and GB was an abandoned forgotten franchise, but, IMO, they were roughly of equal quality.

Anyway, I guess this probably fits between the two movies.

Tales From The Cryptkeeper (1993)

"Tales From The Crypt", in G-rated animated form.
John Kassir still did Cryptie for this.

I'm dead certain they did this to compete with "Goosebumps".

I hope all you grown 90's children have now built your way up to "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2", and "Human Centipede 2", and can finally see why us real horror fans were biting our lips with bottled frustration.

On the one hand, we didn't wanna piss on your parades if in fact, "Goosbumps", was going to be the gateway drug, but on the other hand, our brains were screaming "hurry the fuck up, and grow up, and get into real horror already, you little runts! Gah! This watered down shit is so annoying! I did all that hard work of getting de-sensitized and toughened up on HBO in the 80's for this??".

Aeon Flux (1991)

See here.

Also, funny story, I got my cyber-moniker, Diacanu, from an Aeon flux episode....and in the DVD...some dialog is re-dubbed, and "Diacanu", has been turned to "Turkalu".

Seriously, I compared the tape to the DVD.

Does....that mean Diacanu is totally mine now?
I'd settle for it being public domain.
What does it mean?
I dunno.
Still scratching my head.
Get back to me, Peter Chung.

Beavis and Butt-Head (1992)

Yeah, dammit, I should have thrown "Beavis and Butt-Head Do America", into "cartoons to live action", and changed the title,, no going back.
But, I'm throwing 'em in here, cuz they kinda just go with Aeon in my nostalgic mind.

Anyway, this is back now.
I wasn't impressed at first, but the new ones are growing on me.
Comedy Central marathon-ed the new batch, alternating with "South Park", reruns.
It was sweet.

Popeye (1930)

See here, here, and here.

And, this again.

The Addams Family (1992)

Eh, s'alright....

John Astin came back as Gomez, that was cool.

Garbage Pail Kids (1987)

See here.

From the comments section....

*Watching the cartoon*

Well...I would have liked it as a kid...but even then, only slightly better than say, Muppet Babies, which would have been its lead-in.

Yes, "parents groups", kept it off our local CBS affiliate.
When it was supposed to come on, it switched over to fucking golf.
I've never stopped hating golf.

"Beavis and Butt-Head", "South Park", and a ton of other cartoons make this look like Carebears now.
Shit, the cards made it look like Carebears.
And still the stupid wussies cried.

Anyway, this is on DVD if you want it.

He-Man And 
The Masters Of The Universe (1983)

Spawned the film "He-Man and She-Ra: Secret Of The Sword".

And, inspired the live-action Dolph Lundgren vehicle.

Um, well, yes, I'm aware that the internet has taken to...well, gaying this thing up, what with the Youtube vids of Prince Adam singing "what's going on", and such.

It's the pink shirt, isn't it?
I dunno, I've heard tell that there was a colorblind guy at Filmation that no one had the heart to fire.
There's some credence to that, because lots of inexplicable things were turned pink and purple by this guy.
The Kzinti in animated Star Trek, Bat-Mite in the 70's animated Batman, it kept cropping up.

Adam's shirt was blue in the DC comics that thought him up. *Shrug*

Yeah, people will point out other things they thought were "gay", but all those things could be pointed out about other things that don't get the hipster treatment.
It really is just the pink shirt.
Well...the pink thing is a manufactured social convention from, yet again, the latter-half of the stupid 20th century anyway.
But, that's a dissection for another post, cuz, that gets into a whole thing.

Suffice it to say, grow up, folks.

G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (1985) 

Ran concurrently with Transformers, was from the same toy company, and theoretically, existed in the same universe.
They even crossed over many times over the last 25 years or so.

Also, they're all dead now.


Buzz Lightyear Of Star Command (2000)

Patrick Warburton was Buzz Lightyear, and everything Patrick Warburton does is gold, so, you know it was good.

Street Fighter II V (1995)

I've heard good things.
Chiefly, that it equals, and even surpasses, the quality of the anime film.

Well, something in this franchise had better be good, after the punishment of the 2 live-action films.

Mortal Kombat: 
Defenders Of The Realm (1996)

No way, Ron Perlman was in this?
And Luke Perry?
How do these things happen?

*Watches clips*
No thanks.

Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005)

I didn't keep up with this, but everyone raved about it.
I have caught all up with SF Debris's reviews, which are very thorough, so, I feel like I've seen it.

Those pretty much contain everything I would have retained from viewing, anyway.
So, I gotta agree, it's quite a saga.

Ben 10 (2005)

In three years, this will be 10.
They'll have to do something big for it.
A movie, or something.

Anyway, bubble-busting time, kids, this was all ripped off from "Dial 'H', for Hero".
Top to bottom.
Merry Christmas.

Inspector Gadget (1983)

Eh, it was cute.
Penny had a tablet PC 30 years ahead of time.
But...60's Star Trek had 'em before even that.

Anyhoo, you are missed, Don Adams.

Looney Tunes (1930)

Yeah, I get to loophole them in thanks to the shitty live-action crossover flicks.

Still the funniest cartoons ever.

There's an updated version on Cartoon Network.
There's no Looney, everyone's on fucking Ritalin.
They can keep it.

Speaking of Looney, see also, "The Looney, Looney, Looney 
Bugs Bunny Movie".

Speed Racer (1967)

One of the first anime to hit our shores.
This, Astro Boy, and Gigantor.
MTV reran these.
Eh, all right.
Except...for Spritle and Chim-Chim.
Countless adult cartoons have spoofed this.

There was also a comic by NOW comics.
Remember them?

And, a godawful live-action flick.

Thunderbirds (1965)

The obvious inspiration for "Team America: World Police".

Miscellaneous flicks...Two!

Conan The Adventurer (1992)

A G-rated interpretation of the comic book.

They didn't even attempt an Arnold impression.

There was an annoying talking bird sidekick.
And, it wasn't voiced by Gilbert Gottfried.

Despite these glaring drawbacks, it was watchable.

Rambo: The Force Of Freedom (1986)

An animated series, based on a movie, that's a sequel to another movie, that's based on a novel, about a crazy Vietnam vet, who in the original ending, shoots himself.

I want you to reflect on that, America.
Let that sink in.
You actually did this.

James Bond Jr. (1991)

Nope, it wasn't Bond's son, it was a nephew, or something.

Okay, you're telling me with all the women Bond has boned, he doesn't have an army of illegitimate kids that could have taken the mantle?

Yeah, okay, I get it, they were trying to create future fans of the franchise, like the whole Cryptie thing.
Doesn't mean I gotta dig it.
I mean, Bond without blood and tits?
Why bother?

Black Dynamite (2012)

It's not fair, children of the 70's deserved this.
Get working on that time machine, NASA.

And, there, that's everything, that's our culture.
Quite a ride, huh?

Tomorrow, Twisted Christmas.

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